mystical_mckay
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My life is magic!! Upon waking Tis morning I felt like a bra..
🕑 Added 2021-08-01 21:36:13 +0000 UTC My life is magic!!Upon waking Tis morning I felt like a brand new baby. And before I even told my mother about how I finally got access to the E books she said she wanted to go to Safeway and make some vegetable tacos for nawni before we left back home
Which I am so excited to do 🤣
And that worked out PERFECTLY!
I wanted to start the vegan reset today but then when I looked further into her book and how it’s structured it would be best for me to start tomarrow when I have all day to go shopping for A WEEKS WORTH OF PLANT BASED MEALS 😭🙏🥰
I am so happy
I’m like extremely EXCITED.
Because I know the importance of food. Nourishment. you literally are what you choose to put into the body and the body responds to you with either a thank you or fuck you after eating a meal 🤣
I’ve never had a healthy relationship with food up to this point literally even as a childd food was my ENEMY. Food was the culprit for my debilitating phobias and I resented food and my body for so so long and for slightly different reasons.
I knew it came from a place or feeling hurt.
Betrayed by my body 🤡
That hurt childd has no space for my evolving heart anymore.
Food is the foundation of creating your best life I truly believe that because it will always be a very big part of our lives. What we put in is a reflecting of what we ALLOW to come in and alter our personal experience.
A month from now,
When my human body is 100% running on all natural plant based MAGIC
You won’t even recognize me.
Despite food being the ONE big thing when it comes to cultivating that kind of self care,,,
I think for me in my journey I had to find self love through other avenues before tackling food cuz we were not friends at alllll 🤣🤡. For a while I really tried to get that all figured it out but it just made everything twice as bad cuz I was forcingg it.
True self love comes from a place of surrender not shoving something where it don’t belong or when it’s not ready 🤡
For me it started with the simple act one day after years and years of so much negative self perception.
My mother had finally taken me out of the eating disorder facility she forcedd me into going to for 3 months because it was obviously making me much more depressed.
My time there gave me insight as to what my life WOULD look like if I continued to think the way I was thinking.
So when my mother told me if she took me out of treatment I’d have to promise to work on feeding myself.
It was one of the first time I actually felt like I had a choice in a matter and it was exactly what I needed, to fucking leave that place behind and make that promise not to my mother but to myself. And I did it.
It wasnt fucking cute! 🤣 and I don’t wanna make it sound like it was an overnight thing cuz it was NOT.
There was a ton of just uncontrollable sobbing!! the STRUGGLE.
looking myself in the mirror and just feeling like I’m looking at just some sick person I don’t know.
What changed in me from before treatment was an actually desire to be healthy. It was seeing those girls who were REAL fucked up that showed woke me up to what I really wanted. So even though I was still struggling like how I was for years but this time it felt like I finally had personal power in not only choosing, but sorta MAKING A PROMISE to from this day forward, strive to become a greater version of the person I was that day.
And like a week later I just had this moment where I was looking at myself in the mirror and I said.
“I’m done fighting you.
All this time you have been making the most out of everything I’ve thrown into you and I’m now choosing to swallow my ego and admit that you WERE always doing that.
Even when I was projectile vomitingg my life out of my nostrils asking god to take my life, you were getting the sickness outside of me.
You always did what was best for me even when I felt like you were doing the opposite. I love you and I’m ready to prove it to you.
I will feed you with medicine
Not use food to comfort me
Let’s BE FRIENDS 👼🏼🙏”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Then I started doing yoga!!!
And meditating more!!!
And really observing myself internally.
Then my whole life began changing before my eyes, and the idea of having a relationship with food that was actually healthy felt POSSIBLE! Unlike before.
It was crazy and that there was proof to me
That we create our own reality.
Because everything around me changed so drastically once I had that paradigm shift and moved over to team #SELFLOVE
so wild.
And now here we are.
My mother had concerns about me wasting money on buying too much food for a week. Lol I’m also wondering if my body is ready for this complete shift in dietary consumption. But all I can do is just listen to my body!
Either way,
I’ll be okay.
This is my journey for me to find out and screw up and learn and do better! 👼🏼🌞🙏
