mystical_mckay
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GOOD MONDAY MORNING MY FELLOW KARMIC STAR CHILDREN ✨ I was a..
🕑 Added 2021-03-08 20:50:11 +0000 UTC GOOD MONDAY MORNING MY FELLOW KARMIC STAR CHILDREN ✨I was asked by my friend to make a post showing one of my daily yoga routines so this is what I did for today! 😊 I do something a little different everyday to keep variety 🌈
This morning was intense for me from the very beginning!
Last night my father and mother were talking about getting their covid 19 vaccines today and as I was expressing my disgust,,,
My father had the BALLS to look at me and say “YOURE GONNA GET IT T00”
My heart fell out of my BUTT in that moment,
my inner kiddo became severely triggered, but I decided to just walk away and go to bed 🤣🤡
WELP that never works cuz when I woke up this morning I was weeping silent tears
Shorty after my yoga practice which you see above, I went into my morning SADHANA practice.
This i did not decide to share with yall cuz I knew it probably wouldn’t be too pretty and since I’m still new to doing these meditation techniques I want to get a little bit more comfortable with the process before I share that kind of stuff with you! 😊🙏
Getting to quiet my mind was extremely difficult because my inner kiddo was yelling and wanting to be heard.
I can’t help but believe in perfect timing now because I had literally learned a certain meditation technique 2 days ago for moments just like what I am experiencing.
What I did was instead of trying to quiet myself,
I just simply allow every though to pass and observe them as they fly by, notice how they make me feel, question it as a fact or just a false premise/ belief. Really listening to what my inner kiddo has to say. She was SCREAMING “NO, YOU CANT MAKE ME.” “MY BODY MY CHOICE” “DONT FUCKING POISON ME” “I FEEL POWERLESS AND OUT OF CONTROL BECAUSE YOU AEE F0RCING ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT IS AGAINST MY MORAL COMPASS”
It was the most intense meditation I have ever done.
I have a lot of trauma around violation of free will, as most humans do because free will is EVERYTHING????
It’s been a very dominant thing in my life from childhood to adulthood, and this morning I guess all of that decided to surface itself thanks to a covid 19 vaccine.
I cried for maybe 30 minutes just really getting myself to EMBODY this kid who felt F0RCED and out of control.
The technique for this meditation is to bring every emotion up inside you,
Then imagine yourself pulling it out of your body literally, then observing it from outside of you.
When I did this it felt like slime was coming out of me and like I could hold the fear/anger/resentment/pain right in my hands.
It’s was black and blue in color, stagnant and sludgey in texture, and it was making the noise of someone screaming in resistance. But the weird thing that happens when you take the emotion outside of you,
You don’t feel it.
Your just like LOOKING at it in front of you as if you were watching someone else. I could see this emotion from a much more grounded perspective.
My inner kid wants to have the freedom to make decisions that align with her values/ what she feels is right for her of course. And she deserves that. And she really does have that even though certain times it may not look that way.
Watching the emotion from outside of me also helped me to better see my fathers point of view.
He spent his entire life just trying to keep his family safe.
And in his mind that is what getting this vaccine will ensure more of.
He just wants me to be safe because he loves me.
After observing the emotion I took all of the anger back inside of me to transform it into love with my heart.
My tears of pain for a moment became tears of joy. I had this strange experience where I was full of gratitude for all the PAIN and ANXIETY and TRAUMA i have endured because it honestly exposed the real me in those situations and showed me very clearly how I handled them when I became the pain that I was experiencing.
After that I still felt very emotionally RAW, and I still do right now actually.
But I closed the meditation by introducing a more soft emotion,
Compassion 💖
I closed my eyes and visualized giving my dog all the love in my heart with belly rubs and head pats while looking into his beautiful brown eyes smiling back at mine. It felt so real as we were just being together, no words involved, we were just one with god together.
Then I observed that feeling, taking it out of my body and giving it a shape
It was sparkling in cotton candy blues and pinks. Like a light unicorns fart 🦄 🤣
Once I put the emotion back inside me, I did some regular breath work and ended my meditation
I’m wiping joy tears from my cheek now as I write this just remembering how strongly I felt the love.
This is some crazy shit and it hasn’t even been a week of this course people 🤣
Sorry if I sound INSANE to you,
This is just who I am right now 🤷🏼♀️.constantly changing too.
I still feel very emotionally raw so I’m trying to just take it easy today hahah.
If you got to the end of this, you are fuxking rad lol
And I appreciate you
And I hope you find the time to try that meditation out for yourself with any emotion!
You just pick one,
Try to create that feeling the best you can with memories, beliefs, mantras etc..
And then imagine yourself pulling it out of you to observe it, analyze it, and make peace with it before bringing it back into you
Where it will be transformed into love through your heart :)
Namaste,
Mckay 🦋🙏
