***A Not Very Sexy Novel***
ok it's not sexy at all. it is a..
🕑 Added 2021-09-09 14:13:27 +0000 UTC
***A Not Very Sexy Novel***
ok it's not sexy at all. it is a very safe for work read if anyone is curious about me at all. Please skip if you do not care about anything SFW. I won't be mad. <3 Most are here to fap, and I understand that completely.
I lost access to this account for a day or so (I never can keep track of time), but I am back.
I was struggling badly making content up until more recently because I am sensitive to a lot of things. After focusing really hard on cleaning and reorganizing some areas of my home several times, I got my room somewhat in order to feel "okay enough" to take content again. I hope that makes sense? Like if my environment is off, I can take hundreds of photos and dozens of videos, but I won't feel comfortable or good about it. So I kept trying to find ways to get out of that funk, and I think it took time as well as restructuring a lot of areas of my life mentally & physically in my home.
So yeah. My streaming/content room is almost how I want it. It's not perfect, but it's turning into a very nice little escape and almost like a meditation area for me. And now I'm starting to feel happy again making things for people.
If you're subbed to my paid page, you've probably noticed I started feeling a bit silly there and started spamming again. It's been a while since that because I had been pressuring myself to make content to make people happy, but I was never happy with what I was sending out. It was so difficult for me, but people wanted sexy content to jerk off to and I can't really deny them that when they sub to a platform such as OnlyFans. There are a lot of projects I'm still behind on, and it's not because I don't want to do them. I'm just such a sensitive and emotional person that if I don't feel good about it, I probably hate it. My content means a lot to me even if it is mostly topless photos, and so I want to feel good about it.
That also brings me to why I've been spamming people with free trials (sorry if you haven't gotten one!). I do this because when I feel guilty, I try to invite people back to almost give me another chance. Like, yes, I know I was supposed to be sexy and do all of these sexy videos for you, but my mind was not in the right place. Can we please try again? So I apologize if I make anyone feel uncomfortable with a free trial, it really is just me trying to buy myself some time to show people I can be a good content creator sometimes. Sometimes it's hard for me, but my heart is in the right place even if my head isn't. I don't want to seem like the type that is so desperate for money, I'd maybe try to manipulate people with empty promises and freebies. It's just my way of trying to make it up to people, even if they argue that I don't necessarily have to, because taking care of myself needs to be a priority.
And to those of you who forgive me and give me all the time in the world to make the content I desire to -- thank you so much. Your support is incredibly invaluable to me. Telling me to take all the time I need, reassuring me you're not going anywhere, and sometimes you even tip me to take a day off so I won't be so scared of the negative financial impact self-care days can have. Thank you. Even if you can't afford to tip me -- thank you for subscribing and being patient and kind with me. Those kind words really do lessen my anxiety at times when it gets bad.
~~ warning: getting more personal ~~
I started streaming because a few of my friends suggested it, because they like my personality, and so I did it. It took me years to get the courage to do it, but I finally did it. Years of hearing how weird and funny I am (and decently okay at my favorite games), then one day I reached out for help on how to get started.
Most of my decisions are based on, "Does this seem like a good idea? Will it make someone happy?" And that's why I love online sex work, too. All of these things feed into my people-pleasing personality very well, although it can be taxing when I don't feel like I've done my best for people. It's actually so crushing when I feel like I've let someone down, even a stranger.
And so many of you know these things about me already, but this has been a very unexpected growth week. I thought I'd open myself up to the newer subscribers.
So, yeah. Hi. My name is Amanda, and I've been playing video games since I was able to hold a Playstation controller in my hands. I played World of Warcraft for over a decade, and that's how I know most of the people currently in my life. I have a good relationship with my father, and he's the one who flew out my Yorkie Bowser some of you have seen on stream and in my Snapchat stories (Twitchybuns btw). My passions include reading (lately mostly for research), gaming, animals, learning about and practicing witchcraft/tarot, shitposting, and making my friends as well as complete strangers smile (and sometimes bust a fat nut). I hope this has provided valuable insight on whether or not to continue supporting me, and humanizes me.
So far there are still no assistants on any of my social media platforms. It's still all me. You are only ever talking to me on Twitter, OnlyFans, "The Big Scary F", Discord, Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, Twitch, etc. I hope to branch out into more platforms and types of content soon, once I get a better grip on OnlyFans and which next steps to take as a NSFW creator. OnlyFans is my priority since that's how I make the bulk of my income.
By the way... I know a lot of people are skeptical about my online popularity because I have "only 13k" Twitter followers and "only 2k" Instagram followers, but I had very early success when starting Twitch and OnlyFans. Most of my first subscribers are still subscribed; my retention rate is pretty impressive, or at least by my standards. That means I have continuously and steadily expanded my audience, whereas a lot of people sometimes have static numbers and new faces all the time. There's nothing wrong with that, because that is still impressively consistent success. My audience is always growing still, but it's still pretty familiar at the same time. And sometimes I have these huge jumps in popularity out of nowhere. I figure eventually this will sort of reach a slow/steady point where my upticks in growth happen less often, less drastically, and I become more "static."
I'm glad I have so many of the same people supporting me, because I really thought when I started it's a normal thing for people to constantly move on to new "favorites." I still have no idea what I've done to deserve any of this support, but I am really grateful for it beyond what words can express. Leaving the my 50-60+ hours a week job for the opportunity to pursue content creation (and yes, sex work!) full time is just the best gift my subscribers have given me. It is hugely beneficial for someone like me who struggles so much with being different (autism) and my mental health struggles. I've said thank you before, but I'm saying it again -- thank you!!
I do not expect this to be very long-lasting success (thank you, paranoia and anxiety, and *time*) but for as long as I have the support I do, I will be grateful for it and I will understand when this, as a career for me, has run its course.
<3
