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Chapter no.28 Hunter and Hunted

🕑 Added 2024-07-28 08:52:22 +0000 UTC
Chapter no.28 Hunter and Hunted

Comments

Muhammad Hasnain

Okay, so I changed the stealing to some more along the lines of Austin knows that it's wrong but also knows that he will have better chances if he took them and the prisoners start offering him deals for food. This decision added the despair of the prisoners to the point that they would throw out thousands of dollars of items and valuable just to get more food and it also doesn't make Austin too much of scum. Reread the chapter and tell me if it reads better or not

Muhammad Hasnain

Yes, since Austin knows no one would follow if they knew that behind the paper bag is a 10 year old.

Muhammad Hasnain

Hmm, I guess it was a greed meets opportunity moment more along the lines of Austin knowing that it's wrong but the situation calls for it as he plans use the items to get a better chance to fight Arianna. Will this gave consequences yes ? Anyways, I think I'll add a inner monologue as Austin justifies to himself that stealing these items and when no one calls him out he feels confident that he isn't doing anything wrong. Essentially the moment was to add Austin's character flaws that he is an opportunist which I think is consistent with his morally grey character. Anyways I am currently writing the next chapter and I'll add the inner monologue later after chapter Austin vs Arianna. What do you think?

Rhett Sellers

The lack of contractions

Rhett Sellers

The dialogue felt a bit formal for the speech. Is this Austin trying to sound older?

Rhett Sellers

I think the opportunistic stealing feels a bit off. What kinds of things happened to him in his past life to teach him thats acceptable? Nothing in this one I read would indicate he had that behavior in him. There are critical supplies when in need, there is payment for services rendered, etc, most of those are what people use to justify their behavior. This feels more like greed meets opportunity. I would get into his head a little more as to the why of this unusual behavior, or plan to explore it a bit later on. Not everything needs to be explained away at once, but this is a flag i think most will raise eyebrows at.


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