Zachary Scott
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Chapter 36 - Impossibly Filthy
🕑 Added 2024-07-02 17:09:03 +0000 UTCLyria
I paced at the center of camp, gnawing on one of my nails. Brynn left to get firewood almost an hour ago. Before that, he’d been dumping poison all over his body, screaming bloody murder, and then repeating the process until I’d strongly suggested he take a break and gather some wood. When I decided to protect him, I had no idea I was also going to be protecting him from himself.
I had to admit it was a little fascinating to watch him. I had believed the things Circa told me about who he was and even the fact that The Nine really had been real. Still, it felt like my mind didn’t want to let the belief fully sink its claws in yet.
At first, I’d seen him as clueless. His type came through often enough, after all. Some royal outcast or wealthy merchant’s son. They’re given a few scraps and sent out into the world to “make something of themselves.” More often than not, they never make anything but a pile of blood and meat somewhere in a forest or cave. The family doesn’t have to worry about their dimwitted relative anymore, and life moves on. Everybody wins. Well, everybody except the new pile of meat, I suppose.
I thought Brynn was one of those types. He was just too open and trusting to be anything else, and I knew he’d be eaten alive by monsters or people looking to wrench that pretty helm off his head.
And now look at me.
I spat out a nail, feeling frustrated. What was I going to do if he got killed out there? Head back to Riverwell and die honorably with Jarn if that lich came screaming into town some day? Continue on to Thrask with the few paltry silver coins I had saved and hope I could find work? I could always run commissions for the adventurer’s guild on my own, but something about knowing I had a larval god at my side made that all seem a little more meaningful. After all, a god wouldn’t send himself back to the bottom if he didn’t know there was something in himself he could rely on, right?
Seraphel would’ve known what he was made of. He would’ve known what disadvantages he could endure.
Brynn did train like his hair was on fire. The man never seemed to stop. Every time I looked at him, he was in his own world, spraying that horrible-smelling poison everywhere, fiddling with his bottle, or with that odd stillness of body he got when he meditated. I’d never seen someone quite so driven to advance, and had to admit it was just a touch inspiring.
Just a touch.
I sighed, still walking in the same restless circle. I looked up at Kass, who was poking the dwindling fire with a long stick. “Bloody Steve will actually look for him, right?” I asked.
Kass tilted his head in thought. The man was obnoxiously handsome, but once you got past that, he was alright. “What else would he be doing? He said he’d look for him.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “What do strange tomte blood berserkers do when they’re alone?”
“You don’t want to know,” Perch said. As usual, he was striking a dramatic pose as he crouched and stared off into the trees. I was still in a little disbelief to be traveling with an actual party of adventurers. It made me feel like some faint glimmer of my mom was with me because I was probably experiencing some of things she had. Obvious the people and places were different, but this was the life she lived. She went out into the world and sought danger. She tried to help people, even when it meant going face-first into terrible places.
But at the moment, I needed to focus on worrying about the suicidal, manically training-obsessed godling, Brynn. I wasn’t sure how he’d survived his journey to godhood the first time, considering I was pretty certain he would’ve dumped poison on his head if I hadn’t intervened. Maybe drawing in suckers like me to keep him safe from himself was part of his secret the first time around.
Minara made me jump when she put a hand on my shoulder. She offered me a kind smile. The woman wasn’t what you would call conventionally attractive, but she had a calming way about her that I had to admit grew on me, even if she was a stuck-up Radiant. “He’ll be alright,” she said. “He probably went off to practice his abilities somewhere and got carried away.”
I tried not to look annoyed. Was it that obvious I was worried? “That does kind of sound like something he’d do.”
“Then again,” she said, frowning in thought. “I can also imagine him getting involved in a situation that most sane people would advise against. There’s a bit of a chaotic streak in him, isn’t there?”
I sighed. “Yes. I don’t think I have him figured out, yet. Honestly, we really haven’t known each other that long.”
“Really?” she asked. Minara somehow managed to keep her robe pristine at all times, even when we were traveling through the forest and getting kidnapped. I was beginning to think she had some kind of passive ability for it. I wouldn’t put it past the Radiants to have a passive dedicated to simply looking superior to everybody. Gods knew they did everything else they could toward that goal.
“I assumed you two were old friends,” Minara said, eyes twinkling with curiosity.
“Nope,” I said.
I’d spent several hours talking to Minara as we traveled, but she never asked how I knew Brynn. Instead, we’d mostly talked about the possibility of me switching corestones and joining the Radiants. She wasn’t convinced I’d be accepted, but I was interested and wanted to know more, all the same. Stuck-up snobs or not, there wasn’t a party on Eros who would turn away a Radiant. I could freelance for guards, get a cushy military position waiting at camp to heal the wounded, or I could even pick up a few low-risk commissions from the adventurer’s guild. Hell, I’d be able to find a small town somewhere without a healer and live a simple life, helping people who needed it.
But maybe I’d been kidding myself. I wasn’t sure any of that completely felt like me. This new adventuring streak was different. It was starting to feel right—like real life was breathed into me for the first time in as long as I could remember, and I was only just getting started.
“Huh,” she said, sounding thoughtful.
Perch let out a low whistle like a bird call, then jerked his head toward the woods.
I stared for several seconds before what I was looking at finally registered.
Brynn was limping toward us with an armful of at least ten weapons bigger than he was. He looked like he’d just been burrowing up some great giant’s nose and had been sneezed out.
I felt so much damn relief to see him in one piece that I wanted to punch him, just for putting us all through that. The big idiot had just got me feeling like my life had some purpose for once and then he had to go and make us all think he was dead somewhere.
Instead of punching him, I folded my arms and kept a safe distance. Part of me was almost tempted to hug him, then punch him, and I wasn’t about to risk that kind of nonsense. He was also filthy. Impossibly filthy.
“Oh, Dear,” Minara said, rushing toward him.
I stared in disbelief as he dropped the pile of weapons to the ground and flashed me a thumb’s up. His leg was drenched with blood and didn’t look so good, but his voice sounded normal. “Are these worth anything?” he asked from beneath that crazy helmet of his. “There are more, if we want to go back and get them.”
Minara was already focusing healing on his calf, which was torn open. He’d tied it off with a piece of his shirt. He looked like he’d been through hell and back.
“I told you to get firewood,” I said slowly. “What happened?”
“Well…” Brynn said. He was sitting with one leg out while Minara fussed over him. His clothes were torn in several places, and he was covered in sweat. “The real question is why the hell does any creature need four asses? Actually, no. The better question is what kind of fucked-up bug society feeds their mates to a giant maggot monster who digests them?”
“Uh,” I said slowly. “Did you hit your head somewhere?”
“Several times,” he said, voice laced with exasperation.
Minara moved her hand up to his head, muttering disapprovingly. “I’ll need to lift the helmet to—”
“No,” he said suddenly, reaching up and gripping the helmet so she couldn’t pull it off. “The head is fine. Thanks. If you don’t mind working on this one?” He turned to the side and showed her a gash below his arm.
Minara hesitated a moment, then nodded and began healing the gash.
Bloody Steve came tromping back into camp. He rubbed one hand on his bald head and took a look at Brynn. “Feckin’ hell, boy. You look like my dead brother, Lubed-Up Louie.”
“You had a brother named Lubed-Up Louie?”
Bloody Steve smacked Brynn on the back of the helmet. “No, of course not. That was a joke you thick-skulled giant. What kind of tomte woman with any self respect would bestow her spawn with an honor name like Lubed-Up Louie?”
“You’re right,” Brynn said, nodding. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Minara’s lip twitched and I had to cover my mouth to hide my smile.
“Oh,” Bloody Steve announced loudly. “I found Mr. Helmet, by the way.”
Once Minara finished treating his wounds, Brynn spent the next several minutes telling all of us the story of his unlikely escape from an entire town of carapax. He had the whole camp enthralled as he told the tale in a way I was almost certain he must have embellished. But how else would he have gotten his hands on ten carapax weapons? The alternative to his version of events would have been even more unbelievable. A Wood who just started learning his abilities—former god or not—wouldn’t have stood a chance.
“Welp,” Bloody Steve said, scratching his bare nipple. “Let’s get our asses to that queen. Sounds like nobody will be there to stop us from snatching up some nectar, eh? Tell you what,” he said, raising his voice so the townspeople could hear. “We get our hands on that nectar, and I’ll even cut you useless meat sacks in on the profits. What do ya say about that, eh?”
“Meat sack?” the little girl asked, sounding offended.
Her dad just patted her head. I could practically see the gold coins glistening in his eyes. I couldn’t say they weren’t glistening in mine a little, too. If we really did get our hands on carapax queen nectar, it could pay my normal wages for a year or two, even after splitting it with everybody.
Brynn dragged himself to his feet, pulled a little pink potion vial out of his belt full of pouches, and then chugged it. He stood a little straighter, rolled out his shoulders, and started following the others. It looked like we were all going to hold off sleep for a while longer.
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Patch notes (warning, these ones are kind of massive, sorry!) I'll probably come back in a couple days and remove these just so they aren't clogging up a chapter. And any newer people coming along will have just read the revised version and won't need them, anyway.
Mini note before I get into revisions: I'm sorry I haven't been active in replying to comments for the most part yet. Maybe glancing at these patch notes will give a glimpse into how busy I've been in the writing cave, though, haha. I'm also trying to get the Silver Rank Patrons more like 15-20 chapters ahead of RR, but that involves even more editing to get closer to my current in progress point in the word document. Now that I've got these revisions behind me, I should be able to start pushing forward faster and getting closer to that goal. So thank you for the patience as I kind of rockily get settled into everything over here.
So I spent the last couple days working on the scenes I was talking about in the poll. You all gave me some awesome feedback. I couldn't work everything in, but I sort of did my best to understand the goal of everybody's feedback and come up with a total version of events that hopefully addresses the root of the problem. In other words, if you made a suggestion you don't see implemented, it doesn't mean your suggestion didn't help me. The fact that you suggested X or Y probably helped me look at what did happen and say, "oh, they're right. I should find a better way to do that."
Anyway, there are three things you could do to experience the changes I made, which were pretty substantial. I'll start from easiest to hardest.
1) Keep reading like nothing changed. I've already went through and updated all the chapters to be consistent with the new events. The only thing you might be a little confused by is the connection between the lich and Morathai was removed completely. Rock also got to survive, but he stayed behind in Riverwell. Beyond that, there were some tweaks here and there but nothing so major it should really trip you up or confuse you at all going forward. So if you're not interested in learning what I changed or re-reading, don't worry about it! One of my big goals was not to waste anyone's time. I don't want you guys thinking you have to go backwards to keep enjoying the story. I got you covered! Just read on :)
2) Read my patch notes. If you're not interested enough to re-read the revised chapters, but you are curious to know what happened, I've got an in-between option. While it was all fresh in my head, I did my best to create chapter-by-chapter list of all the new events that deviate from the original. It came out to like 3,000 words, but it's still going to be a lot faster than re-reading chapters 17-23.
3) Start back at chapter 17 and read until Brynn meets up with Bloody Steve. After that, the changes all start to become pretty much logistical tweaks that aren't interesting. It's mostly me moving forward in future chapters to clean up places where he talks about Rock being dead (Rock lives, remember!) and a few mentions or thoughts about Morathai's connection to the lich. If you think re-reading sounds like fun, then please don't read past this point because there will be obvious spoilers for the revised chapters.
Summary of the massive revisions below
Late update today because I was scrambling to get this all ready in time, sorry!
Chapter 17 changes: Circa no longer tells Jarn they’ll travel with a small group to the infestation. Instead, she goes along with the original plan to accompany Jarn and a large group of 29 others (30, if you count Lyria). In total, they wind up heading out with a group of 32 adventurers and guards including Brynn, Lyria, Circa, and Rock.
This change caused a decent amount of re-writing early on in chapter 17 because in the original version, Brynn and Lyria showed some fear and trepidation at the idea of going with such a small group. The conversations and interactions are all tweaked now to reflect what they’re doing appropriately.
I also saw this as an opportunity to introduce Bloody Steve, Minara, Perch, and Kass a little earlier. After all, they were in town for the infestation in the first place (and got shafted out of the job in the original when Circa decided to go with the small group). Now, they get to come like they were expecting. So Brynn notices them here and there moving forward, but never gets as far as catching their names yet. The introductions to them in Chapter 23 are tweaked appropriately since he has seen them, but nothing there had to change too drastically.
Rock’s introduction was tweaked here as well. This time, he was already part of the group planning to go to the infestation, but he spots Circa and they clearly know each other from previous missions. She introduces him to Brynn and Rock still stiffs Brynn on the handshake. I tried to introduce him in a way that makes sense for Rock to still mostly hang around Brynn, Lyria, and Circa versus going off to be with the rest of the larger group.
There’s just some different wording to describe them leaving town because they’re now leaving at the tail end of a much larger group. So there’s some description of the scene of the large party getting ready to head out and Brynn’s thoughts are shifted a bit, given the change in atmosphere. He feels a little more like he’s going to war than going on a small-scale infiltration kind of mission like before.
The changes afterwards were thankfully pretty minor. Rock, Circa, Lyria, and Brynn are trailing behind the larger party as they head out over the hills toward the ruins. Brynn gets distracted once or twice as he takes in the sight of adventurers up ahead, nerding out just a bit as he admires the gleaming weapons and armor. Otherwise, the events play out largely the same. Now they’re at the tail end of a large party instead of completely isolated, and any areas where it made sense to mention the others ahead were included. There were one or two thoughts that were tweaked as well to match the different feeling going into the ruins with a larger party versus a small one.
Chapter 18: This one was also pretty unchanged other than in the way the end of chapter 17 changed. They’re behind a larger party now, so there was a tweak or two to keep that clear. Otherwise, it’s still Lyria’s perspective on seeing Brynn use his ability for the first time and her conversation with Circa.
I lost track a little bit, but I will note here that I tried to gently change Circa’s outlook on what was coming, along with everyone else’s. One piece of feedback I got made me think it felt like things happened too suddenly and unexpectedly. This time, you’ll get the slight sense that everybody knows what they’re about to do is very dangerous. Nobody expects it to go as badly as it does, but it feels less like they go in with 0% expectation of things going south. I tried not to be too heavy-handed with that, so I think it comes through in relatively subtle ways (at least I hope it does) because I still wanted to capture a degree of surprise. I’m just hoping the surprise feels more purposeful and intentional this time versus coming across as bad writing.
Chapter 19: Things start to change quite a bit here. Now, they’re entering the ruins with a group of 30+, so the number of events I could salvage from before dwindled. The descent down the stairs is similar because they’re at the back of the group. Once they enter the coliseum, it changes.
Now there is a relatively large-scale battle. I tried to preserve some of that build up and tension before the palefiends arrive, but expand it to the larger group as well. The fight feels more chaotic now because there is a lot going on outside Brynn and his smaller group. I won’t try to recap the whole thing, but I ended up trying to keep Circa’s abilities more in line with her role as a Heart class. Instead of giving her the amazing offensive ability to wipe out the remainder of the palefiends (and the implication that she was letting everyone struggle a bit for the purpose of training), she now shows her power by how heavily she buffs the group. She focuses most of her energy on Brynn, Lyria, and Rock, but saves a few of the other group members at various points during the battle.
The accomplishments are slightly different in how they’re described now, too. The secret messenger gives Brynn a (hopefully) humorous count of how many he killed and how he did it.
After the battle, it’s clear that everybody knows something is wrong in the ruins. Some of them want to leave because they know it’s far more dangerous than what they signed up for, but Jarn makes the point that reinforcements won’t come in time to stop whatever is growing in the ruins. If they leave, it’ll mean Riverwell’s destruction will likely be on all their consciences. I go into more detail to kind of explain the mechanics of how and why that is.
With some convincing, they end up staying to put down the threat, whatever it might be.
Specifically, Brynn asks Circa what she wants to do. It’s a clear decision point, now. She can make the choice that is best for her mission of helping Seraphel, or she can choose the decision that aligns with her personal morals to stay and help these people who need it. She’s happy that Brynn is letting her choose though and implies she would ultimately take his orders if he commanded her to leave. Instead, he puts it up to her and respects her autonomy. She chooses to help the town, which is maybe the first big shift in how I hope the events will feel, even if they end up playing out in a similar outcome.
They go into a room below the coliseum to rest and recover after the fight in preparation for the intelligent presence Circa suspects is still coming. I also introduce some terminology from future chapters a little earlier here. Instead of only referring to the lich as the lich, I also classify them as a “Forsaken,” which is explained as a person who corrupts their corestone with dark mana for increased power. I give a little more detail, too that explains how a Forsaken’s rank doesn’t directly align with an average person’s rank. A Forsaken Silver, for example, is very likely to outmatch a normal Silver, and so on.
Chapter 20 - The biggest changes start here. One of my major goals throughout these chapters was to give Circa’s death more meaning, and not just make it feel like a lazy plot device to provide Brynn motivation, which is how a lot of people unfortunately seemed to read it the first time around. I felt like the best way I could do that was to give Circa more agency and go deeper into why she wanted to face the threat in the ruins.
Part of that was the decision at the end of chapter 19. Now, you get a layer of Circa that probably wasn’t clear before. Before, it felt like her only goal and purpose in the story was to mentor Brynn and help him along his way. With the changes here, you’ll see another side of her. I’ll get a little more into that in this in a moment.
Another change is the scene here. They aren’t just in the same coliseum. They shift to a cramped hallway beneath the coliseum, now. There’s a long, central hallway and branching rooms. They divide up to recover while Jarn and some of the others kind of stand guard at the far end of the room, covering the stairs they came down.
The conversation as they rest is different, now. I refined a few minor things to provide more clarify on unrelated stuff later on in the story and flesh out some random ideas. But I also had Circa briefly explain some parts of her past that should give more context to her decisions in the ruins. She talks about how she actually didn’t want to be a Seeker when she was a girl. She was talented and people thought she’d wind up making it to Gold one day. The idea of wasting her potential to wait around and maybe help one person, even a god, felt wrong to her. I won’t try to explain it too heavily here because this kind of thing will sound really contrived if I spell it out. Basically, my goal was to make her feel again, like she was a person with agency who was making a decision that made sense. Importantly, I wanted it to feel like the decision was only partly about protecting Brynn. She’s making the decision to stay and fight against the danger because it’s what is important to her, not just because she’s trying to save him.
Anyway, there are some other minor tweaks here to the conversations, but that was the main goal I had for this chapter.
Chapter 21 - Again, this one is almost completely different. This time, the lich appears in the hallway and almost immediately starts killing people from the group. She’s a level 50 Silver now instead of a level 50 Gold. She’s still Forsaken, though, and outmatches Circa. It’s somewhat clear that the battle is one-sided, but Circa is able to weather the storm for a time as everything devolves around them this time.
Circa quickly gets her locked in a kind of one-on-one, but the carnage has already started. People are fighting off zombified adventurers and the lich punches a breach in the wall that lets in a massive “paleking” from a cave outside the room.
A fresh wave of palefiends comes rushing down the stairs, preoccupying the rest of the group as they try to hold them back.
Brynn wants to help Circa (obviously) but she clearly gets the point across that he and everyone else needs to run. Lyria, Rock, and Brynn end up making it into the breach where they see Bloody Steve fighting the paleking. Brynn risks his life to go back into the hallway and tell the others he sees another way back up and out of the chaos. There’s another set of stairs in the cave. Jarn tells someone to collapse the staircase that is overrun with palefiends. They bring it down and the survivors escape through the breach, killing the paleking, and then they’re forced to leave Circa to her battle. It’s clear that all any of them could do if they tried to help is get instantly killed. Circa urges them to run.
There’s a perspective shift once Brynn is gone. We see Circa’s final moments against the lich. She thinks about her parents and we see her relief to know she was able to save some of them. She knows she can’t find the lich’s phylactery, but she thinks maybe if she manages to defeat her, she could buy a good amount of time for Riverwell.
Another major change here is the lich doesn’t talk about Morathai at all. I haven’t changed my background plans regarding him and the things I originally had in mind, but that will just show itself in the story later on now instead of getting teased this early.
The lich does, however, tell Lyria that she “smelled the godling” and wonders if Circa was protecting them. She tries to guess which one it was and lists off a few from the group she saw, but doesn’t mention Brynn.
Realizing the lich suspected a god was among the group frightens Circa. She knows it means the lich won’t give up the hunt. She’ll wake up some day, if Circa manages to temporarily kill her, and she’ll go hunting to find Brynn. Circa speculates that a lich feasting on Brynn might even grant her his prestige benefits.
She resolves to do what she can. She knows she can’t escape. All she can do is hope to buy time by killing the lich in this form and forcing her to regenerate in her phylactery, which she implies will take a long time.
Circa surprises the lich by burning out herself to pull on a suicidal amount of mana (this danger gets hinted at in the ch 19 fight. One adventurer mentions someone who died burned themselves out, and Lyria briefly explains to Brynn what that means). Circa manages to kill the lich, but knows it will be back eventualy, and hopes Brynn will be ready when it finds him.
There’s more going on, but I felt a lot better about how this all played out for the characters involved. Specifically, I think Circa dies with far more honor and respect, now. I also think she dies as a more fully fleshed out character who made her own decisions and wasn’t simply used as a plot point to influence the MC. I’m not a perfect writer, but that was my main goal, and I hope I at least brought things closer to feeling that way.
Chapter 22 - There are some changes here. When they get to the surface, hardly anyone is alive. It’s basically the group Brynn will travel with after he leaves Riverwell (though he doesn’t know that now), Rock, Jarn, and a handful of guards.
Some of Brynn’s reactions are changed here to fit what happened more accurately. For instance, he doesn’t immediately know that Circa died, so that is appropriately changed, even though he saw the way the fight was going and probably does know deep down.
His exchange with Lyria is tweaked here, too. Mostly just because I re-read it and thought I saw some ways to improve it.
They still end up heading back to town, but now they don’t have to warn Jarn and the townspeople when they arrive (since Jarn was there already). They arrive to find Jarn telling a woman who is implied is a kind of mayor of Riverwell. The same sort of thing happens, but Jarn is mostly the one delivering the news, now.
They realize Rock is gone, and Kass explains that Rock went back to look for Circa.
Some similar things happen to before, but then Rock returns and confirms Circa is dead and he saw no sign of the lich. Nobody really seems to think the lich is dead, and the plans for evacuation and the reaction within the town proceeds in mostly the same way.
Chapter 23 - Things finally start to get more back to normal now. Circa is dead and Rock is alive. Brynn already saw Bloody Steve, Kass, Perch, and Minara from a distance. Brynn no longer has any idea about Morathai or who he is. Otherwise, he’s still troubled by the deaths he saw. I did make a pass at him explaining his motivations and his resolve moving forward, but it’s nothing too major.
Rock decides to stay back with Jarn. He’s Rock, so he doesn’t really explain himself much, but Brynn gets the feeling that he wants to stay to help protect the town as a kind of nod toward Circa.
Going forward, there are some minor tweaks in future chapters, but it’s mostly erasing references to Morathai, Rock’s death (he lives now!), mentioning more than just Circa when he thinks about the dead, and similar small things for consistency.
WHEW… So that was a busy two days.
I hope I won’t need to make any revisions quite as major going forward. I’m happy for this one, though. Personally, I think it made the story better. It ended up turning into a pretty epic inciting incident to set Brynn off on what I hope will be a really long and awesome journey.
Thanks!
-Zack
Comments
Ben Bass
TYFTC! I like seeing the notes after the fact, it is kinda interesting to see how things were before I read all of the updated chapters. For this chapter, I really like seeing into Lyria’s perspective, and what is going on in her head when Brynn is missing for a while.
Andrew Webb
I like getting the "behind the scenes" of the author's thinking and intent, shows you put serious effort into your writing rather than just jamming tropes together.
aaab1422
I like the changes, though I've got a nitpick since Rock found Circa's corpse I wish he'd told us that he brought her out if he did. I don't know if people on Eros bury the dead or burn them but I imagine he wouldn't wanna leave her corpse for the lich.
EsZeus
And yes, sounds better. (What you described in the ass-long patch notes at the end haha) Ofc I would still have preferred to let her live somehow, and it would make sense, but this sounds better now. I just hope Seraphel or whatever his Gods name was, has a lot more followers. And especially more smart ones with resources to support him.
EsZeus
Blubb
