MirceaKitsune
patreon
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🕑 Added 2020-07-18 14:13:59 +0000 UTCAs I'm seeing other artists here going through similar fatigue, I'm hopefully not the only one still dealing with issues keeping up. It's been a struggle posting more meaningful content on a monthly basis, which I'm still not sure how to best address right now. I wish to be more active and have more news to offer, but working on significant new things has been such a hurdle recently. I'm now finding myself trapped in a mixture of at least three factors:
- Dividing my time to doing little work on many things... a drop of progress on a handful of things each day with little of interest to mention. It's so hard to work on one thing for a few days before feeling it takes so much work and wanting to work on another thinking it's going to be simpler and yield results faster.
- Finding energy to keep pushing myself, especially when there isn't an active project to motivate me greatly. The COVID-19 crisis, particularly the way governments and society react to it, has also been replacing "let's censor the internet with crazy authoritarian laws to fight crime" in terms of adding stress and making it harder to feel like doing anything... I can't even safely enter a shop or use mass transit over the mask craze, 2020 felt like being trapped in my home or like it's a crime to interact with other people.
- I'm still undergoing depression treatment which is affecting my body's ability to focus on anything. Even now I'm having to work extra to make sure this post makes sense and doesn't sound dumb or anything. It's likely interfering with whatever form of autism I have to make my brain feel like I only slept 4 hours when in reality I'm sleeping almost 12 now.
I think that overall I really need to relax a bit instead of pushing myself to want to work on something even when I simply can't find it in me. Yet if I don't I worry I won't have what else to post here and ain't meeting the proper quota! I can't pause either as I badly need all the money I can get which is already little; Were that situation solved I'd make this Patreon per-post rather than monthly as to only charge whenever I have something new to share.
I'm wondering if for now people would be interested in vague reports on random stuff I do. Something like "a few days ago I fixed an animation on a model for this project, today I worked on a texture on that project, tomorrow I'm thinking of looking at an issue in the code of the other project". Even typing something up feels as hard as doing more work on a big project however. Feel free to share ideas if anyone else is dealing with something similar... I wish I could but I just can't find that magical solution to this situation >_<
