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The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon (Chapter 33)
🕑 Added 2022-09-11 00:37:56 +0000 UTCHaving a team of twelve highly skilled warriors was supposed to be a huge advantage. All of them were battle-hardened, with suitable weapons and a deep desire to destroy Lord Mandrake. By every metric, they were supposed to give Theo a vast advantage over his opponent. However, there was one small detail that had eluded the dungeon’s attention: they were only human. That meant that unlike Theo’s avatar, they didn’t have the luxury of being hit by a torrent of demonic flames or a massive golem fist.
Another slap of stone rose up from the ground, shielding the prodigy child from Lord Mandrake's attacks.
“Thanks, baron!” the boy said, then rushed back into the fight.
Stupid humans, Theo grumbled to himself.
They had been so useful when facing the goblins, and yet here it was like attacking along with a herd of cats. Each of them was focused on their own thing, occasionally going into lose cooperations with one, possibly two other people, then going back to a wild free for all.
“Ice blades!” the avatar shouted, to warn his own allies.
On the instant, all of them scattered in different directions. All except the two shield bearers who took the opportunity to do the exact opposite by rushing towards the golem and slamming their now blunt swords in its leg. The effort was pointless—none other than Theo had the ability to do any damage to Lord Mandrake's contraption. Sadly, that didn’t keep them from trying.
“So annoying!” Lord Mandrake shouted, moving his right hand in their direction. In nine out of ten cases, that was followed by a blast of flames.
Not wanting to have any of the people barbecued, the dungeon caused the tile beneath the golem’s left heel to lift up slightly, causing him to momentarily lose balance, messing up his aim. Thus, instead of hitting the area near the golem’s foot, the flame hit its knee. Ice blades flew forward, striking the golem’s head, forcing it to retreat a few steps back.
“Good one, baron!” Wolf shouted across the chamber. “That’s the way to burn off his legs!”
“That’s not…” the avatar began. The flame had achieved nothing, mainly because the material the golem had been constructed continued to be immune to flames, including its own. “Yeah, that’s the plan!” The avatar shouted. At least it was better than explaining things.
A series of smoke bombs exploded in the golem’s head. The assassin sisters were at it again. Thankfully, at least they seemed to know what they were doing.
“Stupid insects!” Lord Mandrake shouted, exceedingly furious. “I’ll roast you like ants!”
Flames burst out from the golem in all directions. The only way the dungeon could partially contain them was to erect a circle of wars around mandrake, which he did. The burning flames scorched the walls, then shot up—their only means of escape—and struck the airship in the ceiling. Like a volcano, the torrent of fire drilled through the vessel, making it melt like a wax figure, before erupting above the surface. It was safe to say that the gnome had gotten serious.
I should have just told them to help Liandra to deal with the armies above, Theo told himself. Having them here turned out to be a real disaster. Then again, things wouldn’t have been very different on the surface. So far, the faint flicker of home was in the hands of Liandra, who was busy slaughtering goblins in the hundreds, and possibly gaining tons of experience out of it.
“You think you can defeat me?!” Lord Mandrake shouted as drops of molten metal from the former airship dripped onto him. “You’re nothing! So insignificant that ants would stomp if they could find you! You think that just because there’s more of you that you’ll—”
“Focus on the left shoulder!” Flail shouted.
Every person of the dozen, without exception, struck the protective walls the dungeon had built with extreme force, sending chunks of stone at Lord Mandrake. In other circumstances, their plan might have been considered good, now Theo only considered it painful. This was probably what dungeons experienced when adventurer parties ventured within them. Not only was the damage senseless and costly to repair, it also reduced the amount of blessed covering that remained in the chamber. The dungeon had asked Peris to lend a hand, or more specifically another blessing, but she had refused with a vague explanation that she could only do a massive bless once per day per person.
Rocks hit the golem, causing slight dents all over its body. Alas, other than getting Lord Mandrake extremely furious at ruining the smooth surface, nothing else happened.
“Ice stars!” Theo created several handfuls of small sharp ice fragments, then propelled them at the golem’s head.
Each of the ice fragments was individually blessed by the avatar. Some even managed to hit their intended target, doing minute amounts of damage. The rest hit the dungeon walls, making him feel unpleasant stinging. That was the last stray.
“Spok!” Theo shouted in his main building. “How much will it cost me to magic everyone out of there?”
“Everyone, sir?” the spirit guide asked, concerned.
“Everyone except the gnome.”
“Well…” the woman hesitated. It didn’t help that the goddess Peris continued to be in the room. “A bit more than I would advise, sir. Can’t you simply make a tunnel and ask them to leave?”
The dungeon shook. He was facing a dilemma. On the one hand, there was no denying that the hidden dozen were keeping the gnome distracted enough for him to try a thing or two without feeling the constant pressure of protecting his avatar. Initially, that had been the plan. And yet, Theo had found that he couldn’t simply sacrifice them to win. Maybe it was the heroic trait speaking, or maybe he had gotten soft after going on this adventure, but he felt a deep need to keep them from getting killed.
“Of all the idiotic twists of faith,” he grumbled. “If I convert everything but the main building to energy, will I be able to pull up the mana gem?”
“It’s possible, though unlikely. The gem seems to leak a lot, all the more, since you’ve been using your energy for other things. I fear that in order to make it complete, you’ll need more energy than you currently have.”
So much for that. After everything Theo had gone through: the planning, the structures he had bought, the Silvarian elf debacle, and the rush to get his avatar back in time, it had come to this? Death by a maniacal goblin sounded more like the start of a really bad joke. As things stood, there was no point to keep pretending anymore. He might as well reveal to the world—or to what was left of Rosewind—that he was a dungeon. It wasn’t like things could get any worse.
“Hey!” the avatar shouted. “Lord Mandrake! You know what? I—”
“Got tired of watching your insects buzz about and decided to challenge me to a duel?” the gnome asked.
“Huh?” Theo blinked. That wasn’t it at all. He hadn’t even considered such a stupid idea. “No, I—”
“I accept!” the gnome shouted, barely even listening.
A ball of flame emerged in the palm of the golem’s right hand. Slowly, it stretched in size, turning into a massive broadsword.
“You and me!” the golem pointed the tip of the sword at the dungeon’s avatar. “No games, no tricks, no assistance, winner take all, loser…” there was a momentary pause as the goblin tried to think how to continue. “Loser loses all.”
Several people stifled a chuckle. Several more failed to do so.
There were a lot of things that could be said, but given that Theo was about to reveal his secret moments ago, he didn’t see any harm in going down in dramatic fashion. If nothing else, some bard might write a ballad about this, provided there were any survivors.
“Very well, but I have one condition!” the avatar said. “Win or lose, I want the twelve people here unharmed.”
“Ha!” Lord Mandrake stomped the ground. “Still preoccupied with the insects? Fine! But if any of them interferes, that’s it!”
“You bet we’ll interfere!” Wolf shouted in the worst possible moment. “We’ll never—”
“Wolf!” Shut up, you stupid idiot! “This is between Lord Mandrake and myself. I don’t want you to interfere. Understood?”
There was no answer. That was good. Come to think of it, it was more than good. The demon heart and the gnome’s hatred towards Theo had made him stupid. A “duel” was a perfect opportunity for the dozen to come up with a plan on their own and help the dungeon. Just to ensure they got the hint, Theo created a small bunker-like section in the side of the chamber.
“All of you, just go there and wait until this is resolved.”
It was no coincidence that the spot that Theo had chosen was directly behind Lord Mandrake, allowing for a sneak attack. There was just one thing missing.
“Oh, and take care of my sword.” Theo levitated the legendary sword to Nauska. “If something happens to me, I want you to keep it and take care of it. It’s a very powerful weapon, given to me by an important friend.”
“But how will you fight?” the assassin asked.
“I’ll fight the same way Lord Mandrake fights.” Theo cast an ice spell. A sword of ice formed in his hand. The weapon appeared magnificent, even if it wasn’t anything special. In practice, it was probably going to shatter the moment it hit the golem’s body. That wasn’t its purpose, though. It was all smoke and mirrors. “Fire against ice!” he rose up in the air, reaching the level of the golem’s head. “Mage versus gnome.”
“Ha! You think you can do anything with that?” Lord Mandrake laughed.
“It might not look like much, but it has the power to cut through steel, stone, and anything else in its way, even magic. I didn’t want to use it until now, because it would give me too great an advantage.”
As the people made their way to the section that had been created, the dungeon considered the situation. There was no denying that things had worked out quite well for him lately. He had faced things that had caused the downfall of dozens of heroes and somehow had not only survived but grown both in the metaphorical and literal sense of the world. For a moment, he felt as if he was as invincible as his avatar. However, the nagging pessimism that had filled his previous life had reared its ugly head to whisper that nothing good lasted forever. He’d had a good run, but it was time to think of contingencies.
“Spock, get ready,” Theo whispered in his main building. “We’re getting out of here.”
“During the duel? Isn’t that… cowardly?”
“It’s pragmatic,” he corrected. “If the gnome comes close to killing me, I’ll convert everything to energy and move somewhere to start again. Maybe it’ll be quiet there, even.”
Spok didn’t say a word. The spirit guide had feared the prospect, but had hoped it wouldn’t come to it. There always was a chance that he somehow acquired a large amount of core points and energy, enough to give her an avatar again. Sadly, even in a best-case scenario, it would take centuries for him to achieve that. If only he hadn’t wasted all those core points obtained through the unfortunate death of the hero, things would have been a lot different. Then again, it was also quite likely that he’d be hunted down by heroes and destroyed.
“Very well, sir,” the spirit guide said at last. “What about Maximillian and the duke’s daughter?”
“There’s nothing that could be done. When I’m gone, so is the town.”
Casting a quick spell to mend his clothes, the avatar floated to the ground. He looked at the sword. Compared to the golem, it looked like a toothpick. Since he had already gone this far, Theo used a bit more energy to triple the sword in size.
“Ready when you are,” he said to Lord Mandrake.
“Good!” Sections of the golem’s torso slid aside, revealing hidden sections. It would have been nice if the demon heart was revealed that way, but instead, a pair of demon wings appeared. Apparently, the gnome had an ace in his sleeve as well.
“You’ve caused me a lot of problems,” Lord Mandrake said in typically theatrical fashion. The wings flapped in an attempt to lift him from the ground, but categorically failed to do so. “Now, witness my full might and ingenuity as I—”
Theo couldn’t stand it any longer. Gripping the sword with both hands, he cast three dozen swiftnesses on him, then dashed towards the golem. Three steps before reaching it, the avatar stopped. Just in time, as well, for Lord Mandrake acted just as fast, swinging the blade in a horizontal slash.
The fiery blade passed inches from the avatar’s face. In response, Theo lunged forward, striking the chest of the golem. Ice spread from the tip of the blade, forming a large patch that quickly began to melt.
The gnome attacked again, but instead of using the sword, both wings bent, shooting forward like scorpion tails. An ice wall was quickly erected, but the wings melted right through it, barely slowing them down. A second wall of rock rose from the floor, finally blocking the attack.
It was no surprise to see the gnome cheat during the fight. Far more alarming, and simultaneously annoying, was that none of the twelve warriors that were supposed to be on Theo’s side were doing a thing. They just stood there, commenting in whispers how “low” Lord Mandrake was to cheat and… that was it. No one charged forward to pierce the golem’s behind, no one used anything to distract him, no one even tossed Theo’s sword to his avatar.
“Ready, Spok?” the dungeon asked reluctantly back in his main building.
There was little point in fighting on. The next time the golem struck at the avatar, Theo planned to leave everything behind and get out of this part of the world. No longer willing to fight, he tossed the sword in the ground in front of him.
Seeing that, Lord Mandrake quickly stepped on the front of the blade. However, in his eagerness to deprive Theo of the weapon, he stepped on it too fast. The patch of ice that had formed proved to be too slippery, causing the golem to lose balance and fall backwards. It was a short fall or no significance whatsoever. Yet, upon feeling the sensation, the most basic habit was triggered: the habit very few people could escape—moving back one’s hands and arms to cushion the fall. The golem’s left arm, which had been consistently protecting his bottom so far, moved away for the first time.
No conscious thought went through the dungeon’s mind. He was still intent on getting as far away as quickly as possible. However, on a subconscious level, layers of spite piled up during the last week had finally been given an outlet to escape from, and escape they did by creating a stone spike just at the spot on which Lord Mandrake was about to fall on.
A loud sound of metal ribbing echoed throughout the room. An entire section of the golem fell off, revealing the glowing demon heart. The protective skin of the construct was impervious to most damage, but the floor was one of the few places that Peris’ blessing remained intact. Red light mixed with gold, filling the air with a thick smell of ozone.
The slimmest of windows of opportunity appeared. With the heart revealed, the power of Lord mandrake suddenly evaporated. The construct he had created had undoubtedly extremely destructive power, and the strength to withstand most attacks, but even half a blessed chamber was able to put an end to that very quickly.
A dozen stone spikes emerged from all sides of the chamber, shooting straight at the golem’s weak spot. The gnome tried to shield itself from part of them. Unfortunately for him, three of the spikes passed through, puncturing the heart like a pincushion.
Total silence filled the room. No one, not even Theo himself, could believe what just had happened. A few moments ago, he was preoccupied with doing a convincing performance before teleporting away to safety. He had never expected the attack to yield any result.
The red glow faded, taking the demon wings and the sword of fire. The massive heart thumped twice, then contracted in an implosion of power to the size of a bowling ball—the demon’s core. Instantly, the dungeon’s greed kicked in. This was precisely what he needed to patch up things within himself. Using telekinesis, he pulled the object to himself, ignoring the rest of the golem. No sooner had he done so than the construct’s head flew off, powered by four jets of green flames.
“Now you’ve done it!” the gnome screeched.
The head split into two parts, revealing a very annoyed gnome seated on what could only be described as a flaming chariot. Mechanical components dangled from all sides along with magical components, some of which looked vaguely familiar. The rows of crystal balls were especially telling, almost creating the impression that the gnome was a security guard at some magical corporation.
“Do you have any idea how much it cost to create this? All the time and effort, and ingenuity far beyond the comprehension of your tiny mind…”
“Serves you right for trying to take over the world.”
“Ha! You think this’ll stop me? There are more hearts out there! I’ll go find them if it’s the last thing I do! And when I find them, I’ll be back with an army ten times the size of this! And it won’t be predominantly goblins this time. It’ll be trolls!”
Theo considered the option for a moment. His hidden dozen did as well, for simultaneously all came to the same realization: for all his big attitude, the gnome no longer had any advantage whatsoever. With his greatest weapon gone, he was no different from an annoying fly threatening retribution; and there was only one thing to do with annoying flies…
“Get him!” the avatar shouted.
All twelve of his fighters rushed at once. Moderately careful not to hit them, the dungeon created a new series of spikes from the walls, aimed at the gnome’s flying device. With the battle largely over, there was no point in saving energy anymore.
Stone spikes and pillars emerged from the floor and walls, creating a deadly cat’s cradle. To Theo’s annoyance, the gnome managed to evade them every time. Even the people in the chamber, who leaped through the air, using the stone segments as platforms, proved incapable of catching the pest. Theo tried encasing Lord Mandrake in a block of ice. He tried casting fireballs at him, even imprisoning him in an aether shield bubble.
The struggle continued for a minute, then two, then five. Each time, it seemed that the gnome managed to escape its fate by inches, if not less. This infuriated the dungeon, but also made him double his efforts. It was identical to playing a highly addictive game.
“Sir, might I suggest that you consume the demon heart core?” Spok said, observing events from the main building. To say that she was relieved was an understatement. Theo’s victory not only meant that there was a greater chance of saving the town, which in turn suggested that she was likely to retain her corporal avatar.
“Not now, Spok!” Theo grumbled. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”
“That’s precisely why I—”
“Just give me a minute, alright?!”
The attempts continued, and so did the curses. A complete reversal had taken place. What Lord Mandrake lacked in strength, he made up for in speed and mobility. Neither swiftness nor flying was enough to close the gap. If anything, losing the influence of the demon heart seemed to have entered the gnome in a sort of hyper state, as if he’d consumed a barrel of coffee.
“Sir…” Spoke said again.
“Quiet, Spok!”
Ten seconds of silence followed, after which Theo’s avatar, along with all of his fighters, were moved to the walls of the chamber by an invisible force. All spikes and pillars went back into the walls, then the entire middle section of the floor rose, propelling the gnome out of the hole in the ceiling. When that was done, it returned to its normal state.
Everyone stared at Theo’s avatar.
“Wow, you don’t play around…” Flail said what was on everyone’s mind.
“Well, I had hoped we could resolve the matter without having to use this,” the avatar replied, pushing himself away from the wall and to the center of the chamber.
Out of instinct, he looked at the sky. If his observatory was still functioning, he would have used it. There was no trace of Lord Mandrake. Given the violent speed of the ejection, it was very likely his flying device had been damaged, ensuring a swift death upon landing. One could only hope that would be the case.
“I suppose you think you’re so smart,” he grumbled to Spok back in his main building.
“Not at all, sir,” the spirit guide lied. “It was just that time still is of the essence. The goblin army is still destroying what is left of the town, and your core points are dangerously low.”
“Yeah, yeah…” the dungeon creaked all the doors in the building. His spirit guide was correct in her reasoning, but that didn’t make him feel any better. The truth was that he wanted to be the one to crush the gnome, or throw him out in the sky, as it happened. “I better get to it then,” he muttered in disappointment.
The chamber was filled with cheers. Every single person had gone up to the avatar to give him a pat on the shoulder and congratulate him for his quick thinking. Their praises only added insult to injury.
“You better go help Liandra,” the avatar said with a stoic frown. “The fight’s not over.”
“That’s just like you.” Nauska nodded, handing him back the legendary sword. “We’ll do what we can. Gods be with you, baron.”
“Yeah, yeah.” The avatar waves his hand. The gods were definitely not with him… except for the goddess who was still living in his main building.
Creating a corridor out of the room, the avatar flew through the tunnels and corridors until he reached the core chamber. On the way, he directed his attention to what was going on outside. The outer section of the earl’s castle had been breached and the only other large pocket of resistance was relying on Cmyk for protection. That was as sad as it was absurd. While the minion could swing a sword, he was otherwise useless.
“Spok, what can I do with the core points of a demon heart?” the dungeon asked.
“You can restore part of the town… a very large part,” the spirit guide replied. “Alternatively, you can fill up the mana gem and increase your rank.”
“No chance for the two?”
“Depending on the effects of the new rank, you might have more—”
“Go for the rank,” Peris said. “Trust me on this.”
“Are you sure?” Having a deity give him advice was enough to make Theo skeptical. Although, he had to admit that Peris had been there for him. She had given him the heroic trait, the blessed lightning bolt, not to mention it was thanks to her that he had created the blessed chamber for his fight against the gnome.
The heck with it! What’s the worst that could happen?
Arriving at his core chamber, the avatar placed the orb of the demon heart in the core.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have consumed a heart core of the Demon Lord Kayinion!
Demon Lord Kayinion was known as the Butcher of the Gods, who dispatched over a dozen deities before being banished back into his realm. His presence alone had the power to corrupt even the most noble of heroes.
90,000,000 Core Points obtained.
News of your achievement shall be known throughout the entire continent.
FIRE SCRYING
Spend 200 energy to see everything that a flame could see. The flame must be no further than a mile. Additional energy will increase the distance.
The spying was an interesting ability no less, but quite useless right now. With a sigh, Theo converted over ninety percent of his core points into energy for the mana gem. The item lit up in a bright cyan glow. The moment of truth had come.
“Time to see what the big deal is.” Theo consumed the gem.
