MrBiffo
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HOW TO EAT LIKE CRAP WHEN YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN
🕑 Added 2020-08-28 12:15:10 +0000 UTCI seem to be the last person anyone expects to be a vegetarian. Heck, it even feels weird to me, writing that sentence down. I don't think of myself as a vegetarian. I don't really think about it at all. I simply stopped eating meat, back in January.
That said, part of the reason I've not mentioned it more is because I know that vegetarians - particularly vegans - do have a tendency to get a bit preachy. I remember when my youngest daughter and her best friend first became vegan. I mean, they didn't shut up about it. Ever.
For some people it does become an identity. And I speak from experience; the one other time I tried to be vegetarian, I was 14 or 15, and I lasted about six months, and I only did it so that I could tell people I was a vegetarian. Chips and Pot Noodles do not a healthy, balanced, diet make.
But really, it's more how others perceive you. Unfortunately, in certain quarters, not eating meat equates to being, y'know, a radicalised tree-hugger. And a twat.
So, I've not really spoken about it publicly. In fact, it hasn't even crossed my mind to talk about it publicly, aside from a few times I've shared some new food I've found on Twitter.
Technically, I'm pescatarian. I do eat seafood, occasionally. Mostly prawns or squid. I hope to stop that too at some point. And yeah, I'm not vegan. I wish I was, and I think I will give it a go sooner or later, but baby steps. 8 months and counting of what I am doing is a milestone I thought I'd never reach, and now I don't think I can go back.
I'd been wanting to give up meat for ages. Sanja was vegan when I met her - which is a challenge, because she also has a gluten intolerance - and she was never preachy about it. Like me, she doesn't care if other people want to eat meat. That's their business.
My main reason for wanting to do it is - and I'm not going to talk about it much, due to allergy-to-being-preachy reasons - is global warming. I can't remember which documentary convinced me (probably Cowspiracy), but the meat industry, more than any other, even air travel, is what's boiling the planet.
Even though I had that intention there, I still didn't think I could do it. Most people who know me considered me practically carnivorous. Certainly as a kid I didn't like vegetables, but that's mainly because my mother would buy horrible boil-in-the-bag carrots, and stuff like that, and force me to eat them. I used to shove my vegetables down the back of the sofa, and one day she served up a plate full of weeks' worth of mouldy veg that I'd hidden.
I've gotten a lot better as I've gotten older, and since I met Sanja - who really knows how to cook veg - I wouldn't say I'm anti-vegetables at all. I don't like all of them; broccoli and cabbage can get lost. And I'll still take a lettuce leave out of a burger, because that big stem bit in the middle ruins the taste. I love asparagus, I love the way Sanja cooks peas. I can eat spinach and kale and mushrooms until it's oozing out of my ears.
Nonetheless, the label stuck. Just the same as my family have inexplicably got it into their heads that I don't like gravy. I love gravy! Yet any time we'd go for a Sunday roast at my parents' house it'll be "Paul doesn't want gravy".
I digress, but bottom line: it wasn't that I don't like vegetables, just that I liked meat more. A lot more.
MEAT ME IN ST. LOUIS
Steaks. Burgers. Bacon. Chicken wings. All of it. Pork belly. Never thought I could say goodbye to all that. Not ever. But I wanted to. So I gave myself last Christmas as a final hurrah, with the promise to myself that I'd give it a go in January. And I did... and it stuck. I can't imagine ever going back now.
So, I thought I'd share with you how I did it, in the event that any of you might be considering a change.
Here's what worked for me:
Firstly, I told myself I could eat meat if I wanted to. This wasn't a forever thing; I could have the occasional cheeky burger, or whatever, sometimes. I did that once, a week after I'd gone vegetarian, where I had some chicken fries from Burger King (incidentally, the Rebel Whopper that BK was doing was amazing; literally couldn't taste the difference from the meat one).
This is important: if you want to make the change, just do what you can. Start by reducing your meat intake if you have to, before taking the plunge fully.
Secondly, Lockdown helped massively. At the beginning, I told myself that I'd only be veggie at home. If I went out, I'd eat meat. I never went out. We've had takeaways, but still haven't been to a restaurant. Now, if we did, I'd go for the vegetarian or seafood option.
Thirdly, I've been on a voyage of fake-meat discovery! In the past couple of years, the fake meat industry has exploded. It may be that a few years ago I wouldn't have stuck to this. There's an absurd amount of choice, which seems to have started after the Impossible Burger came out in America, and people realised that one of the biggest barriers to giving up meat was... giving up meat. If you could make vegetables pretend to be meat, in a convincing fashion, then there was no need to even eat meat.
My diet has become, if anything, more varied, because I'm forever trying new stuff. I love browsing the veggie section at the supermarket. Here are a few of my recommended meat replacements:
Vegetarian sausage rolls. Doesn't matter which ones. I've not had a single one yet, of any brand, which hasn't tasted EXACTLY like real sausage rolls. Quorn and Linda McCartney are particularly good. In fact, most Linda McCartney stuff is excellent.
Viv Era kebab "meat". This is a revelation. They do two types; shawarma and Greek, but I prefer the shawarma. Tastes convincingly doner-like, but without the fatty heaviness you'd normally get after a kebab.
Beyond Meat burgers. Hard to find, but once you've got the cheese and ketchup and pickles on there, you wouldn't know any difference. Viv Era - who also do a great 'steak' - do a burger, but it has a weird aftertaste. Avoid. One good thing about pretty much all non-meat burgers - especially now we've moved away from revolving bean burgers - is that the don't fall apart. They hang together while cooking better than meat burgers.
Mheat from Sgaia, who do a whole bunch of stuff that is very meat-like, including steaks and burgers. The steaks are amazing. They won't convince you that they're ribeye, but they're enough like a sandwich steak. They also do a charcuterie range with pastrami and the like. Again, very, very good.
This Is Not Bacon is about as good as fake bacon gets. It's really, really hard to replicate that bacon taste and texture it seems. In a sandwich, however, with some ketchup or brown sauce, this is good enough that it'll trick your brain into thinking you've had a real one. I'm afraid to say that bacon, generally, is something you'll have to say goodbye to, because I've not really found a decent replacement (unlike others, it's not bacon I'm missing most but chicken wings). Talking of: This Is Not Chicken is also decent.
Quorn has been around forever, but there's a reason for that; so much of what they do is really good. Their fake chicken nuggets - the frozen, crispy ones - taste EXACTLY like McDonald's nuggets. They also do excellent 'steak' pies. Also, their mince is fantastic. Sanja makes an amazing vegetarian lasagne that has convinced even her meat-loving brother.
Stahly vegetarian haggis is excellent. Wasn't keen on the McSween one, which is a bit too carrot-y. Hate cooked carrots.
Scottish butcher Simon Howie does an amazing vegetarian breakfast pack, with square sausage and black pudding. The black pudding - incredibly - is INDISTINGUISHABLE from a real one. It's witchcraft.
A company called Wheaty does a bunch of different stuff, and everything I've tried was spot-on. I wasn't sure about them, because their packaging is a bit basic, but their merguez African-style sausage is delicious, likewise their Virginia steaks, which are big and chunky and tasty.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
You can find a lot of this on Amazon, or for a more ethical shop, I go to these two places:
www.thevegankindsupermarket.com/
And that's it. That's my I've-gone-vegetarian blog post. Do I feel better for it? Dunno. I've been less ill this year - fewer colds - but that might be lockdown and facemasks. I mean, I still eat crisps and sweets, so I can't say my diet has improved for the better particularly, but if I save the life of even one polar bear it'll have been worth it.
Paul
Comments
Kelvin Green
I often get people trying to convert me back to meat and I'm baffled. Why do they care?
Tyronne Mann
I have found the subject of food is the same as the subject of politics when talking with friends as it can very quickly turn divisive. I am a meat eater and will continue to be a meat eater (not that I eat it all the time and do indeed have meat free days in the week) and as such if someone wants to be a Vegetarian or Vegan then fill your boots, it makes no difference to me and I would like to be treated the same way....but it never goes that way. The times I have been preached to about how great such and such lifestyle is and why are you not doing the same as me - do you not know what the animals go through etc etc etc etc.....Let me put it to rest - I DO NOT CARE. Harsh but I have had it with the countless times I have had to deal with the self righteousness of others when it comes to food and the times their noses have been put out of joint because not only do their voices fall on deaf ears but I have told them to please shut up about it. This is why I never, ever bring it up.
Alan Hazlie
Just wanted to second your support of the Viv Era kebab 'meat' - think I now vastly prefer it to 'actual' kebab meat!
Darren Cox
I've been a vegetarian since 1984 (when i was 16), i'm originally from rural Lincolnshire and in my final year of school the teachers thought it was a good idea to take us to visit a nearby abattoir! I'm sure a few vegetarians were created that day. A museum or a castle would have been just fine.
Ste
I stopped eating pork after passing fields of piglets and pig parents one too many times. I still eat chicken and still eat beef.
Scott Byrnes
I went vegan overnight way back in 2010 and haven't looked back. The book 'The Way We Eat: Why Our Food Choices Matter' pushed me over the edge. Could you eat a dog? Pigs and cows are just as sweet and playful as dogs. But eating dogs is frowned upon because virtually all humans can easily form emotional attachments with dogs. Why do we have such an aversion to forming emotional attachments with animals of other species? We all came from a common ancestor. No one chose to be born the species they are. Humans have no special rights over other living things with whom we share a habitat. We just pretend we do. Being vegan is not about superiority--quite the opposite. I have no right to take the life of another living thing. I am not superior to a pig. I have no right to destroy any animal's life for my fleeting pleasure. Animals scream not to die. Is it elitist to not want to contribute to pointless death? I cannot live with it on my conscience. Is it haughty moral superiority to be disgusted by an industry based on death? Tens of billions of animals are destroyed annually. A puppy being brutally killed is easily recognized as a tragedy, as is a human being brutally killed. Why do we struggle to recognize a cow being brutally killed as a tragedy? There is no meaningful difference between a deaf/blind human baby and a cow that gives reason to protect one and kill the other. We should protect all life and aim not to destroy it. I think that is critically important. The vegans that people see and are aware of are simply egotistical wankers who aren't really dedicated to the philosophy of veganism. I encounter them too. Plenty of people call themselves vegan but do not take a stand on animal issues. They will find something else to be wankers about in due time. In my decade of being a vegan the only problems I've had with other people (i.e. omnivore wankers) are when they find out that I'm a vegan and give me the usual nonsense like "carrots feel pain too!" Omnivores simply do not like to think about the misery and suffering that their choices cause. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, it's a simple fact that eating meat requires the suffering and destruction of purely innocent animals on a scale that's hard to comprehend. If it does make you feel bad, it's supposed to! We evolved shame and regret for a reason! You're *supposed* to feel bad about doing bad things. The people who buy and consume animal products are directly responsible for suffering and destruction, but don't want to believe it because they don't see it every day. Slaughter houses are hidden away from population centers. Out of sight out of mind. I'm sure if you had to listen to the horror of pigs and cows screaming for their lives before your dinner it wouldn't be such a problem to avoid eating them. As you're aware, industrial agriculture is a major threat to the survivability of our habitat. Ecosystems are destroyed to satisfy the common, unsustainable lust for meat. The fundamental capacity for the Earth to support life is being jeopardized by our relentless pursuit of ever more death. It is not defensible. Veganism inherently increases your awareness of the interconnectedness of life, which is something easily overlooked in our digital world where you can click a button and have food delivered to your door without even having to see another living being. It is its own reward. There is nothing to regret. There is nothing to miss. We are the only animal with highly advanced rationality. It is imperative we use our evolved minds to consider how our actions ripple into the world. I'm sure someone reading this will want to call me some names and tell me to get off my high horse. (I wouldn't ride a horse--animals are not tools). Just remember each time you chew down on beef that the cow screamed not to die and you are responsible for it.
Paul Rose (Mr Biffo)
Still not tried the legendary Greggs sausage rolls. They're on the list!
Paul Rose (Mr Biffo)
Ah! I might've had this. And yes, it is good.
Paul Rose (Mr Biffo)
I've not really noticed a massive price difference. Health-wise... nothing beyond what I mention already. I mean, I didn't feel particularly un-healthy before, so... y'know.
Treacle Truffle
Kelvin's post has got me wondering, is there a significant price difference between the vegi and the meat options? I always assumed that a pack of meat free sausages would be dearer than a similar pack of Asda or Tesco own brand. And I know your motivation is because of the environmental impact of meat production, but have you noticed any health benefits?
I am addicted to kings vegan jerky #nonspon
Kelvin Green
I've been vegetarian since about 2005 and I feel a bit of a fraud because my main reasons for "turning" were because meat was expensive and I didn't actually like it, so I just stopped getting it. Why it took me until I was 25/26 to make that realisation, I don't know. Since then I've become a lot more strict with what I eat, but the truth is it's easy to do so when you don't like meat in the first place. At first I missed things -- mostly sweets and puddings -- that had gelatine in them, but over the years I've found replacements that are just as good, and those replacements have become more mainstream, like the sweets at M&S which I think are almost all veggie now. That's also why I'm not preachy about it, because it feels dishonest when my reasons were not moral ones. I'll tell you the health and environmental benefits of vegetarianism if you ask, but otherwise it's none of my business. Anyway, good for you, Biffo, and I'm glad you're finding things to enjoy. I would recommend Greggs vegan sausage rolls, which are pretty good, and also make people like Piers Morgan angry, so there's a double benefit. Be extra careful with Nestle and Walls, because they are quite bad with indicating if their products are vegetarian, but there are other (moral) reasons for avoiding their stuff so it may be a moot point.
