LiseEclaire
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The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon (Chapter 5)
🕑 Added 2022-07-10 00:45:42 +0000 UTCThe earl’s castle was fairly close to the spot Theo had chosen as his hiding place. If there was a building that could claim to be in Rosewind’s center, the castle was definitely it. Surrounded by a moat and set of tall walls, it was designed to be quite imposing, towering above the few noble mansions surrounding it. The halls and corridors were built with the sole purpose of displaying the earl’s immense wealth and power.
Full-scale sets of bronze armor decorated the walls on either side, while Theo’s avatar was escorted along a red carpet—passing through multiple internal gates—to the throne room. Balls of light glowed in the air, indicating that Theo wasn’t the only building with magic in the city.
Hmph, Theo thought while walking. Size isn’t everything. I’m still far more stylish than this place. Right?
The question remained unanswered. As much as Theo wanted, the spirit guide was incapable of following his avatar outside of the dungeon. Of course, Theo could easily describe what he was seeing, but that would be annoying. The moment he restored some energy, he was going to have Spok teach him how to create a magic mirror, scrying ball, or whatever other magic device there was that allowed remote viewing.
“Please, wait here, my lord!” the city guard lieutenant said a few steps before the throne room.
“Umm, why?”
“The earl must prepare for your visit,” the lieutenant explained. “It’s all part of the etiquette.”
Looking around, Theo could see that he wasn’t the only one that had to go through such a humiliation. A woman in her thirties was also present, sitting in one of the chairs. While her expression was quite measured—one could say even carl—Theo could see her tapping annoyed on the wooden armrest with her left hand. Unlike most women in town, she was wearing a stylish uniform-style attire, strongly suggesting that she was a noble of some sort.
Poor soul, I empathize, Theo thought. He found the whole thing utterly stupid, especially since it was the earl who had rushed him here. Unwilling to cause a scene, Theo put a fake smile on the face of his avatar.
“Of course,” he said. “Where do I sit while I wait?”
Lieutenant Ribbons tensed up upon hearing the question. Uncertain what its actual purpose was, he systemically inspected all nine available chairs that were placed in the ante-chamber.
“Whichever you prefer, my lord!” the man said, then gate a salute, turned around, and walked off.
Theo waited for a few seconds, then sat next to the unfortunate woman.
“Hey,” he whispered in greeting. “They caught you as well, eh?”
“Hmm?” the woman glanced his way.
“The audience to the earl,” Theo whispered on. “I heard it’s an offer no one could refuse.”
“You can say that.” The comment made the woman let her guard down. “If I didn’t need a favor from the geezer, I never would have agreed with this, but… Anyway, that’s my problem.” The woman’s features softened. “What are you here for?”
“Apparently, to receive thanks of some sort,” Theo said. “I’m Theodor D’Argent, by the way. Baron, apparently.”
“Liandra Sky,” the woman nodded. “First Class Heroine.”
Within Theo’s true form, several pieces of furniture trembled. The universe had to be playing some cruel joke. After all the trouble he had gone through: the teleportation, the transformation, the difficult to obtain permits, Theo’s avatar had found itself sitting next to a hero, and First Class one, at that.
“A real Heroine?” Theo’s voice raised two octaves. “What brings you here?”
“I have a favor to ask from Earl Rosewind. Of course, the old goal is a stickler for etiquette, so everyone who wishes to have an audience with him must go through this humiliation. Why did you make the earl feel so thankful?”
“Nothing major. Just—"
The sound of trumpets filled the antechamber. Both Theo and Lindra looked at the entrance to the throne room. The castle steward appeared, dressed more flamboyantly than either of them, holding a rather large ornate staff.
“This is our cue to get ready,” Liandra stood up. Theo quickly followed her example.
The moment the trumpets went silent, the steward struck the floor three rimes with the bottom of his staff.
“Announcing Heroine Liandra Sky and Baron Theodor D’Argent,” he said loudly in a deep booming voice that would make any announcer in Theo’s previous life envious.
Having made his announcement, the steward moved to the side, letting the two guests officially enter the throne room.
It took ten full seconds of walking for Theo and the heroine to reach the appointed spot for their audience. As with everything else, it was clearly marked by a blue line of velvet across the carpet… as well as four armored guards. The earl himself was exactly what Theo imagined him to be: small, old, in expensive clothes, and a small coronet that did little to cover his bald spot. Standing next to the throne was a young man in his twenties. He didn’t have a crown, but there was a rather large medal on the right side of his stylishly plain uniform.
“Ah,” the earl said in typical aristocratic fashion. “Liandra, it’s really been too long.”
“Thank you, Lord Rosewind,” the woman bowed. “A pleasure, as always.”
“I remember when your father used to bring you here, and you’d spend the days running around with Avid,” the earl rambled on, giving the man by the throne a quick glance as he did. “I would have been so nice if we could just talk about the old days, but I’m afraid I’ve called you here on a rather urgent matter.”
The earl cleared his throat.
“I assume you’re the new baron?” he gave Theo’s avatar a stern look.
“Baron Theodor d’Argent, my lord.” Theo bowed as well. He had no idea what the proper etiquette was, so he decided to follow the Liandra’s lead.
“And quite a capable mage, from what I’m told.”
“Oh, you flatter me.” Theo couldn’t keep himself from responding. This was a habit acquired in his previous life and transcending his reincarnation. “I’m merely a class S,” he humble-bragged.
“A class S mage?” The earl nodded several times. “That makes things even easier. Considering you were the one who caught those two despicable thieves, I wanted you to take part in this request. However, given you were new here, I wasn’t sure whether it wouldn’t be too much of a burden for you. Hearing that you are a class S mage, I’m relieved that it wouldn’t be an issue.”
Wait, what?
Back in the building that was Theo, doors slammed in fury. Had he just been duped again? If he only had kept his mouth shut, none of this would have happened. Now, he had gotten himself involved in some other mess, one he suspected he wouldn’t like.
“The Claw Hook gang has been terrorizing the region for years, and we’re not only talking about my town. Month after month, they had become more and more brazen, stealing from beggar, merchant, and noble alike. The Duke of Kanies himself offered a reward of twenty thousand gold coins for anyone who finds the brigands’ hideout and puts an end to their actions. Quite a lot of adventurers have tried, but all of them failed.”
“They all wound up dead?” Theo asked, unable to stop himself once more.
“Fortunately, no,” the earl continued. “I like your bravery, however. The annoying thieves are just impossible to track down. Every member of the Claw has multiple magic items in their possession that make capture impossible. You are the first, and only, person to do so, my dear baron.”
Theo felt a chill through his walls. Unwarranted compliments were a sure sign of scary things to come.
“The thieves you captured quickly revealed the exact location of their boss’ hideout, and through that have untied my hands.” The earl stood up from his throne. “That is why, by the power invested in me, I decree that the two of you go and deal with this nuisance once and for all! A hero and a mage, and the hope of all of Rosewind, hereby receive the noble quest of finding the Claw Hook hideout and do what needs to be done so that calm is restored to the region once more!”
There it was—the punishment disguised as a reward that Theo so much feared. Not only wasn’t he going to be left alone, but now he was forced to waste his time hunting thieves… accompanied by a hero. At this point, he really couldn’t imagine things getting any worse.
I should have just sent Cmyk, Theo said to himself. Things would have been so much simpler then. Although… maybe it wasn’t too late to change things.
“Earl Rosewind, I’m honored by your trust,” Theo began. “I really am. Unfortunately, as I was told by your tax collector upon arriving here, I have a lot of documents to get in order. After all, as someone from a noble lineage, I must serve as an example to others and not leave even trivial matters unfinished. Of course, I’ll gladly—"
“Hmm, you have a point there.” The earl scratched his left ear. “It’s not rare for nobles to forget that even they are subject to the kingdom’s laws. You are quite the paragon of virtue. And that only proves I was right in choosing you for the job.”
Huh? There was a smile on Theo’s avatar, but deep inside, he was weeping.
“Go on your quest and deal with the Claw Hook thieves. In the meantime, I’ll see to it that all your bureaucratic issues are resolved.”
“You are too kind, my Lord.”
“Don’t mention it. It’s the least I can do. Oh, and Liandra.” The earl turned to the woman. “I’m looking forward to having you join me for dinner upon your return. I’m sure there’s a lot for us to talk about.”
“I’m sure there is.” Liandra nodded. “Thank you, my Lord.”
In such an absurd fashion, Theo found himself—or at least his avatar—roped in an official noble quest assigned by the earl himself. The situation was so hair-tearingly annoying, that the only thing he could do was have his avatar smile and return briefly to pack before heading out. On the bright side, the dungeon would remain safely in the city, keeping an eye on Cmyk and any other potential thieves. However, he had to be extremely careful that his avatar didn’t get injured. Since there was mana—and not blood—running through his veins, even a slight wound risked revealing Theo’s true nature to Liandra. If that happened, she would have no issue finding and destroying him.
“Spok!” Theo shouted, while his avatar was making its way back to the building. “Is there a quick way to transfer skills to my avatar?”
Could you please elaborate a bit on that? The spirit guide asked.
“I want to grant and increase the abilities my avatar has the same way you do.”
Oh, you can already do that. All it takes is—
“While my avatar is outside,” Theo added.
This made things considerably more channeling. While dungeons were virtually omnipotent when it came to everything within them—as long as they had enough energy and Core Points—they had limited powers outside. The spirit guide once again had to think long and hard to find a skill or ability that would allow what Theo wanted. Unfortunately, unlike before, this time there was nothing to find.
It seems that no dungeon has asked for such a skill…
“Come on!” Theo slammed a door. “You mean to tell me there’s no way to make my avatar stronger while it’s outside?”
It might be possible to grant it abilities while it’s slightly outside, Spok said cautiously. With your power, maybe that could be extended to a block or two…
“I’m supposed to go on a quest who-knows-where and do who-knows-what. Can I teleport my avatar here and back?”
That is a possibility, yes…
“Great!”
…but it will require more energy than you currently have. While changing the location of a part of you is far less than moving yourself, it still requires considerable energy at long distances. Also, it won’t be reliable since it’ll be affected by anti-magic fields, sacred sites, and a number of other exceptions.
“I’m doomed.”
I’m sorry, sir, but your requests are just so… unique. Dungeons simply don’t think that way.
“Hold on!” All the lamps within Theo lit up. “You said no dungeon has asked for such skills before. Does it mean I get to ask for skills?”
The question, while extremely logical, astonished Spok. Usually, dungeons only requested powers before their reincarnation. There was nothing that said they couldn’t ask while being alive… it simply wasn’t something that was done.
There might be a way, but it’s not something anyone has tried so far.
“At this point I’m ready to try anything.”
You can go to one of the temples and ask from the deities directly. They are the only ones that grant abilities. Normally dungeons make such requests in person, but since your avatar is technically part of you, that should count as well.”
“You’re asking me to go to a temple with my avatar and have it ask that I be granted the ability to grant it abilities?” There was a long moment of silence. “You’re getting sneaky, Spok. I like that! Before that, I need to pack as if I’m a normal person.”
It was astonishing how quickly Theo had forgotten what it was like to be a human. It didn’t help that in his past life, he had seldom left the city, let alone the state.
Creating a backpack was the first thing that came to mind. Of course, that was before Theo was reminded that one of the items obtained from the thieves was a dimensional ring. From a magic perspective, the item was somewhat puny, merely containing a few swords, two dozen daggers, and a few thief tools of the trade. A quick mana jolt from the dungeon later, the space inside vastly increased. Clothes were first on the menu, followed by the local equivalent of a sleeping bag, some pillows, rope, a grappling hook, pots, pans, and everything else Theo could think of.
The dungeon had to be reminded about food and water—both things he didn’t need, but required to keep up appearances. Cmyk was sent to the nearby market with a few coins of gold, and quickly came back with a large assortment of bread, apples, bottles of ale, and “fresh fish.” All those were diligently cooked—in Theo’s new kitchen—wrapped and added to the ring just as there was a knock on the door. Cracking open one of the upper windows, Theo saw that Liandra had arrived to pick him up with a pair of horses.
“Quick, teach me riding,” Theo whispered.
LEGENDARY HORSEBACK RIDING
Complete mastery of horseback riding.
Straightening his clothes, Theo’s avatar rushed to the door and opened it.
“Lady Liandra,” he said with a smile. “How punctual of you. Not only did you pack fast, but you managed to find me so soon.”
“Your house is the only one that suddenly appeared.” The woman smiled. “Are you ready to go? Or do you need more time?”
“Quite ready. I just finished packing my ring.” The avatar made sure to tap on it for effect.
“A dimension ring?” Liandra nodded a few times. “A lot of adventurers are using these nowadays. I prefer to stick to traditional methods.” She pointed to the backpacks of her horse.
“Pfft, adventurers. What do they know?” Theo’s avatar laughed. “It’s not like they managed to catch this Claw Hook.” He went out and closed the door behind him. “Just one minor thing. Might we pass by the temple before we go? I’d like to say a quick prayer, just in case.”
“Um, sure.” The woman tilted her head slightly, visibly surprised by the request. “Which temple do you want to go to?”
“Which temple?” Theo whispered in the attic of the building, while his avatar stood on the street outside.
Luminaria, Spok said. Goddess of Light.
“The temple of Luminaria,” the avatar repeated.
“Wow. And I thought I was old school.” Liandra chuckled. “I’m not even sure there still are temples dedicated to her in this part of the continent.”
“Has she fallen from grace?” Theo felt storm clouds form in his basement.
“Rather, the opposite. No one dares dedicate a shrine to the high deities out of fear it won’t be perfect. You can pray to Peris, goddess of journeys and first maiden of Luminaria.”
The proposal made Theo feel even worse. It was as if he were just informed that he could no longer meet the CEO of the company, but could have a chat with his secretary instead. The dungeon had no idea who this Peris was or what she stood for. Sadly, the only option he was left with was to agree with a smile and follow Liandra to the temple in question.
There wasn’t a single person at the temple. Given the unparalleled strength of deities in the world, Theo expected the place to be packed. Instead, he learned that it didn’t even have a dedicated priestess.
A single statue of white marble stood in the center of the prayer hall, covered by light shining through the stained-glass windows. Without a doubt, a number of extremely highly skilled artisans had been involved in the initial construction of the temple. Since then, though, it had fallen on hard times. If there had been pews or furniture, they had long been removed, leaving empty bare walls, dusty floors, and more than the standard amount of spiderwebs.
Someone has it rough, Theo thought as he walked to the statue and knelt down.
“Umm, hello there,” he whispered. “I’ve no idea what the proper etiquette is, but seeing how empty this place is, I don’t think you’d care much.” He paused for a moment. “Thing is, I was told that only a deity can grant me new abilities. Now I know you’re not Luminaria, and most definitely have no idea who I am, but if you could do me this small favor, I’ll be extremely grateful.”
Theo didn’t expect there to be a response. In fact, he was half ready to stand up and leave, when suddenly a voice out of nowhere made him reconsider.
“You’re a dungeon?” the voice asked. It was far more childish than he expected, unusually cheerful, and—to Theo’s annoyance—louder than he would have liked.
“Shhh!” Theo said, glancing at the entrance to make sure that Liandra hadn’t heard his secret revealed.
“Sorry,” the goddess said. “It’s just that I’ve never seen a dungeon visit a temple before. This will definitely be the talk of the week.”
“I’m glad I can oblige,” the avatar said through gritted teeth.
“You’re the human who fell down the elevator, right? I heard about you. Didn’t you get reincarnated as a dungeon in an inaccessible valley halfway across the continent?”
“I was,” Theo grumbled. “It didn’t work out.”
“Oh well. It happens, sometimes. So, why are you here?”
“As I said, I’ve come to ask that you grant me a skill.”
“A skill?” the goddess sounded confused.
“Skill, ability, power… I was told that only a deity can grant me abilities that no dungeon has.”
“Well, that’s true, but… what skill could you possibly want that no one dungeon has asked for? I mean, there are so many dungeon skills that it will take years for—"
“I want to be able to have my avatar learn skills while being a huge distance away,” Theo interrupted.
“Wow. I stand corrected. That is a new one. I can’t believe that no one asked for this before. Actually, I can’t believe that you went ahead and made an avatar to walk about.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m quite unbelievable. Can you help me?”
Light flickered all over the statue.
“If you were human, it wouldn’t be a big deal. I’d bless you here and now, bestowing you with a heroic proficiency and all corresponding skills. However, you’re a dungeon and dungeons don’t like heroic skills. In fact, they don’t like following any standard template that isn’t their own. That’s why they keep asking for new skills every reincarnation.”
“Can’t you just make some kind of long-distance link between me and my avatar?”
“If it’s so simple, why don’t you do it?” the goddess snapped. “If I’m to create a link, I might as well—”
There was a sudden pause, and Theo didn’t like pauses. From his experience, when someone stopped mid-sentence, it was a precursor to something truly terrifying.
“I can make you a heroic dungeon,” Peris said.
“I don’t—"
“Hear me out! No one will know you’re a hero. You’ll just gain the heroic trait.”
Even with Theo’s extremely limited knowledge, this sounded terribly wrong. Heroes were supposed to destroy dungeons. A dungeon to be a hero sounded like there being a cannibal corpse.
“How exactly is that going to help me? Or do you just want to put me out of my misery?”
“The thing that you ask is impossible. Maybe Luminaria can do it, or one of the greats, but good luck getting an audience with them outside of reincarnation. Granting you the heroic trait is well within my power, and while you won’t be able to grant powers to your avatar at a distance, your avatar will be able to learn them on his own.”
“Say again?” This definitely piqued Theo’s interest. While not exactly what he had in mind, it definitely had a certain level of appeal.
“Your avatar will be able to do what heroes do and improve the same way heroes improve,” the goddess explained. “At the same time, your avatar will be able to draw from your energy when casting spells, and acquire any dungeon skills you can grant upon returning back to you. Quite the good deal, if I do say so myself.”
“Heroic dungeon,” Theo repeated, trying to get used to the concept. “Well, what the heck. What do I need to do?”
“Traditionally you’d have to give me an offering of some sort, but I’ll settle for you sending a minion several times per week to clean up my temple. I know it’s just an insignificant temple in some small town, but I’d like it to be kept clean, at least.”
“Won’t my minion turn to ash the moment it sets food inside?”
“Are you ash?”
“Point taken. Well, if that’s all, we have a deal.”
“Splendid!”
Without warning, a circle of light appeared on the floor beneath Theo’s avatar and shut up like a pillar. For a moment, the dungeon lost all sensation from his avatar, as if he were struck by an extremely powerful laser. Then, a series of floating letters and numbers appeared within the brightness.
Baron Theodore D’Argent – Heroic Dungeon
Level: 1
Strength: 50
Speed: 40
Mind: 60
Energy (Health/Mana): 9021
Free Core Points: 3,554,219
While Theo had nothing to compare them with, the stat values looked rather impressive. For one thing, they were ten times better than those of Cmyk. For some reason, that made Theo feel exceedingly pleased. A lot of the core points from the legendary hero’s demise were gone, but there was still more than enough left to deal with the smaller things, and more importantly, Theo had a vast energy reserve.
HEROIC TRAIT – EXPERIENCE
Destroying dungeons and claiming their core will result in obtaining Core Points.
Killing demons, magic monsters, and minions and claiming their cores will result in obtaining Core Points.
“I can really do that?” Theo asked. “No wonder heroes spend all their time killing dungeons.”
“Dungeons do the same. They’re just more subtle about it. Anyway, good luck with your hero-ing. Hope to see you again sometime.”
