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Chapter 52: Poster Child
🕑 Added 2024-10-15 08:53:36 +0000 UTCChapter 52: Poster Child
Leavesden Studios, UK. December 2009
I am the greatest billboard advert Warner Brothers could ever ask for.
Take up Japanese language lessons, call Uniqlo’s headquarters, and ask Shinpachi just how well flaunting my majestic mug to flog their fabrics was going for their bottom line.
In this current day and age, where is the first positive impression a movie gets? I’ll let you in on a little secret: it sure as shit isn’t the fact that we’re the seventh and eighth movie in a near decade long franchise - who’ve taken the liberty of postponing the finale for another year. Just because I may see it as a creative coup doesn’t mean potential audiences won’t grumble about having to dig out another bill from their wallet for what they might consider half a movie - two and half hour run time be damned.
It certainly wasn’t the trailers, either. You were already sitting inside the cinema at that point, probably too busy scarfing down popcorn like the concession stand snuck in crack cocaine alongside the caramel to pay the preview true attention.
No, that first free hit that really gets you jonesing for another sample was the movie poster. They are, for the consumer, what sets the expectation. The elements that clue you into the setting - like a magic castle, the colour palette gives you a heads-up as to the emotional tone, and even just having the famous people front and centre to let people know the person they hopefully fancy, is in it.
Over the years, my face has been front and centre. Used to be better in the earlier years, though. Truthfully, the last poster I remember as being more than just Emma, Rupert, I (and a smattering of others) looking heroic but boring in the foreground of a gloomy backdrop, was Prisoner of Azkaban.
Blame, of course, can be rested at my feet - or rather, face. My evergreen (eyes included) popularity had allowed the WB marketing team’s prerogative to shift from competent to complacent.
Leavesden’s crew wouldn’t have been half as lazy with their vision. Something they’d get to showcase this time around.
“Generally, this task of ours is considered the purview of the marketing division attached to Warner Brothers distributions. Nonetheless, as a personal favour to me, they have generously relinquished the all important poster creation to us, here at Leavesden.” David Heyman announced extra work to the already overworked crews with full grandiosity. WB corporate did precious little as it is, and they’d accomplish even less now. Not that they’d hesitate to take full credit, though. “Now, I’m sure to hear justifiable grumbling from the lot of you - I accept it. However, I thrust this burden upon you not solely because I can; what’s more important is that as Yates passes the torch back to Alfonso, we maintain a consistent image. What better way to foster that than a collaborative effort?”
“Well, there goes my weekend.” One of the bright spots from the day I almost drowned was that I made a new friend in one of the lead artists on our team.
“Big plans?”
She shrugged in her perpetually paint-stained dungarees. “Unless you count greasy food and plenty of booze, no. But I, and the rest of the staff alike, would’ve really appreciated the opportunity to unwind.”
“I’ll see what I can do, then.” Hmm, I wonder what part of the world I should visit on the culinary tour next.
“C’mon Bas, I was only whinging. Don’t worry about it, job’s the job, we’ll get through. You don’t have to keep feeding us on your own dime.”
“Dime is right. It costs me near nothing to give you guys something you deserve. It feels wrong not to contribute to everyone’s efforts in appropriate fashion, you know?”
“In that case, let me repay you some small way.” I ruminated for a moment. There wasn’t anything I wanted that I couldn’t get for myself. However, there were things I wanted to get for others that were best left to secrecy.
“I may have an idea…” What I assumed was a comforting smile apparently appeared far more sinister to my artistically inclined compatriot.
“Point those fangs somewhere else. Don’t think for a moment that flashing your pearly whites is gonna get you anywhere!” Tough nut to crack, but I wasn’t looking to bust one, anyway.
Although, pants need not be present in our immediate future. “Nothing so salacious.” Get your easel ready DiCaprio, my version of Winslet is distinctly Welsh.
–
Sound Stage, Leavesden. December 2009.
Alfonso was leading today’s procession of weekend warriors. “It is the first time that I, and even Mr Yates, are doing the movie posters. Thankfully, the art department, as well as many, many classic movies, give much inspiración.” He flipped through large plastic pads, presenting his mood board, essentially. “At the end of the day, this movie is about a hunt - on two fronts. Harry’s search for the horcruxes, and Voldemort’s search for Harry. So, the two themes I really see are rivalry and horror, which brings us to the pictures we wanted to emulate. Amadeus from 1985, and Jaws.” Both were stylized paintings of a giant figure looming over a city and its prey, respectively. “While I might have liked to keep with the more artistic concepts.” Alfonso flipped over the actual mock-up they’d made for our poster. “But because of WB’s caveat that we must include the physical actors, we will need to take fresh portraits of some of you to make it fit.”
I could see why. The composition they’d envisioned required poses we’d never done before, to my memory. Ron wielded the Gryffindor sword, Hermione jabbed her wand and held what looked to be the destroyed Riddle diary, and I was hand-in-hand with Dobby, with the invisibility cloak in the other. The four of us stood with our backs facing the camera among the abandoned streets of Diagon Alley. We were small and almost silhouetted. The image that took up the overwhelming majority of the upper portion was Voldemort.
Presiding over us like a dark storm was the Dark Lord. Arms spread wide and snarling down at the world he’d conquered. One hand (the one with the resurrection stone ring horcrux) stroking the elder wand, whose tip was pointed directly at me in the middle. Nagini twined around his arms, behind his neck where the Slytherin locket hung, and down the second arm which clutched the Hufflepuff cup.
Poor old Ralph Fiennes was gonna have to spend the afternoon glued to the makeup chair again. He wouldn’t even get to wear his pretty little tiara.
But it wasn’t just him. Wardrobe, props, set designers, makeup, and every other miscellaneous staff at Leavesden had been levied on their traditional days off; merely for a snapshot.
Most I had to do was remain on standby. Which, while annoying, was a far easier existence than the crew’s. They’d already started scurrying around, dusting off the paraphernalia, and bringing Diagon back to life. Meanwhile, I and Emma reclined together, out of everyone’s way. Our proximity didn’t flag as unusual, but still close enough where we could inconspicuously play chopsticks or footsie with flirty fingers and frisky feet.
“You smell nice today, Bas. New cologne? A lot more floral than your typical ones. Tropical almost.”
“Er, caught a whiff of that, did you?” Shit, I didn’t realise the scent had lingered. Can’t give the goat away just yet. Quick, prevaricate! “Since we can’t exactly go see the sights together, I thought it might be nice to smell some new scents instead.”
“We really must find some way of spending time together more openly than this. My dating life shan’t be limited to stolen moments.” Emma whined about the hardships of her own decision.
Being the perfect boyfriend that would set the impossible bar for any future suitors, I heard her whispers loud and clear. “Then come by tonight. I’ll have a surprise waiting.” I was a pro at proactivity.
“If you think that I’m going to waste our relationship with only hazy memories of your ceiling to remember, you have another thing coming.” Besides herself, Emma means. Why is it that the women I interact with instantly jump to conclusions about my carnal proclivities?
“Not what I had in mind, but if that’s what you’re after, I can give it to you.”
“Ugh, you’re such a pig, Bas!” Say that without blushing, and maybe I’ll believe you, Em.
“Oink.” My porky bouquet didn’t agree with her anymore. Feigning indignation, Emma stood up, huffed, and sashayed away. Those jeans must have been cutting off proper circulation - no wonder she was in a tizzy.
My line of sight was blocked by Fedex’s shadow collapsing over me. “It is done.” My consigliere rocked up and chucked a roll of board-sized photo paper at me.
The lead artist had come through and helped me construct my own Bas branded billboard. I was itching to open it up and check out the final product, but that was best left for the boudoir. “Sensational. Now let’s just hope this doesn’t get out and the tabloids think the same.”
“Rest assured, our contractor was the soul of discretion. Her fondness for you will keep her lips sealed. Also, it was under my watch, no? Be positive, Mr Rhys. There will be no evidence. Even in the worst case, rumours are irrelevant. Hearsay is called that precisely because no one will believe you because you heard someone say it.”
“Well, what can I say? I’m a pessimist at heart. I only look at the negatives.”
“Then it is a very good thing I got those, too.” She tossed me an envelope. I peeled open the saliva stuck flap to discover the raw film we’d used in the camera to take my glamour shots.
–
Refectory, Leavesden. December 2009.
We’d adjourned to the dining hall once the photoshoot was completed.
The setup was a tad different from usual, though. Typically, this room was organised similarly to every cafeteria in the world. Just your run-of-the-mill columns and rows of six-to-eight-seater tables. Tonight, that arrangement had been swapped for something out of a villainous lair.
We placed tables edge-to-edge, parallel and perpendicular, until it looked like a series of Us. Almost made me want to dig out an old Nokia and play snake - reminded me of the precise, boxy turns.
Fairly efficient seating; a single long, curvy table, perfect for a party. The gaffers and various other menial production assistants had put in extra time and labour, so I wanted to ensure they all had seats at the table they’d helped build.
My contribution was catering; specifically, I’d brought the pub everyone was craving to them. Pizza, pies, and an open bar. I wasn’t touching any of it - would’ve spoilt my dinner plans.
Getting everyone sloshed took less than the half hour I’d politely stayed. To the rabble rousing flushed faces, the week’s worth of worries melted away. Yet I was still concerned that I hadn’t done enough for them. Food for thought. “A toast to Bas!” Though they didn’t think so. But what did drunkards know? They were all on a liquid diet, anyway.
David Yates was foremost to answer the call. He shakily stood up, lofted his cup with beer foam spilling over the rim, and launched into a slurred speech. “May he succeed as he persistently seems to, and may we all continue to watch - from afar!” I’d let him get away with that.
“Hear hear!”
Ironic, considering the last time he confronted me was in this very room. As Yates made his giddy goodbyes, I left the table in near identical circumstances as that occasion. I had another clandestine meeting waiting for me back in my trailer.
–
Bas’ Caravan, Leavesden. December 2009.
While the others were boozing it up, Emma and I were having a far more sober evening - shared bottle of wine notwithstanding.
“This was lovely, Bas, thank you.” Emma sighed, and contentedly cuddled up to me. We were sat in my dining nook in the RV. Her hand darted across the table, careful to avoid the lit candles, and plucked a flower from the vase I’d used as the centrepiece. “You even went to the florist. These are fresh.” I took it from her hand and planted it behind her ear. In return, Emma planted a wet one right on my lips; she tasted spicy. The remnants from the dinner I’d prepared clung to her tongue.
“I got you a little something.” Taking the roll I’d received earlier, I handed it to her.
“That’s not fair, Bas. You’re making me feel like such a horrible girlfriend.” Emma eagerly unfurled it. Landscape in orientation though it was, the contents of my gift were a self portrait. I lay on a bed of bright yellow hibiscuses. Naked, with the most unashamed, sultry smirk I could muster. Only an extra large mound of petals, and an empty frame covered my modesty; inside of which I’d had my artist friend paint Emma’s portrait. Hadn’t taken her long with all the practice she’d had painting Luna’s mural. “God, you’re such a goof.” Emma kissed me again. “I love it.”
In future, I knew that fans of the series would have the movie poster we made today hanging on their wall as part of their merchandise collection. None, however, would likely be as prized as this piece of memorabilia. And hey, I even signed it.
‘Even if we’re only for now, a part of me is yours forever.’
Comments
Relayed
Their relationship is definitely unbalanced at this point in the story. As seen in this chapter, Emma chose the most complicated form of relationship as her first one. It’s basically a long distance relationship even when they are close together. The only reason it could survive is through Bas being proactive as seen in the chapter since she is too inexperienced to ask for what she wants. A normal 18 year old would not come up with a plan to distract the people on set with food and booze in order to slip away quietly to enjoy a tame evening with his girlfriend on his own volition. Until Emma has grown more in her career and have become a bit more independent in her own right Bas can only be the “perfect boyfriend that would set the impossible bar for any future suitors.” As for them working together, it’s probably better for them to work away from one another on different projects simply so they can grow their brand independently from one another.
David Karlsson
Bas will get the reputation for going after peoples mothers lol. Milfoy is waiting in anticipation
Soh•M©
Just call it what it is : Hollyweird
Rivo
Man, while most celebrity relationships are probably as normal as they can be while being Hollywood adjacent, the ones that make the news are wild. I just heard about how Miley Cyrus' mother, married Noah Cyrus' ex, who is much older than Noah. And then Noah posted one of those suggestive gym selfies with Miley's ex-husband. Fucking wild. And then there's Ariana Grande, who apparently is notorious for going after men who have partners already. The list could go on lol.
David Karlsson
Much better received than that children's toy broom that vibrated
Bar Calak
Funnily enough i think the average hollywood relationship is far more whirlwing and juvenile than this. But their circumstances are different. I'm sue in future some actress will get swept up in bas and leave a mess haha. Thats more show biz accurate
Bar Calak
Plus balancing uni and a career with a personal life that by its celebrity nature is more stolen moments than shared ones. And Im trying to give the other characters agency beyond Bas as well. Their worlds don't revolve around him. Emma wants a normal school life, and a career that needs to belong to her alone.
Bar Calak
Just highlighting expectations - sort of how posters do haha. Whipping out surprise languages cann be fun - as long as its not in france.
Bar Calak
Done. Soap opera romances can be fun - but agreed that teenage drama can often feel contrived, so its not something I wanna go for.
Soh•M©
Money is money 💰
Bar Calak
Endorsement deal with Hitachi for a new line of 'Magic wands'
Bar Calak
The marketing has been way more active here than otl - which is directly Bas' inadvertent and purposeful influence. The posters were also my way of showing that the transition from Yates to Cuaron is as smooth as feasible and that there's a cohesive language between the two films - while also just fixing the drab posters. Most importantly I wanted to make sure from Bas perspective just how hard the staff was at it.
DC
The way I see it is if they break up due to the privacy thing getting in the way they might just get back together when that's no longer a concern since Emma wants to keep things on the DL mostly for her Career. They are young now, and focusing on their Careers, but they have the same agent so there could be opportunities to still occasionally work together. Honestly I don't know how real relationships instead of flings between actors work long term, lots of conflicting schedules and long distances hard to keep keep things together no matter who you are. But Bas is a lol old soul so he is probably more able to bare such strains, Emma though yeah she is the weak point in that.
Xephosus
Just a little correction being, Amadeus was in 1984 not 85
Leafninja91
this was a fun chapter. thank you for it.
Soh•M©
I like the way you are thinking
McLuvin
A battery powered Nagini for her pleasure
Soh•M©
I just hope they end on good terms.
David Karlsson
New line of merch: the Hornycrux collection. Slytherins locket with a tiny portrait of Rose-Pose Bas
Relayed
The creation of new and more creative posters suggests a more active campaign that goes beyond knowledge of the IP. From previous films, showcasing more magic and action seems to drum up more attention. The international market would also be better drawn to this rather than 3 soot covered faces in front of a blurry burning castle. Bas and Watson face the first challenges of a secret relationship, which is the lack of opportunities to casually be together. The second being the prospect of being intimate with other costars as that is inevitable since they are both considered to be very attractive. I would say they’ve navigated the first challenge as well as they could have while being on set. It would become a lot easier when they can arrange meetings in more privet venues and in disguise. The second challenge should be popping up soon enough and then there is their future career to consider. They could accept that as part of their life like most actors do or they could go the Anya Taylor-Joy route and focus on films that don’t rely heavily on a romantic plotline.
Soh•M©
You dropped this king 👐👑
McLuvin
I’d argue it’s exploring the honeymoon phase right now, sex and romance and a bit of fluff…but I agree there is a bit of possible groundwork for (what I believe is the inevitable) breakup. They work right now because they’re on the same set and can better organise these little getaways, but Emma’s desire for privacy is going to make organising meetings incredibly hard when they’re no longer working on the same set, and she immediately thought Bas was being horny instead of romantic. I think they’ll break up in 2011-2012, around the end of their time with Harry Potter when they can’t juggle their careers, Emma’s desire for privacy and when their romance gets actually tested instead of being a relatively smooth ride
McLuvin
More like a Hornycrux. I’ll see myself out
Soh•M©
Bro made a horcrux and gave it to Emma
Pope Yoda I
I want to see an epilogue eventually where Emma's grandkids find gram gram's porn collection and eventually loan it out to an art museum. "It's been eighty-four years .." Glad to see the realistic relationship expectations and overall lack of unneeded teen drama. I imagine a more stable relationship can only really kick off once he settles down a bit and starts up his own movie studio.
Rivo
I feel like this is prepping us for the eventual break-up. Nice to see Bas learning Japanese, they'll love it when he pulls that out over in Japan. I've had this thought in my head, where Bas and Fedex are in Italy, and she's translating for him, and Bas just pulls out perfect Italian out of nowhere, because he'd learnt it in his previous life, making people think he's a 'genius' again.
Memory Dump
Good Lord
