pulsarbird
patreon
Patreon Update - PLEASE READ
🕑 Added 2022-12-07 00:37:06 +0000 UTCTl;dr: I’ll be pausing my Patreon starting in January for at least 2 months, but maybe 3 or 4 months.
Hey everyone, hope you’re doing well! This is a bit long of a long read. I've had a lot on my mind.
I need to give an update about what's been happening with me, and the future of my Patreon. I’ve been thinking about this and bouncing it off friends for the past few months. But I wanted to make sure I was really serious before announcing anything. The more I thought about it, the more I realize it’s something I need to do.
Patreon is an amazing blessing, and I feel so extremely fortunate to have so many awesome supporters! My Patreon has grown to the point where it covers nearly all of my monthly expenses. This is why I haven’t needed to open for commissions more than four or five times in the past 2 years and I’ve been able to focus on my own work.
However, Patreon also has a pretty significant downside. As I’ve said to a few other people: it’s an endlessly hungry maw, always begging to be fed. Patreon rewards a certain type of “instant gratification” workflow. And it "punishes" creators, in the form of cancellations and lower monthly pledge amounts, for work that requires long-term development. What this means is I am constantly doing shorter, simpler projects or images that I can do quickly and post immediately in order to keep the post rate up and my patrons engaged. This type of work always takes precedence over longer term projects or personal development, because I can’t afford the time to do it. If I can’t turn something around in 2 or 3 days, there’s “no point” in doing it because I won’t have anything to post.
This has led to some significant burn-out for me. I’ve been running this Patreon almost nonstop since 2016—for 8 years now. That’s 8 years of constantly thinking about what the next picture will be: when will I post it? When will I get it done? What comes after that? Do I have enough in the pipeline for this week? What about next week?
Over time, this becomes death by a thousand paper cuts. No individual drawing is very stressful, and I love drawing all the kinky weirdness I do! But the unrelenting mental effort to keep up with the flow is getting harder and harder to deal with. I’ve been finding myself less and less inspired, less interested in the work I do. And I'm constantly thinking about doing other types of work, just wishing I could try new things.
I finally realized how bad this had gotten a few weeks ago when I had a really fun idea for a hand-drawn animation of Pulsar cumming in an endless loop. It’s a relatively simple one that I could probably do pretty easily. But I also know I don’t have a lot of experience with hand-drawn animation and they do take me longer to do. I thought to myself, purely automatically, “Well there’s no point in starting it. If I mess it up, I won’t have anything to post.”
I've never had thoughts like that before. I know that I've certainly procrastinated on starting things when I need a longer block of time to do them. But I never really put it in those words like that. (That said, I also know now the procrastination was a result of that same feeling.)
When I caught myself thinking that way, I realized I seriously needed to make a change. I was no longer doing animation because it was fun or even because I thought my fans would like it, but because it ticked a box of obligation. More worryingly—I wasn’t challenging or growing or even making the attempt at something different. I felt like I couldn’t spend 6 or 8 hours experimenting because if I messed up, that would be time “wasted”, when I could’ve done another sketch or two in that time and gotten the same amount of subs and likes and faves for it.
The same stress has led to a whole cascade of similar problems that I only just recently figured out fit that context: Posting work I wasn't happy with. Not coloring pictures I wanted to color because the sketch was 'good enough' and I needed to post something that day. Not taking the time to do alts I wanted to do because they'd take more time and maybe wouldn't be popular enough. Not fixing pictures I wanted to make better because I didn't want it to seem like I was being "lazy" rehashing old work instead of doing something new. These are all things I've struggled with in the past few years, and it kind of all hit me at once: all of this struggling and dissatisfaction and feeling like my art quality was slipping was due to trying to keep up with this constant need to post, post, post.
I need to take a step back and take an actual break. A sabbatical is probably a better word for it. I’ve got a bunch of things I’d like to do, and they all involve being able to experiment or play and not needing to have anything to show for it at the end of the day. A lot of this will include 3D work or learning more 3D techniques, but not necessarily for porn.
I’m not going to close down my Patreon. I will be returning to it eventually, even if I need to revamp it later or change how often I post in the future. But I’m not going to try and make that decision now because it’ll be influenced by the burnout I’m feeling.
For now, I'll be pausing Patreon for January and February—possibly a little longer depending on how things go. You won’t be charged as long as it’s paused. I have enough in savings to support myself for that time. So I’m just going to pay myself to take a sabbatical and see what happens.
I really appreciate your support and understanding and I hope you’ll hang on to your subscription for when I come back and start posting again!
Some questions I’ve been asked by friends:
Why don’t you just keep the Patreon open but not post? I’d still like to support you! You can just use Patreon as a tip jar.
The answer here is a little bit difficult to articulate. Patreon itself isn’t burning me out, per se. It’s the expectation that Patreon generates on an ongoing basis that’s burning me out. Part of this is on me, because I do try to post regularly. But keeping Patreon open as a tip jar doesn’t remove that expectation entirely. Even if I disclaim myself from posting, I’ll always be aware that I’m taking money without providing a service for it and that will continue to weigh on me.
Keep in mind, I’ve been doing this without a real break for 8 years. The burnout is a result of the near-daily low-level stressors of constant content generation building up over all that time. Constantly thinking just a few days ahead without ever getting a chance to breathe or regroup for some longer term plans, or even to just enjoy life. Pausing Patreon will provide an actual mental break which I really need.
What about Vorecurious?
I will finish it eventually, but I’m not sure how or when yet. My original plan when I started the comic was to have it wrapped up by the end of this year. Unfortunately that won't be possible. I do have the rest of the comic sketched out, so I can tell you there will be 21 pages in total. Page 14 was just posted, so there are 7 pages left. It’s all vore action too, so the comic ends up being roughly 50% story and 50% vore / porn. In other words, what’s left are all the good parts. I will definitely post at least one more page this month though, maybe two, possibly three.
I’ve got two options for the rest. I may just draw the remaining pages while I’m on break and post the completed comic for sale on GumRoad. Or I might just put it on hold for a few months and finish serializing it when I return.
I’m leaning towards the first option: keeping the momentum, finishing it up and posting it on Gumroad. If only because I don’t really want that project hanging over me the whole time I’m supposed to be on break. And that way I can also keep posting it publicly without running out of pages to post.
What about The Daily Grind?
I’m definitely going to finish this as well. However, this one has a lot farther to go (about 15 more images / scenarios I want to draw). And each pic stands on its own too, so there’s no build up or cliffhanger about what’s going to happen. I’ll almost certainly hold this project until I start posting again and then start it back up. It’s less of an “unfinished project” and more like a project that can be extended whenever I have time.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask in the comments. Thanks!
Comments
El Deaf-o with Hearing Aid-o
Thank you for letting us know, please do take a well earned break away from that expectation of producing work. I sympathise too as burnout is quite common in my job and I am on the brink of just realising this. You seem to have this well thought out, so it was a pleasure donating a portion of my income for your wonderful works 😊 Now go, experiment, and be free!
Wolfbear303
It is a really good thing what you are doing. We are here to support YOU, as a person and artist. not the content itself. When you feel/know that you need a break in order to be healthy and to make sure that you still enjoy making the absoluut amazing work that you do, then this is definitely the best think you can do. not only for yourself but also for us as you fans. Take good care of yourself and give that amazing mind of yours a well deserved and relaxing break.
Yolk
thanks for letting us know. Hope everything improves for you!
SenGrisane
Find your center. Relax and recover!
Landkraken
Entirely understandable. Mental health comes first. You take care of yourself.
Amethystine
Yes, please, for the love of dong, take a break! <3 Your explanation is excellent, same as all your other work. :>
Pulsar
This is something I've thought about a lot already. Like I wrote in the post, I didn't really want to make a decision on that right now. But I will almost certainly post less often in the future. I actually have already scaled back how much I post maybe a little over a year ago. I used to post every weekday, which wasn't too bad when I was doing commissions regularly since I'd do about 5 per week. But once I started relying more on my own work, it got to be nearly impossible. Technically I should be posting twice a week: Tuesday and Friday. That's what I changed it to when I scaled back from five days a week. Since I was doing comics, I ended up doing two pictures, plus a comic page. So then I was posting about three days a week. Then more recently I started posting other commissions I've had done, so I was posting four days a week. And sometimes I'll do an extra sketch or two so... well I'm back up to five days a week now, just about. :P I don't consider myself to be a workaholic by any stretch, but I have gotten in trouble before for pushing myself to do more than I should. When I do open again, at the *very least* I want to try and go back to that 2 days a week schedule, at least for my mid tier patrons. Maybe I'll do a little extra work specifically for my top tier as well, since I haven't been keeping up with that as much as I should. Regardless, this past year alone has been really eye-opening with regards to how much of my own work and my own creativity I can rely on to have a steady stream of output. As straightforward as it might seem to do several pics a week, that's not a very sustainable pace over the longer term when you're constantly outputting creatively, but never able to take a break to recharge that same creativity.
Pulsar
Thanks :>
Pulsar
Sure! I haven't used it in ages but I'm still Pulsarbird on there
Jaggerfrost
Can we still send you a tip via ko-fi?
Malarite
Hope ya feel better~ Take all the time ya need. I have a suggestion for something that might help, but please feel free to ignore it. The goal is less stress, not more: Once you feel like coming back, Id recommend setting an upload schedule notably slower than what you had before. Posting 75% or even less of the pieces per month. Then as when you make things at a similar rate to before, use the extra pieces your not posting tobuild up a log. You can use up this log to: be sick, take a vacation, have an emergency, work on a longer term project, try something new... All while still having something you know you can post (removing that stresser). There doesnt need to be a hard rule of what you post either. You could generally go in order of production. But if you: Make a holiday peice the day before? Post that one. Particularly like one and want to share it? Post it. Think one will be particularly popular later? Save it for that time. It's all just a tool to help average out work with the chaos of life. Hope this helps, and its fine if it doesn't. Feel better~
Parlo
I’m really glad to hear you’re taking care of yourself by taking this time off. Mental and physical health should ALWAYS come before a job, even if it’s a job you love doing. I fully support you taking all the time you need (and I wouldn’t have it any other way) <3
Pulsar
The real productivity is the burnout we made along the way~ Or something. x) The thing with burnout is that it's hard to recognize it before it's too late. Even this—this is more me trying to head it off than having actually reached the end of my rope. And different artists handle it in different ways. I tend to try and plan ahead and work around how I'm feeling. But I've known several furry artists over the years who've literally just disappeared.
Serpentssnare
Man I was wondering how so many artists are so prolific. Turns out it was burnout all along. Enjoy your sabbatical, and I hope you've got someone will keep you honest about staying away from work for that time. Habits can take a little bit of time to break.
Pulsar
Thanks so much!
Pulsar
Yeah, it's certainly a thing. x) All the other creators I've talked to who use Patreon knew exactly what I meant before I even started to explain anything, haha. I hope you're doing alright with yours too :>
Shijidaru
I've thoroughly enjoyed your work, though I haven't been subd for very long. 2016 does certainly feel like 8yrs ago, so I sympathize with you emotionally. I wish you all the best, and I will eagerly await your return. Widest hugs and deepest love ❤️
Zyyphelze
As a fellow creator that has also used patreon for a few years, I totally get this and I think youre making a smart move, friend.
