zmeydros
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Serpent Sluts Don't Follow Directions (editing notes)
🕑 Added 2018-11-04 17:40:53 +0000 UTCHere's a window into my editing process. This story is not coming out for over a month, I believe. I've got too many other things in the pipeline for now. Later this month, I'll post the edited version so you can compare this version to it.
Below is some commentary followed by the story with editing notes included. Enjoy!
I used to write primarily in present tense because when I first started writing there were things about past tense that bugged me. Nowadays, I typically write in past tense, but there are some stories where present tense shines.
Present tense is very good when you want to give a sense of immediacy. Surprising or unbelievable events can feel more powerful in present tense. Stakes can also seem higher. This story was very much centered on the character’s disbelief and awe over what occurs. Could it be told just as well in past tense? Quite possibly. I just followed my writing instincts.
Here’s my editing system that works in any text document on any platform.
###Editing changes go between these.##editing comments goes between these## Often, there’s no comment.
#### <-means I took something out. I only do this if I’m quite sure I want to remove something. If I’m not sure, I will just put ##take out?## in the editing notes. Tiliquain is my editor and she goes over the notes to make sure I didn’t introduce new errors.
##### <- you won’t see this one, but this is how I mark the place I stopped editing so I can pick up where I left off later.
To navigate my editing notes, Tili and I just hit ctrl + F and punch in “###” and cycle through them. If an edit has been reviewed and is good, the hashmarks and comments are deleted before we move to the next one.
That’s it!
Here’s Serpent Sluts Don’t Read Directions with editing notes:
Trev, choosing not to follow the directions on a box of tea, introduces himself and his friend to unknown pleasures.
Serpent Sluts Don't Follow Directions
by Zmeydros
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my reflection opening the cupboard. Normally, this sort of thing wouldn't distract me, but today I'm wearing a pirate shirt that laces up on the front. It's not like I'm that into myself or anything, I'm just happy I grew out my curly black hair and beard. Because I slayed pirate day at the Renaissance fair.
I turn to look behind me at Jones who's lounging on his third-hand maroon couch. "Where's the tea we got?"
Jones pauses Super Smash Bros. and twists his spindly upper half so he can look at me. "Dude, it's still on the counter."
"###You## told me you were going to put stuff away while I unpacked the car."
He narrows his eyes at me. "We got back like a half hour ago. Give me a break."
I turn around to see my old-timey ###dark brown## canvas bag plopped on the counter between a half-spent pasta box and a carton of ramen with a microwave popcorn box squished underneath it. "Did, did you just throw this on the counter?" My lips form a straight line as I clench my jaw.
"Yep." He's doing trials to unlock more characters.
Reaching into the bag, I grab the box of tea I'd been looking for. The box has the words "Sensual Serpent Teas" in ###deep purple## letters cutting through flowery paisley graphics. Below it are the words, ###"Slutty Serpent Blend"##I thought "Serpent Slut" was a lazy callback to the story title.## written in a bright blue-green.
I fill the electric kettle with water and flick the switch on.
After three times through the directions, I'm stuck on the part that says, "Men over the age of eighteen: Do not add hazelnut extract, ###any part of the filbert plant,## or any other products containing hazelnuts, to this tea. If you accidentally consume this tea with hazelnut-containing products, take a cold shower immediately and do not, under any circumstances, rub affected areas."
Yeah right, it's just a stupid gimmick. ###Like the ridiculously detailed fursuits the two women were wearing at the booth.### They looked kinda hot clad in fake scales, I guess, but thirty dollars for a box of tea is way too much! Especially when there were only six bags in it.
I grab two mugs out of the cabinet. As I wait for the water to boil, I look to see if we have anything that contains hazelnuts. Eventually, I find an old box of hazelnut-filled chocolates.
Jones calls from the couch. "What's taking so long?"
"You don't even like tea, why do you suddenly need it so bad?" I ask.
"My feet are sore," he replies.
"You didn't actually believe their pain-relief claims, did you? Better than an Advil? Yeah right."
He pauses the game. "All the drugs we have now, they came from herbs, man. Why wouldn't it work?"
I scoff. "You know what also comes from herbs? Poison ivy."
"I bet your feet hurt too. Tell you what. If the tea doesn't help either of us, I'll do the dishes."
The two-foot-tall pile of dishes in the sink looks like it's about to fall over. It's my turn to do them and this is the easiest way to get out of it I'd ever been handed. "And I'll do them if the tea magically removes our aches and pains."
"Guess you're doing the dishes tonight." He shoots me a vile look of confidence.
That grin on his face settles it. He's getting hazelnut in his tea and I'll show him that everything was just overblown marketing. Then we can take some Advil and get some actual relief.
The electric tea kettle clicks as the water starts to boil. I pour the hot water into the cups and break open one of the hazelnut-filled chocolates. I dump the filling into his cup. As the tea brews, I watch him use Samus to beat the final boss of the trial. Just as he's about to win, I look down at the tea cups. ##The smell is## amazing: cinnamon, chamomile, blueberry, something I have no idea what it is, and hazelnut. ###I pick up my cup to take a sniff and frown, it's just not as good without the hazelnut.##
Maybe those directions were a roundabout way of telling people this stuff ###becomes liquid perfection## with some added hazelnut.## I break open a chocolate and add ###hazelnut praline## to my cup as well.
I take out the tea bags after a few minutes later and bring the cups over to the chipped cubicle wooden coffee table in front of the couch.
###As I sit down,## I nearly laugh at how hilarious Jones looks in his pirate shirt. The way he's sitting partially melded into the couch is making the fabric billow out around him and his scrawny body looks like it's swimming in the thing.
Neither of us start the game, we just hold the cups under our noses and let the aroma dance across our senses.
I don't even fully realize we're doing this until he looks at me and says, "I'm starting to feel better already."
"Oh, so, just like that, your feet aren't hurting? Nice try. Mine are still plenty sore."
He rolls his eyes, "Dude, shut up, I'm just saying it smells good."
Bringing the cup to my mouth, I take a tiny sip. We must have been sitting there a long time because it's the perfect temperature. We both take a long sip and just let the tea languish on our tongues.
He closes his eyes and then I do the same. The warmth of the tea permeates my jaw, rises and loosens the soreness I got from worrying about my finances, then drifts down my spine and up my neck making me settle deep into the couch's embrace. Another sip has me sighing and loosening my shoulders. After half of ###my## tea is gone, I get the strangest sensations.
My nipples and the tips of my ears get hot, like as hot as the tea. Almost painful. Looking down, I see my nipples pressing against my shirt. I put my arm up to hide them from Jones only to moan and thrust my hips.
Sure, I've touched my nipples from time to time when I was jacking off, but they never gave this much sensation. This is like getting the head of my cock licked.
Jones turns to see what's going on, but when he shifts in his seat, he gasps and shivers. He sets his cup down and says, "Be right back."
###Running to the bathroom,## he shuts the door. With him gone, I ###fondle my right nipple with my thumb and get a raging erection.## I grunt and grab at my cock with my other hand while pulling at my nipple through my shirt. Jones will be back any moment, I can't just jack off on the couch! I pull my hands away and try to sit up straight.
From the bathroom, I hear, "Yeah! Fuck!" and then groans and grunts. I've never heard Jones when he was touching himself. For all I knew, he'd never masturbated before in his life, and I was fine with that. ###But this time is different: hearing his moans makes it impossible for me to keep my hands off myself.## I reach under my shirt to grab my left nipple and wrap my other hand around my shaft.
My nipple gets easier and easier to tease, tweak, and squeeze as I go. The pleasure from it is enough to make me howl and thrust uncontrollably. I switch nipples and continue getting myself close to orgasm. Jones is no less loud than me and I blush at the fact that we can hear each other.
I let go of my cock so both hands can grasp the tender roundness that's developed on each side of my chest.### My breasts feel so--wait, I pull my hands off of my chest and look down through the loose neck of my shirt.##does this read smoothly? Do I need an ellipsis instead of a dash?## A cold sweat mingles with the standing hairs at the the back of my neck.
Something's not right, my pecs are way too round. The box said no rubbing...
I run to the bathroom door. "Jones! Stop! We need a cold shower."
"Are you a fucking Baptist minister now? Let me jack in peace!"
"No, listen, the directions said--"
"Go away!"
"Listen to me! I added hazelnut and--"
"One more word and I'll ###open the door so I can##take out?## smack you."
###"Come on!## Just listen to me!" I plead.
He opens the door, penis in full view, nipples larger than I'd ever seen on a guy, with flesh under them as swollen as mine. As I stare he slaps my cheek. "That's for interrupting me, now git!" He shoos me with his hands.
Holding my cheek, I stare at his erection. Partially in disbelief of the entire situation, partially because I'm fascinated by seeing another guy's junk for the first time.
He grabs my chin and forces me to look him in the eye. "You got two choices, you either go back to the couch and wait, or ###you help me get rid of this stiffy."##
A fierce blush fizzes on my cheeks. He's bigger than I'd expect for a guy his size. As my knees touch the floor, I realize I'm kneeling in front of him. His scent is stronger, muskier, than the tea. I lean forward unable to explain why I suddenly need to taste him.
"I-I was joking. I didn't mean...stand up, dude," he stammers.
Heat wells up in my body as I lean toward the head of his penis. I should stop, but it smells too good, it's throbbing too beautifully. My tongue shoots out and catches a ###translucent bead of pre.## I moan and lean forward taking his shaft into my mouth.
He grabs my head, "Christ, Trev! What are you--aaah!"
His ability to speak is cut short as I follow all the advice I've ever given women about going down on me: I use my lips to protect his cock from my teeth, I suck a bit to make it feel tight but not so much that I tire myself out, I use my tongue to stroke the bottom and randomly flick it across the head, and ###I## use my hand to take care of what I can't fit in my mouth. He combs his fingers through my curls and then grabs on so he can thrust. Apparently I give good advice.
My eyes water as I try to manage his length, but it gets drastically easier just as I start to gag. A tender spot on my nose hits his crotch harder and harder until I have to pull my head back. Then my teeth feel like someone is grabbing them and wiggling them as something changes in my mouth.
Why haven't I ever tried this before? Listening to him grunt and moan over what I'm doing to him makes me feel so appreciated. I can't think of any reason why I got on my knees or any reason not to let him finish in my mouth. In fact, I want him to. I have to taste more of him. The pleasure ###of recieving## is just so rich, warm sparks throughout my whole body.
I slow down when I realize that his cock is far too easy to fit in my mouth. It's not getting anywhere near the back of my throat and I don't even need to put my hand around it. My jaws ###aren't having## to open as much.
Holding his hips, I keep him from thrusting. Just as he starts to complain, I feel his shaft slide against my tongue, retreating into his body.
I pull my mouth off and say, "###You're cock is--"##
"Don't stop!" he begs and puts his dick back in my mouth. His balls are smaller now too.
He's still hard and able to thrust a bit and I get back into a rhythm. When he's only a couple of inches long, he gets even harder and throbs from base to tip. I squeal in delight as he bathes my tongue in his hot sticky mess. I swallow it down over and over feeling my nipples burn with pleasure.
I can't believe how much he cums and with each spurt I feel more of his cock disappear. When it stops spurting, it's a little nub with no hole. I hold my mouth there as his taste changes to something different, but equally enticing.
He's starting to taste like the tea! I ###move my tongue across##change to "lick ats"?## his balls as they recede into his body and a cleft forms. I probe the cleft ###with my tongue##take out?# desperately curious about what's happening to him. Scales segment his skin giving me a more interesting texture to ###run my tongue across. Then## my tongue stings down the middle as it splits and lengthens to better fill my longer mouth.
I find a hole, a slit to shove my tongue into as the cleft gets deeper. Soon, I'm inside him licking at the walls of his new pussy. My cock throbs painfully wanting to replace my tongue.
Just when I can't reach the back of his new vagina no matter how ###much I try,## he pulls my head away.
He looks down, "Oh shit! What the fuck!?"
My eyes widen. "Wh-whath? Howh? Oh my God!" His pussy is beautiful, scaly, wet, and plush. The lips make attractive mounds that just beg for a cock to be thrust between them.
Scales spread up his stomach. His breasts are starting to hang a bit off his chest. His attention moves from his crotch to my face. He jumps back. "Dude, y-your face!"
I get up and look in the mirror and nearly stumble over the edge of the bathtub. Seeing my expression of surprise on what can only be described as a lizard snout makes my heart skip. My blue-green scales shimmer in the light as I turn my head.
A crying moan comes from Jones as he falls to his knees and shoves two fingers into his pussy. I see something move behind him, a tail pushing out of his tailbone. The change seems to make him pump his fingers into himself even more fervently. "H-help, I-I can't stop...I need--" His eyes lock onto my still-hard erection which is throbbing madly in my breeches.
"But, whath about my facsse, y-your p-pussy?" Talking isn't as easy with my mouth and tongue so drastically changed. I remember the lizard women at the tea stand and realize they weren't in fursuits, that they had to learn to talk...like I will? Is this permanent? Horror and wonder wrap around my heart making me feel lightheaded.
Jones leans back on his growing tail and spreads his pussy. "Please, Trev, please help me. It's not enough." The light greenish-yellow belly scales on his front are now just starting to cover the bottom of his breasts. They're looking pretty round now.
I'd never seen Jones this desperate. Thinking is hard with so much going on. I simply grab him under his arms and pull him up off the floor. As I drag him to the couch, his tail gets long enough for him to put it inside himself, and he does. I can hear the squelching of him fucking himself with his own tail as I plop him down and take off my pirate breeches.
When my boxers come off, he ###lunges toward me and## puts his lips around my cock head. I pre right in his mouth and he sucks it down hungrily taking more of me into his maw. ###He grabs my buttocks and tastes me the same way I tasted him.##take out?## But it doesn't last, he pulls off and struggles to get into a position where I can stick him with my shaft. Scales spread down his legs as his wetness gets even worse.
I put my hand on his shoulder to stop his fidgeting before I sit down. Then I pull him into my lap. Realizing exactly what I'm planning, he straddles my loins and sits right on my prick. I gasp as the cool air surrounding my cock is replaced by his slick hot tightness.
A light scraping sensation runs down my neck and shoulders as scales replace my skin. I know because he's rubbing these new scales as if to encourage their development. The scales on his hands feel wonderful against my own, like satin against satin. His fascination with my changes is stopped short by his pussy opening to me and letting a lot more of my shaft inside. We both moan like porn stars. I would laugh, but it honestly feels that good.
I look into my best friend's eyes now that I'm balls-deep inside him. He stares back. Then he leans forward and kisses me. As we make out, his hands reach for my breasts. His squeezing and teasing fosters their growth.
Nearly cumming simply from the feeling of my nipples rubbing the palms of his hands as he digs his fingers into my breast flesh, I shove my hips upwards into him.
He rolls his hips in a way I've never seen a man do. My cock swirls inside him and I feel his wetness slip along my length, stroking it from tip to base. His nose pushes against my snout and our kisses change as his snout stretches out just like mine had. His ###long## tongue toys with mine and then forks as his whole head becomes covered in scales.
With his body bouncing on my tool, I feel on top of the world, that is, until I realize his bounces are getting smaller. I'm not as long. I try to stop, but the decrease in size brings an increase in pleasure. ####Scales spread down my torso and cover my breasts making them nice and smooth.
When ###I'm so small that## I'm constantly worried about slipping out, the pleasure is so intense that I can't help but cum. I try to warn him, but all that happens is a sharp moan. He squeals in delight as I make a couple shots inside him ###and then I slip out.## I make a mess of the couch and his ###loins## as I cum so hard I clench every muscle in my body.
The moment my clenching loosens up, I feel my balls pull up toward my crotch. I push him off#### me and jump off the couch as I get the sensation of someone taking a hammer to my tailbone.
I look behind me to see I already have a small tail. My hips widen and scales travel down my legs as my tail grows.
Jones's hips look wider and his breasts are now quite the handful. His lizard-like head is covered in dark blue scales that accent his orange eyes and greenish-yellow belly scales. His toenails become claws as my snatch finally opens up. As it deepens, I feel an unbearable emptiness, an emptiness which I immediately try to plug with my tail.
No longer having any skin or any semblance of his masculine body, Jones looks a lot like the lizard women from the stand. He pulls my tail out of my pussy and replaces it with his own.
Feeling someone else inside me makes the fills twitching depths between my legs fill me with bliss. I can feel him pushing inside, the texture of his scales rubbing my inner walls, and the twitches of his muscles as he stirs up the flesh he's penetrating.
I fall onto the couch as my pussy becomes as deep as his. He grabs my tail and shoves it into his pussy making me squirm. I can feel myself do to him what he's doing to me and it is glorious.
He lays his body atop mine and starts thrusting his crotch against mine, rubbing his breasts against mine. The last of my skin, patches on the backs of my legs, become covered in scales. My clit bumps his. We both cum, me squeezing his tail inside me while my tail makes a wave inside him. He does the same and I hiss having an orgasm so intense I suffer from disbelief at my own capacity for pleasure.
My muscles ###spasm,##removing repetiton of "twitch"## my hips gyrate, and I scream his name. We stay like that, him lying on top of me, until we start moving again knowing we're far from done.
I giggle excitedly and start making out with him. Part of me is worried about adjusting to life as a serpent slut, like, none of my clothes are gonna fit me and my photo IDs are all of me without scales. But that part is completely drowned out by my current pressing need to see just how many times my pussy can cum in a row.
###In a brief respite from our passionate kissing, I grin.There's still a stubborn soreness in the soles of my scaly feet. At least I won't have to do the dishes.##
