MrBiffo
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TINY WORDS MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE
🕑 Added 2020-03-21 09:33:21 +0000 UTCMorning, everyone. I hope you'll indulge me with something quite personal.
One of the things I've had to contend with in my life is being perceived as having broad shoulders. I mean, I literally do have broad shoulders, but I'm talking in an emotional sense. People think I can "take it", if you know what I mean. They think that I can carry a lot. And, generally, I can.
Consequently, because of that perception I've kind of been forced into that role. I've become strong, emotionally, because that's what people needed me to be. It's what they expected. Yet behind that, I've all the same fragility and insecurities and whatnot that most of us suffer with. I think I'm just better at pushing them aside than many, and better at rationalising that most of that isn't helpful day to day.
In small ways, you see it with comments we get on Digitiser videos; they're very sort of "laddish bantz" - partly because we do that between one another in the videos, I suspect. Also, there's that kind of toxic masculinity thing where men - for want of a better word - neg one another to avoid displaying any real vulnerability. I *think* for the most part, when it happens on Digi vids - being called fat, or whatever - it's not intended to be mean. Obviously it is a rude thing to say to anybody, but my gut tells me that the feeling behind it is the opposite - it's kind of wanting to join in with the banter and piss-taking that they're seeing on-screen.
They want to be a part of it.
I had that bloody GamesMaster clip doing the rounds again this week. I'm happy to admit that I hate it. Yeah, it's something like 27 years old, and I was very young, but it still makes me wince. I feel for the kid I was when - as happened this week - all the same old comments came out about how weird I look in that clip. I know how devastated he would have been, how utterly, completely, crushed to be told he looked "weird" or - as one comment I got on it some years back said - "Have you seen the state of him?".
It has been a long week. For many of us, I know, but with all the things we've had going on, I do tend to find myself in my role as "dad" to a lot of young people, and a dutiful son and husband, kind of being there for others. Because of my perceived broad shoulders, I seem to often become the carrier of everyone else's problems. Those shoulders, though, can only shoulder so much, and yesterday, when I got this comment on Kickstarter, after I posted about the DVD rewards being delayed further due to Corona:
Normally I'd have shrugged it off, but after a week in which I had to be there for everyone else, with three of my kids coming down with Coronavirus symptoms, one losing her job, another having to cancel her wedding, another one locked indoors due to health concerns... and losing the 22 grand's worth of income I'd been banking on to get me through much of this year, I was feeling more vulnerable than I realised.
I'd just come back from visiting my parents - dropping in some toilet paper and disinfectant wipes we'd managed to find - having just heard the news that our local hospital had declared a crisis because it's intensive care beds were full.
I was scared for them, and the guy's comment kind of tipped me over the edge.
I refunded him immediately - the full amount (despite the fact that, y'know, he already got the thing he was really paying for, which was Digitiser the Show). He still blocked me on Twitter, amusingly.
Yet his lack of empathy - the insinuation that because I don't "go to work everyday" I somehow have it easier than him (try telling that to my wife who saw how I burnt out I was last year), the dismissive reference to "daft stuff", and the final stinger of wanting his money back, without considering the reasons why the DVDs are so late (I mean... fuck... last year was brutal for us) - hit me hard. I think in that moment I was crying out for someone to see me, to see what I needed, after a week of being there for everyone else.
And then I got a very lovely, very kind, very sweet and empathic message on Twitter, which was exactly what I needed. A lifeline of empathy, that even this morning I want to cry about when I think of it.
So, I just wanted to say a very, very special thank you - again - to the brilliant Nikki (of Nikki and Bunty fame) for her message last night, for her timing, her kindness, and for making me feel seen.
All of you, in this time, please don't take anybody's strength for granted. We can all struggle - even those of us with the broadest shoulders - and we all have our breaking points. You never can know for definite what people are dealing with. Now, more than ever in our lives, we need to check on one another. The smallest acts of empathy can make the biggest difference.
Paul
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Comments
Fluffy the Demon, Destroyer of Worlds
I have literally lost count the number of times I have genuinely laughed out loud thanks to you and your friends doing silly stuff. Thank you for everything.
We’ve been in a similar position, where through no fault on our side we’ve had £££££’s suddenly not paid (because as IT contractors, you’re pretty low down the list when your client goes bust, but you’ve delivered product or, in the best example, working 18 months to find out your business partner has stuffed £180k that’s your share of sales up his nose as coke tends to make one do). With a plethora of other personal events, you end up developing an armadillo persona - tough on the outside but still very soft on the inside. But because people are, on the whole, only out for themselves, they’re selfish, self serving bastards so don’t give a monkey’s chuff on how they talk to you. And it _does_ hurt. You give us a break from that with your ridiculous, surreal take on life, and for that, I am very grateful. Like the rest of us here - we would be reading this post otherwise! Wishing you all well & love to all. And thank you. Just thank you. Especially in these extraordinary days. It’s Mother’s Day, so I’m off to play Knock Down Ginger at my Mum’s house. Leaving something nice, not a flaming bag of dog poo.
(Just) Steve
I'm similar to you in many ways as i'm perceived as someone who isn't affected by anything. That's only an exterior though as I put on a "brave face" for others around me because I need to be strong for them. I'll support you for as long as I financially can because laughter is much needed in these times.
Mark Honeyborne
I'm off to work most nights filling up the local Morrisons and when I leave i've seen both sides. People being tutted as when they do a shop because theyve got a full trolley.... The tutters have no idea that that person is on a normal shop that they do once a week. People have no idea what others are doing, seems most are selfish and self centred. But one or 2 are good eggs and if it wasnt for people like yourself Paul and the others that do what you do we'd all go a bit bonkers. So from me a big thanks and a elbow bump followed by a hip tap!
Alan Hazlie
The fact that some people out there are still wearing the fact they're going out to work throughout this as a badge of honour and resilience is truly worrying.
John Veness
Socially distant hugs to Biffo and family, and to N&B.
Treacle Truffle
Nikki and Bunty are two of the most wonderful people, always kind, caring, compassionate and sympathetic. Even when life knocks them down they refuse to be robbed of their generosity of spirit. An example of how, in these uncertain times, we should all look out for each other and remember there's no need to stockpile kindness, there's enough for us all to have some.
Nick
I’m not sure if I can say anything useful but I get it.
Kelvin Green
I DON'T want my money back and I think we need "daft stuff" more than ever, these days. I do, anyway.
Vicky Winstanley
The world needs more people like you, with your passions, humour and kind heart. We see through the "bantz", we can see that behind everything you, and everyone involved, love what you do and really care about the digi community x
MatBlack4Ever
I'm sure 99% of the backers totally understand what's going on & need no explanation. The world is in a different place right now & we all need to be patient.
Paul Rose (Mr Biffo)
Oh, I know. I'm very blessed. Thanks, Colin.
Colin Jones
There are a lot of selfish people coming to light in recent days. I don't really know what else to say about them. Keep up the good work, there are plenty of us who appreciate what you do.
