PART TWO
Overall, I was happier, but somehow I still felt l..
🕑 Added 2021-11-25 03:05:52 +0000 UTC
PART TWO
Overall, I was happier, but somehow I still felt like a little girl. Other girls still seemed womanly in their demeanor and body language. They were fashionable and confident in the way they carried themselves. I started idolizing models and their femininity and admired different looks that appealed to me. One thing that came back to my attention was how attractive many girls looked when they smoked. It was like an accessory they carried that boosted their elegance and feminine side and gave them a sense of a maturity I liked. It was a bit of an edge that started to catch my eye, but still nothing I was ever going to try in my mind because it was obviously stupid and careless. However, earlier in the year I was on another vacation with my family at a resort. My husband wasn't there and my parents spent most of their time at the bar which I don't really drink so I spent most of my time by the pool reading. It was my first time in a bikini with my new boobs and I really started to notice the attention I was getting. Many guys tried to approach me and hit on me, but I wasn't looking for attention and simply minded my own business. At one point, a couple girls took seats near me by the pool and started to chat with me and I figured it was harmless enough I began talking to them. Little did I know they were breaking the ice for a guy-friend of theirs who quickly dropped in and I was trapped. I explained I was married but they were persistent that I hang out with them so I chatted a little while longer. As many people did at the resort, the guy pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered them to the girls who eagerly took one each and he offered it to me and I said I didn't smoke. They asked if I ever tried it and I said no, so they began pressuring me to give it a try at least once. They all seemed excited to see me smoke for the first time, but it made me too uncomfortable and I said I had to go back to my room. Later that evening, I was waiting in the hotel lounge to meat my parents for dinner and out of nowhere that same guy spotted me and immediately sat beside me to try and chat. He apologized about pressuring me earlier but continued to defend his point by saying how relaxing it was and how I should just let loose and try something different for once while on vacation, nobody had to know about it. As an anxious person myself, I was looking for a way to squirm my way out of the situation. Sensing my discomfort he reached into his pocket and said,"Take this and hold on to it. Just think about it." He told me he would find me tomorrow and he could walk me through it. He placed his half-full pack of cigarettes on my leg and stood up as if he was going to say something but my eyes focused on my parents entering the lounge and I quickly packed my belongings into my handbag as well as the cigarettes without even thinking. I took the opportunity to run away. I figured I would give them back to him the next time I saw him, but for the next two days that I was there I tried my best not to be spotted by him. I thankfully never saw him again, but without realizing, I had left them in my bag and brought them back home with me. I didn't even remember until I was unpacking and for some reason I became embarrassed and hid them from my husband so he wouldn't know.
As months went by, spring changed to summer and I found myself looking at Instagram models and shopping online for new outfits. I routinely looked at European models as I liked their style more, but for some reason a lot of the girls would occasionally be holding a cigarette in their photos. The creeping thoughts of what it would be like to dress up and walk around with a cigarette kind of teased me especially knowing that I had a pack now hidden in my dresser. I began to imagine myself wearing some of the sexier outfits and holding a cigarette. It was a little exciting for me as it was such a different angle I had never thought about before. I started noticing entire Instagram accounts dedicated to reposting pictures of beautiful models smoking. I didn't realize just how popular it was, however I felt a little awkward and secretive about it. I never held secrets from my husband and I have a very trusting relationship with him so at this point I felt as if I had to come clean and tell him everything that happened. Again, he was shocked, but I was somewhat surprised that he was not bothered about it. We ended up talking all about my thoughts on it and I showed him some of the photos I thought were sexy. We have very similar opinions and both agreed on a lot of things we found attractive. We looked at many photos and found ourselves browsing through what we discovered to be smoking fetish websites. It was strangely interesting to see how girls made entire social media accounts dedicated to shamelessly showing themselves smoking and people loved it. At that point I expressed my curiosity to try the cigarettes and see what they would be like. He offered to take photos of me with the cigarettes to see how I would like being in photos like the models I looked at. I told him that I would be a bit too embarrassed to show anyone though as I would probably look ridiculous. He tried to reassure me of how supportive the people seemed to be within the smoking fetish community and that they would probably be very pleased to see me smoke regardless. I could tell at this point how he wanted me to try it and that it was something that he was probably fantasizing about me doing as well. After talking about it some more, I thought that if I made some sort of a diary online about my experience I would be able to ease myself of embarrassment around not knowing how to smoke and maybe people would be a little more understanding of me trying it.
After all of the anticipation, I finally decided to try it and film it too. I figured that if I changed my mind I didn't need to bother showing them to anyone and I would move on with my life satisfied knowing that I tried it at least. The first time, I was very nervous despite doing it comfortably in my own home. I didn't know what to expect and thought it might hurt. I did cough slightly but not as much as I had thought I would, however I don't believe I really inhaled anything. I just puffed on it and blew it out. The flavour was a little off putting, but I did find the blowing smoke part quite fascinating. When I was done I didn't feel any different and I just wanted to brush my teeth. My husband's reaction to the video was the exciting part. I didn't expect him to get so turned on by it as I was mostly fumbling around in the video the whole time, but I could tell him seeing me smoke was something he liked. We talked about it for quite a while afterwards and watched lots of smoking fetish videos. I was actually excited to study the girls smoking style to try again. Over the next few days, I would set up my camera and film one each day. It was fun to try and exciting to think about, but when I watched the videos back I felt very awkward as I clearly didn't appear to be doing any of the things I thought I was doing. The next day, instead of studying normal smoking videos, I specifically looked up how-to videos for smoking. I was surprised how many there were. I tried smoking my next few cigarettes in front of a mirror without a camera. It was at this time I believe I first inhaled. I choked a little during the first few inhales and it left my throat hurting a little bit. However, I did notice a sensation that accumulated with each inhale that was very dizzying. I remember feeling very lightheaded, but afterwards I was also a little nauseous and I needed to lie down. The dizzy feeling was quite pleasant and I was happy with how the smoking looked and I decided to film the next few. At this point, I had filmed my first video where I felt I had properly inhaled and I was ready to make my first diary post. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to show the 4 videos I made before it, but my husband insisted that if I wanted to show my journey I should show it from the start. So I set up my Onlyfans and Instagram accounts and posted for all five videos at once. I didn't really get any response until I made a couple more new posts using smoking fetish hashtags on Instagram. I was amazed at how many people suddenly had questions to ask and things to say, it was overwhelming but equally exciting. I had also run out of the cigarettes that were given to me from my trip and I had to make the leap into buying my first pack. Definitely an awkward moment but once I did it, I felt free to explore it again.
