jimquisition posts
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Hand of Fate review
A unique blend of roguelike, card game, action game, and choose-your-own-adventure, Hand of Fate is a game made of old ideas, balanced perfectly to produce something fresh. I like it, is what I'm trying to tell you.
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 3D Review
This is ridiculously late, but it's done! Apparently, Nintendo has not had me listed as a reviewer since I left Destructoid, which explains why getting codes was always so hard when I worked at The Escapist. At any rate, that *should* all be ironed out now, and I can get timely Nintendo reviews running. Until then, enjoy The World's Latest Review of Majora's Mask 3D!
Podquisition Episode 15 is live!
Gavin is away for a week because he’s too much of a pop star to play with us, but we still have a delightful show lined up for you. Where else will you hear about robotic arms punching their way through your genitals in a misguided wank plan? Nowhere. Nowhere else. We also talk about why we’re not wetting ourselves over VR, we chat about the educational sex game How Do You Do It?, and we give Five Nights At Freddy’s some credit where cred...
Resident Evil Revelations 2: Episode Two Review
Games like this are really helping me get over my compulsion to arbitrarily meet some imaginary word minimum in my reviews. I can barely muster over 500 words to talk about RER:E1, and you know what? That's fine. The game so far is certainly doing a fine job of showcasing how not every game works in the episodic format, and the clear difference between something designed for serial release, and something cynically carved up after the fact.
Helldivers Review
You know, it'd really suck if some people got their wish and took the politics out of games. Politics are part of what makes Helldivers so much fun. Well, that and the ravenous insects, strategic shooter combat, and hilarious accidental deaths. They help too!
The Jimquisition 16: Cinematic
This week's episode examines the industry's obsession with "making it cinematic" and how, despite that obsession, videogames still don't even understand what makes films work. Let's stop using meaningless terms to justify garbage decisions.
February 2015 Patreon supported
Thank you so much for the support this month!
Dynasty Warriors 8: Empires Review
Well, I wish the first official Warriors review on The Jimquisition could have been positive, but sadly the latest installment is as cynical as cynical can be. I've had some frustrations growing with my favorite overall game series for quite some time, and DW8: Empires characterizes all of them. It's not a pretty review, but it's a needed one.
Podquisition Episode 14 Is Live!
This week's episode is just ridiculous. When we're not busy laughing at ourselves, we ask Gavin about Assassin's Creed: Unity for no good reason, as well as discuss some Kirby and Resident Evil: Revelations 2. Then we bang on about Dying Light's ridiculous $386,000 special edition, which is comedy gold, and we deduce that Eastenders is the Warhammer 40,000 of soap operas. All in all, a good show had!
Resident Evil Revelations 2: Episode One Review
I've been looking forward to this one for a while. I'm still on a big Resi kick, I loved the first Revelations, and also BARRY! Sadly, this debut episode is just... cynical. The episodic structure makes no sense and the microtransactions are shameless. It's also very dated, or at the very least, feels unsuited to consoles/PC. It's okay... but that's all it is.
Kirby and the Rainbow Curse review
Here's a review of Kirby and the Rainbow Curse. Nintendo games have been arriving to me late recently (hence why there's still no Majora's Mask 3D review) but I've been informed of a possible clerical error at Nintendo - hopefully resolved for future review content! Also, not sure what sparked the recent groundswell of new supporters here, but thank you, as always, to everyone on Patreon keeping me in business! Anyway, here'...
The Jimquisition 15: The Old 'How Long Should A Game Be?" Debate
While past episodes have touched on the subject, we've had a surprising lack of shows dedicated to discussing game length. That may be because it's an ancient topic that never seems to have any sort of resolution. Nevertheless, with The Order: 1886 sparking a fresh whirlwind of debate, I figured it was time to actually examine the arguments in play and figure out exactly how important a game's length is when it comes to the value of...
Podquisition Episode 13 Is Live!
Another rip-roaring show, and provisional congratulations to Laura on a provisional engagement!
The Order: 1886 Review
I expected to be an outlier on this one and was not looking forward to it (contrary to popular belief, the attention I get when I score a game lower than others is NOT much fun!). Apparently this game should be renamed The Order: Eighteen Eighty Six Out Of Ten though, because now everyone's doing it. I've seen some folks accuse reviewers of "bullying" this corporate product, as if that's what criticism is now. That's wei...
The Jimquisition 14: The Molyneux Cycle
Making this week's episode didn't exactly feel good. I don't like singling out individuals in general, especially these days, but the current narrative being erected around Peter Molyneux is just... skewed. Hopefully, this helps contextualize exactly why people are so frustrated with the man and his promises, and why folks aren't just arbitrarily pillorying him over one failed Kickstarter. The man's got 20 years of cyclical ...
How To Transfer Data From Your Old 3DS To The New 3DS XL
In this handy guide, I let you know how to efficiently transfer your data from one Nintendo system to the other. Since we're talking about Nintendo, the steps are quick and easy, convenient for everybody! And other lies!
Podquisition Episode Twelve Is Live!
The gang return for Buckfast, Evolve, Peter Molyneux's lies, and Netflix doing weird things with The Legend of Zelda. Do you want to hear people choke on bad drinks? Do you want to hear Godus' nonsense get proper torn into? Do you want to excuuuuuse Link? Get your Podquisition fill right now!
Metabombed checks out user reviews for Evolve
I used to collect the best user reviews on Metacritic when I wrote for Destructoid, providing highlights of games that got torn to shreds by the public scoring system by angry gamers. That feature has returned as Metabombed! In our inaugural post, we look at what folks are saying about Evolve and, well... it ain't pretty!
Review: Evolve
Like I said, Evolve's alright, it's just... well. It's tiresome, ultimately. This kind of game thrives on being unpredictable and the sense that no two games are the same. Evolve is predictable, and all games are the same. A brilliant idea that sits on its laurels and doesn't follow through. Shame.
Jimquisition Livestream: Evolve
An Evolve review is in the works, but here's some first Jimpressions in the meantime. Recorded live this morning, I go through some Hunter gameplay, then get my arse royally handed to me as a Goliath. The game is... decent. Hours in, I'm enjoying it, but I am already feeling somewhat tired of the whole thing, as nothing ever seems to change or - dare I say it - evolve. Anyway, here's a video!
The Jimquisition 13: How Hyrule Warriors Does DLC Right
Last week was all about telling Nintendo off. This week is all about giving it a little pat on the head. In time, you shall learn that I am a harsh but fair master. In time, you shall grow to love me. So yeah, Hyrule Warriors was one of my Jimquisition Award 2014 winners, but its quality extends beyond the core game. It's also a fantastic example of how you do DLC correctly. Let us count the ways!
Jimquisition Livestream: Raven's Cry
Equal parts hilarious and depressing, Raven's Cry sees Topware reproducing the amazing awfulness of Two Worlds for a new generation. It's laughable, and saddening, and the script/acting makes it seem like it was originally a porno. Join Cap'n Christopher Raven as he abuses and uses women, stabs men in the hand for no reason, forgets how to make sounds with his mouth, and fails at his one basic job - being a pirate. He's the hero...
Podquisition Episode Eleven Is Live!
Another podcast of wonder and joy will fill your pretty ears this day! We talk about BDSM funtimes, how boobs changed throughout history, and even have some rare praise for Ubisoft! In addition, we talk about loads of games, and that ridiculous League of Legends tournament bollocks. We do sounds for you!
Jimquisition Livestream: Darkest Dungeon
Darkest Dungeon may be in Early Access, it feels more complete and enjoyable than a lot of "finished" games these days. Watch me play it for a good long while. I get battered, bruised, and then I claw my way up into sweet, jubilant victory... before it all goes to absolute murky hell.
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Game Series Episode Two: The Lost Lords Review
Episode One was good, but felt constrained by the license. Episode Two breaks the shackles and finally lets this game series start being its own thing. The Lost Lords is pretty dang legit!
The Jimquisition 12: Nintendo's Creator Program Bollocks
Nintendo's new plans for revenue sharing with YouTubers doesn't directly impact me much, but I hate its implications and Nintendo's general attitude toward the new face of games media. While it's only in "beta," I don't think there's a way this can be altered that won't have horrible conflicts of interest at best, and see Nintendo exerting undue control over coverage at worst. Sod it.
January 2015 Patreon supported
Thank you so much for the support this month!
Life Is Strange: Chrysalis Review
Here's my review of the first episode of Life Is Strange. It has potential, that's for damn sure. However, they really need to get that dialog sorted out, because it is the audio equivalent of the uncanny valley.
Podquisition Episode 10 Is Live!
Time for another podcast in your face-ear-things! Euro Truck Simulator, Dying Light, rivers, drugs, Amsterdam! Everything you could ever need, all in one sound file. You love it!
Dying Light Review
Here be my review of Dying Light, which really could have been amazing, if not for the game's seeming fear of... being amazing. I get this sense that "AAA" games are becoming afraid to stand out now. Like, they are mediocre by design, because if you look like everything else, you'll appeal to everybody. Or something. Shame.
