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August (2024) Bonus Chapter
🕑 Added 2024-08-31 20:58:13 +0000 UTCGlopfinger - Part 2/2
August Bonus Chapter
“Well, if it isn’t the Scholar who keeps putting strange ideas in my Firana’s head.”
Nothing like waking up to Glopfinger’s snorting laugh. My arms were strapped down, and my head was spinning. I just hoped Glopfinger wouldn’t start with a villainous tirade until my head settled down, but he wasn't going to give me the courtesy.
“As you can see, my servant has captured you,” he boasted in his victory. “As a special service for poisoning my Firana’s head, you will be able to see a genuine Glopfinger heirloom, a magical blade said to have been enchanted by Runeweaver Baram himself! Activate the Rotation Blade!”
It was a table saw—a magical table saw, but a table saw nonetheless—and I was strapped to the table. The sawblade moved incredibly slowly, and I didn’t want to be on its path. It looked like it could cut an Iceshard Boar in half. I had to talk my way out of this.
“Do you expect me to talk?” I asked.
“No, Mister Clarke, I expect you to die,” Glopfinger replied.
Well, giving fake intel was out of the question. Or was it?
“If I die, the Marquis will know immediately and will send someone else,” I said in my calmest voice. It really helped that the table saw was moving slower than a snail through a salt mine.
Glopfinger laughed maniacally before that horrible snort cut it short. “The Marquis can send whomever he’d like. I think you’ll find that I can’t be stopped.”
The sawblade had barely moved an inch.
“You misunderstand me, Glopfinger,” I said. “No one will come for me, but the Marquis will send someone to the orphanage—Istvan Kiln, fifteen years old. I already have a Zealot standing by to witness the marriage. If you kill me now, you will never marry Firana.”
The expression on Lord Glopfinger’s face soured immediately.
“Well played, Mister Clarke. You get to live. For now.”
He gestured to his goons, who turned off the saw and released me from the table.
“Our current location has been made known. Blindfold and gag him. We’re going to… the Farm.”
After a very bumpy ride across Farcrest, I was thrown into a dark and damp room. I went to work removing the hood they had put over my head and the gag.
“Corin?!” I asked, staring at the person outside the cell.
“In this line of work, people have different names, Mister Clarke. You can call me Deliveries Aplenty.”
I suppressed my sigh. I needed to punish Ginz for this insanity later.
“Are you also Glopfinger’s prisoner?” I asked. If Firana was his type, maybe her doppelgänger had also struck his fancy. The Aias blood was strong in both girls.
“No, Mister Clarke, I’m sick and tired of you getting in the way of Firana restoring the Aias Mercenaries,” Corin dramatically said.
“You know he wants to kidnap her and force her to marry him, right?” I asked, fully rubbing my face at this ridiculousness.
“Glopfinger is also paying me a lot to deliver Firana to him. I’ll just tell her the truth, and she’ll come with me and tell him her answer on his face. Firana will be fine. She’s an adult.”
No, Corin, she isn’t an adult, and neither are you. But I didn’t say that. Instead, I struck deeper.
“I don’t think Zaon would approve of this,” I said with my best teacher’s voice.
I knew I had gotten through to her because she turned her face away from me. Of course, she didn’t say anything else. Maybe I wasn’t as rusty with the voice as I had thought. Without saying more, Corin turned around and left. My hands were still tied, so I did the only logical thing. Trying to make an escape. I channeled my mana and cut the straps.
In the end, none of Ginz’s crappy gadgets had been helpful.
I exerted mana into a small, white, crackling knife to cut the metal bars. Before I could start with the operation, [Awareness] pinged me, and I overheard a familiar annoying voice. Glopfinger and more of his goons.
“And then we’ll steal her sword using Glopsilk to carry it out. Using that as bait, we’ll lure her in. Easy peasy.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what Glopsilk was.
“But boss, why are you telling us this? Isn’t the other group of guys the ones with all the Glopsilk?”
“Good point. Strange Duty, kill them.”
I decided I would keep going. This whole mission was getting beyond stupid. Whatever plans they had would be easier to deal with at the right end of a hot half-elf with a shotgun. Clarke’s Angels had more of a ring to it than something with ‘Glopfinger’ in it, anyway.
“Hey! What are you doing!” A voice suddenly broke my daydreaming as I was making my escape.
“Corin!” I stammered, and she gave me a tired glance. I wasn’t using her spy name. “Deliveries Aplenty!”
Corin nodded approvingly and pointed a knife at me. I knew she was fast, but I didn’t want to hurt her, even if she was being monumentally stupid for siding with Glopfinger.
“Do something stupid, and I’ll tell Zaon you said he had a stupid haircut.”
Coring winced and raised her hands in defeat. There was a good chance that she would get hurt if she continued entertaining Glopfinger’s charade, and I wasn’t going to abandon her. That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to have to face the music, however.
“You do know I’m never tipping you for a delivery again, right?”
Corin genuinely looked hurt at that remark. Still, we rushed through the dungeon. We bumped into Glopfinger in time to see his butler, Strange Duty, dragging out the dead body of one of his goons. I didn’t want to imagine what the poor goon had done to attract Glopfinger’s wrath upon itself.
“Your plan will never work, Glopfinger! Only the members of the Aias family can touch the Aias Sword,” I said.
Glopfinger started to monologue instantly. “Oh, the plan about Glopsilk? That was just a ruse. My real plan—”
I refused to believe Glopfinger was the scheming mastermind Prince Adrien thought.
“Do you even have a plan? A real plan, I mean?” I said, exasperated. “Corin, he’s clearly a total moron. Do you really think he’s even going to pay you? You might as well work for bandits with a giant sign that says ‘We will kill you instead of paying up’ next to a stack of Courier corpses.”
At least Corin had the decency to look away from me when she didn’t have a good answer. Lord Glopfinger, however, couldn’t read the room.
“As I was saying, my real plan is to use Corin as a body double for Firana, so nobody will expect anything is wrong until it is too late. We even have a Zealot in town to conduct the marriage,” Glopfinger laughed.
Corin looked at him, betrayed.
“Go get some sleep, Mister Clarke, because after you watch my marriage to Firana, I won’t need you anymore.”
I wondered if he really expected that rinky-dink barn to hold me.
“Oh, I know what you are thinking now, Mister Clarke,” Glopfinger said. “No punny prison will hold me. Well, I have bad news for you. It was all part of my plan.”
The next thing I knew was his butler slapping a pair of mana-blocking cuffs on me.
This was getting too old too quickly.
—
The next morning, Corin woke me up and brought me to a carriage. She seemed to be in a bad mood. I assumed that Glopfinger’s real plans weren’t to her liking, but I didn’t say anything. If Corin was going to help me, it was better to remain silent. Talking about anything would just make Glopfinger more suspicious.
I was pulled onto a carriage by Glopfinger’s weird butler.
Glopfinger was dressed to kill, and I knew he was planning to try to marry Firana that day. Well, I thought it would also be a good suit for his funeral. I just hoped the other nobles would understand there was no other way. He sat down across from me and gave me a winning grin.
“Strange Duty, it looks like Mister Clarke has something to say. Rectify that.” Glopfinger ordered.
I got gagged before I could utter a word.
Corin sat down next to me, and the carriage started moving.
“Now that I’ve heard everything you had to say, let me tell you what your role will be, Mister Clarke,” Glopfinger started to monologue. “We’re going straight to your little orphanage. We’ll then use you as a hostage to get my bride. That way, you’ll be finally helping me like you should have from the start.”
Wasn’t his plan to use Corin as a body double? I was too tired to follow the man’s delusions.
Glopfinger laughed and snorted for the whole duration of the carriage ride. The handcuffs stopped me from covering my ears, and the gag stopped me from telling him to shut up. After an eternity, we arrived at the orphanage, and he stopped laughing. Strange Duty helped him out. Corin gave me a wink and handed me something that felt like a small piece of iron—a lockpick.
Unlike Ginz’s, Corin’s gadgets worked. I unlocked the anti-magic shackles, but I left them in place to keep up appearances. Corin was let out of the carriage to go with Lord Glopfinger, but much to my dismay, Strange Duty stayed behind. The man must’ve had orders to deal with me because he immediately attacked. I knew he was faster and stronger than me, but he wasn’t expecting what happened when he tried to punch me.
Fortifier barriers just acted as simple shields, and while I could emulate them, I could also do one better. I was like a porcupine but with burning mana instead of spikes. Strange Duty’s fists cracked against my barrier. I did my best to strike back, but his skin was like punching a tree. I ducked a hit, and my barrier tanked another blow, but I was not going to last long. My only saving grace was that the confined space made it hard for the bowtied bastard to bash me.
Quickly forming an illusion, I made it look like I was ducking right when I ducked left. I took the only weapon I had on me, the anti-mana shackles, and slammed it across Strange Duty’s wrist. His barrier faltered for a moment as the suppressing handcuff latched on, but without both cuffs on, he was able to adjust and still fight.
I could feel my barrier about to break, so I went on the offensive before I could run out of mana. I fortified the edge of my hand and karate-chopped him, but my blow met some resistance from a half-formed barrier. Despite drawing blood, the hit wasn’t fully incapacitating. Strange Duty wavered. I used the moment to catch his free hand and slam the other cuff on his wrist.
Without his magic powers, my opponent was just a normal human, albeit well-trained. I was able to kick him back just long enough to draw mana directly from the fountain and slam him into the wall of the carriage. I felt cold as the Mana Depletion encroached on my body, but he was out. The carriage’s interior was mangled, and my shoulder was probably dislocated. I took off the gag and looked around in half a daze.
I had no time to waste. I needed to stop the wedding. I jumped out of the carriage and started to sprint out, only to run into a familiar figure almost immediately.
“Well, if it isn’t everyone's least favorite Scholar?” Captain Kiln groaned as she pushed me from the concrete wall that was her body. Behind her, there were quite a few guards. “We’ve taken Lord Glopfinger into our custody. Corin here delivered your message that Glopfinger would be coming today to try and kidnap Firana, so we were ready to arrest him when he stepped inside.”
Corin popped out from behind Captain Kiln with an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry, Mister Clarke, I was under deep cover to protect Firana. I hope you don’t feel too bad.”
I exhaled a long sigh of relief. The madness was over, and I wasn’t sure [Awareness] could make sense of everything that had happened in the last few days. I sighed yet again, not sure if Corin was going to receive any tips for a while.
—
After getting cleaned up, I got ready to meet the prince and inform him about the fate of Lord Glopfinger. I was covered in bruises, but Elincia insisted on rubbing some new salve of her own making into my face. After a few minutes, I felt nearly as good as new.
I opened the door to the carriage and let Elincia in. I climbed up after her.
Firana was safe, and the reunion was really just a formality at this point since Glopfinger was already in custody with his butler. Whose real name apparently was Frank, a wanted bandit. Admittedly, I just wanted to stay home with Elincia. I wanted to watch a movie and take a long nap after the whole ordeal. The carriage started moving, and I leaned on Elincia.
“Long day for my Battle Scholar turned secret agent?” Elincia jokingly asked.
“I don’t want to be a spy anymore,” I mumbled without lifting my head.
Suddenly, the top of the entire carriage blew off. Before us, Glopfinger was sword-fighting with the driver. Behind us, there was Captain Kiln and the knights riding on skeeths.
“Give it up, Glopfinger, you can’t escape justice!” The guards screamed.
“Can I just get one night alone with Rob? You’re worse than our kids!” Elincia screamed at him.
“There are no happy endings for you, Mister Clarke!” Lord Glopfinger replied as he slashed the hand of the driver, who dropped his sword.
The sword slid over the carriage, and I grabbed it instinctively.
Swordfighting Lv. 5 flooded into my muscle memory. I jumped to my feet, ready to put an end to the nuisance. [Awareness] told me of all the ways I could perform impromptu surgery on Glopfinger’s heart. I doubted he had a single rank of any combat skill. Lord Glopfinger lunged at me, and my training took over. Without even raising my sword, I sidestepped and he flew off the back of the carriage.
Glopfinger fell to the ground and was trampled by the skeeths.
Elincia jumped to the front and grabbed the reins of the carriage until it completely stopped. The driver jumped down and walked down the street, where the Skeeth Knights were checking on Glopfinger’s body. Instead of waiting, Elincia flicked the reins and put the carriage in movement.
“No time for bureaucracy,” she said, pulling a bottle of wine from under the driver’s seat and winking at me.
------
AN: I have strong opinions about Goldfinger (1964).
Comments
bcd051
Thanks for this, really enjoyed it
Trevayne
Thanks for the chapters and for not making us wait a month.
I Dare Korval
Trampled by Skeeth,... nope he still deserved worse. Maybe have the potato god drag him into the garden bed depths to be fertilizer. :P
