Seleroan
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Chapter 58 - Ignition
🕑 Added 2023-08-01 20:57:19 +0000 UTC
Album of the Week: Jaga Jazzist: Starfire
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Giggling echoed about the chamber in cacophonous waves, crashing through and reinforcing themselves until all I could hear was maddening contempt drilling its way through my skull. Then it stopped. Even the echoes were snuffed out as though doused by water.
“Seventy-three,” Xhinn announced, the menacing footfalls of her approach filling the now quiet room despite the illusion of her presence. “Seventy-three contingencies, plans, and pitfalls. And which do you fall for? Of course. The one thing I felt certain you would never even consider. The coin. What delicious irony!”
I only distantly heard her. Unimaginable heat had begun to churn in my gut from the huge font of Life swelling and expanding outward.
Push! Push! Push!
“Why…?” I just managed to grunt through my chattering teeth.
“Why?” She parroted mockingly. “What an open-ended question. Perhaps you wonder why your victory has so suddenly turned to ashes? But that’s simple! Each and every Copper ever minted within my domain contains a portion of the Life snuffed out within it—whether monster… or kind. Specifically, eight portions apiece. And you, my Donum, just consumed a Silver. Eight portions of eight. Sixty-four measures. And unless I miss my guess, about six times your total capacity.”
Push! It was a sign of the pain I was in that it barely even registered with me that I had just eaten the fiscal equivalent of soylent green. Though, in fairness, she could have just told me I had eaten gilded horse cock, and my reaction would have been about the same. I felt like my intestines were about to burst out of my abdomen. More! Keep pushing!
She cocked her head. “And don’t think your little conversion trick will get you out of this one. This is no Status Effect. This is heat, pure and simple. Raw damage delivered straight to your belly. You, my dear, sweet Donum, are about to melt from the inside out.”
Fuck! It hurts! More! Have to keep going…
She swiveled on a heel and began to pace, clearly enjoying Herself.
“Or perhaps you wonder why I bothered kill you in this manner when I could accomplish much the same with but a single Word. That is answered in two parts. First of all…” She spread her hands as though performing for some invisible senate. “Where is the fun in that? You can’t expect the Fifth Child to go about smiting people from on high. No, no. That is simply not my style.”
Almost there. I was sweating so badly, you would think I had just climbed out of a pond, but the terrible heat was starting to abate—a sign of the end, one way or the other. You can do this…
Xhinn continued, oblivious. “And secondly, my… thief of a sister would have been rather incensed were I to respond so directly, for all that she deserves it. Her reaction has been inconvenient enough as it is.” She sighed. “No. Far better that you have killed yourself. My pet even warned you. ‘A person could get hurt,’ she said. More than enough for an alibi, I should think, given my restrictions.”
She paused to gaze wistfully up at the false sky before continuing.
“Or perhaps you wished to know why kill you at all,” she mused quietly. Almost with regret. “What could you possibly have done to reap such ire? But I’m afraid it’s too late for that. You are already de—”
She turned and froze, her gloating at a sudden end. For I was not writhing on the floor or bursting into flames, as She had no doubt expected.
I was on my feet. And staring at Her straight on.
“What trick is this?” She hissed, pressing on me with the full weight of her eyes—which widened in shock when I did not so much as flinch. “No spell exists that would allow you to stand in my presence, much less survive that much Life.”
I only grinned, sparing a quick glance at the information Mia was happily waving in my face.
A minor attribute bonus? Ha! Maybe under normal circumstances. But now? Without a care, I again activated That Only Makes Us Horny. And this time, full bore. I barely even noticed the Lust surging through me. Such things could not control me now. Let’s keep this gravy train going, baby!
“Maybe not one you’ve ever heard of,” I said, trying not to revel in this moment too much. Who knew my random attempt to maybe make a run for it would end up saving my ass? “Let’s just say, if you let little things build up long enough, they can easily overwhelm you.”
Xhinn narrowed her eyes. “You would play games?”
“Me?” I pressed a palm over my heart in mock offense—and only distantly noting the constant stream of Life starting the flow in from my Dolilim. The plan had deviated somewhat, but we were still on track. For now, they just needed to keep their heads down. “Never. In fact, I think it’s time we both laid our cards on the table. I’ll even start for you.”
I folded my hands behind my back and began to pace—much like Xhinn herself had done not a moment before. All that Wisdom was making my head feel… weird. But extremely clear. It was just a shame it had not revealed a path that did not lead straight through the fire.
“The first indication we ever had that you were upset was when you abandoned Jax’s head—the very moment Ahnbe revealed my status as her ‘Chosen.’ Since then, you have thrown around a couple of illuminating descriptions. ‘Thief’ and ‘traitor’ come to mind. Both of which contrast sharply with the rather… interesting way you signed your latest card. Unless one of those was a lie, I can only assume this is something you remain conflicted about.”
I turned, gesticulating as I spoke. “Then there was that little poem you left on the trunk. To quote: ‘A bargain struck ‘tween Great and Low of shattered soul to guard. Why for should I then gifts bestow with bargain’s spirit marred?’” I chuckled. “You do love your riddles, don’t you?”
“It comes with the job,” she interjected flatly.
“I suppose it must,” I replied. “And what a job it is. I might have even expressed some sympathy were the circumstances different. But I digress. The riddle speaks of a bargain—between the two of us, presumably—which I must have somehow broken by catching your sister’s attention. I could apologize for that, but I might as well beg your forgiveness for having been struck by lightning. Your sister didn’t give me a lot of choice in the matter.”
“You cannot become Chosen without agreeing to it,” she argued with quiet malice.
“Oh, really?” I retorted caustically. “I don’t seem to recall anyone asking me whether I wanted any of this. The only options I ever got were a mind-melting trip to pound town or death, so you’ll forgive me for only choosing insanity! And as for Chosen? All I ever expressed was a touch of empathy. And look where that’s gotten me.”
I had a feeling that perhaps that had been a tad indelicate—mainly due to the storm clouds and distant flashes of lightning starting to play out in the glass behind her—but leaving her conflict to fester would only lead to rot. Lancing it was the only way it would ever heal. I just had to hope she had not been lying about the whole smiting business.
“So tell me, Xhinn… Fifth Child or whatever you are. What is this shattered soul? Unless there are more secrets you’ve been keeping, I can only assume it’s the linchpin behind this whole thing. So what is it? Why did you need to guard it? And what does any of that have to do with—”
I stopped. There was another piece to this puzzle. One I had known since the beginning, yet had never considered. It was too ludicrous. Yet it was the only thing that made sense given everything else I knew.
I can make lilim.
I lifted my eyes to Her again. “What exactly did you do to me?”
“Oh?” She began to stride forward, shadows playing over her body, obscuring her natural glow and emphasizing the threat she posed. “Finally put that one together, did we? Finally realized what must be? Lilim are my creatures. The embodiments of my Faen. Only my magic can shape them. For you to share the same… so too must you share a piece of me.”
Thunder boomed behind her.
“It was I who granted you your power!” she yelled, the clap of her voice in no way second to the cacophony in the sky. “And I paid dearly for the privilege. But the prize…? Oh, the prize. That was something I would have payed anything to acquire.”
She began cackling maniacally. “And what happens? What do I get for my sacrifice? The very moment I let you out of my sight, my dear, sweet sisters pounce. ‘Oh, but Xhinn… I only want to look.’ So they said. ‘That’s a curious thing you have there. Wherever did you get it?’ As if they were not green with envy, salivating at the very idea of absconding with what was mine by right.”
I blinked slowly. “But I’m just some guy, Xhinn. There was never anything special about me.”
“Exactly!” She exclaimed. “‘A bargain struck ‘tween Great and Low.’ Between us, you said? Ha! You only wish your were Low. You are a mere bug! And that is precisely what made you so very special. You were someone from the outside! Someone whose status could be ignored. Who could be interfered with without disturbing the Purpose. And my sisters? Even if they did not know, they could sense it. Sense you were different. And there is nothing more tempting to an immortal than something… finally different.”
Mia gasped softly, echoing my own much-more-audible exclamation. There was a lot to unpack in there, but what struck me the most was the possible explanation for the weird obsession these goddesses had with me.
Still, something about it seemed… empty. Unsatisfactory. I doubted Xhinn was lying, but I simply could not reconcile the events of Mia’s birth with the mere presence of this implanted divine essence.
And apparently, Mia was not buying it either.
“She doesn’t know…!”
…what?
Xhinn continued, heedless. Whirlwinds of glass had appeared to rip and tear at crystalline trees in the far distance.
“But you were not for them. You were given to me! My gift! Mine to grow and nurture as I pleased! My eyes to the world outside—the world my Father created. A world I could touch but never see. It was to be His concession. His apology for the endless eons of my imprisonment. You were my Donum!”she shouted loud enough to rock the foundations.
Wait a minute… my name? My name actually means gift! Chebs in hell… How much have I been manipulated without even realizing it?
“Xhinn, I’m sorry you got shafted,” and from the sound of it, by her own father, “but I think there’s a lot more going on here than either of us realize. And even if there weren’t, I never would have betrayed you if I had known. If you had just taken five seconds to actually explain—”
“Explain?!” she screeched hysterically. “Has whatever you have done to keep yourself standing also rendered you daft? I love riddles? Bah! I am a creature of riddles by nature! Mystery and enigma are my very life’s blood. Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to draw back the curtain? I may as well flay the skin from my bones!”
The floor at my feet began to rumble as though in sympathy for her pain. Yet again, I could feel something behind it. Something odd. Something that should not be. Something… familiar.
Xhinn looked to one side, sensing it as well. And chuckled humorlessly. It was the sound of someone giving up on hope.
“But I have long grown used to that. Mystery would not be mystery if it could be solved as easily as turning a page. Unfortunately for you, my once Donum, you failed to grasp it in time. And I will no longer tolerate these insults. My vision has been taken from me. The kind I was to nurture, stolen.” The lightning flashed, reflected within her eyes as though in warning. “The mind that was my sanctuary, trespassed!”
My eyes widened. Oh, shit!
“I have been abused enough, Bline!” she thundered, pointing at me. “Did you think I would not sense you there? Skulking about? Whispering in his ear? Did you think I would not know whose tower he stood beside as I captured him? You thieving cunt! You would steal even what the Third has already stolen?! I will not tolerate this!”
Abruptly, her presence doubled. Then tripled. She did not move within the glass, but somehow I could tell… Somewhere out there, She was moving. And rapidly closer.
“Xhinn, no!” Mia yelled, though I knew it to be futile. “This is forbidden! You cannot—!”
“I don’t care!” She boomed, Her voice rippling against my skin. “I don’t care anymore! I have had it! I tried to do this the right way, but you have conspired against me at every turn. You pushed me out! You warped and polluted what I built! You turned him against me. I was the one to pay the price. Me! Not you nor anyone else. He was to be mine! And if I cannot have him, then I am taking. My motherfucking soul. Back!”
Her palm opened. For a very brief instant, the light behind the glass darkened as if from encroaching shadow…
And then it shattered.
A real hand—Her real hand—crashed through the mirage of storms like madness itself puncturing the film of reality. Space and time distorted around it, rising and whirling as waves of heat. Great claws, each the length of swords and carved in elaborate scenes of battles past, tipped Her fingers.
Then it turned and ripped the rest of the dome away.
For a moment, sound died. The illusion had been shattered. What laid beyond that dome… was emptiness. The vacuum. The endless blanket of nothingness and all its stars. And there in the sky, just rising over the horizon, was something that could not be. Something that was distinct in how very much it was not the moon.
But I could only register that as a distant footnote. My world had been filled with Her. There was no room for anything else. She was majestic. Great wings towered above her, framing her body in a draconic aura. Thick locks of hair streamed in waves as it danced about her crown of horns. And her gaze practically vibrated as it bored its way through me, twin holes as black and dead as the void behind her.
I wanted to hold Her. Comfort Her. Soothe Her. I wanted to grovel at Her feet. To rip out my own heart and present it to Her on a platter. To scoop out my eyes as unworthy to look upon Her. She was Glory. She was Love.
And her anger was Terrible.
Time reasserted itself. The fragmented glass, hanging suspended not a moment before, blasted outward as the air trapped within Her sanctuary was sucked into the vacuum. I had to clutch at the somehow unmoved table so as not to be carried along with it, the simple act of self-preservation snapping me out of my daze.
But She could not be satisfied with letting us die by asphyxiation. This was now personal.
As I watched that hand again descend, fingers grasping while lightnings and flame thrashed about her claws, I again felt the floor begin to shake. Rhythmic. Frantic. Over and over. Thump after thump.
There was a presence behind that shaking, I suddenly realized. It was seeking something. Calling.
Calling to me!
In a flash, realization came, and I gathered what air I could to my lungs.
“Ahnbe!!!”
Scarcely had the name left my lips than a sound like the world folding in on itself plucked the ground like a harp string. Then a new voice thundered through the heavens, echoing the very first sentence I had ever heard from Her.
“STOP! FUCKING BALLS!”
I glanced upward again in time to see Xhinn turn to one side. “You cannot stop—!”
Whatever else she might have said came to an abrupt end as some kind of unholy… thing slammed into her side. It was fur and scale. Claw and tooth. Wings, limbs, and tentacles. And all mashed together with no sense of symmetry or reason save that which would maximize the potential for brutal trauma.
Yet behind it all, there remained a sense of radiant beauty. No matter the horror Ahnbe chose to enrobe Herself within, nothing could disguise that. It was innate. Axiomatic.
However, when the shock wave of their collision hit, it occurred to me that perhaps it might not be such a grand idea to stand around with my thumb up my ass while She-Godzilla and Biolante battled it out in the skies overhead. Also, there was the rather immediate issue of the open airlock—neither of which had I accounted for in my plans.
Though, in fairness, this part had always been a bit fuzzy.
“Donum!” Mia screamed into my ear. “You must get to Lynnria’s wand! It’s the only way!”
“The fuck are you talking about?!” I yelled back. “Have you lost it?”
A bar of heat and light bisected the sky above, obscuring her reply… which was saying something considering she was sitting inside my own brain. “—ampli—! You’ll have to trust me!”
“Ampli-what? Trust you?” I shouted, glancing incredulously at Lynnria’s unconscious form—wrapped around a leg all the way at the other end of the table. A table, I might add, whose opposite leg I was already clutching onto in a desperate bid not to get sucked into space. And which kept bucking like a bronco every time one of the Nancy Archers out there took a step. “It’s not really a matter of trust, Mia!”
“Then you must call your—” Something crumpled overhead then burst like crackling popcorn, and I looked up in time to see a spray of projectiles flying in all directions—one of which sliced through the solid stone of a nearby wall like gelatin.
Oh, fuck this!
“Jax!” I yelled, scanning the area in a vague hope that she was not already dead. Fortunately, I soon spotted her claws embedded within the lip of the table above me—and a third hand a little farther down. “Arx!”
There was no response from either.
“They can’t hear me. There’s too much wind,” I shouted, hoping they were even conscious. “You’re going to have to go over there yourself!”
“Oh!” she exclaimed. “In all the excitement, I forgot I could do that. Hold on!”
She was gone before I could reply. Which was for the best. It was mostly a lot of expletives, anyway.
A moment later, Jax’s head popped over the lip of the table, searching frantically until she spotted me. I might have given her a weak, little wave were I not otherwise occupied. I had never been so relieved to see her face in all my life.
“Heyya, gorgeous!” I shouted. “Mind giving a fellow a hand?”
She nodded with determination, then dipped back for a second to shout something at Arx before working her way toward me. Meanwhile, the third hand was quickly joined by its twin and headed toward Lynnria.
Man… that must be nice. It was in moments like these that I genuinely envied them their freedom to invest in physical stats. Sure, manipulating time and space had its perks, but when you are struggling just to hold on to a table leg, a touch of extra grip strength starts to sound really sexy.
And where in the unholy hell is all of this wind coming from? With the gaping hole in the ceiling, the room should have been depressurized in seconds, so I could only assume the doors leading to the rest of the Dungeon had been blown open.
Which was a mixed blessing. Yes, we still had air to breathe but getting out of here was going to be a tad complicated. Even if I could have flown everyone out at once, my levitation spell simply did not have enough acceleration to counteract the wind, and rendering ourselves weightless would have been worse than counterproductive.
Meanwhile, waiting for the remaining atmosphere to drain away was stupid nonsense. Assuming we could even survive being underfoot an ongoing clash of the titans until then, just holding our breath in a vacuum long enough to get to the exit would be a major coup. And that was if our blood did not start to immediately boil from the depressurization.
About then, Jax muscled her way up and over the lip of the table and managed to work a leg around my lifeline to brace herself before grabbing hold of my wrist.
“I got ye, Master!” she yelled. “Don’t ye worry none.”
That was a hard ask. She was strong but not exactly what I would call superhuman.
“Would you settle for worrying less?” I quipped.
“Aye!” she shot back, hauling me toward her—and somehow managing to smile despite everything. “What do ye think of me dress? With the wind flappin’ it about, its been ticklin’ me bits something fierce. Could go for a chug, I tell yer.”
I blinked. “It’s great, Jax. Very sexy.”
It kind of was, too… not that I had a lot of head space reserved for that sort of thing. She would never stoop to wearing underwear, so the overly stiff breeze was causing her already-scanty dress to flash me about nine times a second. But then, watching a fit woman doing pretty much anything was always a delight, much less contorting herself about a table leg to save my life.
Her smile grew wider. “Keep to them thoughts, Master. Makes me stronger.”
I nodded. Right. Of course. I knew there must have been a practical reason I had not yet passed my Lust along. Buff to Wisdom… buff to Wisdom… buff to Wisdom…
For a brief instant, daylight again filled the solarium, followed by a thoom loud enough to make even the constant wind hesitate.
“Balls!” Ahnbe’s swear of outrage echoed into the distance. “The fuck do you think you’re doing?!”
“I think I’m defending myself from a violent sociopath who has invaded my—” WHAM! “Ack! Bloody sucker-punch me, will you?”
I glanced at Jax. “You’d never guess they were sisters.”
“I dunno,” she said, staring into the sky. She seemed remarkably calm for all that we were sitting in the middle of a war-zone, but then, Wisdom was the go-to stat for protecting against mental effects. Panic was certainly one of those. “Ye take all them powers away, and they’s just two birds having a go over their bloke.”
My face took on an incredulous smirk. That seemed a bit of an oversimplification.
About then, I saw Arx flip back over the edge of the table and start making her way toward us, Lynnria’s dowel-rod clutched firmly-in-jaw.
“Alright! One wand on its way,” Mia announced unnecessarily.
I nodded that I had heard. Having the Faen around had certainly taken some getting used to, but she had her uses—when she was paying attention, anyway.
“Here you go!” Arx shouted once she was within reach, passing it to me. Then, laughing like the lunatic she was, she upended herself so as to latch onto the bottom of the table with her legs and let go. “Woo! What a rush! Isn’t this terrifying?!”
One of Ahnbe’s severed tentacles went flying overhead before crashing into some unseen part of the landscape.
“You could say that, yeah,” I agreed deadpan.
She just slapped me on the shoulder. “That’s a Quester’s life for you. Don’t worry. You’ll get used to this sort of thing after a while.”
The tentacle—now having sprouted some several hundreds of mismatched wings—flew back overhead and started launching thorns the size of fighter jets toward the distant combatants.
“Heaven forbid.”
“Will you two stop dithering?” Mia shouted. “There’s a gaping hole in the ceiling, if you haven’t noticed.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed,” I replied grimly, eying the wooden stick—and the distant planet just cresting the horizon—with a hefty dose of skepticism. “I just don’t know what you expect me to do about it.”
“I expect you to use your head! Think man! What does that stick do?”
“Now isn’t the time for games, Mia.”
“Neither is it the time for arguments. Now, answer!”
I grit my teeth. More cryptic bullshit…
A wand was just a simple gizmo that could activate a spell via key phrase. In this case, you say ‘dirt,’ and…
“It shoots dirt!”
“When Lynnria uses it, yes. But you know something she doesn’t, don’t you?”
A brief moment passed while I stared at the stick in confusion, but not because her hint had been too vague. I knew perfectly well that I had gained Dirt on binding Arx. I just could not see how that was supposed to help me. You did not have to actually be able to cast the spell a wand contained, and even if you could, knowing a Word from it would only make it slightly more natural to use.
Unless…
“Are you nuts?!” I shouted. “You can’t say a Word out loud without a spell behind it!”
Never mind rolling the boulder uphill, she might as well have just asked me to lift up the whole, bloody mountain.
However, when it came, the argument did not come from Mia.
“Ye can,” Jax said with an air of certainty. “Ye got a touch of the divine in ye, me master.”
“Yeah, maybe.” According to Xhinn, anyway. “But I can’t see how that makes a difference. We’ve already tried it. Remember? It was after the very first Word we ever got.”
Jax began shaking her head. “Lot’s happened since then. Ye’ve growed. Got stronger. Been marked by a second goddess! Ye could use them Runes e’en before y’et that coin, and now ye got enough Wisdom in ye to gaze on that without so much as a blink.”
She pointed to the ongoing mayhem playing out in the skies above us, but I resisted the urge to look. ‘Without so much as a blink’ was a bit of an exaggeration, but I had taken her meaning.
“More’n that, though,” she continued, “Ye can craft kind inter yer immortal servants. Ye got a Faen at yer beck. Ye got flamin’ goddesses at war over ye! Master, I ain’t understood half o’ what that jessie said to put her ownself to the radge, but I know me heart. If there be a soul what can do this, it be ye. I know it to me bones!”
There was no single item among her list that convinced me. I had known them all already, and even had I not, each of them could be explained away. Rationalized. Put into context. I was not some chosen hero. I had no grand destiny. I was just a regular guy put into a not-so-regular set of circumstances.
No. It was the look in her eyes. The faith. The unshakable conviction. I was her master. She would fight gods for me. She believed in me. How could I do less?
Besides, it was that or death. Arguing further would only waste more time.
My eyes closed as I centered myself.
Buff, buff, buff…
I breathed deeply of the wind howling in my ears, pushing everything else away. No distractions.
Buff, buff, pass to Jax…
The wand slowly lifted to point at the skies overhead and the explosions ripping them apart.
Buff! More Wisdom!
My mouth opened.
For a moment, I felt as if I had connected to something…monumental. As though my lips had become the wedge to crack open the very Eye of the world.
And it stared back at me.
Sleepy. Barely even awake. Yet it had noticed.
That minor acknowledgment of my existence felt as heavy as the moon at my feet. Like thousands of goddesses. The sheer pressure of it bore down, crushing my insides to paste. But it only waited. Daring me to Speak. To try making a sound. To utter even a peep of the Language of Magic.
And it ignited my Life-giving chain like jet-fuel.
More Wisdom! More!
“Ye can do it, Master!” Jax shouted exultantly. “I can feel yer power building!”
My heart hammered in my chest. My lungs burned. Lust and Life surged.
Pass to Arx! Buff!
“Take our Life!” Arx yelled, enraptured. “Take all of me!”
My face locked into a rictus with the effort. My skull was about to burst. The Word was too heavy. It was too much!
More!
Abruptly, a ray of sunshine slashed through the clouds. My Will was breaking through. I could sense it! I was close!
MORE!
My jaw worked. My tongue engaged.
“***!”
The world froze. The wind stuttered. The twin giants paused in their conflict to look down.
A tiny… insignificant ant had just Spoken.
Just a single Word. But when ants speak, even gods take notice.
Even so, it was not enough. One Word by itself was next to meaningless. It was just a single noun. What was the Magic supposed to do? I needed to guide it. Mold it. Give it context. Purpose.
I needed to seal the dome overhead, but my Vocabulary was so very limited.
Lift. Conceal. Toilet. Silver. Generation. Cynic. Pal—!
My eyes flew open. I had it! Hot blood was pouring down my cheeks, but I had it!
“***!”
The world came unstuck. The wind resumed its howl.
And then the wand ignited like a lightsaber.
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Still not 100% on some of the wording toward the end, but I wanted to get this chapter out today. Had a lot of fun playing with Xhinn's villain monologue. Always wanted to do one of those.
Big action scene next chapter, so look forward to that. It's funny how those tend to work out, though. There was a little of that toward the middle of this chapter, and even then, it quickly went directions I had not anticipated.
Like, I knew what I wanted to have happen, but so much of these tend to come down to logistics. Who is standing where? What needs to happen in order to accomplish their goals. And how? What problems arise as a consequence? It's a thousand little things you never think of until you're actually standing there, staring at the problem head-on.
And then things kind of just come together. Like, why didn't they get sucked into space?
Because the table was bolted to the ground, of course. Just like all the rest of the furniture. Did I make that rule specifically for this moment? Hell no! But I made use of what rules I had already established to unfold the narrative.
Comments
deadeyemax
Very exciting
Nathaniel Bartley Logee
I always miss one, don't I?
Ryan
What a chapter. Donum finally getting a chance to air his greivances without his mind half melted was great. Iwas -> I was
