Zachary Scott
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Chapter 7 - The Family Goo
🕑 Added 2024-06-13 14:29:34 +0000 UTC“Glimmerbang” had tangled hair sprouting in random directions from beneath a red naval captain’s-style hat. True to her name, there did appear to be some semblance of choppy bangs hanging in front of her wrinkled forehead. If I tilted my head just right, I guessed the white hair glimmered a little, too.
“Pleasure to meet you,” I said. I was masking my terror with as much false confidence and casual nature as I could. I didn’t think I was doing a great acting job, but I’d have to hope these guys couldn’t see through it.
“Welcome, welcome!” she shrieked. Her voice was a crackling medley that danced too high. She shuffled forward, making me jerk backwards. A dull speartip to my bare back made me freeze, though.
Not entirely friendly, then. Noted.
I was forced to stand and bear it while Glimmerbang kneeled and aggressively sniffed my ankles. She stepped back, dusted off her hands, and flashed two rows of yellowing, pointy teeth. “Big bastard. Too big for tiny doors, hmm,” She lowered her voice now, deep in thought. “Yes. Far too big. That is certain.”
I plastered a nervous smile on my face. “I get that a lot.”
Secrettooth leaned in and whispered something in Glimmerbang’s ear. It made her beady eyes go wide. They were red eyes, I realized. That was wonderful. These things were straight out of a nightmare. All my goodwill toward the cursed tomte and their quaint village was waning fast.
“My boy tells me you are sneaky. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!” She wagged a finger at me. “You come to our home and try to hide your goo? Rude. Very rude, but we understand. We do.”
“My goo?” I asked. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“He keeps it in a bottle!” Secrettooth hissed. “Smallmember seen it.”
Smallmember? Poor guy.
“Oh,” I said. “It’s not goo. It’s just a potion I made.”
“It’s not goo, he says,” Secrettooth added, laughing.
“If you add it to the stew, then it be goo!” Glimmerbang crooned.
“Jinglefoot poisoned me with his goo, though… Is your stew poison?”
That earned even more laughter.
“Poison to you is tasty to me,” Glimmerbang said. “Weak humans.”
Secrettooth whispered something else to Glimmerbang. I thought I’d formed a connection with him, but the bastard was apparently ready to rat me out the whole time.
Glimmerbang’s eyes went wide. “Yes, yes. You give us the hat,” she pointed at my helmet. “Give us your goo. Give us the two, and then we’ll be through.”
“Okay, like a trade?” I asked. My brain was working overtime, but I thought this could work. Maybe. “My hat and my… goo. And you let me go?”
Glimmerbang shuffled closer, eyebrows lifted high. “You give to me, I give to you?”
“Right,” I said, nodding and smiling. “I have a question, though.”
She lifted her palms, waiting expectantly.
“Are you all going to eat that stew? Tonight?” I pointed to the simmering cauldron.
All the tomte in earshot cackled with laughter at my question. Glimmerbang was bent over, clutching her belly. She finally lifted her face, wiping at the corners of her crinkled eyes. “He asks if we eat? Yes. Yes, yes.”
“Okay. I’m very hungry. I could give you my helmet, but only if you let me eat some of your stew. Before everybody else…” I added the last with a little uncertainty. Were they going to suspect something?
Glimmerbang flashed her pointy teeth, nodding eagerly with her hand outstretched. “Give! Give, give!”
I reminded myself that I was either going to die trying, or I was going to get the helmet back shortly. Reluctantly, I handed the helmet over.
Glimmerbang took it and held it high. The gnomes were bouncing up and down, patting their heads excitedly. These guys really liked hats. They liked them so much, in fact, that none of the tomte seemed to remember they wanted to take my “goo”. That would make things a whole lot easier.
I was fairly sure nobody was looking at me anymore, so I inched backward toward the cauldron. When I got closer, I could see roughly chopped vegetables—some of them even recognizable like onions and leeks. I could also see more concerning things floating in the stew, like a mushy, crushed eyeball. There was also a clump of hair. Somehow, it did smell good, though. I’d give the tomte that much.
I hesitated for a split second. If this worked the way I was thinking, could I really bring myself to do it? I couldn’t afford to be soft, though. Not here. I needed that helmet. I’d left it to myself, and it certainly wasn’t just to bribe my way out of one small encounter on the first day of my journey.
I tried not to think about it as I summoned my Alchemist’s Kit. As discreetly as I could, I dumped the whole bottle of nasty-looking black and green liquid into the mix. My heart was hammering when I turned around, but none of the tomte had looked away from their celebration.
I breathed out a sigh of relief. “Well,” I said. “Thanks so much. Your stew was delicious, by the way. I’m going to be heading out, though.”
Glimmerbang gestured for the celebration to pause. She was already wearing the helmet, even though it was almost two times too big for her head. “You leave?”
“I do,” I said. “Could one of you point me in the direction of the nearest town or city, though?”
Glimmerbang hooked her thumb in a direction behind her. “Stinky town that way. Not far. The good city is the other way. Farther.” She pointed back in the direction I’d come from.
I smiled. “Thanks! Enjoy the helmet.” I strolled past the group with my stomach in my throat. I was half expecting them to all turn and start snarling before ripping me to pieces. Instead, they resumed their little celebration. Not a single tomte paid me a moment’s notice or asked me to stop.
Instead, they were swarming from all corners of the town to celebrate Glimmerbang and her new hat.
If I had pockets, I would’ve shoved my hands in them and whistled as I strolled toward the back gate, stepped over, and fast-walked toward the nearest tree. I could hear Glimmerbang loudly declaring it was time to eat, which was followed by a chorus of cheering and whistles. One tomte even let out a deafening scream, almost like a battle cry.
I hid behind the tree a safe distance from the village, listening to the tomte prepare for what sounded like a full-blown party and feast. I peeked around the edge of the tree to see tomte getting out musical instruments—one set, I was pretty sure, was made of human bones. Others ladled soup into bowls, smiling and passing the steaming liquid around.
I watched as the first few tomte lifted the bowls to their lips and sipped. I held my breath, expecting them to spit it out and curse. But none did.
I was pretty sure I just poisoned the food of an entire village over a helmet.
I felt a little sick. Less than a day here, and it was already coming to this? It made me think of all the stories I read about war as a kid—about how people in extreme circumstances start to make seemingly unthinkable choices. I reminded myself that I needed to think about my own survival. The former me—Seraphel—had sacrificed everything to give me this fresh start with a leg up. I had to assume there was some greater purpose to that. Maybe I was supposed to save someone. Maybe even a whole civilization depended on me rising to power.
They were lofty thoughts for a half-naked guy who was hiding behind a tree, watching a village of tiny gnome things drink their poisoned dinner.
More and more tomte were drinking now.
I knew one thing for certain: If the poison was going to kill them, I had to be sure to get that helmet off Glimmerbang before she succumbed to it. If what little I understood about this world was true, the helmet would essentially die along with her if I didn’t get it off her body first. At least, that was my prevailing guess about why the knife in Jinglefoot’s hand had disintegrated when I tried to take it. I couldn’t risk the same thing happening to my helmet.
I did my best to keep track of the order in which the tomte drank. The one I saw take the first drink was doubling over, hands on his knees as his eyes filled with confused horror. A moment later, he spewed projectile vomit.
The scene in the town went from celebratory to a horror show. Tomte were spewing vomit in all directions, spinning like sprinklers before flopping on their backs and dying noisily.
Women and children were screaming. They were trying to run away, not realizing it was pointless.
As quietly as I could, I crept back toward the town, eyes locked on Glimmerbang, who was rushing around and trying to help the falling tomte.
I vaulted the little wall.
“What he done?!” a tomte shouted, pointing at me before vomit spewed out of her. She fell to her knees, hands crossed over her neck as her eyes bulged.
I picked my way through the carnage, aiming for the tomte wearing an oversized, horned, blue helmet that looked like a doorway straight to the night sky. The surviving tomte had spotted me, though. They also seemed to know who was to blame.
The time for self-doubt and moralizing was over. They were out for blood, and I needed to get that damn helmet.
I stiff-armed, kicked, and shoved my way through a small barrage of angry tomte. Some were sent flying—one even landing with a splash in the boiling cauldron. I was literally punting them. I was pretty sure I even roundhouse-kicked a bearded child.
There was a sharp, intense pain in my leg. I looked down and saw I was being bitten. I kicked the tomte off of me, limping and still moving toward Glimmerbang.
She spotted me now, turning and lifting up a club from a nearby bench. It looked like something a caveman would use.
“You poisoned the stew! You did! I knows it was you!” she shrieked from within the helmet.
There was no time to think. Some of the tomte pursuing me were dropping as they died disgusting deaths. Others were crawling or running toward me. I charged forward, diving for Glimmerbang and tackling her hard.
We both slammed to the ground. I reached up, trying to pry the helmet from her head, but she kneed me between the legs.
I groaned, rolling off her and clutching myself as nausea rocked through me.
She stood over me, raising her club high. Desperately, I checked my inventory grid and saw my potion bottle was no longer grayed out. I summoned it, catching it on my chest just before rolling away from her falling club. A toy-sized arrow thudded into the dirt where I just was.
I spotted the tomte on the wall with a bow falling to his knees, vomiting.
I held the potion up high, backing away from Glimmerbang.
She stalked closer, club held in two hands. She was one of the last tomte standing, and I worried the helmet had helped her resist the poison in the food. I hadn’t even thought of that until just now. With a thought, I stashed the Alchemist’s Kit in my inventory. Then I crouched low, plucking both gnome knives from my tiny, stolen bag. I dual-wielded them with a three-fingered grip.
I needed to get the helmet off her head somehow.
We circled in a deadly standoff, surrounded by the bodies of the dead and the terrible smells of their demise.
“Give me the helmet, and I’ll leave,” I said.
Glimmerbang didn’t like my offer. She roared, charging with her club held high overhead. It was about as intimidating as being charged by an angry toddler, considering her size. I tried to sidestep the overhead blow, but it caught me on the hip.
I let out a surprised shout of pain, falling to one knee. She was faster than I expected, raising her club for another blow.
I managed to roll backward just as the club thudded down in the dirt, barely missing me. She let out a strangled yell, then rushed toward me like a bull, helmet lowered as if she intended to skewer me.
I glanced over my shoulder, saw one of the wooden buildings was just to my side, and adjusted my position. I waited until the last possible second, then jumped out of the way. Glimmerbang slammed horn-first into a wooden wall. The horns bit deep into the wood, trapping her.
I hurried over, grabbing her ankles and wrenching her free of the wall and the helmet, which was still stuck in the wall. I spun and slung her sideways so she spiraled through the air like a hairy ninja star, landing with a thump several feet away.
It’s now or never.
I summoned my Alchemist’s Kit, uncorked it, and slashed my arm toward her. A horizontal arc of black and green liquid sprayed out in front of me.
It caught her in the legs as she was getting to her feet.
She shrieked, falling to her knees, dropping her club, and clutching her bubbling flesh.
There was a look of pure hatred on her face. Her eyes blazed as she stared up at me, mouth twisting with rage. “My… hat…”
Her eyes rolled back, and she tipped over slowly, thumping hard on the ground as her legs continued to sizzle.
“Holy fuck,” I gasped, looking around the town. It was a horror scene. Vomit and dead tomte were everywhere.
I wrenched the helmet from the wall and slid it on, noticing a long string of notifications.
You’ve reached level 7!
…
You’ve reached level 18!
[4] Unread Accomplishments
Holy shit. I spared a split second of awe and excitement for how much progress I’d just made, but then worried more about getting my ass outside the town walls. I didn’t know if every single tomte was dead, and I wasn’t going to stand around reading notifications while I could still catch a toy-sized knife to the back.
But I’d gained eleven levels’ worth of experience in just a few minutes. And all it had cost me was the weight of knowing I’d committed tomte genocide.
My mood soured a little, but I tried to remind myself those weren’t good people or creatures or whatever they classified as in this world. I needed to get over it and see it for what it was. One step toward protecting myself and surviving.
I made a decision for myself moving forward. I had a right to protect myself. If somebody or something threatened me, I needed to learn that it was okay to fight back without hesitation. In this place, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t last long if I didn’t adopt that rule.
I let out a steady breath, feeling a little better.
I checked my accomplishments.
[Common Advancement] Apply a deadly dose of poison to (1) unsuspecting victim. [Reward - Common Ingredients Token] “Some say poison is a coward’s weapon. But do they dare say that to the face of the coward with poison in his hand? Besides, it’s not as though you’re planning to make a habit of this. It was just one time. One tiny little victim. Right?”
[Rare Accomplishment] Apply a deadly dose of poison to (10) unsuspecting victims. [Reward - Rare Ingredients Token] “One victim… ten victims… what’s the difference, really?
[Epic Accomplishment] Apply a deadly dose of poison to (35) unsuspecting victims. [Reward - Epic Ingredients Token] “If you’re expecting a guilt trip, it’s not coming. I’m honestly just impressed, now. I heard stories about you from the others and thought they were exaggerated. But I can see how you became who you became, now. Just remind me not to piss you off…”
[Rare Accomplishment] Commit genocide. [Reward - None.] “This isn’t really an accomplishment. I just wanted to see your face when you read that. And you were supposed to remind me not to piss you off, so really, this fake accomplishment is your fault.”
I glared at the text. Seriously?
I got to my feet, wincing as more injuries than I could count pulsed in protest. I really just wanted to head for town, but I couldn’t pass up the chance to check the camp for valuables. I trudged back over the wall, watching for any signs of life and seeing none.
After almost an hour of digging through tiny clothes, tools, and furniture, I stashed the things I thought most likely to be worth money. My hopes weren’t high, though. I filled my inventory grids with things like miniature cast-iron pans and pots. I found a human-sized pouch with some coins inside, which I could add to a currency tab in my inventory for a total of 1 silver and 15 copper.
I had no idea if that was a lot.
After that, I took some time to tie more little clothing together to cover myself more fully. Finding non-death-puke-soaked clothing was the biggest challenge. When I was done, I looked properly insane, but I was at least less naked.
I put the tomte village behind me and started walking toward the “stinky” town they’d indicated. Right now, I’d take stinky if it was closer. Once I was there, I could hopefully turn in my accomplishment tokens and maybe get some real answers about this place. I couldn’t decide if I was more excited about turning in my tokens, potentially unlocking my classes, or simply talking to real people in this world.
I headed in the direction the tomte had indicated, cautiously hopeful that my life-and-death struggles were about to be put on a temporary pause.
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Comments
Ben Bass
TYFTC! So his ‘goo’ is a poison, and a pretty nasty one. Yeah, he did commit genocide, but is it really genocide when they literally request his ‘goo’ even after he tells them it is poison? I am also not sure I trust their judgement about good and bad cities, they were kinda unreliable and none of them had what could be considered good judgement around humans.
Zachary Scott
You need to add some goo to your goat bush butchery knives, I think. Cursed tomte highly recommend it.
Tim Judge
Best goat bush butchery knives i have are 45 cm blades. 'Inch and a halfish '. Sounds like your Tomte knives....but no goo
