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Chapter 55 - Dungeon (Part 2) / Lesser Demon

🕑 Added 2021-04-05 01:21:28 +0000 UTC

Comments

RedPine

Typing on mobile is hard. Anyway, i dont mean lengthy backstories, i mean getting to know what they look like by having their clothes as nd personalities interact with the environment. Blood splatters on guardsman cliak, dagger didnt pierce leather armor, guard recognizes henri and makes a remark, ie incidental exposition as opposed to exposition dump. Some of that was done for yolanias clothes, but not her appearance or personality, henri has almost nothing yet. They need longer, slower chapters. The time skip was a fun idea, but needed more time to cook. Timeskip would work better if we had a 3rd character recap pov, such as henri reporting the events of the timeskip to his boss before returning to babysitting duty.

RedPine

Definitely need time to get to know henry and yolania. You have to present a characters initial state before you can explore character growth and development.

RedPine

I dont think Elania has too much common sense and maslovs pyramid issues to sort. out before considering romance of any sort.

Jonathan Wint

I think it more fun if she BI but no idea she IS! She seemed to think Yolani was really Pretty and her lap so so soft when she was half out of it. lol

Erios909

Elania might be bisexual... I think it was hinted at a long time ago. ^^"

Jonathan Wint

Hmm Shades of Yuri with Yolani? Not that I am Complaining!


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