ericdontigney
patreon
Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 15 – The City Gate
🕑 Added 2025-01-10 00:15:29 +0000 UTCYou are anything but fine, said other-Terry. I can practically hear you hyperventilating. I just can’t figure out why.
Why? I’ll tell you why. This girl has been giving me the side-eye for like half a mile!
Who cares?
I care! It’s creepy, Terry thought-yelled at other-Terry. Wait a second. Hear? Can you hear? Like actually hear?
It’s complicated, sighed other-Terry. I can’t actually hear the way you mean it. I don’t have eardrums or the nerves required to carry those signals to the brain I don’t possess. What I have is access to the auditory information your brain processes, which means that, on balance, I’m probably hearing more than you are.
Terry thought that over for a second before he said, That sounded like some kind of backhanded criticism.
It wasn’t. Probably wasn’t. It mostly wasn’t. You can’t help that your meat-ware is sub-optimal. Although, it’s gotten better since you first arrived. Absorbing all those cores boosted your cultivation, which has reshaped your body. That includes your brain. You process sensory information way more efficiently now.
That sounded like some kind of backhanded compliment.
It definitely wasn’t, said other-Terry. Going from three percent efficiency to nine percent efficiency is a huge subjective improvement, but it’s still objectively shitty.
Gosh, Captain Sunshine. Thank you so much for that pep talk, griped Terry.
Hey! You’re not hyperventilating anymore, are you?
So, all that smack talk was for my benefit? Is that what you’re trying to say?
Pffff. Of course not. It just came with the side benefit of distracting you while you walked up to the gate. Which reminds me. You’re there. You should start paying attention again.
Terry glanced around and realized that he was indeed approaching the guards. They looked less actively suspicious than they had earlier, which Terry found both relieving and annoying. It was relieving because it meant less of a chance of trouble. It was annoying because it meant that the stupid voice in his head had been right to distract him. Almost as if on cue, he could feel a bit of smugness radiating from the place in his head where other-Terry resided. He had to concentrate on not rolling his eyes otherwise the guards might get the idea he was dismissing them. It didn’t matter that he was pretty sure he could walk right through them. He didn’t want that kind of trouble. He didn’t want any trouble. He drew to a stop a few feet away from the guards.
“Purpose for your visit?” asked the bigger of the two guards.
He was a beefy man with hard, brown eyes. Terry thought the guy looked like someone who enjoyed his burgers and beer a little too much. Then again, standing outside a gate to question anyone who came in had to be a really boring, really tedious job most days. Walking down to the tavern to knock back a few after work was probably a mental health activity for these guys. Terry felt Kelima glance at him. She was probably looking for some kind of a signal about whether she should take the lead, but he was pretty confident that would only make things worse. Not because she’d do anything in particular wrong, but because it would no doubt make the already suspicious guards wonder why he wasn’t talking. So, Terry hiked up his big boy boxers, put his social aversion in time out, and answered the question.
“Just here to visit a market, pick up some supplies, and make a quick stop.”
The other guard eyed him up and down before he asked, “Supplies for what?”
The question was annoying but still likely fell within the bounds of being a reasonable one for the guards to ask someone they thought was acting shifty. It didn’t make Terry any more inclined to answer it. Internally, he waffled for a moment. He could put an end to this right now if he just showed them his Adventurer’s Guild credentials. The guards would become immediately friendly and wholly uninterested in his activities the second they saw he was a rank two adventurer. That would solve the problem in front of him.
He also knew that disinterest on their part would only last until he was physically out of their sight. As soon as he was gone, the word would spread like wildfire that a rank two was in the city. Irritating, self-entitled people he didn’t want to deal with would come oozing out of every nook and cranny before he could safely escape beyond the walls again. And that’s when the trouble would start. That’s when it always started. Terry made up his mind before the silence stretched out long enough to be even more suspicious.
“We’re headed to Calaan Mountains,” said Terry.
It was true. It was a very nonspecific truth, but Wyvern Peak was in that mountain range.
“And what are you planning to do there?” asked the big guard.
Terry never got the chance to formulate an answer to that because Kelima injected herself into the conversation. She leveled a glare of such towering distrust on the two guards that they both stepped back.
“That’s the kind of question corrupt guards ask when they’re planning on setting someone up to be robbed and killed.”
“What?” shouted the bigger guard. “How dare—”
“Given that the Calaan Mountains aren’t even in this kingdom, what possible reason could you, Mister City Gate Guard,” her words dripping acid and disdain, “have for asking other than setting us up?”
“You’re— You’re twisting this all up. It’s our job to ask questions,” said the slightly desperate-sounding smaller guard.
“Not about things that aren’t going to happen in this city,” snapped Kelima.
She took an aggressive step closer to the two men, who each took another step back. It was everything Terry could do to keep a straight face as he watched all five-and-half feet and a hundred pounds of Kelima drive back the much more physically intimidating guards through sheer force of personality.
“Now, see here, Miss—” started the smaller guard.
“I have half a mind to lodge a formal complaint with the captain of the City Guard. And if they won’t listen, maybe I’ll lodge one with my guild,” she said, pulling out her Adventurer’s Guild credentials. “I bet they’d be very interested to know why you were interrogating adventurers about where they were going and what they were going to do there! I’m sure you know how the Guild feels about people setting adventurers up to get killed.”
Terry wasn’t familiar enough with the guild or their history to know how serious that threat was until both guards went pasty white. Pretty damned serious, I guess, thought Terry. Well, that’s good to know for future reference. Not that Terry planned to lean on that kind of undisguised threat very often in the future. He expected it was the kind of thing that would draw as much trouble as it solved. Still, he figured it was always nice to have something like that ready to pull out of his back pocket. He kept his straight face as the guards suddenly became very interested in letting him and Kelima into the city without any additional delays or questions. As they were walking through the gate, Kelima stopped and looked back at the guards.
“If we get attacked out there by some criminal trash,” said Kelima while radiating unalloyed malice, “I know who to come looking for when I’m done killing them.”
Terry hadn’t thought it possible, the both guards managed to go even paler. The bigger of the two looked like he might lose bowel control at any moment. Apparently satisfied that she’d conveyed her death threat with sufficient force, she turned away from the guards and started walking again. Terry trailed along in her wake. They hadn’t planned it, but he thought that this might be the best possible outcome for him. Terry doubted those guards were going to give him another thought. At least, he didn’t think they would anytime in the next day or two. They were going to be worrying about Kelima and what she might do.
Once they were well clear of the gate, Terry moved up so they were side-by-side again. It was his turn to give her the side-eye, and he noticed that her cheeks were bright red. He lifted an eyebrow at that.
“Well played,” he observed.
Her cheeks went even redder. He didn’t think that she was embarrassed by the praise, so it had to be something else.
“You don’t seem happy.”
“Ugh,” she moaned.
“What?” asked Terry. “It worked. That’s what matters.”
“I know it worked. It was just so… Oh, it was just so commonplace. Yelling at them. Throwing around naked threats. I can’t imagine what my mother would say if she heard about it. Actually, I can, which is even worse.”
“Seriously?” asked Terry.
“I’m supposed to be a subtle and refined noblewoman. There was nothing refined about that.”
“I guess I’m not the only one with issues,” muttered Terry.
“What?” demanded Kelima.
“Nothing,” said Terry. “Listen. I’m no kind of sage, but even I know enough to dole out this little kernel of wisdom.”
“What kernel?” asked Kelima, suspicion writ large across her features.
“Learn to take the win.”
“But—” started Kelima.
Terry held up a hand and, enunciating each word, said, “Take. The. Win.”
Kelima stared at him for a few seconds. She looked like she was about to object again but Terry’s raised eyebrow stopped her.
Looking and sounding like a sullen teenager, Kelima said, “Fine.”
“That’s the spirit,” said Terry as he reached out and patted her head a few times.
It took about three steps before Kelima seemed to realize what he’d done. Her eyes blazed with anger.
“I’m not a—”
“Hey,” interrupted Terry as he looked around in confusion. “Do you have any idea where we are? Or, maybe more importantly, do you know where we’re going?”
Kelima’s gaze darted back and forth across the immediate area before she said, “Oh shit.”
“Now that was very refined.”
“I hate you so much right now.”
“Wait until you get to know me.”
Comments
Benjamin White
Once again NAILED IT
Angela Roberts
I'm so laughing! It was the head patting. Icing on a perfect banter cake!
Rocinante
10/10 banter.
