Hunter Mythos
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159. Team Childhood: Comedy
🕑 Added 2022-12-21 16:42:12 +0000 UTCJay was in a world of pain from tanking his wife’s spellcraft. The ground was molten slag under his feet. The air was superheated and scalding. His Immortal Enders outfit survived, but he now looked more like a roughed-up ruffian than a suave black-cloaked rogue.
YoAnna’s spellcraft trap had a teensy bit of divine annihilation magic added to it, so it definitely left an impression on most if not all of the immortals. They might have felt very mortal then.
If she had been going all out with the power to destroy Texas, Jay and all of the central immortals could’ve died together. That would’ve been a knee slapper of a comical ending, but that wasn’t fated in this battle.
Some immortals endured the blast better than most and started reacting like professionals, which were going to pose problems. Jay went after the weakest ones quickly to reduce the odds for Team Childhood.
Jay took out Cleopatra first to eliminate the use of spatial-magic on the Benefactors’ side. Anansi was up next on the chopping block to cut down their trickster angle– but Zeus started using one of his three names that had overpowered magic involved.
Jay felt a lurching sensation. He heard the winding of a clock getting moved by an invisible hand.
“No rewind,” Jay muttered bitterly, slipping through the folds of space-time.
After a trip through the dimensional gap where eldritch madness was all the rage, Jay reappeared in front of a ten-foot man dressed in linothorax armor. The one known firstly as Zeus wielded a big round shield and white lightning fashioned into a spear taller than him.
Upon arrival, Jay used the same trick he’d learned in the Spider Palace Dungeon to disrupt overpowered magic. He unloaded the full might of his Gravity Affinity while enhanced by abyssal energy, and he added [Situational Gravity] into the mix for that extra bit of prominent leverage.
Abyssal gravity magic clashed with Zeus’s time magic. Jay sacrificed his Chance Status to pump as much abyssal power as possible into his Gravity Affinity slam.
He barely managed to eke out a win.
The time-magic snapped like a brittle stick, stopping the clock from resetting. Zeus slammed down to a knee as Jay’s Abyssal Gravity Affinity cratered the molten street and splashed aside gallons of liquid tarmac and rock. Jay’s affinity knocked down or imbalanced the nearest immortals around Zeus as well– the giant and multiarmed Atlas, the darkened giantess Gaia, the war-ready and heavily armored Hercules, the cruel and sensational Athena, and the chasm-born and corpse-like Hades.
Each of the Greek immortals had three powerful names, and their legends and renown were so great, Jay’s best deterrent against spatial magic and time magic could only squeak out a small victory and pin them for just a scant moment. To his credit, he managed to save Team Childhood from time-shenanigans.
Then everything fell to shit from there.
Zeus thunder-rushed forward, the rim of his lightning-covered shield aimed at crushing Jay into the ground. Hades moved second, swinging out a dripping wet chain with a giant-fish hook at the end, the weapon rattling toward Jay’s left to cut-off an escape option. At the same time, Athena shot a bunch of arrows from a mystical bow fashioned out of gnarled wood and vines, the tip of each arrow glowing faint pink as it punched through the air to Jay’s right, cutting off another escape avenue. Hercules leaped upward while brandishing a big metal-club with a lion’s head on it, promising to swat Jay out of the air if he tried to go upward.
The last two Greeks turned on Gatanna and double-teamed her like it was a giant version of a WWE wrestling match. Gilgamesh swung his giant axe, clashed with YoAnna’s mace, and sent the twenty-five foot [Godling] flying off her feet and into the building behind her. King Arthur rounded up the African immortals and started hunting after Jay’s friends and the other familiars.
All at once, Team Childhood found themselves on the back foot. It was a lot to take in. But they fought like desperate dogs, anyway. Or tried to.
Jay had some of Earth’s Mightiest right in front of him as he pumped himself up with gravitons and grew an extra couple of feet, holding his sword with both hands to block the shield-strike with the flat of the blade. Lightning magic coursed through the sword and into Jay’s arms as he hoped beyond hope that he wouldn’t get paralyzed.
You’ve been affected by lightning paralysis!
Fuck!
He shouldn’t have sacrificed his Chance Status. Now the enemies had Chance advantages against him. And he could see it in the clean-shaven, cocky smirk of Zeus. The leader of the Greek immortals was going to take full advantage of Jay’s weakness.
Zeus didn’t hog all the fun to himself as he took a well-timed step back and let Hercules crash down like a small mountain. Jay centered his gravital powers on Zeus, using him to orbit around and avoid Hercules’ overhead club smash.
Jay had to move to his right, however, where Athena’s arrows cut through the air. The projectiles sliced past his sides until one punctured his shoulder with a hard thunk! It wasn’t a deep wound, but it pumped charm magic into Jay’s body. Only Kleo’s home fortification could defend against it, if only barely. Any more arrows might break past Kleo’s defense for his body and charm Jay, letting Athena control his mind.
And that was the least of Jay’s concerns as Zeus automatically shifted from behind Hercules and thrust his lightning spear– not at Jay– but at the magic centered around himself, breaking off Jay’s [Gravital Supremacy] Skill. Jay switched to using Hercules as the center of his Skill, but the mighty immortal did the darndest thing Jay had rarely seen from anyone.
Hercules dodged the field of magic that would near instantly enclose on Jay’s target, slipping through the tiniest gap available. Without Hercules serving as his gravital center, Jay switched to using his personal gravity powers to fly back and evade, all while suffering lightning paralysis.
It did not work.
Zeus chased without presenting any openings, thrusting out his spear as Jay tried to fall away. Athena cut off upward movements with a curtain of magic arrow fire that would tear Jay apart. Or take over his mind. Hercules moved like a blur to Jay’s left to block off that angle. And Hades kept lashing out with his chain, the tip of his hook seeking to render and catch Jay. If Jay got hooked, then Hades would reel Jay in, both body and soul– just like what Hades had done to Amanda.
With all his escape routes cut off except for going backward, Jay fell in a predictable path. Zeus chased him down with rocketing thunder steps and a constant onslaught of spear thrusts.
Damn the Multiverse, spears were the worst!
Each thrust slipped past Jay’s pathetic, paralysis-laden attempts to block with his golden sword. But Jay’s failed attempts were the only thing keeping Zeus from running through Jay’s heart or skull.
From the eager look on Zeus’s face, Jay could tell the immortal was fine with giving Jay a death of a thousand cuts. Zeus nicked Jay on the arms, the legs, and everywhere the lightning spear could strike and refresh Jay’s paralysis. This was while Jay’s Eldritch Monkey Scion was at the zenith of its power along with all of Jay’s other powers. These immortals were true monsters. And they had damn good teamwork and strategies to back it up.
Zeus swiveled around with an even faster step that mixed his thunderous movements with time magic. He took Jay’s right side as Hercules barreled down the center and shoulder rammed Jay into the ground.
Hercules and Jay tumbled and fought like bears, but one was bigger and stronger than the other. Jay struggled to use the grappling he knew. Hercules was too experienced. He smashed Jay’s face into a cobblestone sidewalk, grabbed him by the ankle, and swung Jay around. Hercules batted Jay through the corner of an apartment complex, scattering rubble everywhere. He kept swinging and battering Jay through walls or onto the ground until he stopped to hold Jay over his head like a caught game animal.
Both Athena and Hades had an easy shot at Jay with their arrows and hook throws. The two immortals competed with each other like it was a game to see if they could ensnare Jay’s mind or take Jay’s soul.
Jay dropped the golden sword, becoming bare handed.
All the immortals sneered at him as arrows punctured Jay’s chest and the hook dug into his side. Right in the liver, too. The pain was almost too much to bear. Jay endured it all.
“This is the end of your foolishness, child,” Zeus said.
“This is the start of your ass-whooping, oldster,” Jay replied, his voice purring with deep and primal gravitas. He slipped into the folds of space-time once more. The timing was on point, leaving behind the arrows, the hook, and the magic attempts to break his body’s fortifications.
This played into one of Team Childhood’s battle plans when they eventually found the overwhelming power of the immortals a bit too much of a problem. The best solution was to swap some of their partners.
As Jay escaped from Zeus’s posse, YoAnna challenged the space between her and the Olympians. She slipped away from Gilgamesh’s overhead axe chop, the mightiest Benefactor carving an entire building instead of YoAnna’s head.
The [Godling] appeared faster than a blink behind Zeus’s posse. She stomped the back of Athena, snapping the immortal’s spine and crushing her into the ground. YoAnna’s mace came down on Hades at the same time, taking the immortal by the shoulder and breaking it. Zeus tried to use his time magic again, but a flex of YoAnna’s willpower and a touch of High Divinity denied him his time-shenanigans.
Before Zeus and Hercules could respond appropriately, YoAnna grabbed Athena’s little head in her large gauntleted hand. Athena screamed for mercy, but her cries fell on deaf ears.
The Benefactors had slandered and antagonized the teenage goddess far too much, burning away any opportunity of mercy from YoAnna. And Athena had tried to mind-rape Jay, the husband of the technical queen of the universe.
With a savage and beautiful smile enhanced by the scar seen through her open-face helmet, the [Godling] yanked Athena’s head free from her body. YoAnna took a bit of the spinal cord with the head, too, like a Mortal Kombat fatality.
Now they had 23 immortal heads remaining.
Jay’s repositioning was not a swap. Instead, he arrived just in the nick of time before King Arthur and the African immortals killed his friends and familiars.
Kleo had to play pure defense against Anansi to block off his trickster magic. It was a dangerous game for her to play because Anansi had the spider-theme to him– and Kleo, despite being laevateinn, was not thematically strong against spiders. And worse yet, Jay’s reduced Chance Status made Kleo’s fairy-nature weaker.
So, Jay walked into pure and utter chaos right when Kleo got caught on a web. Hundreds of dark and demonic spiders converged on her, promising to drain away her magic rather than outright kill her.
Mike propped himself on rubble, struggling to hold his Anti-Immortal Rifle that contained the last ball shot inside. He was missing his right arm and leg– and those might not ever grow back as Mike boldly faced King Arthur. The immortal wielded the most powerful sword here, and a staff with powerful nuking magic that could punch through Mike’s defensives.
Lilith laid face down, drowning in blood that leaked everywhere. Fuzzy struggled to crawl with mangled wings and legs to get to Lilith’s potion pouch. The Bug Cherub was the most fragile person here. One of the African immortals stalked behind her as if preparing to squash her under foot.
Cutie couldn’t do anything while lying as a limbless torso off to the side. And that was a horrible thing for Cutie to suffer, forced to remain 'alive' while she watched the others struggle in the throes of death.
King Arthur and the African immortals were overwhelming for Jay’s friends. Mike and Lilith lacked the Eldritch Monkey Scion’s toughness or YoAnna’s divine greatness. They two had amazing magic or alchemist defenses, but they were facing some of the cruelest or most powerful immortals here. Thus, Jay had no choice but to repay that cruelty with theatrics.
“Your head is next King Arthur,” Jay said with the greatest amount of Conviction he could muster. He had a large amount, something he raised during a time when Brit was considered his greatest threat. And Jay had Conviction boosters, too. So when he used his [Commanding Gravitas] and [Headhunter] Talents together, King Arthur would feel the horrible premonition that his end was near.
“I am the great king of Britain!” roared Arthur, turning away from Mike.
The immortal raised his staff as it filled with more lightning magic– the immortals probably pegged that as Jay’s weakness, which was turning out to be the case. At the same time, two African immortals repositioned behind Jay and started charging up big magic blasts of sand and sunlight. Anansi peered from around the corner while Kibuka held off from crushing Cutie’s head to watch the theatrics.
They had Jay surrounded. But Jay only needed to kill two of them to make a point, which was why Jay didn’t unleash the blackish purple energy surrounding him just yet. He needed to elevate the theatrics before he used his Abyssal Gravity Affinity trick with a bit more nuance. And with loads and loads of more power. Jay was at x1 CM, which was the most optimal stat for [Eyes of the Abyssal Monk].
With a flex of his willpower, Jay fixed his gravity magic around the bodies of the two African immortals’ charging their blasts of sand and sunlight. It was too late for them to dodge away or defend themselves, for they believed Jay’s self-deception wholeheartedly that he was aiming to kill Arthur next. At the last second, Jay revealed the truth of his ruse.
He crushed the bodies of the Africans whose names Jay didn’t even bother to think much of. Jay turned them into dense little flesh spheres the size of a marble each. Jay only spared the heads as they popped free like soda caps from a mentos and coke bomb explosion.
Now 21 immortal heads remained.
That display of grotesque and overwhelming power flabbergasted all of the immortals. Mike raised his rifle towards King Arthur for the last time. Kleo pushed through the horror of getting torn apart by spiders and used [Situational Gravity] on Mike to leverage this great moment of prominence, calamity, and world-reverberating magnitude. And just to up the ante further, Jay also used [Cosmic Showrunner] on Mike to push his friend into further heights of greatness.
Mike gained a dynamic and showy blue cape that circled at the end like a portal. His hood shrouded his face, leaving only his hyper portal eyes shining through. And the hood shaped itself into a grand wizard hat of cosmic blue lights. All of this hyped up the moment for Mike to shoot the greatest shot Earth had ever seen yet.
Mike’s attack went wide past Arthur. He seemed to have missed his shot.
Jay’s heart sank.
Arthur realigned his lightning blast on Jay and struck true. The last thing Jay could do was [Gravity Grasp] Kleo free from the fangs and legs of Anansi’s spiders. After that, he blacked out for a moment.
He snapped awake at the end of being blasted through a clothing warehouse, all of its wares combusting into a huge vortex of flames. Jay laid in a melted crater in the street, suffering absolute agony while his Health was at its lowest.
King Arthur followed the trail of destruction he’d made. Anansi and Kibuka followed behind him. They were so caught-up with trying to kill Jay, they didn’t bother to finish off Jay’s friends.
If Fuzzy could get to Lilith’s pouch, she could save them. If not that– and if YoAnna couldn’t use a High Divinity cheat yet– then Jay was prepared to dig deep for some anime power. Because he refused to lose anyone from this team–
Gatanna’s cry in pain rang out as she continued to get pummeled closer to death. Gilgamesh linked up with Zeus, Hades, and Hercules to beat down on YoAnna with brutal ferocity. With each defining hit, they drove the [Godling] closer to death– she had to truly risk her existence to fight alongside her childhood friends.
The immortals could get what they deeply desired. They could kill YoAnna and have the System Apocalypse go in their favor, harboring the power of the Multiverse for the masters of old rather than allowing something new and different to live.
Jay struggled to his feet while feeling as if this moment would further define him as a man. His gear was torn to shreds, hanging off him in ragged strips. He was beaten down, bloodied, and completely wrecked, his hair mostly gone except for a few patches. He could barely move without seizing up from lightning paralysis, his greatest weakness.
He knew deep down he would never get lightning resistance. The narrative was now settled on Jay being weak to lightning.
He could see the desperation in King Arthur’s eyes. No arrogance. No boldness. Only a cold and brutal fear that wanted to kill Jay. The once great king of Britain raised his legendary sword. Excalibur glinted its brightest upon this fateful moment.
“Do not fear death, old man. Embrace it with a smile,” Jay said.
“I will never embrace death!” Arthur started swinging his sword.
Mike’s last shot finished its roundabout course around Paris. It blasted through the back of Arthur and curved up an inch from hitting Jay in the head.
If anyone thought Mike had missed his shot, they were proven wrong. Mike had merely predicted a future where King Arthur would be very vulnerable. The outrage on Arthur’s face after getting a giant hole punched through his torso was one of the greatest looks Jay had seen from an enemy yet.
Too hurt to follow through, Arthur stopped short of beheading Jay. Excalibur fell from the former king’s hand.
Before Anansi or Kibuka could respond, a ravaged but focused Kleo zipped in. She caught Excalibur by the handle and flew away with the Rare Quality sword. At the same time, YoAnna called out with a High Divinity power.
“Stand Whole And Keep Fighting, o’ Friends of Mine,” YoAnna spoke as if she was up in the heavens, watching from above rather than fighting for dear life down here on the ground.
Her voice reverberated with thunderous femininity that was both powerful and alluring. It pumped new life into Team Childhood, refreshed their Cooldowns, and healed all of their injuries, their Statuses, their conditions– even Mike’s missing limbs returned!
Jay’s Chance Status shot up higher than he’d seen in a while, and his gear fixed itself. His shaded cloak fluttered behind him anew as it distorted the light around him with an unseelie touch. The big divine recovery happened within a few blinks, too, and it showered Jay and the others with golden sparks that fiercely burned antagonists who got too close while it was happening. The deus ex machina gave a hint of YoAnna’s affection as well.
Jay suffered -10 HP of damage with his version of YoAnna’s affection. Fine by him, he had plenty of Health to spare now, and a touch of love from your godly wife could really pump you up and get you back in the fight.
“That’s not fair,” Anansi whined.
“That’s my [Godling],” Jay responded as he lunged and [Grav Kicked] Kibuka in the face.
The neon purple blast sent the African immortal sprawling backward. It was an extra hard blow since Jay was on the right side of narrative prominence now.
“No!” Anansi cried, falling apart into hundreds of spiders trying to scurry away.
“Yes!” Jay shouted exultantly, dashing into the middle of Anansi’s fleeing spiders. With a flex of his gravity powers, Jay swept Anansi’s little bodies around him rapidly and forced them to clump together.
Kibuka tried to intervene, but Jay flew away from the war immortal’s reach. By the time Kibuka hopped on a cloud and tried to chase, Jay forced Anansi back together.
“I’m your ancestor’s best friend!” Anansi cried.
“Bon! She’ll love your skull for her bracelet!” Jay shouted.
A purple graviton cleaver covered the tip of Jay’s tail as he whipped it around. He beheaded Anansi and sent a flying purple crescent at Kibuka at the same time.
The African swung his club and smashed apart the graviton crescent. But he ladened himself with the countless purple particles that fogged the air. That was only the start. His constant pursuit of Jay forced the immortal to pass through clouds upon clouds of gravitons numbering in the quadrillions. It reached a point where the cloud mount struggled to hold Kibuka aloft.
“Why won’t you face me directly?” roared Kibuka.
“You are weak,” Jay said, hovering above the immortal. “I bet my ancestor kicked your ass all the time, like a little boy.”
Kibuka froze.
Jay’s eyes glowed with neon purple insanity and silver-gold divinity. “Ah, there it is. Anansi’s a punk. Cleopatra’s a backstabber. And you were filled with envy because my ancestor was stronger than you. Well, look where you are now. My ancestor is still gonna make you look like a little boy. Through me.”
Kibuka bellowed with rage. He pumped magic into his cloud to fly up despite being heavily burdened by gravitons. The immortal tossed aside his club to grab and wrestle Jay.
Jay used [Eye of Venerated Madness’s] future-sight and saw golden rings predicting all of Kibuka's moves. Jay eliminated every opportunity Kibuka might’ve had against him, fluidly dodging around Kibuka’s grapple attempts.
Then Jay used his arms and tail to grapple Kibuka in return. Jay sent them careening down with his gravity powers. Right before impact, Jay grew to a height taller than the immortal.
With a ground rumbling drop, Jay landed on one knee and slammed the immortal’s spine down on his other knee. It was like Bane breaking Batman’s back– the spine snapped like a cracker. Kibuka’s strangled cry of horror and pain was music to Jay’s ears.
“Keep your chin up, Kibuka,” Jay said as his tail whipped around with a purple edge, “Bondye’s gonna love being close to you and the others again.”
As three skulls on a bracelet.
With all the African heads collected, 19 immortal heads remained. Jay shrank down to his normal height and faced the last British immortal.
King Arthur was sitting on a bicycle rack to the side, unable to heal from the hole in his chest. He was at death’s door, the last shreds of his small magic barely keeping him alive.
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” he said hoarsely. “We came together to help defend the world from threats like you. Now we risk destroying it to save the universe.”
“What do you mean?” Jay said as a bright green light approached from around the corner.
“The homunculus we’ve created,” King Arthur sputtered, skipping past Jay's question.
“The ‘MacGuffin?’”
“What?”
“MacGuffin stands for something that’s more of a plot device than anything important,” Jay said. “In the grand scheme of things, my purpose here doesn’t really care about your homunculus, the MacGuffin. My purpose is vengeance, and I need the 72 immortal heads to satisfy that.”
“Fool!” Arthur shouted. “What good are our heads in the face of our creation? The homunculus is made from the flesh of immortals already. It’s ready to sacrifice itself and open a way to the Hell Circle.”
“Still a MacGuffin,” Jay said.
“Then be prepared for your doom when the MacGuffin fulfills its purpose. It will be the end of your pantheon. Our friends in high places told us such.”
“You mean the System Admins?” Jay asked.
King Arthur chuckled raspily. The green glow was closer now. The glow encompassed Jay's friends. Mike was holding something in his arms like it was a precious child.
“Killing anymore of us will force Gilgamesh’s hand,” Arthur said. “He’ll open a gate to the Hell Circle. The world will be doomed if we don’t crawl it competently. And this will be your fault for not giving the System Guide power to those more capable than you.”
Jay hummed with thoughtful delight, knowing things that Arthur did not. He gave Arthur his back as he fully faced the gift Mike prepared for the [Exceptional Freak].
“It took a lot of effort, but we all pitched in to make this for you, Jay,” Mike announced, still dressed as a super cosmic wizard.
“I didn’t do jack,” Cutie spat.
“You helped with moral support,” Fuzzy claimed.
Kleo hovered to a seat on Jay’s shoulder. “Doug and Mary said their farewells. Their sacrifice and Revelers’ helped create something new and permanent.”
Jay kept his smile despite losing Doug and Mary. The fighting against immortals had worn them down and tired their spirits. Using them to help make a new sword would take some of their magic and let their souls move on in peace.
“What have you done to Excalibur?” Arthur asked with the bitter embers of immortal rage. “What have you done to my sword!”
“I applied a few alchemical concoctions to stop it from resisting us,” Lilith said bluntly. “We turned it into a sword that’s perfect for our friend. Say hello to The Sword of Comedy.”
Lilith’s words rippled with such prominence, it was felt by everyone. This sword was truly different. It might not even be comparable to most if any Rare Quality sword.
The Sword of Comedy had the grandest levels of narrative weight backing it. It was no longer a sword of Earth, either. It was a creation from the beyond. The moment Jay grabbed the handle, he felt how perfect a weapon his friends’ had made.
It was a sword of redemption and struggle.
It was a sword of justice and merriment.
It wouldn’t change sizes like Reveler, but the green glow shining from its emerald-like structure had an aura to it that shifted and changed to Jay’s will. But it was not exactly a magical aura– it was more of a mix of anima and spirit. It would still benefit from gravity magic, but it would work best with physical energy and Chance.
With low Chance, it would help harden Jay, boosting Resilience and Poise. With high Chance, it would cut better than most if not all blades within the same quality.
Best of all, this sword could grow stronger when faced with great tragedy. But it required Jay to maintain a comedic outlook despite the challenge.
“But that’s my sword,” Arthur said with a defeated moan.
“It can’t be your sword,” Jay said. “You’ve died the moment I grabbed it.”
“Oh, geez,” Mike said, his cosmic cape wrinkling, as if to cringe. “Did you really have to pull an Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru?”
“Bro, lemme have my moment,” Jay said. “You curved a shot all around Paris. Just to hit King Arthur when he was about to kill me.”
“It is fascinating that the specimen still clings to life when he is dead,” Lilith said, sounding like she wanted to dissect the immortal on the spot.
“Meh.” Cutie flicked the former King of Britain in the nose.
“What?” Arthur rasped before his head fell free from his shoulders.
Jay stored away Arthur’s head, leaving 18 immortal heads remaining.
“You guys wanna help Gatanna with the giants,” Jay said, sticking a thumb over his shoulder where Gatanna continued battling Atlas and Gaia. “I’ll go check on my wife.”
“Works for me,” Mike said, the others agreeing.
“I’m gonna go with Master Jay,” Kleo said. “It’s been fun, Lilith! We should make it rain alchemy gravity stuff more.”
“It’ll be my pleasure!” Lilith waved as she departed with the others.
Jay hopped into the air and fell toward YoAnna.
She was still getting thrashed around by Gilgamesh, Zeus, Hades, and Hercules. She was holding her own, though. Her divinity enhanced her while faced with greater challenges as per her nature.
But she could only do so much while at Low Divinity. Gilgamesh alone was a wrecking ball of a big, muscular, heavily bearded, and super strong immortal with a massive axe that was ten feet tall. And he had the support of the toughest and most powerful immortals remaining among the Benefactors.
They gave YoAnna a whooping she’d never suffered before.
So, why was it that the immortals looked frustrated and taxed? Gilgamesh’s rage grew as he roared out with every swing. Zeus snarled behind every lightning spear thrust. Both Hercules and Hades struggled to find their footing, hurling cusses and derogatory slurs when they could do little more.
They had YoAnna fenced. They crushed the size advantage by bashing at her armored body and tripping her with magic blasts that obliterated the ground under her feet. They called down more magic like angered golds lashing out from the heavens. Their powers struck like artillery shells, knocking YoAnna around. Yet, the immortals couldn’t find any satisfaction with their blows upon YoAnna.
All they found was a smile on the [Godling’s] bloodied face. YoAnna’s eyes beamed upon them like the beacon of a divine lighthouse. Her helmet had fallen away, but her power wouldn’t allow the lion-like mane of hair to get harmed or ruined, either. It fanned out and wavered as if it was wreathed with golden flames, as if she was a Super Saiyan. And if her deific nature wasn’t intimidating enough already, the immortals’ advantages were shrinking.
YoAnna was getting better.
Little by little.
And quickly.
She stepped aside Hercules’s hammer strike that had wobbled her many times before. She moved gracefully just out of reach of an axe swing by Gilgamesh. Her hand snapped out and caught Hades’s chained hook, which would have sucked the energy out of her if she held it too long. But she instantly placed the chain in the path of Zeus’s lightning spear thrust, entangling the spear and holding on. With a wide smile, YoAnna used the lightning of Zeus to shock her and Hades’ together. She endured it with a madlass smile. Hades relented first, dispersing his magic hook and chain to resummon them.
That little window where Hades rearmed himself gave YoAnna the time she needed to swing her mace thrice. She bashed down on Gilgamesh, forcing him to block up top with his axe, wobbling him. She bashed down on Zeus, denting his shield like it was made of aluminum foil. Then she finished her whack-a-mole strikes with Hercules, forcing him to defend up top just like the other immortals. She hit him so hard his weapon bent, and she forced him to kneel like a peon.
He was too slow to dodge the giant kick that Yoanna swung out next. She punted Hercules straight into the air.
“I’m going to make you pay for that!” roared Hercules as he flew hundreds of feet upward.
“No you won’t,” Jay said from behind the punted immortal.
Jay beheaded Hercules with one smooth sweep of his green sword. His tail snagged Hercules’s head during the pass and stored it, leaving 17 immortal heads remaining.
“Nice entrance,” Kleo complimented.
“Thanks,” Jay said as he hovered to a stop above the immortals.
YoAnna took a step back to catch her breath thanks to Jay taking their enemies’ attention. Gilgamesh tried to talk about how this was their last opportunity to give up or they would release their ‘MacGuffin’ and blah, blah, blah. Jay’s focus was mostly on his wife.
Damn, even while beat up and bloodied, she was still stunning. They would have to clean up the blood spill later, but that could wait. Jay was a motley mix of butterflies with YoAnna around. He was scared for the future with his sudden marriage arrangement. And he was excited to see what crazy things would unfold with a [Godling] as one wife and a girl who could war with the Holy Affinity as his other wife. For the moment, Jay had to focus on the here and now and see their affairs in Paris to completion.
“You want to keep fighting these losers? Or should I finish them off in your honor, my [Godling]?” Jay asked, ready to step aside or take heads at the whim of his wife.
YoAnna’s battle-happy face muted as soon as Jay talked to her. She stared coldly at him, taking her time to think, also ignoring Gilgamesh’s threats. The immortals grew more frustrated and disturbed. Zeus and Hades inched closer toward striking at YoAnna. This might be the last opportunity they’d get to kill a true deity.
YoAnna’s eyes focused on Jay’s sword. The corner of her mouth twitched as if she wanted to smile. She held herself back and nodded toward him.
“Please, fight in my honor as I rest, Husband,” YoAnna said with a neutral but pleasant tone, almost like a giant robot princess. “When you are finished, I shall await here for the most valuable heads to be presented at my feet. It will be the most wonderful wedding gift.”
“No!” Zeus shouted, disrupting Gigalmesh’s tirade just like Jay and YoAnna. Zeus used all of his tricks to lightning blitz, time-accelerate, and shoot himself into the air. He rushed YoAnna with his lightning spear pointed at the [Godling’s] chest.
Using [Horizondancer] denied the time-shenanigans of Zeus once again!
Meanwhile, Jay and Kleo’s [Eyes of the Abyssal Monk] rippled with eldritch energy. They both used [Situational Gravity] and [Graviton Monster] together. From their third eyes shot a pair of super abyssal graviton lasers.
The lasers struck Zeus right before he touched YoAnna. The deep might of the abyss, the combined abilities of Jay and Kleo’s profiles as an [Exceptional Freak] and a [Laevateinn Faerie], and their stacked gravity powers drilled Zeus straight through a police station, a theater, a stadium, an abandoned apartment complex, and down a road for a thousand feet more, tossing aside dozens upon dozens of abandoned cars as crushing hundreds of minions.
They kept the lasers going, brutalizing Zeus while stealing all of his Chance Modifiers. Then with one final push of overt dominance, Jay and Kleo ended the laser show by splattering Zeus’s body like it was a bug under a falling hammer. Only his head survived for Jay’s taking, leaving 16 immortal heads remaining.
“Say hello to Eldritchman and Eldritchgirl,” Jay announced, admiring the damage he and Kleo accomplished without hurting any innocent people.
“Hello, hello!” Kleo cheered.
“H-how?” Hades stuttered.
“We get extra Chance Modifiers when defending our [Godling],” Jay said as he floated down to land in front of YoAnna. “So, it was kinda dumb of Zeus to attack YoAnna right in front of us. Especially when we have the narrative high ground.”
YoAnna nodded politely as she sat on a bus, squashing it just a little. She looked like she was preparing to watch a show. Less a teenage warrior goddess, and more a young lady of the arts.
Jay turned and faced a stunned Gilgamesh and Hades. His dark cape fluttered behind him with the passing of the wind. His tail swept side to side languidly. Having YoAnna sit behind him framed his small body boldly, as if he was bigger and mightier than what his short height would suggest. He had to be mighty to have a teenage goddess address him as her husband. No man here could compare despite the origins of Jay Luckrun.
In his right hand, The Sword of Comedy glowed a rhythmic green, brightening and dimming as if it was a living and breathing creature. It was leaning toward dark green now. Jay and Kleo had sacrificed more Chance Modifiers than they stole to squash Zeus. Less Chance darkened the green glow. But it was still worth the sacrifice for the dominating outplay.
Now it was time to utterly crush the last of the Benefactors’ will. Vengeance should be achieved both physically and psychologically whenever possible.
“You don’t have the MacGuffin– your homunculus, by the way,” Jay said. “My mom took it the moment you left the lesser immortals to defend it.”
Gilgamesh didn’t believe him. The Benefactor leader roared into the air a spell that would’ve brought about the end of the Protectorates and the rest of the world if things went his way.
But nothing happened.
Jay had been quite honest. This was without self-deception, too.
Gilgamesh and the central immortals were the most powerful among the Benefactors. They had the most narrative weight in this whole conflict. They would’ve been even deadlier if they stayed positioned next to their MacGuffin, but they decided to take the fight to Team Childhood. This was something Jay had predicted as Team Childhood carved their way through most of the immortals.
Jay had specifically wanted the Mesopotamians to be taken down toward the end just to screw with Gilgamesh– he was the Mesopotamians’ greatest immortal. His story was supposedly the oldest of ancient stories. And it was through Gilgamesh that the immortal business might’ve started. His story in the ancient text suggested Gilgamesh had failed to find immortality and returned home as a wise king. That was not true.
Gilgamesh had succeeded and returned home an arrogant tyrant. But just like how one person with super powers would not be superpowered alone in comic books, the discovery of small magic hadn’t strictly belonged to Gilgamesh solely. To keep the rest of the world from realizing the true potential of Earthling magic, the Benefactors formed together to harbor its secrets, influence the world from the shadows, kill those deemed troublesome, and live with excess power and life while others suffered from their choices. These immortals were pretty much the evilest and most powerful version of the Illuminati anyone could think of.
It was no wonder they would stop at nothing to bring down YoAnna and her pantheon– the [Godling] would stop their nonsense and give everyone their own magic once she was fully established. That was the sin of YoAnna– taking something that was supposed to be coveted by a few and planning to grant it in excess to the world, plus more.
Earthling magic was called small magic for a reason. It couldn’t truly compete with the vast wonders of the Multiverse and its wide array of magic. Mike and Lilith exemplified this by defeating immortals even though they were weaker if you only considered the stats. But Mike and Lilith were incredibly smart and creative. And they were backed by their research into magic science with and wealthy support of their patron deity, their friend.
Here was the kicker. Jhara Luckrun was supposed to be the weakest member of Team Childhood. And she was not as affluent in magic science like Mike and Lilith. But she was naturally gifted by her own divergent mind. She had the Earthling magic that came from the chaotic genius of an ancestor. And the System had turned her into a Devil [Freak], which was ironically the most needed Classical Class here in this battle over Paris. All of this led to Jay’s mom being the true hero of this conflict while staying ‘offscreen.’
“My mom set aside her vengeance to save the world,” Jay declared. “Despite being pumped up with evil, Jhara will always find ways to buck the rules and fight adversity. So, she did Team Childhood a huge favor. Jhara took advantage of your efforts to copy my ancestor’s stolen work. She twisted the negative energy you built up in Paris for her use. She used all of her small magic and powers to evade your detection while gathering all the intel we needed to know about you, which is the biggest factor in getting our victory. Then Jhara waited for you to attack us and drop your guard on the MacGuffin. She snatched the MacGuffin from the immortals you’ve left to defend it, and she probably absorbed its power.”
Gilgamesh shouted for the Arabian immortals to answer him. He could not believe the explanation.
“They’re all dead,” Jay said. “My mom would’ve used the power from the MacGuffin to kill them all. And take their heads.”
Gilgamesh tried to accuse Jay of falsehood. But he stopped in the middle of his accusation and looked down.
Twelve heads from the Arabian immortals lay on the ground between Jay and Gilgamesh. In the distance, Gatanna and the others finished off Atlas and Gaia with a triumphant roar of victory.
“Ah, now there are only 2 immortal heads remaining,” Jay said. “Well, only 1, truly. You’re powerful, Gil, but you don’t truly matter. You sat in the back for too long. Narratively speaking, with my mom pretty much usurping your power here, and me getting to test out this new fancy sword, you can say that the two of us are gods during this special moment. And you, Gil, are but a mortal who is fated for death.”
“Before Gilgamesh can say anything worth hearing, Jay Luckrun moves forward and beheads the oldest Earthling with ease,” narrated a voice that couldn’t be traced.
It was his mom’s voice, and it sounded from everywhere. Jay listened deeply, always a fan of his mom, as his body flowed with the narration. He leaned into his mom’s control of him, letting her guide his lunging legs across the distance for a fateful meeting with Gilgamesh. The immortal could do nothing but stare. He was caught on the other side of Mom’s devilish puppeting. It was as if they were characters in her story where the villain always died. Jay beheaded Gilgamesh with one easy stroke.
“Now there’s only 1 immortal head left,” Jay said, turning to Hades.
He wasn’t the one that killed Amanda. But he’d led a secret team of demonic assassins in Egypt, screwing up everything as soon as Jay fell for the Spider Palace Dungeon trap. Hades had taken Amanda’s soul to France as a trophy, something mom had written down in her letters to Jay.
The immortal fell to his knees.
“Please, I was only following orders,” Hades blubbered. “You have that girl’s soul back. It was my idea to give it back just so we can talk to you, you see! Let me live and serve you. I’ll make up for everything.”
From the corner of Jay’s eye, a darkened figure appeared. If he were to look, she would disappear. Jay kept his focus on the kneeling immortal.
“Yeah, we have her soul,” Jay said. “But her death is cemented in the narrative. Nothing you can do can help bring her back.”
Jay sighed as he held out The Sword of Comedy. It dimmed as the weight of tragedy fell upon Jay’s shoulders. It was in these moments that finding the will to smile was almost too hard.
But a smile crossed Jay’s face anyway. The sword let out a burst of soulful and happy green light that shone brighter than the day.
“We’re going to throw her the best going away party we can,” Jay declared. “It’ll be a wake in honor of all we’ve lost. We’ll celebrate. We’ll revel. And we’ll keep going no matter what.”
Jay took Hades’s head.
Without looking, he held the head out to the side. He felt his mom’s claws trace over his hand before taking the head. He kept looking away as his mom combed through his dreadlocks. He wanted to look, but he held back so she wouldn’t go away too soon.
But his mom disappeared eventually. Gone from his perceptive senses. And she didn’t leave a trace.
“Until next time, Momma.” Kleo leaned into Jay’s neck and wept.
All the heads of 72 immortals were collected as promised. The most prominent heads were placed at YoAnna’s feet, which pleased Jay’s wife immensely even though she couldn’t show it. But Jay received -1500 HP of damage, so he imagined YoAnna was extremely happy with her husband’s success and gifts for her.
This daring mission and the wedding gifts from her new husband was the perfect narrative supplement for YoAnna. It gave her all the control she needed to flex her High Divinity with a fine-tuned touch. She obliterated the remaining monsters and minions all around Paris with one golden ritual, rescuing the people from further death and destruction. With this battle won by the Protectorates, the Benefactors and World Knife were officially defeated.
Jay could finally allow himself time to grieve. With or without a smile, he had his friends, his [Faerie], and his [Godling] there to help him. He needed to let the pain run its course. Then he would have to become emotionally stronger. Nobody else other than him could help the Champions and Protectorates walk out from the shadow of tragedy and seize the light of comedy.
Jay had his work cut out for him. But that was okay.
Jay loved his job too much to be daunted by the challenges.
He was insane, after all. And he believed himself to be good.
Or at the very least, he was good enough.
