Jake Barry
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Chapter 20
🕑 Added 2022-12-07 18:02:09 +0000 UTCA warm breeze blows through my hair as I leave my apartment complex. It's a pleasant change after so many days of rain and gloom. Spring must be right around the corner. It's about time! I've grown tired of having to wearing heavy jackets and scarfs. Maybe I'll even get to wear that new sundress I bought, soon?
"Ah... I'd like that."
Just then, I feel my phone vibrating in my purse. Standing just outside the entrance, I pull it out and check the notification. It's a reminder to buy more wiring, at Icarus's request. I open the app and scroll through the rest of the list. There are more than ten overdue tasks.
"Things have gotten so busy these days. I can hardly keep up."
Between my studies, social life, chores, cooking, and most importantly, the little ones, I've been feeling overwhelmed. With so much to do all the time, it's difficult to find the motivation to do anything at all. I haven't been eating or sleeping as well as I used to, either. I worry that if this continues, I might begin to spiral.
That's precisely why I decided to check the most difficult task off the list first.
I continue my way across the street and down the block. There's no need to catch the bus since Sara lives five minutes away. We haven't spoken for a week, not since the day we went to Gigi's. After what she did, I've been finding it difficult to be around her. I've been using my go-to excuse, 'I'm busy', so she'll give me some space. But I'm not busy, at least not too busy for her. Lying to her day after day has left me feeling upset with myself. Not only because it's untrue, but because she believes me without question.
Sara is my best friend in the world. She's a wonderful person and the closest thing I'll ever have to a real sister. Despite her flaws, I wouldn't trade her for anyone else. That being said, I was and still am deeply disturbed by what she did. I caught a glimpse of a darker side of her that I never imagined existed.
It's that kind of sociopathy that pervades our culture, stemming from a warped sense of entitlement. It's like what I told Nick. Although I cannot change everyone, I will try to convince her.
"Magna Gratia was the first step. This will be the second."
I arrive at her apartment and take the elevator up to her floor. I point my finger to ring the doorbell, only to find the door suddenly opening. I'm met with Sara, dressed in oversized, baggy clothing. She's clearly enjoying her day off. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if she was skipping again.
"Took you long enough! I've missed you, Jeannie." She gives me a carefree smile. I step closer and greet her with the usual air-kisses and a hug. Though, this time I hesitate a little before closing in for the hug. She seems to notice, and as when we pull away from one another her smile fades.
"Is everything okay?"
"No, not really." I tell her, struggling to hold her gaze. "Can we talk?"
Her expression goes from cheerful to concerned. I suspect she's trying to figure out what could be bothering me before I say it. Whatever she's thinking, it's probably wrong.
"Sure. Come inside and tell me all about it."
I follow her inside and take a seat at the dining table. She heads into the kitchen and gets us both a drink. She doesn't even need to ask. She can tell when I want one. She just knows. Over a decade of friendship will do that.
"So…" She sits down across from me, opening her can. "What's got my Jeannine looking so blue?"
I look away nervously. It's not like me to shy away from serious topics, but I'm finding it so very difficult to initiate this. Why did it have to be Sara, of all people? Anyone else, and I would have happily given them a piece of my mind. I think about Nick and how her actions hurt him. What would Ori think of me if she knew? Or Daedalus? Or Aurelia? My confidence begins to swell. I take a deep breath and meet her gaze.
"Sara..." I begin, voice shaky. I hate confrontations. "It's you."
"Come again?" She blinks, clearly surprised by my answer. "What did I do?"
"Remember last week? When we went to Gigi's?"
"Yeah...?"
I wait for her to realize where I'm going with this. The confused look on her face doesn't change. Rather than play the guessing-game, I decide to be direct.
"That 'garnish' you ordered. Seeing you eat those people quite frankly sickened me to my stomach. I couldn't even finish my food."
She rolls her eyes at me and sighs.
"I apologized for that, didn't I? And I paid for your meal as an apology."
"Yes, you did. But you're missing the point, Sara."
"Enlighten me." She says, looking irritated.
"The point is that-"
"They're people." She cuts me off. "Yes, I know. How could I forget when you remind me every day in class? And outside of it, to boot."
"I'll continue to do so until you realize it. Despite what you're saying, we both know what you think of Lillis. The way you talk about them is one thing, but what you did crossed a line!"
"Jeannine, when you said you wanted to come over today, I pictured us ordering in and hanging out. Can we please drop this subject already?" She pinches the bridge of her nose. "I don't have the energy to placate you today."
Her unabashed dismissal makes me angry. It makes me want to slap her across the face. More than that, I wish it didn't upset me as much as it does. I'm becoming too emotional. My words clearly aren't getting through, but I won't back down. Not yet. This is too important to let go.
"I'm sorry for yelling." I do my best to keep my volume low going forward. "But I need to address this. It's important to me. Does that matter to you at all?"
She gives me an empathetic look. The irritation on her face is gone now, having been replaced by guilt. However angry my expression looked, It must have done the trick.
"It does. Fine, say what you need to say. I won't cut you off again." She promises.
"Thank you. All I ask is that you listen with an open mind."
I take a moment to collect my thoughts. How best should I go about this? I could always guilt-trip her, but that wouldn't solve anything. If she only cares because of me then I've failed my mission. I need her to recognize Lillis for the people they are, whether or not I am involved. Perhaps I could borrow a page from Nick's book? Suddenly, I find myself repeating his words.
"If it had been me on your plate, would you have eaten me?"
"Huh? What are you even saying?"
"Exactly what it sounds like I'm saying. If I was a Lilliputian sprinkled on your plate, would you eat me?"
"Of course not."
"And why is that?"
"Because you're a person. More importantly, you're my friend."
"Were the Lillis on your plate not people?"
"No." She says without an ounce of doubt. "They weren't."
"Sara, what constitutes a person to you?" I press her. "What's the bottom line for personhood?"
She thinks for a moment before responding. It's clear that she never gave the idea much thought until now. A smug grin then appears on her face.
"To me, a person is someone who I can talk to, look at, touch, love, interact with, et cetera. I know where you're going with this, Jeannine. Those little creatures are no more than bacteria in my eyes."
"Bacteria don't share ninety nine percent of their DNA with you. Nor do they bleed or feel pain when you kill them."
"I suppose they're slightly more important than bacteria." She admits. "But still not people."
"Have you ever spoken with one?"
"No, haven't had the pleasure." She laughs. "Like I said, you can't even hear them unless they've got a mic or something."
"The ambassador had a mic. We never spoke with her, but you listened to what she had to say. Is she a person?"
"Okay, that's a special case." She shakes her head at me. "She is a distinguished person, unlike the rest. Someone like her is useful to society. Her position is important, so naturally I'll listen to what she says."
I feel a tightness in my chest. I can't believe what I'm hearing. The sheer hypocrisy is baffling. It's like she's emotionally disconnected. Still, I have hope for her. I think we're slowly but surely getting somewhere.
"What if you were the tiny one? Should I look down on you because of your physical size?" I ask sternly.
"But I'm not tiny, am I?" She rebuts. "I'm a proud, Brobdingnagian woman. I never was, nor ever will be small. Same as you."
"You're dodging the question." I say through grit teeth. "Can't you put yourself in their place for five seconds?"
"No, I can't. And I won't." She crosses her arms over her chest. "Calling us 'big' just doesn't sit right with me. I'm not big, I'm normal. They're small. It's their fault for being that way. I'm not going to get down on my hands and knees just to see a bunch of specks at my feet."
"Fine, then consider this." I try once more. "What if there was another race larger than us? By that logic, you would be the small one."
"I guess so, but thankfully there isn't one."
"There it is." I put my hands together. "'Thankfully'. What is there to be thankful about, I wonder?"
"I mean..." She trails off. "..."
"Right there, you were beginning to see things from their perspective."
"It's still just hypothetical."
"But you understand on some level, right?"
She sighs, clearly growing bored of the conversation. Despite that, she stays true to her word and hears me out to the end. I respect her for that.
"I've always understood you, Jeannie, but our stances on the topic remain opposed."
"Wait." I replay her words in my mind, unable to believe what she just told me. Until a moment ago, I'd genuinely believed that she didn't understand. "So, it's a matter of choice to you? You're justifying the cruelty by choosing not to see them as people."
"Isn't everyone?" She fires back. "Yes, I'm aware that they think and feel, but so do all living things. Think about livestock. We use and eat them however we like. Why? Because we're superior."
"That is an evil way of thinking. You should know that, seeing as you're a PoliSci major. Deciding that a certain group of people are inferior makes you a supremacist."
"How dare you!" She growls at me, slamming her hands on the table. "Take that back!"
"We're the biggest, and yet still the most narrowminded. In my opinion that is really, really sad!" I yell back.
"Well then what do you suggest? Should I try to learn the names of 'people' I can’t even see or hear? Or become their friends? While I'm at it why don't I go save some from the restaurant and set them free? Seriously, are you hearing yourself?"
We both silently glare at each other from across the table. We're at another deadlock, unable to convince the other. I expect the burning feeling from earlier to persist, but it doesn't. Instead, it's replaced by an overwhelming sense of disappointment. In Sara, in our culture, and most of all in myself, for being unable to change her views.
I feel my eyes watering up.
Is this the extent of what I can do? Maybe this is a lost cause? No matter what I say, it falls of deaf ears. Whether it's Sara or Mom or anyone else, it's all the same! No one understands. The harder I push, the more they resist. As I fight the current, I'm only being washed away.
"For the record." Sara speaks up, breaking the silence. "Brob or Lilli, I'd still treat you the same. You're my best friend. The last thing I want to do is upset you. I'm sorry for what I did and I'm sorry for always brushing you off when you bring up this topic." She reaches across the table and takes my hands into hers. "I realize now how important this is to you, which makes it equally important to me. I hear you. I swear I'll never hurt intentionally hurt a tiny--er, I mean, Lilli, again."
My frown turns into a weak smile and I wipe a tear from my eye.
"Maybe if I think of every Lilli as a tiny, little, itty-bitty Jeannine I'll find a way to be nicer to them."
She pinches her fingers as if she was holding something really small. "Anything it takes so that we don't ever fight like this again. Okay?"
I sniffle and nod my head.
"Yes. That's all I've ever asked of you."
We both jump out of our seats and rush over to embrace each other tightly. I feel some more tears streaming down my face. Sara isn't crying but seeing me has her visibly choked up.
"I'm sorry too. For yelling and ignoring you and calling you those awful things." I tell her.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yes. Anything."
"You've been acting strangely lately. Like, I don't even remember the last time we got angry, let alone fought. Did something, you know, change recently?"
I freeze up like a deer in headlights. She's right, I have been acting strangely. Taking care of the little ones, compulsively saving money, and staying home too often, it's only natural that she would notice. In my panic I go completely silent. I try to come up with a believable excuse. Anything would be better than revealing my secret. Nothing comes to mind.
"It's okay." She says as she hugs me tighter. "You don't have to tell me. But if something's wrong I expect you to come to me, okay?"
"I know." I whisper.
"Good." She lets me go and faces me with a smile identical to the one from earlier. Any trace of negativity from our argument has disappeared as if it never happened at all. "Now let's have some fun. I'm craving pizza and I've got a seriously bad movie for us to laugh at. What do you say?"
"I say..." I pretend to think, hardly able to contain my smile. "I'll pay this time. My treat."
Comments
Jake Barry
Thank you. I wrote from experience.
Acrophite
This chapter hits close to home. Having conversations like this with close friends is the most terrifying thing in the world to me. Superbly written and hope Sara will have her mind changed at some point. This was good progress.
G
Good enough for me and yes let’s go!!!
G
True
Jake Barry
1. Not quite. 2. Very close to something I have planned. 3. Kind of close, but not quite.
Jake Barry
All people are capable of change. For better or worse.
G
Now for My predictions, I was thinking long and hard about this one after reading the chapter and that they fit in the scope of the story. Sorry if the last one is long but I was really in the zone. 1 - After having their conversation Jeaninne starts to debt with herself on whether Sara should one day know about MG knowing she can’t keep this secret from everyone forever even if she tried her hardest eventually people in her life will know but she also thinks about how People in MG would feel especially Nick but if it means Sara would finally understand what she been saying it might be worth a shot. 2 - After Nick and Jeaninne convince a settlement of (Reamnets or borrowers) to come live in MG Nick is checking on everyone but sees one of the new settlers sitting alone and goes to check on him. He’s an old man who looks like he is in his 60”s Nick asks if he is okay but he says yes but doesn’t look at him Nick is about to leave but the old man asks him “How long do you think this will last?” catching Nick off guard. 3 - after hearing the question Nick is confused and unsure how to answer. The old man tells him that he means MG and how long he thinks the so-called safe heaven will last. He finally looks at Nick and sighs he says “You remind me of myself when I was your age” he tells him his story of loss and realization of his and every lilies place in this world. How he was once a Lilliputian citizen with his family but his city was attacked by a drunk brob losing everyone. He survived but ended up being taken to the black market and then sold like he witnessed the horrors of being around brobs he managed to escape. Then he found a Reamnets settlement where he found his wife but ended up being attacked by a brob losing his wife for 50 years he found and loses his homes and every friend he made surviving attack after attack. asking himself if there was a god and why he would not help us. He says “ I realize that people us don’t get a happy ending and always be nothing more than a speck to the world destined to lose everything and everyone and nothing will change for us.” standing up and going somewhere else he tells Nick once last thing “ It best you prepare yourself for the inevitable it eases the pain” leaving Nick to his own thoughts.
G
Damn, Damn, Damn why did you have to make me feel so conflicted about Sara now on one side maybe she does change, or on the other, she doesn't. But I do hope she does change her ways now I hope she meets Nick and fully understands how people like him feel but I don’t if that's safe yet it's just so conflicting uggggg!!!. Anyway, great chapter also Jeaninne's Mom thinks like Sara I thought she was at least different now we got to have a convo with her too like my boy from Godzilla (2014) said “Let them Fight” verbally and nicely of course.
