zmeydros
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Who knew? Turns out I'm a bunny.
🕑 Added 2021-02-11 18:29:31 +0000 UTC
(This post features art by UBA who helped me visualize my bunny self. My deepest thanks goes out to him.)
These Elara stories have taken on far more importance than I initially intended and here's why.
Overview
Before I started writing Elara's story, I'd never looked at a character and thought, "That's me." Sure, I saw aspects of myself in Ezzie, Alexi, and even Ramda, but they felt like characters. Visages I could take on that could express and do things that are currently impossible in RL. They were outlets for my trans herm self.
Then I wrote about Elara and I started feeling things I've never felt before. She talks like me, she's incredibly close to my playful RL personality, and she doesn't feel as much like a character. When UBA first drew her, I got this eerie feeling that I was looking at myself.
In that moment, I understood what many people experience with their sonas. That sonas aren't just characters. That I feel like a little herm bunny with a giant cock more than a big herm dragon.
As to why Elara fits me better than my other characters, it's a hard thing to explain without me getting pretty explicit about my body, sexuality, and personality. First, I'll address the stuff that's not all that lewd. Then I'll have a lewd section that you can skip if it's not your cup of tea. I find that being a trans girl, it's best to just be open about my body and such. People have lots of questions and I don't mind answering them at all. So, I figure I should do so.
It All Started With a Writing Prompt
That prompt was: "What if I'd discovered I was trans before puberty and transitioned. Then lived as a woman until my late twenties when I got turned into a herm?"
This scenario resonates with me because I often wonder what my life would've been like if I'd figured out I was trans at a much younger age. I'd likely miss my dick because my internal conception of myself is very much a herm, but I would've had a lot of time to accept that it was no longer there. Having not had one for so long and not having gone through puberty with one, it would also be rather alien to me.
This is why Elara is much more bothered by the inconvenience her cock causes than the fact she's become a herm. Also, why she's so happy once she starts figuring out how to deal with her dick and that there's a lot of people who like how she's changed.
Elara having transitioned when she was younger is a better fit for my current feelings about being trans. I've processed a lot of the pain that grew inside me while I was dysphoric and it's refreshing to have a character who made it through all that a long time ago.
Somewhat Personal (Bunny) Details
Senses: Bunnies have very good senses, especially hearing and smell. I get headaches from how strongly I can pick up scents and my ears are very sensitive. I rarely turn any volume bar up past 20%, even if there's noise in the room, and I often hear conversations between people who are on the opposite end of a house, through multiple doors or the floor without any effort. I get funny looks when I just know things people come over to tell me after getting through a conversation I overheard without meaning to. I have to turn on music often because it can be impossible to focus due to this.
Jumpiness: Rabbits are very aware of their surroundings and jump when there's sudden movements or sounds. I do this to the point that people exploit it if they're being dickish. People also quickly realize that I am keeping track of my surroundings to a degree far beyond their expectations. I point out and react to things no one else was paying attention to very often.
Temperament: Out of everyone I know, I'm the calmest person. I am playful socially and energetic, but the overall thing people say about being around me is that I'm soothing. My mom used to be stressed out from work and fall asleep on my bed while I listened to her vent. I'm like that for a lot of people and it reminds me of the way I, and other people feel, when hanging out with a bunny.
Anatomy and Locomotion: I've got powerful, thick hips and legs and I tend to forget other people don't walk as fast as I do. I'm constantly walking ahead and then having to stop to wait for people to catch up. It takes me forever to tire from physical activity, especially walking. This hasn't been covered much in a story yet, but Elara does way better hopping on two legs like a kangaroo at her natural speed than trying to walk at the speed of others. To top this off, I used to skip or hop everywhere when I was younger and if I'm really excited, I still do it.
I love veggies: One of my favorite snacks is lettuce dipped in homemade hummus. But I like lettuce so much, I often will eat it with no dressing or condiments. Whenever I'm cutting cabbage for a recipe, I'll eat some of it raw because it tastes so good. I love it sliced thin as a crunchy additive to salads and other things. I'll put lettuce in a bowl of soup, letting the hot water cook it a bit. Zucchini, squash, green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, carrots, beets, eggplant, mushrooms, every type of potato, peas, chickpeas, and various Chinese greens are all amazing too. A lot of the time I pick recipes based on the veggies in them and I don't mind the bitterness of greens much at all. My main complaints about salads I'm handed is that they have too much dressing and I always ask for it on the side.
Size Difference: Like most bunny characters, Elara is short, but she is also pretty dominant and that feels so right I don't know how to fully put it into words. The only people that can make me blush easily are people that are physically bigger than me. I like being smaller than people I am intimate with, but I'm 5'11" and have a rather powerful build, so I'm not smaller than anyone I'm close to. You'd think, when I pretend I'm smaller, the thrill is in others taking control. Nope, in fact, I tease people more and am even more dominant. The fact that there's no way to make me shorter and a bit smaller is one of the few things that makes me a bit sad about my body. Though, I accept it and am doing okay.
Meditation: I've been meditating for over twenty years and use it to deal with anxiety, pain, depression, emotional upwellings, and getting overwhelmed. It's something I do daily and has given me a lot of patience with myself and others. Sometimes my mind wanders the whole time, sometimes I get a whole bunch of inner silence, and sometimes I use it to dig deep on one of my ideas. Elara's heavy use of it is completely in line with how it fits into my life.
Jobs and Hobbies: If I lived in Elara's world, I'd be doing exactly what she's doing. I've practiced martial arts my entire life, tinkered with mechanical and electronic things, and I'd have a blast working in a brothel in her world.
If you've ever wondered what I'd do if I wasn't writing, the above covers it.
Chronically Underestimated: I grew up with motor problems, severe dyslexia, and undiagnosed Asperger's. People constantly either pitied me or tried to police my dreams to keep them "realistic." I was told by a teacher that if I couldn't write a grammatically correct sentence, I'd never make it into college. Yes, writing was that hard for me at one point.
Then there were the people that saw what I could do in the sciences and pinned the "idiot savant" trope to me, telling me I was like Einstein who struggled with math, but then changed the world. (Sidenote: Einstein didn't struggle with math. That's a myth. Historical records show that he was a childhood prodigy.)
I gave Elara that same, difficult, childhood. A childhood where friends often abandoned her because her motor skills were lagging behind. My motor skills did catch up, partially because of my sticking with martial arts and hand-drawn abstract art. But not all of my disabilities have waned. Her dyslexia, like mine, is still around and causes problems occasionally. Her experiences being abandoned will affect the way she does relationships, like me. And fragments of her past as a disabled kid will get in the way of her goals.
I'm not bitter or upset about it these days, I just feel like putting some of it into stories.
Hopping around is fun: Ever since I saw kangaroos locomote and read how fast and efficient they are, I've thought anthro bunny characters would be awesome too. And, well, I can't wait to play around with it in fight scenes and chase scenes. If I had a choice to be an anthro bunny or a dragon, I'd have a very hard time not picking bunny simply because of the ability to hop. It has to be absolutely fantastic.
Laquine Were-dragon: Many of my previous characters were often shapeshifters who could take on just about any form they wanted. Recently, I've really narrowed down what feels right to me and when I was creating Elara, I hit everything I like the most. I feel silly because I'd never considered being a bunny/equine hybrid and the moment I did, I started seeing myself as if looking in a mirror. And with her able to go dragony, I'm able to express my intense love of scales as well as my skin's odd resistance to heat and getting cut: it's rather durable and people have called me a dragon a lot for it.
Short bunny fur has to be my favorite fur and it doesn't get caught on things and it feels as right to me as scales do. And people find bunny fur very pleasant and soothing, which matches stuff I said earlier.
Flight: I rarely remember my dreams, maybe once every four to six months, but one of the dreams I often remember is a recurring one that I've had since I was less than ten years old. My arms are outstretched, I'm in a grassy pasture with daisies growing up from ankle-high grass. Ahead of me is an old twisted oak tree. Above me is a dark green and blue sky full of twisted broken clouds with sunlight shining through the cracks. The wind is gusting strongly, catching my outstretched arms as if they're wings. I lean in different directions, moving my arms to catch as much of the wind as possible. And when I get my arms positioned just so, I lift off and soar above the ground.
This dream is always so real that I wake up convinced I can fly. It's the only dream that thoroughly tricks me and it leaves me with this desire to take to the air that I can't satisfy.
Before Elara, I'd never had a winged feral dragon. This was in great part due to my obsession with physics and how difficult it is for larger body types to fly. It can be done, but it requires much larger wingspans and such due to the square-cube law. However, Elara being a smaller character and being able to TF into a feral dragon makes things interesting. Maybe not flying under her own power, but gliding, definitely.
Quick note: One way I departed from reality when it comes to the bunnies in Elara's world is that they have paw pads... I like paw pads and think they help a lot for grabbing things made out of glass or other smooth materials.
Final thoughts before things get even more personal: Ever since the people closest to me have started thinking of me as Elara, there has been an endless list of things that make me similar to bunnies or Elara as a character. Even the way I talk is pretty close to how she does. It's been a wild ride.
Very Personal Details
(CW: If you don't want to read personal sexual/body details about me, skip this section and scroll down to "Final Thoughts.")
Herm Bunny Libido: Both herms and bunnies are depicted as having a high libido. People in my poly family say I'm insatiable and I can go for well over an hour if a partner is willing. Basically, my body's physical limitations or me wanting time to do other things are often what stops me from having more sex. It's part of why it's hard for me to write stories that don't have sex in them. LOL
Being a Very Hung Girl: Elara's massive unhideable equine erection resonates with my lived experience. I'm a grower, my package goes from small to right at the limit of what fits comfortably in people and I have never been able to hide erections that well. The reason I write about cocks being discovered is that I live with one that I cannot hide if I get excited in public. I've gotten very good at controlling when I'm excited, but my brain is also constantly coming up with sexy content to write or things I want to do with one of my mates. Sometimes I have to hold things in front of my crotch and I also shy away from particularly tight clothes in a lot of situations. In the right company, I wear tight clothes on purpose...
Everyone in town finding out about Elara's dick is just a step further from my own experience. My mates, for some hilarious reason, mention the size of my dick to people I've only just met. Tili's done this to me at least five times and Akiko did it recently, making me blush bright red while I was in the passenger's seat, right next to her friend, who was driving us home from our first outing together. I don't know how I was so blessed/cursed to have these people in my life, but I love it. Sometimes I think I'm collecting people who let me experience Tishen City in real life.
Being a trans woman who's packing in that way is probably my favorite thing about my body. I really do feel like a character in one of my stories and it's a blast. Now, if I could find a way to get a pussy while not risking my other parts, that would be incredible. #lifegoals.
I have Small Breasts: It's funny, but I have a kink for very hung herms with small breasts and I ended up giving Elara that build to reflect my own. Well, I also hit my kink right on the head.
There are feminine aspects about my body that people have commented on my entire life. My hips, butt, chest, and face all have a noticeably feminine tilt, but none of that is the most surprising. When I was twenty pounds heavier, I thought the bit of extra weight on my chest was due to my weight being about twenty-five pounds heavier than what was healthy for my build. I lost that weight to get down to 195 pounds, maximizing my body's feminine silhouette and the bit of extra weight in my chest is still there, practically unchanged! My tits aren't big, more like mid-A-cup in size, but they have the proper give and texture. If I'd never discovered I was trans, I would've just kept thinking I just had a soft chest. Being trans is so awesome. ^_^
Final Thoughts
In closing, I want to say that this is probably the happiest moment in my life. I now have an actual sona that I see as myself, I'm living in LA with my poly family, and I am having a blast writing things for y'all in the bits of time I get between moving tasks. Sure, my life isn't all sorted out just yet, but I get to be a hung bunny and people are starting to call me Elara and I have more support near me than I've ever had in my life.
Every one of you has made this possible, every one of you has transformed my life from me working jobs I hated and constantly wishing I had time to write to me getting to write as much as I want and making money at it. My hope is to continue to grow this little business, which I'm sure will happen over time as I post my horniness on the internet and try out new ideas. Life isn't ever fully figured out, but that doesn't mean it can't be stuffed full with joy. It is a joy to be on this journey and thank you for walking along with me.
Hi, I'm Elara, and I only just figured out that I wish I was a small herm bunny with a big equine package. Life's weird, but that's also what makes it so awesome.
(Art by UBA)
If you wanna read the fun story about how my sona got her dick, click here to read Suddenly Laquine.If you wanna read a quick hot tale of my bunny self figuring out how to wrangle her new equipment, click here to read Laquine Mobility Challenge. (It's got two images by UBA to go with it!)
Comments
Zmeydros
It's awesome finding people through my writing who have similar experiences/feelings. I thought I was alone in being a trans herm at the beginning of all this, that I was just some outlier that no one could really understand. And I'm overjoyed to have found that my feelings connect with so many people. Sounds like you and I have a ton in common and that's so cool because it means we're less alone in the world. I started out obsessed with dragons and herms and I definitely still am. Elara wouldn't be me if she didn't have some dragon in her. Hehe.
Liter Knight
Hmm, take out the bunny feelings and it's almost scary how closely my feelings are to yours, considering I'm a trans woman who (even before figuring things out) was/is kinda obsessed with dragons & herms. Admittedly, I'm not a dominant person, but a lot of the rest of it is same/similar
Zmeydros
Yeah, it's been a real trip. Haha!
Arkona Kothe
I'm so happy that you're able to find yourself!
Zmeydros
Yeah, I'm so so glad that I'm a furry. Figured out so much about myself through it. This community is amazing.
Zmeydros
Thanks! I'm having a blast and am more furry than ever now, lol.
WhiteGlint211
As long as you're happy that is all that matters. Also congrats on finding the perfect character for yourself.
Skrime
Congrats on this new step of self discovery/identification, and, Im glad things are looking up for you in general Elara! <3 Its really amazing what furry content can do in terms of finding who you are ^^
