Illiriel
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155: Outer Markets, Like Most Things, Are Best Enjoyed While Filthy Rich
🕑 Added 2025-08-24 00:11:37 +0000 UTC“I gotta tell you,” Ashtoreth said. “Humans invented way, way better elves than the real ones. Satchels?”
Sadie removed the backpack that Ashtoreth had asked her to wear, then opened it and removed both her and Kylie’s bags.
“There’s a lot of human-made elves, Ashtoreth,” Dazel said, floating into her field of view from where he’d been all but hiding behind her.
Ashtoreth took her bag from Sadie, then took the backpack. She stuffed the latter into the former, then slung the satchel over one shoulder. “I meant Santa’s elves,” she said, “Obviously.”
She looked around at the rocky waste that surrounded them. “All right, Dazel, get us out of here.”
“Sure boss. Love being the party warp mule.”
“Come on,” she said. “Don’t you want to be useful again after spending that whole meeting being completely silent and hoping nobody talks to you?”
“Okay,” he said. “Sure, that’s what I was doing, but I still don’t like handling the runes while you all just stand around. And before you ask: no, you can’t help.”
“Well, as long as you can hear how unreasonable you sound,” Ashtoreth said. She looked over to see Kylie pulling out her tablet.
“Ashtoreth,” Frost said, moving closer.
“Mhmm?”
“Look. I gotta be honest. I’m worried about you and the elves.”
“Really? Can’t you just worry about… me? And, you know, not the elves?”
Frost looked away a moment. “No, Ashtoreth. I mean… look.” He held his hands out in front of him as if trying to grasp a concept. “I feel like that conversation was important.”
“Pfft,” she said. “Elves act like every word they say was carved in stone a thousand years ago. And did you see how high that ceiling was? Self-importance is sort of their thing—Dazel, why are laughing?”
“Because you’re calling another race self-important,” he said, head low as laughter wracked his body. “And that’s hilarious.”
“It’s true!” she protested. “That ceiling was absurdly high. And the only reason that colossal temple had to exist was as a teleportation chamber—okay, Kylie, why are you laughing?”
“Don’t mind me,” she said. “I’m just laughing at you, is all.”
“Hey!”
“Come on, Ashtoreth,” she said, looking up from her tablet. “The elven mcmansions make you feel insecure? It is kind of hilarious.”
“Hey!”
“Look,” Frost said, raising his hands in a placating gesture. “Don’t let Kylie get to you for a second, okay?”
She put her hands on her hips. “Okay.”
“I… really don’t think you’re being altogether reasonable here, Ashtoreth. From the sounds of things, you haven’t even met many elves.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Okay, fair.”
“You’re just kind of assuming they’re an enemy without much evidence. Honestly… some of it just sounds like you’re incapable of seeing them as anything other than competition.”
“Uh, yes?” she said. “Were you listening to any of that?”
“This is honestly just worrying, you guys,” Dazel said. He flew down near her navel, and she scooped him into her arms.
“What do you mean?” Frost asked him.
“If you guys don’t see it, how are the rest of the humans supposed to?” he asked. “The Eldunar are very, very good at almost everything they do. And most of them want Ashtoreth to have as little power and standing as possible. She’s being a total kid about it—”
“Hey!”
“—But they are competition,” Dazel finished. “Some guy in a… what was it, Kylie? A mcmansion?”
“Ye.”
“—On a farmworld somewhere promising Ashtoreth that if she just puts up with all their bullshit for long enough, they might start being nice to her… that’s just another play. He’s goading her into a sense of security that she shouldn’t have. Trust the elves to help humanity, sure. But don’t ever trust them to give Ashtoreth a fair shake.”
“See?” she asked. “Dazel knows what’s up.”
Frost sighed. “Okay, I hate to make it clear that I listened in on your conversation… but right before we teleported into Eldunar territory, you were explaining to Dazel that you think he’s probably mentally ill because he sees threats everywhere and can’t imagine anything but the worst possible outcome.”
“Hold up,” Ashtoreth said, raising a finger. “Because if you were listening the whole time, Dazel made the incredibly sound point that in certain circumstances, those are good survival instincts.”
“Fair enough,” said Frost. “But look—I know you trust me enough to listen, so listen. Will you?”
Ashtoreth glared at him and felt cornered. “Okay.”
“Maybe I’m wrong here, Ashtoreth. But I’m reading between the lines and making some conclusions, all right?”
“Okay.”
“You’re going to have to be the one who gives more than they get when it comes to the elves, Ashtoreth. That’s what that sage just told you.”
She took her hands off her hips and crossed her arms.
“You let them read your mind already, right?” Frost said. “Just… work to tolerate all their petty bullshit, okay?”
She sighed. “You know how much you’re asking, here? That guy back there was so old he’d practically turned into a statue, you saw it.”
“I…” Frost frowned. “—Okay, I see what you’re saying, but I’m not sure what it has to do with tolerating their petty bullshit.”
“They’re elves,” she said, gesturing vaguely. “They get so ancient and stoic and subtle that they’re like, the masters of throwing shade. These guys are like if Beyonce also had ascendable tiers! They practice micro-agressions as much I practice killing things. Stop laughing!”
“I know, I know,” Frost said, trying to wipe the smile off his face. “I’m asking a lot. I know how you are when it comes to insults, and you’ve got a good reason to be that way. But… just try, okay? Think of it as one more part of the fight.”
“I do!” she said, trying not to sound like she was pouting. “I already do, okay?”
“The elves are too valuable to us.”
“I know.”
“We have to minimize dissent between you and the human leadership, whether it’s fair or not.”
She looked down. “I know.”
“I really appreciate everything you do for us, Ashtoreth. I hope you know that. I hope you know that more people should tell you that.”
A warm feeling spread through her gut. She couldn’t help but smile.
“But remember. If you let them goad you into pushing back the way an archfiend normally would, you’ll be the one who looks like the bad guy. And from the sounds of things, they know that and they’ll happily exploit it.”
“I know,” she said, her voice quieting. “And I’m not the bad guy. I’m not.”
Frost nodded, his face sympathetic. “I know, Ashtoreth. But these guys… they got in and made almost all of humanity love them on day one.”
“Ugh!” she said, reaching up to rub her forehead in frustration. “I know!” She made a noise that was almost a growl. “They swooped in and saved like, millions of babies and children and stuff.” She let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s the worst.”
Nearby, Kylie’s laughter grew louder and louder. “Remember kids,” she said. “Not the bad guy.”
“Hey!” Ashtoreth said. “I didn’t mean it like that!”
“We know,” said Frost. “Look, let’s not get bogged down bickering. I want to go over the plan before we jump to the outer market. It’s going to be the most dangerous place we’ve been, right?”
“Nah,” said Dazel. “That was the Hell tutorial. And then it was Earth, once the archangels showed up. This place isn’t that dangerous.”
“There’s going to be people there who are strong enough to one-shot us, right?” Frost asked. “High tier 4’s? Tier 5’s, even?”
“Oh, definitely,” said Dazel. “But it’s known neutral territory. Nobody’s going to want to incur the wrath of everyone who wants to keep the peace, which will be almost everyone.”
“But they could if they wanted to,” said Frost. “And the elf back there made it clear that some of the higher-levels will see through our disguises.”
“Look, isn’t this just the same sort of deal you had back on Earth before the system came?” Dazel asked. “Everyone just has to trust each other. I mean, people don’t go to eat out at a crowded restaurant and feel abject terror the entire time just because there’s bigger, stronger people in the room with them.”
“All right,” said Frost. “But isn’t that just because they know there’s no incentive to attack them? How dangerous is it for us to be found out as humans? Even if nobody recognizes which specific humans we are—”
“—Which is very unlikely, as far as I know,” said Dazel.
“...Sure, but we’re still four humans. I’m assuming that Hell’s invasion of Earth is… cosmic news, somehow?”
Dazel and Ashtoreth both looked at one another and shrugged.
“Been a couple weeks?” Ashtoreth said dubiously. “It’s hard to say. Earth was basically initialized early on account of the invasion. Hell has probably been pretty tight-lipped about it. People might have heard some rumors of a new, big invasion, but I doubt they have any useful details.”
“Let alone anything they’d need to lead them back to you guys,” said Dazel. “And certainly nothing about how utterly disastrous the initial invasion was for Hell. A couple members of a new race jumping out into the cosmos to gather intel as their world is invaded isn’t an implausible story, even if your levels are a little high. The cosmos is a place of oddities, and that’s never more true than in an outer market.”
“Look, I’m not trying to be difficult,” said Frost. “But that’s still not convincing me that some level 2000 isn’t going to see their shot and sell us into slavery.”
“Hmm,” said Dazel. “All right, let me try it like this. Outer markets have their own sort of… cultural makeup. They’re a mix of many different races at all kinds of different levels all coexisting in various levels of harmony and discord.”
“Sounds more like a global port city than a market, to be honest,” Frost said.
“Perfect,” said Dazel. “That’s basically what it is.” He made a circle in the air, stopping to hover before Frost. “I guess the word ‘market’ might be deceptive, here. We’re not talking about a collection of hewn log cabins all centered around a guy who identifies items with someone to sell potions, someone to sell armor, and someone to sell you new spells. Each outer market is a miniature city—though ‘miniature’ should be understood in cosmic terms. I might still be underselling it.”
“So it’s very big,” Frost said. “How’s that supposed to make us feel safe?”
“Think of it like this,” said Dazel. “There’s ancient beings who will be living in this place because they like it here. It’s one of the best places to find and live in actual interplanar culture as it grows and develops. I mean… look, you know how a ton of people live in New York City even though it’s a shithole?”
Frost seemed to suppress a smile. “All right.”
“Come on, you know it’s true. Dumbass kids get taken in by the grift because they want to be a part of it, you know? Move to the city and then work two and a half jobs to afford the rent on the triangular closet of an apartment that they live in.”
“Dude,” Kylie rasped, not looking up from her tablet. “Why you gotta come at me like this? It was my first semester and I was nineteen, okay? I didn’t know any better.”
“But if you’re rich,” said Dazel. “Then boy oh boy, is the city a nice place to be. All those teeming masses of stupid poors who have been yoked into your service by their own dreams. God, humans are genius.”
“Language, Dazel,” Ashtoreth chided.
“I’m not sure the city is as bad as you seem to think,” said Frost.
Dazel waved a dismissive paw. “Oh come on, what Hell accomplishes with collars and contracts, Earth accomplishes with cubicles and student debt. The only difference is that I never had to pretend to like my job to my superiors.”
“Though she would have appreciated it, so you know,” Ashtoreth added. “Dazel’s just being Dazel, you guys. Earth jobs are amazing.”
“Are they, though?” Kylie asked, her voice rising in pitch.
“Look—why is this relevant?” Frost asked.
“Because the normal state of existence for a high-level entity in the cosmos is not, in fact, as an ambitious conquerer looking to kill enemies and climb tiers,” Dazel said. “Those guys die off on the regular, but the ones who retire from that life tend to live a long, long time. The normal state of existence for a high-tier being is as an old, powerful being who has found their niche and mostly lost interest in the goings-on of reality at large.”
Slowly, Frost nodded. “I think I see what you mean.”
“Good,” said Dazel. “This place is going to be packed with demi-god level powerhouses whose identity is built around the fact that they don’t give a shit about Hell, or wealth, or power, or Ashtoreth. And the ones who do aren’t going to want to piss off the other ones and ruin their New York City.”
“And when you’ve got a level 2000 to keep the peace, the lower levels aren’t usually worried about anything resembling mugging people in an alleyway. You never know whose senses might extend for miles in every direction.”
“All right,” said Frost. “I guess that makes me feel about as safe as I’m getting, doesn’t it?”
“Gosh, I sure hope so,” said Ashtoreth. “Anyway, I’m thinking we should split up once we get there to cover more ground.”
“Fuck what?” Kylie asked. “When has that ever been a good idea?”
“We’re not exploring a haunted mansion, Kylie,” she said. “We’re going shopping. In the normal, safe place where you go shopping. We’ll stay in contact, but we’ve got to find Dazel’s soulmap from the… uh, spiritual cartographer?”
“Soulweaver,” said Dazel. “But hey, good guess.”
Ashtoreth nodded. “If there’s a risk to us being here, it’s only going to come into play once news of our humanity spreads to relevant parties, right? In that worst-case scenario, there’s a point where we get found out as human, and then a point sometime after that where we get targeted. If we split up and spread through the market, they might find us out faster, but we’ll still finish our business faster after that point. Less time for our hypothetical enemy to spring into action.”
Kylie shrugged. “Okay.”
Dazel sighed. “I really want to stress, once more, that these are some of the safest places in the cosmos. If someone found out that Ashtoreth was the archfiend monarch of Earth, maybe things could go sideways. But we’d still be able to expect some very heavy hitters to come out of the woodwork and protect the sanctity of the outer market.”
“Go go gadget: honor culture!” Ashtoreth said, grinning. “Now can we get moving? Because I don’t know about you guys… but this is going to be the first time I go shopping, and I am very excited.”
