MonroeByJahx
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Chapter Two Hundred and Fifty-One. Snowflakes and long-term storage.
🕑 Added 2022-04-27 19:37:30 +0000 UTC"I'm sure you're all excited to find out why we've gathered everyone here today," Dave's voice boomed out of the PA system.
Bob was watching from the side of the stage that had been erected for the event, and he had to admit that Dave had quite the presence.
"Less than a year ago, an old friend of ours from our UCLA D&D days showed up out of the blue and made us the same offer we're about to make you," Dave continued.
Amanda had walked up to join him and gave the crowd a sultry wave as she slipped her arm under his. "It's a little warm up here, babe," she said to Dave, her own microphone broadcasting her words clearly.
"Hundred and two," Dave agreed, "I'd say in the shade, but there isn't any."
The crowd laughed, a few catcalling as Amanda plucked her shirt off her chest and puffed it out a few times.
"Luckily, we brought our aforementioned friend with us, and I think he can provide a solution," Amanda gestured for Bob to join them.
Bob shook his head as he climbed up on the stage. They'd told him what they wanted him to do, and he had to agree that it would be an effective display, but he hadn't expected them to put on an act.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Dave's voice boomed out over the crowd, "prepare for the glory and power of Bob!"
The laughter was louder this time as Bob took his place beside the couple, fumbling with his own microphone for a moment.
"Well," he sighed, "I hadn't expected a grand introduction." He paused for the laughter to die down, although he wasn't sure what they were laughing about. "I'm going to go ahead and cool things down a bit," Bob said.
He pulled a hundred mana crystals from his satchel and theatrically tossed them into the air, holding them in place with a control air spell. If they wanted a show, he'd give them a show.
He used the same spell to gradually lift himself off the stage.
"My name is Robert Whitman," his voice roared out over the crowd. "I have traveled to another world and returned with power."
Splitting his focus between speaking and casting a ritual was something he'd had a bit of practice with, and he'd already tied off the persistent effect for his control air spell.
"You've all dreamed of having power, real, palpable power," Bob continued, "you play games to live out your fantasies." He shook his head. "I'm here with Dave and Amanda to make you an offer. Join us in another world, and we'll show you the path to make those dreams come true."
The crowd had fallen silent when Bob had lifted himself into the air. The stage was a simple raised platform, and there was nothing around that could be used to suspend him from any sort of harness. They were whispering to each other now, and someone in the crowd finally called out, "That's a neat trick, but how about you throw a fireball or something?"
"Fuck that, it's hot enough!" Another voice shouted in reply, generating laughter.
"I was planning to go the other way," Bob replied as he finished the ritual he'd been holding, the mana crystals he'd begun draining disputing.
A cold wind blasted down into the crowd as the ritual he'd cast above them clicked into place. Seconds later, people began to shiver as snowflakes drifted down on the glacier breeze as the ritual continued, blanketing six thousand hot, sweaty, and in some cases, scantily clad gamers in a light dusting of snow.
"Previously, Dave and Amanda would show off bags of holding," Bob's voice drew the attention of the crowd. "But there are so many of you that we decided that a different demonstration would be more efficient. I'm here to make all of you the same offer I made them. Come with me, and you'll become powerful. But all power comes with a cost," he warned the excited crowd. "You'll need to fight and kill monsters to gain power. We can show you how, but ultimately, you'll be the one fighting to get stronger."
"The question is, do you have it in you?" Bob asked. "Do you have what it takes? Do you have the will to wade through a sea of monsters to grab the power being offered to you?"
Dave and Amanda both lifted themselves off the stage and joined him above it. "It's hard work, but the rewards are unimaginable," Dave added.
"I'm particularly fond of the ability to fly," Amanda said.
"Sign me up!" The voice that had called for a fireball earlier cried, and he was quickly echoed by the rest of the crowd.
"You'll find twenty booths at the back where you can fill out the paperwork, please form orderly lines," Dave instructed the group.
"Bob, you can turn off the A/C now," Amanda complained, "it's getting a bit nippy," she finished, crossing her arms and covering her chest with her hands.
~------------~
"I think that went well," Dave said as he devoured a sandwich.
They'd retreated to Bob's inventory to get away from the crowd.
"I sort of feel like I should have stressed the need to murder tens of thousands of monsters," Bob muttered, moving his arm to protect his sandwich from an inquisitive paw.
Monroe had finished off a light snack of diced fish and was stealing covetous glances at Bob's meal.
"It's stated pretty plainly in the guide," Amanda disagreed. "It's right there on the second page where it describes the leveling process. It even has the rough percentage drop rate for crystals at each level."
"We make sure they know what they're signing up for," Dave said soothingly. "The people who fall off end up being ill-suited for it, but we've never had anyone go full Karen on us, screaming that we don't warn them."
Bob nodded. Ultimately getting people off the planet was what really mattered. Even if they just hung around playing D&D and delved just a bit, they wouldn't end up being monster chow when the integration hit.
"We also haven't lost anyone," Amanda added. "There have been a few close calls and more than a few regeneration rituals, but no deaths."
"Which is more than the military can say," Dave grunted.
"Well, that's over anyway," Bob grumbled.
"What's over?" Amanda asked.
"The King is pulling the plug on the military," Bob explained, "apparently, he doesn't trust the various governments of Earth to play nicely, so he's having them all put in stasis and having the 'least useful' civilians come over to take their place."
"And who did he decide were the least useful?" Dave frowned.
"The Internal Revenue Service," Bob replied.
"Oh, that's awesome," Amanda laughed.
"He's not wrong," Dave agreed with a chuckle.
"I'm going to shepherd some of them when I get back from our vacation, teach them the rules so they can teach others," Bob shook his head. "I told Ed I could only give him three days, so I hope they're fast learners."
"How is the grind going?" Dave asked.
"Pretty well," Bob smiled, "if there aren't any major disruptions, I should have the crystals I need in another seven, maybe eight months."
"Then you'll be a big bad tier seven," Amanda grinned.
"Well, I'll be a faux tier seven until I reincarnate," Bob disagreed.
"Which you're planning on doing, right?" Dave asked.
"Yep, I probably should have reincarnated when I hit tier six," Bob admitted, "and I cannot recommend strongly enough that you do so. I've spent a lot more crystals and time than I would have needed to if certain matters hadn't been so dire."
"We're thinking about it," Amanda admitted. "Mostly because you seem so driven."
"It's like, we could wait, but if Bob is rushing to tier up..." Dave shrugged. "We understand you have your reasons, and we aren't trying to put any pressure on you to explain them."
"Not that we'd complain if you did," Amanda added with a smile.
"My motivation is pretty much the paranoid terror that I'm going to catch the blame for the upcoming apocalypse," Bob replied, "and I need to not only become more powerful but also go into hiding."
"I wish I could tell you that you don't have anything to worry about," Dave shook his head, "but truthfully, you might."
"There are always assholes," Amanda agreed, "which is an argument to tier up for us, as it will help ensure that we aren't bothered by them."
"Also, the King would probably grant you title to the land you've been building on if you stay after the integration," Bob suggested. "I know that Jack is laying the groundwork for that with the city he is building."
"Is the King considering it? And how do you know?" Dave asked.
"I had a pleasant chat with the Seneschal when I dropped off the taxes," Bob shrugged. "Or rather she wanted to have a chat, and I'd much rather talk to her than talk to the King, as while she's scary, she isn't utterly terrifying."
He'd learned quite a bit from that conversation. It turned out that the King did tend to sleep for a decade or so between tides, and he was peevish if Ericka woke him up early. The result of his napping was that the Nobles of his Kingdom tended to cycle through periods of responsible behavior and cruel tyranny. They'd get away with small abuses for long enough that they would convince themselves that they could get away with larger, and the pattern would continue until the King would wake up and become aware of something truly egregious and take action.
Apparently, if the King didn't get enough hibernation time, his more draconic tendencies came out in full force, and his decade-long naps were an overall net positive. The end result was that promoting a few powerful refugees to oversee his new people was a solution he found to be ideal. The current generation of nobles had only four houses whom he'd considered as honorable enough to be trusted with more responsibility.
"I think the King will probably tap the people currently responsible for collecting his taxes," Bob sighed. "I explained that I had absolutely no interest in sort of responsibility after the current crisis was over, but she just laughed at me."
~-----------~
"He called it a coffin!"
Mike sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Look, the translation magic isn't perfect, it's not a coffin, it's a stasis chamber," Mike explained.
"It looks like a coffin!"
Mike closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
The King of Greenwold had arrived earlier that day and requested the aid of a thousand members of the Old Guard who would be willing to accept a Divine Blessing from the Goddess of Love.
Thanks to his previous appearance, where he'd donated thirty-four million mana crystals to help heal them and excluded them from paying taxes until everyone had been made whole, he hadn't lacked volunteers.
Quite a few of the men had joked about the benefits of becoming blessed by the Goddess of Love.
Mike had gone along to make sure they didn't do anything too stupid.
Everyone had been disappointed to discover that the divine blessing they were receiving was called 'The Universal Language,' and they were going to be helping process groups of people from all over Earth as they were placed into stasis after coming to Thayland.
There were two major problems. First was that they were processing active-duty, foreign military personnel, and second, the divine blessing translation could be a little... quirky.
It didn't help that none of the people being processed had received a detailed briefing, nor had they been given any time to adjust to the idea that they were going into magical stasis. In this particular instance, the soldier from Uzbekistan had only received written orders to muster at a training area, where he was to follow orders from a senior officer.
The senior officer hadn't arrived, so he'd followed the orders of another officer, but he hadn't been familiar with him, and apparently, the Uzbekistan Military structure suffered from a more robust competition for promotions, at least amongst the senior officers. In short, he wasn't entirely convinced the orders were legitimate, and after marching through a magic portal, he was balking at being asked to lie down in what, Mike had to admit, could be easily mistaken for a coffin.
"Any container that is designed for a human to lie down in, while minimizing the amount of space it takes up, is going to look a little bit like a coffin," Mike explained. "You've those crazy hotels in Japan on T.V., right? You crawl into a tiny box to sleep. This is pretty much the same thing."
The man paused and cocked his head to the side, then nodded slowly. "Their office workers sleep in them so they can work eighteen hours a day..." he muttered.
"Exactly," Mike agreed. "Look, the government needs to get all of you stashed away, so you can be the first out once the disaster is over."
He had no idea if that was true, but based on the personality types he'd encountered so far, catering to the man's ego was a solid tactic.
"You should paint them yellow or something," the man told him as he slowly lowered himself into the box.
"You're not the first to mention that," Mike replied with a sigh and a shrug, "but you know how the bosses are, right?"
The man nodded and opened his mouth, then froze as the stasis ritual completed.
"Right, finish boxing him up," Mike said curtly and moved away quickly, hoping to avoid any further issues.
They really should have chosen another color. Anything but black.
~------------~
As the cameras turned off, Elania allowed the confident smile to fall away as she strode out of the oval office.
"That was wonderful," Taylor said as she hurried to keep pace.
Elania snorted and shook her head at her chief of staff's comment. "I don't think there was any good way to deliver the news," she replied. "My fellow Americans, Magic is real and coming to destroy our civilization! Please report to the nearest extra-dimensional transfer site to seek refuge on an alien planet," she grimaced.
Elania had delivered the message with as much grace and commitment as she'd ever mustered in all her long years as a politician. She knew that her counterparts all around the world were doing the same thing, and while the tone and verbiage would differ, the message was the same across the world.
The talking heads, as well as some actual reporters, from every news outlet in the country had been 'volunteered' to visit Thayland and take a firsthand look and would be delivering a report right about now on every network.
Taylor smiled. "You were perfect, and you delivered the news better than anyone else could have," she reassured her.
Elania returned the smile. Taylor had long ago perfected the delicate balance of blowing smoke up her ass when it wasn't important and telling her the cold, hard truth when it was. They'd also been friends since college.
"Despite my delivery, and the networks reporting, I have a feeling that we are going to be looking at a significant public outcry," she sighed.
"Honestly, I think this is for the best," Taylor said as they walked towards the residence. "All the governments announcing the news at the same time lends a sort of credibility that only the crazies will disregard."
"I'm more worried about civil unrest," Elania grumbled. "There are people that if you tell them the world is ending, will immediately go out and start looting and vandalizing."
Taylor shook her head. "The ACLU is going to go nuts," she warned Elania for the tenth time.
"Honestly? Fuck them," Elania replied. "In these circumstances, dealing with opportunistic criminals is something we just don't have time for. I meant what I said in the address, anyone who tries to take advantage of the upcoming evacuation is going straight into stasis. The legal process can resume after everything is over and we are all back on Earth."
Comments
Rande Knight
Truth tellers would work early on, but I'm sure some organisations would get a liars skill on their spies to get past it. So only low level crimes of stupidity and high level crimes of politics?
Adam Roundfield
Simply making it impossible for people to successfully lie will allow for a legal system that is about as close to perfect as it is physically possible to get. There are always edge cases but taking away all ability of dissembling will make them vanishingly rare. Imagine if the justice system worked like it was supposed to in 9,999 out of 10,000 cases. Politicians hate this one weird trick...
Tequila Worm
Tyfc
Mike G.
> The legal process can resume after everything > is over and we are all back on Earth. I'm not usually a fan of that kind of arguments, but yeah, if they REALLY do unbox the "criminals" (who will be a mix of criminals, protesters, and some fraction of mis-targeted individuals, I'm guessing) then sure, this seems like the best way to keep things orderly and getting everyone through alive. However, I'd take the odds on that unboxing being delayed over and over again as reconstruction happens, governments collapse, etc... (Edit to add: isn't there a blessing of truth detection? This might be a good use for it, just for the "box or no" decision phase, even though it'd be kinda sorta really prejudicial. IANAL, so take this with a big grain of salt.)
John Dovey
TFTC
Andrew
Thank you!
Phoenix
Thanks for the great chapter!
