mystical_mckay
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Good morning friends! Last night I made this video practicin..
🕑 Added 2021-02-28 16:32:09 +0000 UTC Good morning friends!Last night I made this video practicing my most recent original song I’ve been working on ☺️
It’s VERY personal to me and I didn’t hold back on
expressing how I feel about it all
Its called Puzzle piece (Boundaries)
This inspiration for the song was my ex boyfriend christian!
If you’d like to hear our ✨love story✨In great detail READ ON 🤡
I met him through INSTAGRAM
And we just so happened to be in the same state 🤷🏼♀️
And he had been watching me very closely through the app a few months before he decided
I was something he wanted and reached out to me,
He expressed to me from the beginning that he wanted to be in a relationship with me over a few 3 hour FaceTime calls.
I meditated on the idea and I think my angels told me to go for it, not because he wasn’t necessarily the love of my life, but I was told he would teach me a lot,
That was in late July, and by my birthday on august 7th
I met him in person for the first time
And he bought me a 80 dollar blue ukulele 🤡
He came in like a white knight on a fuxking horse
My parents were SHOOK at the human who came through our house that day
With how SEEMINGLY polite, mature, and SELF ASSURED he was.
Especially compared to my dating history 🤮🤮🤮
Nah somehow this dude instantly got their “blessing”
BUUUT, both metaphorically and LITERALLY, he came in wearing a total mask ( covid joke 🤣)
He told me he went to school for acting,
So it all makes sense now 🤣
ANYWAY his birthday was like a WEEK after mine so by the time that came around
He gave me his Christianity Bracelet, which I guess mean that if I put it on I was his property forever or some weird shit like that. I’m Never dating religion men again lol
I put it on 🤷🏼♀️🤣
And about 30 minutes later that was the ONLY thing I had on 😩🤡🤡🤡
I had only met the dude 2 times and he managed to get me in this very VULNERABLE space
HOWWWW????
Needless to say our entire relationship developed way too fuxking fast for anyone to even know wtf was happening and I barely had any time to check in with myself before a decision was made 🤣
After a month of us being together,
I should have broken things off because I noticed my mental and physical health declining, but it was subtle enough to IGNORE and just adapt to my new way of living
That new way of living being no longer having any personal time for myself
He had this thing were he had to PLAN everything beforehand so he made this “schedule” in his head about when we would see each other
I would spend 3 days in his apartment with him, and the only time I was alone was when I was taking a 💩 , (YES HE WOULD FOLLOW ME IN THE BATHROOM WHEN I WOULD GO PIZZLE
Then he would spend 3 to 4 days (he would always push it as long as he could go) at MY HOUSE
Then he would give me 2 DAYS to myself.
🤡😩
And the schedule would start all over again
This went on for about 3 months. Even then he told me how he wished he could spend MORE time with me 😭
My mother quickly noticed that this was not healthy relationship behavior even before I did despite the fact that I was the one losing my sanity 🤣
Many of his White night qualities disappeared
And I found myself attached to the hip to this insecure, 🥩 eating, bad tempered, slightly autistic(Nothing wrong w that tho!!) Leo man with Mommy issues, a low key eating disorder, and on top of that he was very unaware of himself and of the fact thar he tries to manipulate every situation and person to get what he wants
He would also tell me the same story the same way about 17 times, we were only together for 3 months so imagine hearing it for the 20000th time
On our two year anniversary
though many things bothered the shit out of me I just let it go and accepted him for who he was, that’s wha love is right???
PSH WRONG
II could see the person he was underneath all the fake personas,
that person was BEAUTIFUL.
And I hoped that I could help him learn how to embrace that,
and heal from his childhood trauma instead of using it as an excuse for who he is
But that is a therapists job not a girlfriends 🤡
And I was NOT getting paid for that 💅
By the tail end of our relationship my parents were soooo over it.
My mum said he was a nicer manifestation of my last boyfriend cuz I didn’t set healthy boundaries with him lol.
On top of that he became AWARE that he was falling off my parents pedestal which just made him even more NERVOUS and trying to force being someone he clearly was not to win them back.
Our whole relationship I never expressed to him that there were any issues,
Mainly because I didn’t even rlly know myself at the time 🤡
He knew something was up a few weeks prior to us breaking up because I told him I needed some space and was going to see my therapist
She helped me find my clarity on the entire situation ✨
But this made him nervous
SO
he tried NOT SO NONCHALANTLY pretending to be someone else who’s just nosey about my relationship 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
AND HES FLEXING ON HIMSELF 😭😭😭🤮🤮🤮
That was just so immature and childish so I DEFINITELY knew I was done with him by that point.
I called him a few days after my therapy session to tell him I wanted to break up.
I basically just told him I don’t have the kind of time for a relationship. Especially the one he wants if his idea of a relationship is spending every waking moment together.
I said I need a lot of solitude, and I want to focus on growing my music and building SELF CARE.
Which was all true!
He cried a bit, but didn’t give me too much shit over the phone.
Wouldn’t it be nice if it just ended right there?? 🤡🤡🤡
After that He texted me insisting that he sees me “one last time” so he could find closure and he could get everything he wanted to say off his chest,
And used the excuse that he wanted his sweatshirts, and bracelet back from me.
I stood my ground and told him no, I’d put his shit on my front porch and he could come pick it up.
I didn’t need him emotionally manipulate me into feeling guilty or like I’m making the wrong choice.
After that a huge weight was takin off my shoulders. I finally had time to focus on all the things I abandoned like yoga, BEING VEGAN, meditation, and spending time with my family. ✨
I asked him to stop reaching out to me, and I hoped that I wouldn’t have to block him lol
But #BOUNDARIES
So far I think he has done exactly that about 3 times
Once while I was in the middle of playing live music on Instagram with a friend 🤡
Telling me to “reach out when I’m ready to reconnect” 🤡🤡🤡🤡
The second time he texted me AGAIN saying he was coming over to talk to me cuz he will never get closure if he doesn’t word 🤮 all over me.
NOT TO MENTION THE 2 TIMES HE PRETENDED BE SOMEONE ELSE ON SOCIAL
MEDIA TO TRY TO TALK TO ME
And the third time he decided to give me his 2 cents on me STARTING AN ONLFANS!! 🤣
After thar I blocked him on everything and I learned that
Boundaries are a must
Or else you’ll find yourself attached to the with an energy vampire.
That’s just the way it goes and it took all that for me to understand that!!
I don’t hold any hate towards this human if anything,
Dude thanks for helping me learn exactly what I do not want in a relationship :)
If you made it to the end of this holy shit dude!!
Maybe take up pottery instead of listening to me rant 🤣
Jk if you read all of this shit I appreciate you!
And I hope you enjoyed my Interpretation of this short lived phase of my life
Much love,
McKay
🦋
