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I have a question... For those still here obviously. Now, I..
🕑 Added 2023-04-29 05:52:48 +0000 UTC I have a question... For those still here obviously. Now, I put a ton of pressure on myself to make daily content, and because I'm kind of a perfectionist, I always had to have something that looked 'amazing', or should I say "What I thought it should look like, and to my own high standards" or else people were gonna see that I'm really not that attractive. And, also that I'm only 5'7..its a big insecurity for me. I've always suffered from very low self esteem my entire life, and well even getting thousands of Reddit followers and even a successful OnlyFans page... I still thought I had to "put only my best possible pictures up" or else yea, people would be like "Eww, I paid for this?" The other problem being that "Things were gonna get boring and repetitive", even though really, how many options did I have? I'm just a regular guy taking pics.. Not some high priced porn actor 😅. Besides, I've seen some other OF pages and I was kind of surprised with how much less they were doing and were successful. I just figured it was a "Guys vs. Girls" difference. But still... The pressure I put on myself So with all the things going on IRL, I also had that running through my head and making the task of "content" extremely difficult. I have hundreds of pics that were "Maybe I'll post, maybe I won't" - Imagine how many didn't even make that other 50% that just got instant deleted... All because I thought they weren't good enough. Now combine that with struggling be able to make content -> actually attempting it -> then coming away with nothing. I can see the pressure I was putting on myself now. Hmm, then continue that with the body dysmorphia that most lifters (regardless of focus) undoubtedly have... This then made me to want to diet, but also to train harder and while going through a ton of stress and mental wear. I couldn't have lasted mentally or physically.. Not a chance. Oh, just in case, this isn't directed at anyone. Everyone has been very supportive and kind. I'm just typing out loud while thinking back on all this. I don't want any 'woe is me' feelings, but I'd love to let people who really wondered know I guess. I imagine there are a lot of content creators that suffer from this. I think most would say to the general population who don't buy/sell content that's its not as easy as it might look or sound, and of course, there's the stigma. I'll tell you I had someone with a title of therapist in her credentials ask if I thought it was a bit "dehumanizing". Rather than get offended or anything, I said "Maybe that's the draw"... It's difficult knowing that this sort of thing is taboo and I'm sure people conjure up all kinds of wild and negative sentiments towards people in this world (buying/selling/looking even). I mean I understand it completely, but I wish there could be a general understanding or respect of "I don't understand why you do that, but I'm sure you have your reasons". You don't have to be a pervert/weirdo/creep/etc... And really, I feel sorry for those who are too afraid or prudish to get involved with whatever side of these waters they might be actually be into. Could you imagine how boring that must be??? Fact is, everyone's brain is just a little different. There's a wide and wild range of kinks and fetishes, and there's also people who would be disgusted by the most vanilla porn ever created. Oh, and why now? Yea, I've avoided logging in here for this long. I was scared to see how many fans I'd dropped or if I had angry messages, or just honestly, to be reminded of all the pressure and stress I was putting on myself, but felt I HAD to keep it going because I was going to need the money. Ugh. Most importantly I'm fine, mentally and financially. Anyways, here are some pictures that I basically instant deleted at the time because I thought they were gross. (I recovered them before the expiry)
