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December 2025 Newsletter: Following the Song
🕑 Added 2025-12-02 18:00:31 +0000 UTC“I don’t know this song.” That’s beginning to become my mantra. From an early age I had a strongly structural mind, dissecting the music, the movies and the stories that came to me, anticipating their twists and turns, learning a vocabulary of beginnings, middles, and endings. I applied this vocabulary to my life, as well, predicting what would come in the month, year, decade to follow, and following a path that aligned with my guesses.
What I’m finding out now is that living a life guessing at the future isn’t much of a life at all. Constantly thinking, “Oh, I know this one”, I fail to look at the present, the day, the life in front of me, and to truly know it. I fail to trust in the future as God’s and not mine, and fail to know him as well, in the song he's trying to play with my life. And of course, every time I think I know how it will end, I’m lying to myself. I don’t have the score in front of me, or any preceding work to tell me exactly how it will go. It’s scary to admit that, especially when others are relying on me to have that score. It’s hard to say “I don’t know”. But I’ve been saying it a lot more recently. I know much less about what will happen to me and those I care about, next year or tomorrow, than I used to think I did. But I’m living more. In the past year, even in the past few months, I feel like I’ve lived more than I have in the prior 32 years of my life. I’m not looking ahead to the next 40 years, I’m looking at right now, letting go of it as it passes, anticipating nothing. Or at least, trying to.
That said, here are a few pieces of the future I can tell you from our camp. In 2026, we’ll be digging into our resources again, beginning the process of exploration and tying threads together that will hopefully lead to a new album. With this on our plates, unfortunately, we will not have the time and energy we need to deliver content regularly to Patreon. For the time being, we will no longer be active here, and won’t be charging anymore.
I’ll be incredibly sad to miss out on the regular ways of interacting with you all that Patreon has allowed for. Away from the hubbub of social media, this place became a thriving hub where we could all try things out in the lower-stakes way that the internet at large used to allow. It inspired projects like the Scholars Webquest, which was a special pleasure to see all of you endeavoring to solve. But part of working without a score means trusting that even without the past platforms we’ve been standing on, the connections that matter will still remain, still thrive, and grow into new forms that will dwarf the old in their beauty. Our hearts will be with you as we begin to create the next long-form work that you’ll be able to explore from us, and search for new ways to connect.
My last question to you, for now: what does the road ahead look like to you now? And what are the question marks you’re willing to admit you don’t know?
Comments
Larissa Rook
i didn’t meet my husband until i was 30. and i didn’t have a child until i was 41. there are no rules. time is a circle. congrats on your nutcracker dance performance! that is awesome!
addison
recently had a bad episodic outlash that ousted me from my friend group, and I now have very little in my life right now as far as friends go. in every budding relationship I find myself paranoid, desperately clinging to some sort of fleshed out end goal of being good friends with the person. it is really hard to live in the present, without attaching yourself to an idealized future. I guess I will try to live in the moment, and take things for what they are. you are always very wise will. thank you for sharing your thoughts and art with the world.
Carmen✨
Another reflection that hits close ❤️ Ive also always been a “think ahead” kind of person, really anxious about the next life step and I struggle so much to live in the present. It’s been harder now that I’m 29 and more and more friends are getting married and having babies and I’m just kinda … “stuck” - like Ive stagnated before the next big milestone expected for my age and it’s been weird. (I sadly relate to Charlotte Lucas very much) I’ve reached every other “expected” milestone except this one and it’s hard not to feel pressured about it. That’s something I’ve been trying to work on a lot ! Or at least only worrying about the near immediate future - like being part of my first dance performance in decades in two weeks - I’ll be in the party scene of my dance school’s Nutcracker. And a friend I made there convinced me to join a choir ! (Which I’ve also never done before…) She’s also an author and has inspired me to write down my own stories! I love becoming friends with older ladies , somehow I always become friends with ladies 20+ years my age and their life insights have helped me rethink how I see my life. I appreciate having people remind me that 29 is actually not old at all and that there’s plenty of time to accomplish things! (And that some things aren’t worth sweating over lol ) Thanks for this incredible Patreon community! It’s been delightful getting to know everyone and I’ll definitely miss all the great stuff every month :’) but that just means there’s more good to come ! ! Love and blessings and happy holidays everyone ❤️❤️❤️
