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Newly Summoned Demoness: Side Story Two (Part Four)

🕑 Added 2023-12-08 05:19:42 +0000 UTC

Comments

Zed

very last > very least?

Aphanvahrius

"In the end it didn’t matter, even without the mana shard. She would have let Emerald Eyes put the collar on." This would probably be better as: "In the end it didn’t matter. Even without the mana shard, she would have let Emerald Eyes put the collar on."

Aphanvahrius

"It wasn’t hard to feed [Power] into [Darkwalker] and then cloth ripped her gear fell to the ground around her as she morphed into an oversized panther-shape." The "then cloth ripped her gear" seems weird here.


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