MonroeByJahx
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Chapter Three Hundred and Fifty-Six. Returning to the fold.
🕑 Added 2023-04-11 15:22:29 +0000 UTCThe Freedom appeared four million miles away from Earth, exiting the portal smoothly.
"And we're back," Bob reported as he tapped the screen in front of him, raising the masts to bring all of the sensors online.
"Is it weird that I'm kind of jonesing for an In and Out shake?" Amanda asked.
"I've been dreaming about an authentic deep-dish pizza for months," Mike replied. "It's been years since I've had one, but now that heart burn is a thing of the past, I can't wait to sink my teeth into one."
"No food talk," Dave said. "We're still a couple of days out, so let's not torment ourselves. No matter how badly I want my Arby's curly fries."
"How was the jump?" Jessica asked.
"Easy," Bob admitted. "I'm pushing a lot more power into my spells, even though my level is lower than it was."
"Attribute Affinities are amazing," Jessica agreed.
"Here we go, sensors are coming up," Dave announced.
Bob looked at the image projected above the table.
As the sensors fed information back into the computers, the image resolved into the familiar blue and white marble.
"Well, we didn't blow up the planet, so that's good, yeah?" Jessica said.
"I think we can all agree that Earth still being here was sort of the bare minimum," Amanda said.
"Sure, but if we set the bar nice and low, we just have more things to celebrate!" Jessica insisted.
"What's that?" Eddi asked, pointing at a tiny speck on the edge of the planet.
Bob tapped his armband, and the image shifted, zooming in to the area Eddi had indicated. The resolution wasn't great, but it looked like a sphere, which, while tiny in relation to the planet, had to be enormous to show up at all.
"That would be why it was better to jump in at a distance," Bob replied. "I'd bet Monroe's last bowl of fish that we're looking at a ship, and I'd further wager that there are more of them."
"Awesome!" Eddi cheered. "In a few more years, there will be an entire armada of ships! Then you'll colonize an entire galaxy!"
Bob shook his head.
Eddi had discovered Star Wars and, as the edgelord he was, had sided firmly with the Empire.
"It does solve the issue of a single event leading to the extinction of the human race," Dave agreed, "although we have enough people on Thayland that we don't really have that problem anymore."
"Honestly, once Earth has a couple dozen tier ten people, there isn't much they wouldn't be able to handle," Amanda said. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that if we had to, we could totally handle an Armageddon-style asteroid."
"There would be a lot breaking it into manageable chunks, but I'm sure we could," Bob agreed.
"And we're only tier eight," Amanda continued. "Imagine how awesome we'll be at tier ten."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Why does it have sails?" Elania asked.
Ed shook his head. "I asked NASA the same thing, and they said that while they could be for solar winds, there isn't enough surface area to be effective. I'm guessing here, but I'd bet that whatever they are used for, they fold down into the hull to make it easier to travel through a portal."
"We're sure it's Bob?" Elania looked over the images spread across her desk.
"It matches what we saw when he stopped by for his 'shopping trip' before the integration," The Secretary of Defense replied. "It's been over a year. Maybe they need to resupply. Repair spells will keep things rolling well past their projected failure points, but they were throwing things together at the last minute, and they probably discovered a few things they'd missed."
"Well, Bob's unlikely to constitute a deliberate threat to the country," Elania said.
"The ranchers in South Dakota have agreed, reluctantly, to ritually resize their dogs," Ed began. "Some of the more level headed amongst them proved that pony sized dogs were sufficient to keep their enhanced livestock in line, and that there was no need for them to be the size of Clydesdale," he said dryly. "Thanks to the swift application of healing magic, despite the massive number of casualties, there were no fatalities. I'm sure the Secretary of Agriculture will have more to add regarding the viability of twenty-foot tall cows."
Elania rubbed her temples.
She could understand where the farmers were coming from. America loved beef, milk, cheese, and butter. While the System Update had granted everyone the Harvest skill, which meant they'd been able to put meat back on the table, reliably, the meat itself was inconsistent. Every Dungeon was different, and to date only a few of them had monsters that produced any meat that bore a close resemblance to beef.
The farmers had discovered that one of the unwritten aspects of the System was that plants grew more quickly. It wasn't ritual magic quickly, but it did mean multiple harvests each year, which also meant the pasture replenished itself remarkably quickly. With more pasture than they could graze, and the reduction of their herds caused by errant damage from almost four months of massive monsters roaming about, it seemed a simple solution to make the cows bigger.
It had worked. Instead of a hundred pounds of milk a day, they'd gotten eight hundred. Production was up without having to increase the size of their herds, although certain modifications had been made to the milking equipment. Massive calves had been born, which was when things went wrong. Until this point, the cows had responded as they always had to the dogs the farmers used to guide them from pasture to pasture to barn. The calves had no such history to call on, and given the size discrepancy, had no respect for the hard working border collies.
The obvious solution was to make the dogs bigger.
Unfortunately, the cattle raised around forty pound dogs didn't respond well to the presence of two thousand pound canines, and they had stampeded, fleeing their pastures and running straight through a nearby town. It was a miracle no one had been killed outright.
"They are rebuilding their fences with the realities of eight ton cattle in mind?" She asked.
"I'd have to refer you to SecAg for the details," Ed replied.
"I suppose I should be grateful that all we have to worry about are rogue cattle," Elania sighed.
"It's been almost two months since the last Dungeon overflow," Ed said. "I think we've managed to hammer it into people's heads that the danger of an unregulated Dungeon isn't worth whatever the perceived benefits are, or at least we've convinced the people who have the knowhow to build one."
"No other threats on the board?" Elania asked.
"Mostly quiet," Ed replied.
"Thank you, I'll let you get back to work," Elania smiled and stood up to reach over the desk and shake Ed's hand. "Would you wave Taylor in?" She asked.
"Of course, Madam President," Ed replied as he moved to the door.
Taylor strode through the door as soon as Ed had exited, her hands full of at least a dozen folders.
Elania slumped down in her chair, wondering not for the first time why she had ever wanted this job.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh, Booooob," Amanda called lightly, breaking Bob's concentration and causing this spell pattern to collapse.
Bob looked up to see Amanda skip into the cabin, smiling brightly.
"What?" He asked suspiciously.
He'd gotten to know Amanda better over the past few years, and he'd learned that she had what might best be termed as an 'impish' nature. A smiling, happy Amanda did not bode well.
"You know how we've been picking up radio transmissions?" She asked gleefully.
"I am aware," Bob replied carefully.
"You've got to hear this," she beamed as she tapped her armband.
"For when the wave threatened to wash away the innocent in a tide of blood, did he sit idly behind the walls?" A voice, crackling slightly with static, came from her armband. "When the children fled the wave, unable to reach safety, were doomed, did he turn his back? Did he say 'Those are not my children?' No! No, he did not! Not even of that world, he threw himself in front of the wave! Though it washed over him, he did not break! He stood before the wave and said, 'You will not take them!'"
Bob listened horror as he heard other voices in the background shouting their agreement, interspersed with calls of 'The Reef!'
"That's right! The Reef, where the waves break! This was the first time he displayed his true nature, where he earned that title."
"No," Bob shook his head, "no, no, no."
"Alone that would serve as inspiration to us all, but did he rest? Content?" The voice asked.
"No!" A chorus of voices shouted.
"No, he did not! He worked diligently to discover a way for everyone to stand up the way he did. Because he knew that if he showed people the way, they would follow! Despite the threats of death from the cruel nobility of that world, he spread the word of the Path of the Endless, caring not for his only life, but the lives it would save! How can we not compare him to the apostles? But even that wasn't the full measure of the man! When he became aware of the day of reckoning, he worked tirelessly to bring us salvation! We've seen the achievement the President boasts. Can there be any doubt that his is greater? The System itself offers proof of his goodness!"
"We haven't seen him for some time now, but we've seen proof that his good works continue. I know that when we need him, he'll return to show us the path! When that day comes, will you stand with him? Will you fight alongside He Who Walks Before?" The voice demanded.
"YES!" The crowd roared.
Amanda tapped her screen again as Bob looked at her in horror.
"That was a baptist," she grinned. "Apparently the catholics are pressing for sainthood."
Jessica slipped into the room, her smile brilliant.
"You played it for him without me," she accused as she pulled Amanda into a hug.
"I think it broke him a little," Amanda said.
"Oh, it's not so bad," Jessica said as moved to Bob's side, tucking her arm under his and patting it consolingly. "We'll keep the lunatics at bay, yeah?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Madam President, Robert Whitman is calling."
"Put him through," Elania said, waving for Taylor to take a seat as she tapped the phone to put the call on speaker.
"Good afternoon, Bob," she said as the line lit up.
"Good afternoon, Ms. President," Bob's voice seemed a touch deeper. "The King of Greenwold has a proposal for you, and he sort of shanghaied me into delivering it when I told him I was coming back to Earth for a vacation."
"It's hard to say no to a Dragon, isn't it?" Elania commiserated.
"Yes, yes it is," Bob sighed. "I was hoping you could pencil me into your schedule at some point?"
Taylor held up her tablet, which displayed her calendar, pointing to Thursday, ten am.
"I can make some time for you in two days," Elania said. "Thursday, ten am."
"Great," Bob replied, relief evident in his voice. "It's ok if we park the Freedom in orbit over LA? That's where almost everyone's friends and extended families are."
"I'll have your call transferred to NASA to confirm that," The President replied. "Are you vacationing in LA?"
"Not really," Bob said. "The plan was to go back to Hawaii."
"I'm sure you and Monroe will enjoy yourselves," Elania said. "I'll see you Thursday."
"Thank you, Ms. President," Bob replied, ending the call.
"I wonder what the King of Greenwold wants?" Taylor mused.
"I wonder how Bob managed to not only reach tier eight, but level up quickly enough to feel confident in returning to Earth, especially after what happened in Alaska," Elania said.
"Oh, yeah, that reminds me, DARPA wanted to be notified if Bob showed up again," Taylor said as she began tapping at her tablet.
"I'm not really worried about DARPA, they just want to pick his brain." Elania shook her head. "We're pretty sure it was a joint operation between Pakistan and China, but we don't have quite enough evidence to say definitively. Neither one of those countries have been particularly pleased with the meritocracy imposed by the System, and it's not outside the realm of possibility that they might try to grab him again."
"Should I have the service put together a threat assessment for him?" Taylor asked, not looking up from her tablet.
"Yes," Elania said. "We'll provide it to him on Thursday, alongside whatever DARPA replies with. Hopefully, the former will earn some goodwill toward the latter."
"Do you think we should warn him about Hawaii?" Taylor looked up from her tablet with a grin.
"I think he'll enjoy that particular surprise," Elania replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, that was easy," Bob said suspiciously.
"You've had a pretty good working relationship with the President, right?" Amanda asked. "Why wouldn't it be easy?"
"Can we take a moment to reflect on the fact that Bob has a working relationship with the President of the United States of America?" Dave countered. "I mean, if you had told me four years ago that an old D&D buddy was going to just call up the President and get added to her schedule? How is this our life?"
"I'm more concerned about where I'm going to find a bikini, yeah?" Jessica said. "I'm not super keen on stitching one together myself, but I don't know if the fashion industry is making anything in our size."
"I hope they've made some new movies," Eddi said excitedly.
"I hope there are new episodes of 'The Young and the Restless,'" Wayna added.
While Wayna shared Eddi's enthusiasm for Jurassic Park, she had taken quite the liking to American soap operas.
"I hope no one tries to kidnap us again," Bob grumbled.
"Just keep Monroe in check so we can question them this time," Mike grumbled.
"Yeah, that's not really necessary," Harv said. "As long as you get the bodies to me within an hour, I can question them. Dead men, it turns out, do tell tales. At least they do to necromancers," he finished with a grim smile. "No reason to not let Monroe be Monroe."
"So our first stop will be reactivating our phones so we can maintain communications," Mike said. "Once we've done that, I imagine we'll all scatter." He looked at Bob. "Can I get you to portal me to Chicago? I've got some friends there I'd like to catch up with."
"Sure," Bob nodded. "I don't really have anyone I need to see, so I can play taxi for anyone who needs to go afield."
"Brilliant," Jessica purred, "you can take me to Sydney, then. We'll do some shopping, grab a bite to eat, and I'll introduce you to my parents."
Comments
HeartPiercingSpear
And that kids is how you grab the bull Bob by his horns.
X Blade
lol
Milton Skipper
woot Saint Bob! thank you
Tequila Worm
Tyfc
Andrew
Thank you!
TargetDrone
well... this time vacation should be a lot easier with earth now having mana too ;)
Mike G.
"I'll introduce you to my parents." LOL, poor Bob...
