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Happy Late Pride!
🕑 Added 2021-07-06 01:41:22 +0000 UTCRandom post, but...
Last month was a strange month for me for many reasons so I didn’t wish everyone a Happy Pride like I normally would. But I know people are still celebrating Pride somewhere; Munich, is it?🤔😂
But I was looking through my old posts from my blog that I had years ago and found this one that I wrote the same time of year but 7 years ago when I was just an innocent young thing full of hope.
Check it out if you’d like to know a little bit more about me:
BLOG POST
Ever have one of those friends who will always be there for you? And no matter how badly you treated them you can just pick up right where you left off?
Well, my friend "Tony" is exactly that kind of person.
He just called me. I decided to pick up because it's been 17 months, but who's counting? You would think after all this time I'd be over him, even if I really believed I was in love with him.
So I answered the call and we both spoke as if nothing had ever happened. We pretended that I didn't tell him that I wanted to be with him, we pretended that he didn't reject me, and we pretended that I didn't text him my true feelings (several times) and why I could never see him again. Yup, we have one of those beautiful relationships based on honesty.
As soon as he spoke, I knew I had made a bad decision in answering the phone. It wouldn't be a Tony party if he didn't start the conversation with his famous, "Well, hello, hello!". He works at Disneyland and has always had an innocent, "Goofy" quality to him that I love.
He's basically a big kid. A 6'3" big kid who almost always thinks positively and has a unique talent for forgetting anything that doesn't sit well with him.
So we talked and caught up on what was going on in each other's lives. I was doing fine until he mentioned that today was his boyfriend's birthday. I already knew he was seeing someone because we recently became instagram friends again and I went through every one of his pictures that he'd taken over the last year. Not a stalker here, just a concerned citizen.
A short young man was in quite a few of Tony's photos. The guy looked...nice. I'd like to call him something else, but I'm trying to grow as a human being. What hurt was that they looked happy together.
Ugh! There should be a rule that we are physically unable to fall in love with people who don't love us back. A lot of time, energy, and tears could be saved.
I hate that anyone could have this hold over me. I thought I was fine. I was living my life and as soon as I picked up that phone, all those feelings came rushing back. My chest filled with lust, then anger, then jealousy, then laughter, and then love. I still love him. But if it truly is love, then I should be able to be happy for him. I should be happy that he is happy. And he really is.
He and his boyfriend are about to celebrate their 1 year anniversary. That was like ten thousand daggers to the heart, but I'm happy for him. I have to be because I don't want to hurt anymore.
Maybe he keeps coming back into my life for a reason. He is tall, charming, witty, makes me laugh, always looks on the bright side, has never lost the childish innocence that most of us have forgotten and he loves with all his heart.
He has a lot of qualities that I want in a boyfriend and that's what I will look for from now on. It is rare to find a man who loves unconditionally. Maybe when I learn to love without conditions, I'll find someone who will love me in the same way.
🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈
Happy Pride everyone! Hope you all have people in your life who love you unconditionally no matter who you are!
Also, has anyone ever experienced unrequited love?
Comments
Other Boy Reactions
Congrats on your official first Pride!
Other Boy Reactions
I have two half sisters in Jamaica who reached out when they discovered I existed. We were all excited to get to know each other and texted for awhile, but when I showed one of them a trailer for a gay web series I wrote she said she wouldn’t watch because it had cursing and she was religious. I knew it was because I was gay and I’ve avoided both their texts ever since. It can be difficult to get our hopes up and let people in only to have our hearts broken as I suspect your “bio dad’s” heart was, but he broke yours a little too in the process. I’m so sorry that happened with the man you thought was your bio dad. We are not always born into our families and sometimes have to choose our own with friends and other relationships. But it sounds like the parents that raised you care about you and you have that amazing story of how you and your boyfriend got together.
Angel90
Happy pride... life :D why limit yourself to only one month? :D
Anne27x
Happy late pride month to you! ❤️ Thank you for sharing what you wrote, it was nice to get to know you a little better! I truly hope you found or will find the right person for you! This was the first pride month for me in which I could say for sure that I’m part of the lgbtq+ community, cause I have just been struggling with myself a lot. It was nice to celebrate it for the first time ❤️
suveemi
While I'm thinking about this, I also had something similar to this ... I was adopted right after my birth, I came to a beautiful family. When I was 16/17 (2012) I got letters from my bio parents (so I thought). I cried for days, the man was really interested and we met two month later. Shortly after this my bio mom just stopped answering me, shortly before that she told me that she really wanted to meet me and that my litte sister also would like to meet me. I visited my "bio dad" and his whole family was extremely welcoming and I got along really well with my brother. I was sad to leave and came back around Christmas. I was awesome again. (this all took place in 8 month). I visited them once again for a few days before I went to Africa (2013). After that I only saw him for a day at a time when I was in the area (8 hours from where I live) or once he stopped by when he had a layover at the airport in the city I live in. Christmas 2018 he gifted me and my boyfriend a stay in their area for two nights. We went there in March 2019, it was awesome there and I was really happy. Quickly before we were leaving he asked me to come with him. He wanted to take a paternity test (it has been 7 year that we knew each other). The test came back saying we were not related. I would have never thought this because his son and I really looked alike ... At first I was okay, but the more it sunk in the more weird it got. My parents were so angry that he put me through this, that he didn't ask them in the beginning to do that test with me before we started to bond. My mom told me he said some hurtful stuff, like now he know why I could never fully "open up" to him and stuff ... Now we write us at Christmas and our birthdays but that's about it ... Kinda glad Covid came around because otherwise I would have been in the area he lived in for vacation ...
suveemi
Happy Pride ! Thanks for sharing your story, I hope you found someone since than <3 I was once at the other side of this, a guy told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and I wrote some stupid as answer (yeah I wrote him a text message) ... We still were texting after this for a litte bit, it was close to Christmas/New Years Eve and here in Germany we use to call people at midnight to wish them a Happy New year, so he called me and it was strange. After a few more text messages he stopped answering me. Towards wintertime he wrote me again and we started writing each other again, and I got different feeling towards him and than got afraid that he won't have the feeling towards me anymore because it has been a litte less than a year. We went on a few dates around Christmas time, to the beautiful Christmas markets here and went ice skating and I was still extremely afraid he would reject me this time around (well it would have only been fair). But he didn't and were are now in a relationship for 4,5 years. I still sometimes feel bad for how I treated him ...
