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ouugh my gay little horsies
🕑 Added 2025-09-16 14:17:47 +0000 UTC**author's note: most of the horses are probably not gay. some are. others are not. I'll let you guess which ones are and aren't
Hello GAMERS. Horse Game has been rotting my brain for the past couple of months now, and I have big, "big" plans for some of the girls. Case in point: guess which character this script (which has already been sent for voicing) is gonna center around? Should be pretty easy.
I hit a good few of them with the Get Fat stick here, but obviously I'm not JUST gonna do one of these. So, I'm doing a poll (gasp) to gauge interest. Here's the current shortlist in order of my favorite to less-favorite-but-still-pretty-good.
Matikanefukukitaru ๐ฎ -- Yes, that's actually her name. No, I won't subject the VAs to saying the whole thing out every time. This is because the story would actually be in first person, with our ~lovely neurotic-esoteric~ Fuku serving the role as a fortune teller. She's the narrator(!), giving us the "fortunes" of several other characters in the form of bite-sized expansion scenarios. Obviously ends in a longer one centered around her. Expansion types run the gambit of fullbody/belly/hourglass and whatever other stuff I can cram in. See also: Pulp Fiction (1994). But with tarots and this creature and whatnot.
Agnes Tachyon ๐ฅผ -- Putting her here feels a little "coughing babies vs nuclear bomb"-y, but it is what it is. This one is primarily based off the Beginning of a New Era movie where she spends most of it bedrotting in her room. Combined with her diet being ~99% sugar (even when she was racing), this'd lead to some sort of 'magical backup' scenario where she fills up with sugar-induced gas or something like that. Very dramatic in tone- I'm also REALLY tempted to give this a bad ending (ka-bang, explicitly perma, that stuff), but that depends on if I have the guts to do it. See also: The Scales of Gluttony (but more inflation-coded).
Nice Nature ๐ฅ -- Similar to the Tachyon idea above, but played up more comedically. Her whole thing is that she's this nice girl who's really nice (one could even say she's nice-natured), but then you look at her skills and they're all designed to debuff the opponent's stamina to death. This plays off that game mechanic, where <either the trainer or Gold Ship or someone else> stuffs Natie full of Super Spicy Carrot Burritos <or something else along those lines to convey "oh I get it, it's like the thing from the game">, to the point where she waddles onto the racetrack and subsequently turns it into a biohazard. Whether you interpret this as comedic temporary popping or other means of expelling gas is left up to interpretation. See also: this pic I comm'd from Nagatomunch. This is also intentionally the third option on the list.
Sakura Bakushin O ๐ข -- Largely inspired by a tweet from ExtrudedSquared that reads, and I quote: "I think there needs to be more categories of eating contests. You got the standard which is like 100m dash but where is the marathon eating contest? I need to see who can eat the most over a full day or even a week!". In the game, Bakushin almost exclusively a sprinter. Do you see where this is going? This would play with the old "oooh character(s) in an eating contest!" trope by turning it into a full-on tournament-styled event. Bakushin repeatedly guns for marathon-eating contests that's she's NOT cut out for, hijinks (and gastrointestinal distress) ensue. Also an excuse to use THAT song (you know the one).
TM Opera O ๐ -- ok so one of the comics in the game is her bragging about a "4 hour opera" and the joke here is that it would literally be 4 hours of various blobfat ambiance (e.g. rumbling, churning, occasional room-shaking belches). Doesn't really need anything in the way of story (though I can definitely do a little prologue- her being an confidence-oozing theatrics girl is something you can get a LOT of milage out of for WG scenarios), mainly just the shock factor of "oh my god it's actually four fucking hours long is this guy for real".
Alternatively, if you dislike these and/or Horse Game for whatever reason, there's an option to smack me with a newspaper in the same fashion a boomer would with their dog. Choose wisely!
Comments
Swell Reads
She will be the third story :^) IDK if Gold Ship will be involved (given she's getting her own audio), but things will be very precarious for whoever gets drawn in the gates next to Natie.
2berry
Obviously tachnes wins this one because everyone knows her, but she has a good enough plot. I do think the one for nice nature is definitely the most interesting and developed one, with it starting at being fed by (hopefully) goldship, and then being put onto the race track next to everyone else while about to blow.
Swell Reads
It *is* prime April Fool's material.
SomethingInParticular
I can feel the near impossibility of it winning, but I do really like the sound of Operaโs opera.
nagatomunch
Thanks for the shoutout! I'll quietly hope to get to hear some sound to go along with my natie drawing....
