Bag of Depravity
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Master of Death, Lover of Witches: Chapter 37
🕑 Added 2025-09-11 08:02:29 +0000 UTCA/N: There might be a few more typos than usual in this one. I try not to spellcheck too late at night because tired eyes miss too much, but sometimes it can't be avoided.
Chapter 37
Wedding Bells
Wedding bells were ringing at Greengrass Manor.
On the front lawn, Harry stood in fancy dress robes. Facing him, lined up in white dresses, stood Daphne, Astoria, and Anastacia. They all looked beautiful in their own way, but Harry thought Anastacia looked the best. Her smile was so bright.
“For the record, you don’t have to marry me now,” Harry reminded the daughters.
“We know. We want to,” Daphne said. She smiled like her mother, looking more relaxed than Harry had ever seen her.
“Yes. The political opportunities as a wife of the Boy Who Lived…” Astoria said.
Her nefarious plotting was cut short as her mother rubbed the top of her head.
“Mum! My hairstyle!” Astoria complained.
“But Harry,” Anastacia said, ignoring her daughter. “Do you really know someone who can officiate?”
“Well… He claims that he can.”
A pop sounded on the manor’s lawn. Not just one, either. At least three dozen house elves arrived bearing chairs and dressed in typical scavenged elf clothes. The outlier by way of garb was the elf that arrived next to Harry, wearing priest robes that were much too big for him, the lower portions dragging.
“Dobby is here, Harry Potter sir!” he announced.
“It seems like you brought friends,” Harry observed.
“No wedding is proper without an audience!” Dobby said. “You can trust Dobby, sir. Dobby has married hundreds of elves before. Not so many wizards… But it’s the same, no?”
“I am not being married by an elf!” Astoria said.
Daphne rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a brat, Astoria. I want this to happen as soon as possible.”
The house elves set up the chairs they’d brought with them. There was even an extra one, which Lord Greengrass sat in, smiling and humming while drawing with crayons. He had taken a liking to them ever since Anastacia gave him one to sign the divorce papers. He was a great fan of the “Pwetty colors!”
Instead of a chair, Dobby had brought a stepping stool. He put it on the ground and climbed up it, standing next to Harry. The Greengrasses formed a line from youngest to oldest. Astoria stepped forward, and Harry took her hands in his.
“Since your intention is to be marrying, please hold each other’s fingers and declare all your consent,” Dobby said.
Harry and Astoria smiled at each other, Astoria’s noticeably more calculating. She was already thinking of benefits this could get her down the line… including continuous access to Harry’s dick. There was no way she was losing out on that.
“Do you, Harry Potter sir, take this fine ladies to be your wife, in clean times and dirty ones, through busy days and boring days, to work in unison on the many chores of life?”
“I do,” Harry said.
“Do you, pretty Miss Lady, take the extravagantly and overwhelmingly wonderful Harry Potter sir as your husband, in clean times and dirty ones—”
“I do!” Astoria said, cutting Dobby off before he could even mention her and chores in the same sentence.
“Of course you do,” Dobby said. “Harry Potter sir is a hunk. And you two?”
“I do,” Daphne said.
“I do as well,” Anastacia said.
Dobby giggled. “Then kiss the brides!”
Instead of a chaste peck, Harry pulled Astoria close to him and held her bum, bridging their mouths with his tongue. He left her seeing stars and did the same to Daphne. When it was Anastacia’s turn, he dipped her back as if they were ballroom dancing. She kicked her leg up, throwing around the hem of her white dress. The crowd cheered, including Lord Greengrass… Or Aquinas Nott, given that his marriage had been revoked. He didn’t know what he was cheering for, only that the elves around him were doing it, and he wanted to take part.
When Harry helped a blushing Anastacia stand up straight, he turned to Dobby. “I bet you’ve never married four people at the same time.”
“That is true,” Dobby said. “You need to be upping your games, sir.”
“...Upping?” Harry asked.
“Only three?” Dobby shook his head. “Those be rookie numbers, Harry Potter, sir.”
Harry got a strange feeling along his spine. He turned around and looked at the crowd of house elves Dobby brought along. He hadn’t paid attention to it before, but they were all women.
“Dobby,” Harry said. “Are those all…”
Dobby leaned toward him, putting the back of his spindly hand to his lips. “Girls be loving bad boys. That will be two Knuts for the wedding services, sir.”
It was a bargain price for the service offered, Harry immediately fishing out the pair of coins, but every last one of Dobby’s wives swooned, giggling and covering their faces. An elf who asked for payment? Unheard of. Devious, even.
Apparently, that was hot.
Dobby pocketed the coins.
“Please, Harry Potter sir, call Dobby again if you find another wife or ten you wants to be marrying.”
“Will do, Dobby,” Harry promised.
“Is that it? Are we done?” Astoria asked.
She sounded in a rush, most likely hoping to drag Harry back to their bedroom. It had been six hours since their last shag. Too much, in Astoria’s view.
“One last thing, dear,” Anastacia said. “We need to inform the Malfoys that the betrothal agreement has been annulled.”
“We’re coming along for that,” Daphne said.
Her tone brooked no disagreement. Astoria nodded, forgetting about her rush to get back inside. Now that neither of them were due to be pawned off, they wanted nothing more than to see Draco’s face when the news was broken.
“We’ll all go,” Harry said. “Do you want a chance to change your clothes?”
The Greengrass ladies looked down at their wedding gowns.
“We’ll go this way,” Anastacia said, smiling deceptively innocently.
Harry laughed. “Then hold on.”
They grabbed his elbows. Before they disappeared, Dobby asked, “Can Dobby come too?”
“Feel free,” Harry said.
When the Apparated, Dobby followed them. If there was one person who would get more pleasure out of a distraught Malfoy than the girls who had been meant to marry Draco, it would be the elf the Malfoys spent years abusing.
None of them realized yet how satisfying the scene they were teleporting into would be.
O-O-O
Daphne gasped as the Apparition sensations faded. “How on earth did you bring us through the wards?”
They’d arrived directly inside the wrought iron gates at the start of the driveway. Harry turned his head, slightly confused.
“I did intend to go through the wards… but I didn’t have to,” he said. “They’re gone.”
The driveway was lined by tall hedges. Down at the far end, the three of them could hear a serious ruckus. They looked at each other. Dobby was the first to run forward.
“What could it be? I wonders!” he chirped.
Dobby, better than anyone, knew that Lucius Malfoy hated nothing more than a ruckus. He also greatly hated fracases, hubbubs, and brouhahas of any sort. For something that included so much banging and loud pounding sounds to be occurring, there was no way Lucius would stand for it. So this had to be something completely outside his control.
The hedge that lined the driveway curved right and left, opening into a lawn in front of imposing front doors. When Harry and company arrived, they were startled to find that they were just some of many. At least a hundred witches and wizards were moving around for various reasons.
Harry’s eyes were drawn to a man standing on the front step with his arms crossed. Sandy hair combed back, Ted Tonks was beaming as he watched people enter and leave Malfoy Manor.
“Remember, folks! No offer is too low!” he said.
Draco Malfoy appeared next to Ted. He was snarling, which gave him the impression of a rabid dog. Not a scary one. One of those crusty little ones that are always livid about life, and usually hanging off the arms of a rich housewife.
“You have no right to do this! I’ll have the Aurors put you down!” Draco said.
“What a horrible thing to say to your uncle.”
“You’re no uncle of mine, Mudblood filth!”
Ted Tonks just looked at him before turning his head to a blond woman standing just inside the door. “You’ve done a great job raising him, Narcissa. Andi would be so proud of you.”
Narcissa didn’t answer. Her chin was tucked against her neck, her head pointed steadfastly down.
“Do you know why she’s not screaming at me, Draco?” Ted asked. “Because she’s the one who asked for this. So be a good boy and shut up like your mommy.”
Draco grabbed his wand. Before he could do anything with it, he was flipped upside down and hoisted into the air by his ankle. Harry strolled up to Ted.
“That’s illegal,” Ted informed him, inclining his head at the hovering Draco.
“It would be self-defense, if I was doing anything,” Harry said. “But my wand’s not even out. See?”
Harry held up his empty palms. Ted nodded. “That’s a compelling defense. There’s no way a wizard your age would know wandless magic, after all. That would make him the second coming of Albus Dumbledore.
“Ridiculous,” Harry agreed. “So… What’s going on here?”
Ted spread his hands at the commotion. People were bustling into Malfoy Manor at the same time that others were coming out. The ones leaving all carried something, be it portraits, furniture, or jewelry.
“The Malfoys went bust,” he said.
Harry blinked. “Was it the half-blood bill?”
“What, that line about payments being made from the Malfoy family vault?” Ted shook his head. “No, that was illegal from the start, so nothing came of it. They were sued.”
Harry knew that Ted had been handling a case against the Malfoys. He heard as much from Ted himself when he was at the DMLE following the dragon debacle. Still, for the Malfoys’ wealth to be drained to the point of having to sell possessions…
“Just how much were they sued for?”
“Lots,” Ted said. “But that was only the beginning. The investigation started looking at whether Lucius might’ve been involved in under the table dealings with the Ministry. It wasn’t the first time that was tried. It always hit a wall when the Minister himself intervened. But what do you know, Fudge suddenly changed his tune! He spilled everything, from times Lucius bought him coffee to off-the-books thousand Galleon payments. It’s the end of his political career, but all he asked in return was a night with the investigator we sent to interrogate him.”
“Wow. I wonder what could have changed about Fudge,” Harry said robotically. He would have to check in on Death soon. Also, what was that about banging the investigator?
Ted shrugged. “I guess he grew a conscience later in life. Needless to say, Lucius went down faster than a dragon with its wings tied. He’s in Azkaban already. To cover the many debts that have sprung up, now that the Malfoys can no longer pay off anyone who tries to sue them, Malfoy Manor is undergoing a garage sale.”
“So why are you here? Are you buying?” Harry asked.
Ted grinned. “Oh, I’d never. I’m just a humble lawyer. But you see, when I took this case, I recall Lucius telling me he would ruin my family’s lives. So I volunteered to help run this sale, so I could watch his family break. So far it’s been wonderful.”
Whistling, he turned around and jogged over to a couple coming out carrying a table, speaking to them and convincing them to lower their best offer.
Anastacia leaned forward to speak in Harry’s ear. “You know frightening men.”
“Ted’s a sweetheart,” Harry said. “Just… don’t say anything about his family.”
Suddenly, Narcissa appeared in front of them. She had spotted Anastacia. She grabbed Anastacia’s wrist.
“Your daughters,” Narcissa said. “Have they made their choice? How quickly can the wedding go through?”
She had seen the dresses the Greengrasses were wearing. Hope entered her eyes, which before had been hollow. Harry clicked his tongue. They couldn’t have that.
He grabbed Daphne and Astoria on the bums and kissed both of them on the lips. Daphne looked embarrassed by the crowd that was watching them, while Astoria relished the chance to prove that she was his. Still stuck in the air, Draco began thrashing.
“Get off my fiance!” he protested.
“About that…” Anastacia said. “The deal is off. We’ve decided to break away from tradition. I’m sure you understand. The only reason we came today was to inform you that we’re annulling the engagement agreement.”
Narcissa’s arms fell limp.
“Ooh,” Ted said, coming back to watch the show. “That’s tough.”
“You can’t just decide that! Where is Lord Greengrass?” Draco demanded.
“Technically? He’s right in front of you,” Anastacia said. “That would be Harry Greengrass-Potter. My previous husband signed the divorce papers this morning with his favorite crayon.”
Draco’s face looked exactly as you might expect. Harry canceled the spell keeping him in the air and let him fall to the ground. He landed in a heap and didn’t pick himself up.
“Hey,” Ted said brightly, like he hadn’t just watched a boy’s dreams get crushed like an egg under tank treads, “while you’re here, you should take a peek in the back yard.”
Based on how confused Anastacia looked, the yard wasn’t something Malfoy Manor was known for. Harry had certainly never heard anything about it. His curiosity was piqued.
Ted took them around the side of the mansion. Daphne, who was the first to turn the corner, froze as soon as she did. “What on earth is that?”
Harry joined her and craned his neck back. Barely eighty meters away was the largest magical construction site he’d ever laid witness to. Malfoy Manor was a towering building that could conceivably house a family of fifteen. This behemoth, once completed, was going to be three times the size. And standing on the lawn in front of it, wearing a hard hat to go with his shiny gold robes, was a Weasley.
“Arthur! Look who showed up!” Ted said.
Arthur Weasley spun around. He smiled, and Harry saw that something had been done to his teeth. Some of them were now gold to match his robes.
“Ted! Wonderful of you to swing by! Listen, tell me what you think… would a second swimming pool be considered overkill?”
“What is overkill, but the heart being allowed to run wild?” Ted said sagely.
“True. True! Go through with it!” Arthur yelled over his shoulder. He turned back to Ted. “Now, what can I help you with? Did you need help running the garage sale? Or were you interested in a loan for Nymphadora’s first house? Honestly, I wouldn’t even need you to pay it back—”
“That’s alright. Appreciated, but not necessary,” Ted said. “No, Arthur. Look who showed up.”
Arthur finally noticed Harry. His face lit up, and Harry wasn’t referring to the sun shining off his metallic teeth.
“Harry! You’re here!” He swept Harry into a hug, which Harry returned, regardless of how confused he was about the changes the man had undergone. “Ron said that you would be coming a bit later, but we weren’t sure where you’d gotten off to! And these are…” Mr. Weasley looked at the Greengrasses, dressed in their distinctly bridal outfits. “Oh dear. More.”
Harry smiled and swept his arm out. “Mr. Weasley, meet the Greengrass-Potters. Myself being one of them.”
He was a bit worried about what kind of reaction that would get, but Mr. Weasley only remained impassive for a moment before powering through with a smile. “Nice to meet you!”
“Likewise,” Anastacia said. “Say hi, girls.”
“Hi,” Daphne and Astoria chorused.
“But Mr. Weasley… What is this?” Harry asked.
“Well, it’s going to be our new house,” Mr. Weasley said. “Us, the Weasleys, and those who often stayed as guests. I came into a lot of money not too long ago, you see, and using that money, I was able to make a great deal more of it. The Malfoys had done all sorts of things over the years. Once I was rich enough to prove it, I found my way into a lot of their fortune as well.” He bent his knees and placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “If I were to dive into my money right now, and swim down, I would drown… as the happiest man in the world.”
Harry smiled a tad nervously. He was glad that Arthur was in such high spirits, he was just a bit concerned about how wildly he’d changed. “I thought you didn’t care much for money, Mr. Weasley.”
“Oh, I always was saying things like that, wasn’t I?” Mr. Weasley said. “Poor people do things like that, Harry, to try to make themselves feel better. They don’t need to anymore once they’re rich. I can buy anything now!” His face took on a moderately bemused expression. “Even a house big enough to handle my son coming home with multiple lovers.”
“Is that some kind of new trend among young people?” Ted asked.
“Well, it seems like it must be,” Mr. Weasley said.
“Ron and the Patils love each other very much,” Harry assured him. “I’m sure they won’t cause trouble.”
But this only made Mr. Weasley confused.
“Who mentioned Ron and his girlfriends?”
Harry froze. “But if not them, then who—?”
“Dad! We’re here!”
Charlie Weasley, the second-eldest and burliest Weasley, came into sight walking around the corner of Malfoy Manor. Next to him was a supernaturally gorgeous blond woman with, if you looked very carefully, a slight bulge in her stomach. Then, behind them, came two new blond women who looked like they could be the first one’s sister. After that was two more. And after them—
You get the picture.
“Hey Dad! We came to check out how the new house was coming!” Charlie said. “Oh, Harry. Good to see you mate.”
Charlie was a handsome bloke, but he’d taken on noticeable wrinkles across his forehead and jowls since Harry last saw him in the Dolomites, despite only being twenty four years of age.
“Yeah,” Harry said. “Nice to see you too. You’ve been… busy.”
“He would have been even busier, were he not so quick to tire,” said the woman next to Charlie. Behind her, the others muttered in Italian, agreeing with her accented English. Having half a coven of veela hanging around was making the construction grind to a halt as the men working took impromptu breaks to flex in the veelas’ direction. Meanwhile, the coven was pulling the shoppers from Malfoy mansion toward them as well, forming a crowd. Narcissa Malfoy came to see what the cause was, and Mr. Weasley spotted her.
“Narcissa!” he said. “I was looking for you earlier. I’m glad I caught you. I've heard that money has gotten incredibly tight.”
Narcissa recoiled. “You, better than anyone, would know—!”
“Please, I don’t want to fight.” Mr. Weasley put his hands over his heart. “Having a child at Hogwarts is expensive. It can be hard to keep up with the costs that come up. So I thought I would offer you a job. As an olive branch.”
“A… job?” Narcissa said.
“Yes! I’d make sure the pay was enough to cover yours and Draco’s expenses. After all, I’ve got more than enough money to part with some. You would just be helping around our new and expanded house. Molly works hard, but in a space so big she won’t be able to manage it alone.”
“You’re asking me to be a maid.”
“You could describe it as such,” Arthur admitted. “Or, just think of it as ‘hired help’.”
Narcissa opened her mouth. Whatever her first instinct was to say, she bit her tongue and stopped it. Slowly, she lowered her gaze. With an entire crowd watching, she said, “I’ll think about it.”
Mr. Weasley beamed. “You’ll know where to find me— Right next door.”
The woman standing closest to Charlie nudged his shoulder. “That one is not too bad,” she said, nodding toward Narcissa. “Perhaps we could find uses for her.”
“Amara, Shh!” Charlie said. “Don’t say that so loudly.”
“Bah! You lack balls,” she said. She looked down at her stomach. “Well, not completely…”
The rest of the women giggled, patting their stomachs. Charlie let out a sigh that was one half I’m so lucky and one half there’s no way out of this one. Dobby approached him in the house elf’s best attempt at a surreptitious manner.
“If yous ever be needing a wedding officiated, sir, give Dobby a call,” he said. “Group weddings is Dobby’s specialty.”
Comments
Bag of Depravity
He showed up for a bit in Chapter 33 as well. When Kingsley got dropped onto the Veela reserve with him.
MyAfroAteMyDog
I was wondering if we were ever going to find out what happened to Charlie
