tchaikovsky2
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You can't keep me down [charge]
🕑 Added 2025-09-12 18:09:08 +0000 UTCVent art. Don't think I've ever done that.
About a year ago I was thrown into the most difficult situation I have ever been in. I'm not going to go into details, but not doing anything about it would cause the problem to grow and consume me whole. It was one of my worst nightmares coming true: I had to do something that was extremely difficult - and not only did I know nothing about it, there was also a time limit. Felt hopeless and overwhelmed, but at the same time furious. Frankly I was sure that within the span of a few months, my life would end in one way or another - figuratively, or literally. Sometimes it was manageable, other times it was crippling, but the dread never left me until it was over, and even now it still lingers, rearing its ugly head for a moment once in a while. It ended along with July - likely for good - and I've been recovering since. Clearly feeling like I'm returning back to normal now, perhaps better, stronger, but clearly a bit more banged up mentally and emotionally. And all that right in the middle of my fight against depression. Not ideal.
I started working on this piece soon after the trouble began, and kept returning to it once in a few months, but it was too overwhelming to finish until now. It represents exactly how I felt during that time of turmoil. The tropical plants represent what I wanted to regain - my former relative peace of mind and the ability to enjoy the world - while the dark swirls are the danger that wouldn't let me stop to catch a breath. If you know anything about skating, you know how much it sucks to skate uphill for a few minutes. Now imagine having to do it without any aid or breaks for MONTHS - and, my sibling in sin, you are not even good enough at skating. But I did it, I survived - in fact it was more than that! It was a great victory, because it turned out better than even my most optimistic outcome assessments, which I didn't really believe in. Still wish it didn't have to happen tho.
There is a silver lining to this too. I now know how to handle this and related issues, I'm more at peace than I was before it all, but best of all? It made me realize, 100% for sure this time, that I don't really want to die or stop existing - I just want to live a better life, in a better world. It's going to take time and effort, but as an artist, I think I have the power to affect both these things, even if just a little bit.
One more good thing! At the very beginning I've decided to learn some tai chi, as a sort of natural remedy to the extreme levels of stress. It's a combination of meditation and exercise, and technically a martial art based in kung fu (no, I can't kick your ass with it). It worked decently well to calm me down and help me focus, but there was also a side effect I didn't expect: my LEGGIES!! Got VERY STRONG!!!! And my sense of balance improved considerably more than it did after taking up longboarding! I can now walk up and down stairs like it's nothing, I don't need the kneecap stabilizer I needed for skating, I move smoothly and confidently, and I can SQUAT! No more knee pain! :D I still do tai chi, and I don't think I'll ever stop; it feels great, and does wonders. If you have knee/body movement problems (yes I'm getting old), or could use a way to calm down without resorting to substances of any kind, I recommend. <3
Sorry, that last bit sounded like an ad; I am in no way affiliated with Big Tai Chi Corp (because that's not a thing).
![You can't keep me down [charge]](https://img10.unionfaps.com/storage/7/vr/ah/ba8889-019e8fcc-00c0-7ce5-b2fd-07677f31a060.png)
