Adamo Amet
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Chapter no.55 I Have A Diamond Cock
🕑 Added 2024-05-12 05:31:38 +0000 UTCI've was wary of Mizuki, and there's a saying that I trusted him about as far as I could throw him.
Reflecting on that now, I realized that might not be the best way to measure trust; with enough effort and my sheer force jutsu, I could probably hurl Mizuki quite a distance.
As I walked into the Infirmary to meet him, Mizuki greeted me with a broad smile, congratulating me on my recent exam performance.
He was putting on a good show, but that smile of his? It didn't quite reach his eyes.
It felt off, and I knew better than to take it at face value.
His acting might fool someone else, but not me — and definitely not the system.
[ Alert: Reputation Change with Touji Mizuki ]
[ Previous Status: Despised ]
[ New Status: Midas' Hand ]
....
[ Midas' Hand: ]
- [ Description: Granted to non-players with whom the player has a negative reputation. ]
- [ Effect: Mizuki will seek to undermine Naruto, turning seemingly beneficial actions into harmful outcomes. ]
- [ Warning: Engagements with Mizuki may appear promising but are likely to lead to adverse results. Proceed with caution. ]
Mizuki had just pitched an "extra credit exam" that suspiciously involved stealing the Forbidden Scroll of Seals.
As I stood there listening, my mind raced through my options.
On one hand, I could just march right up to the Hokage's office and spill the beans about Mizuki's plan.
That would surely land him in jail.
On the other hand.
[ Alert: World Quest ]
[ Quest Title: Knowledge is Power ]
[ Objectives:
- Infiltrate the Hokage's Library.
- Acquire the Forbidden Scroll of Seals.
- Escape undetected with the Forbidden Scroll of Seals.
- Deliver the Forbidden Scroll of Seals to the designated secret location.
- ?
- ?
- (Bonus Objective)
- (Bonus Objective) ]
[ Rewards:
- 2000 Experience Points per completed objective.
- Additional 1000 Experience Points for completing any bonus objectives.
- A scenario that will enable Naruto Uzumaki to learn the truth about why he is hated. ]
[ Penalty for Failure: Capture and imprisonment. Decrease in reputation within Konoha. ]
The promise of uncovering the hidden truth was incredibly tempting.
If I turned down this chance, would another opportunity ever come up?
What was this secret the system was dangling in front of me?
Was it tied to why the Hokage himself delivered a monthly stipend to me?
Why I was always looked at with those eyes full of disdain?
Was this connected to the Uzumaki clan or was it something entirely different?
But let's be honest—I know I can be a bit of a fool sometimes.
Yet, even a fool can see the reality of a situation when it's staring him in the face. This mission was dangerous; if I was really going to steal the forbidden scroll, I had to bring my A-game.
I shifted my stance, my gaze inadvertently drifting to the inventory.
I clenched the rune tightly in my hand, feeling its cool, smooth surface against my skin.
"Please, something powerful, please," I muttered under my breath, squeezing my eyes shut.
It felt more like I was making a birthday wish than activating a magical item.
[ Item Notification: Skill Rune Stone ]
[ Status: Used ]
[ Acquired Skill: Earth Style: Diamond Skin ]
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[ Skill: Earth Style: Diamond Skin ]
[ Level: 1 (Active) ]
[ Chakra Points (CP) Required: 100 per inch ]
[ Description: A B rank jutsu that coats the user's body in earth chakra, manipulating it into a diamond lattice to create a diamond coating for one minute. ]
[ Passive Enhancements: ]
- [ Earth Affinity: Allows manipulation of the ground for defense and attack, solid and reliable. ]
[ Active Effects: ]
- [ Durability: Applies the durability of diamond to the coated area. ]
[ Warning: Use on mobile parts causes stiffness, preventing movement. To remove the immobilization debuff, increase the skill level. ]
______________________________________
As I reached the rooftop, Sasuke was already there, casually sitting on the handrail like he owned the place.
"What took you so long?" Sasuke asked with his usual cool demeanor.
I rolled my eyes at his impatience. "Whatever, let's just get this over with," I muttered, more eager than I let on to test out my new skill.
"Indeed," Sasuke replied, almost as if he sensed my urgency.
He didn't waste another moment, appearing right in front of me in a blur.
His feint was smooth and deceptive, his body twisting slightly to mask his true intentions. Sasuke's leg swept around in a swift, circular motion—a round kick targeting directly at my shoulder traps.
I reacted instinctively, channeling earth chakra to my shoulder.
As I concentrated, the chakra began to crystallize, morphing into an intricate diamond lattice shape.
The fine, geometric pattern sparkled as it formed, each line clear and precise.
As this transformation unfolded, the dust particles in the air were drawn to the charged chakra lattice.
They clung to it, layer by layer, until a solid shell or armor of diamond emerged, encasing my shoulder traps just in time to intercept Sasuke's kick.
Sasuke's kick landed hard against the diamond-hard barrier.
I couldn't help but wince inwardly for him as I saw his expression contort.
His face twisted in a mix of agony and surprise, trying desperately to hold back a scream.
It was fair, really; he had just kicked diamond with his shin.
Internally, I was buzzing with excitement. The skill worked even better than I'd hoped, and the look on Sasuke’s face was an added bonus.
Sasuke jumped back, and I instantly recognized his stance—he was gearing up for the Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu.
His Sharingan was already active, a sure sign he meant business.
I wasn’t about to just stand there; I responded with my own Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu.
As our fireballs collided, they exploded with a deafening roar, the force of the blast sending a rush of hot air swirling around us. The heat prickled against my skin, and the light from the flames briefly lit up the entire rooftop like a sudden burst of daylight.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sasuke weaving signs for another jutsu.
A giant cloud of smoke erupted and began to swirl around us, obscuring my vision.
I could tell he was moving within it, probably circling around for a better angle.
"New jutsu, Teme!" I yelled out, more to provoke him than anything else.
I wasn’t really worried; closing my eyes, I tapped into the Mind’s Eye to pinpoint his location.
The swirling smoke might have confused anyone else, but I wasn’t just anyone.
I played along, pretending the smoke was disorienting me, periodically turning my head as if searching blindly. When I sensed Sasuke had paused, likely thinking he had me baffled, I decided it was time to surprise him.
As I turned my back, feigning vulnerability, Sasuke struck, launching two kunai wired with ninja wire at me.
I spun around just in time to catch them, my fingers brushing against the cold metal. I felt a pulse of fire chakra building in Sasuke’s lungs, ready to turn this setup into a fiery trap.
"Dumbass."
Before he could unleash whatever he planned, I quickly cast a Genjutsu Ensnarement.
....
Sasuke felt the smoke around him morph unsettlingly into an orange goo, which then grotesquely formed into a giant head of Naruto.
The exaggerated features of Naruto's face loomed over him, the familiar grin stretched grotesquely wide.
"Dattebayo!" the giant head screamed, its voice echoing around him, and Sasuke felt a chill of mortification.
He frantically tried to break the genjutsu, pouring his chakra into dispelling the illusion, but to no avail.
"Why isn't it breaking?" Sasuke thought desperately, his fingers forming seals rapidly.
His frustration mounted with each failed attempt.
"Because I am reapplying the genjutsu again and again, faster than you can break it. You should really work on your chakra control, teme," the floating Naruto head taunted him with a smugness that made Sasuke grit his teeth.
Sasuke clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Teme," the head mimicked him mockingly.
"Hn," Sasuke grunted, trying to maintain his composure under the absurdity of the situation.
"You know, if I hadn't ensnared you in this genjutsu, you would have killed us both," Naruto's voice came from the giant head, slightly more serious this time.
"Hn," Sasuke replied, confusion knitting his brows.
"Smoke and fire cause explosions, teme."
"Hn," Sasuke responded again, his expression shifting to surprise as the logic dawned on him.
"Don't 'Hn' me. So, you have two choices: either give up, and I'll give you this." The giant Naruto head turned, and from a swirl of white smoke, a figure emerged. Sasuke's eyes widened as a beautiful model walked out—her body was human, perfect in form, but absurdly, her head was a bowl of ramen.
"Isn't she beautiful?" the floating head joked.
"You have a problem," Sasuke retorted dryly, his voice flat, the situation straining even his usually stoic demeanor.
"So, are you going to accept it, or..." the floating head trailed off.
"Not—" Sasuke began to refuse.
The floating head gave Sasuke a look and then opened its mouth.
"Caw Caw Bitch!"
A bizarre rubber chicken noise echoed through the air, and just as Sasuke tried to make sense of the sound, the scene took an even stranger turn.
From the gaping mouth of the floating Naruto head, a muscular humanoid rubber chicken emerged. 
It strutted confidently towards Sasuke with a comically serious expression on its rubbery face.
Before Sasuke could even raise his guard, the rubber chicken swung a powerful punch.
It connected squarely with Sasuke's face, knocking him out cold in an instant.
As darkness closed in around him, the last thing Sasuke saw was the absurd figure of the rubber chicken flexing its muscles triumphantly, a ridiculous sight that would have been hilarious under any other circumstances.
....
"Should have listened, teme? Should have taken the ramen babe," Naruto chided, shaking his head at the unconscious Sasuke, with the rubber chicken casually perched on his shoulder.
"Anyways," Naruto mused aloud, "I tested the diamond skin; it's awesome, but the hampered mobility is quite the drawback." He glanced down at the rubber chicken, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "I wonder..."
Pausing for a moment, he channeled chakra into the rubber chicken, then performed the Earth Style: Diamond Skin jutsu.
To his delight and surprise, the rubber chicken shimmered, turning into a gleaming diamond statue.
"Haha, I have a diamond cock!" Naruto couldn't help but scream in excitement.
Just then, he heard a creak.
Turning around, Naruto saw the school janitor standing in the doorway, his eyes flicking from the knocked-out Sasuke and back to Naruto and then remembered Naruto's comment about his cock.
"Congratulations for coming out," the janitor said dryly, tipping his hat with a barely concealed smirk before slowly closing the door behind him.
.....
[ Author Note:
This was a really funny and fun chapter to write.
If you are reading this on Webnovel or Patreon, I have posted pics of the Naruto floating head, muscular chicken, and ramen babe.
Speaking of the absurdity, I hope you liked it.
I had fun because I think if Naruto in canon had genjutsu, he would totally be a troll.
Also, thoughts on the Earth Style: Diamond Skin Jutsu? I know many of you wanted Naruto to get Wood Style, but that didn't happen.
Will Naruto get Wood Style? Eventually, I guess.
Speaking of jutsu, where did Sasuke get a jutsu to blow out smoke?
Well, remember chapter 46 where Iruka proposed that everyone in the class should get a D rank elemental jutsu?
Sasuke chose the Smoke Cloud Jutsu, which complements the Fire Style: Fire Ball, as Sasuke uses the residual fire chakra to make the smoke.
Also, I added the special status: Midas' Hand, which is the opposite of Damocles's Sword.
Now, since Damocles's Sword was a reference to a Greek parable, what is Midas' Hand a reference to?
"The Midas Touch" originates from a Greek myth that illustrates the pitfalls of greed and the unintended consequences of seemingly favorable blessings. King Midas, renowned for his wealth, was granted a wish by the god Dionysus as a reward for his hospitality. Midas wished that everything he touched would turn into gold, a wish that was swiftly granted. Initially, Midas rejoiced as his touch turned branches, stones, and even his palace into gold, vastly increasing his wealth. However, his joy turned to horror when he found that his food and drink also transformed into inedible gold, and the true tragedy struck when he turned his beloved daughter into a golden statue with his touch. This story underscores the adage "be careful what you wish for" and serves as a cautionary tale about the destructive nature of avarice. Midas’ desperate plea to Dionysus to reverse the curse highlights the realization that true value lies not in gold but in life's intangible aspects, like love and connection.
....
Thank you for enjoying my work, and thank you for your support. I hope you guys have a blessed rest of the day, and please give me your thoughts in the comments.
Comments
Michel Smith
Naruto being a troll is hilarious 😂
Pheonixarcher
Very Naruto
Muhammad Hasnain
I just like the joke but kinda yeah, the rubber chicken is plank. Did you like Naruto's genjutsu trolling of Sasuke ? How was the comedy?
Pheonixarcher
I’m starting to think that the rubber chicken is to this story what Plank was to Ed Edd n Eddy
