AdaRook
patreon
Myst Clone
🕑 Added 2023-06-22 17:04:53 +0000 UTC(original post)
wrote this last year, sometime after ugly death, over a beat i'd had lying around since 2020 knives or so. i really like it but i dont think it has a strong enough core to go on an album
(edit april 13th, 2025)
came back to this scrolling thru my patreon and remembered how much i like it. for some reason i'd attached the mp3 to the post instead of embedding it as audio, so i've fixed that which will make it easier to listen to.
i didn't really elaborate much in the original post but myst was hugely formative for me as a kid. its world and vibe was a really powerful escape for me, and i had debilitating nostalgia for it for a long time - i remember crying myself to sleep at night as a teen wishing i'd wake up on myst island or somewhere like it. the line in this song "the surrealistic adventure that will destroy your world" is kind of a silly little play on the tagline that was on the front of myst's box - "the surrealistic adventure that will become your world."
myst kind of represented this longing ideal of escapism for me for a really long time. the aesthetic and music too also meant so much to me, i'd always wish desperately that i could make something that made me feel that way and i'd become so frustrated that nothing i made could ever capture that intangible feeling that affected me so deeply. i still remember feeling that way in 2016 about other art that meant a lot to me as i worked on void fantasy, but nowadays i feel more secure in my work and i'm very proud of the things about it that make it what it is (even and sometimes especially with regards to my older work from back then). myst doesn't have the same pull for me anymore, though there's still remnants of aesthetic nostalgia and personal significance. theres a lot of other art nowadays that affects me more deeply, and i'm actually really proud that the nostalgia i used to find so crushing as a teenager barely registers for me at all anymore. after finding tons of crazy net art and weird niche media i guess i kind of realized that finding specific art at an impressionable age isn't everything, but more than that, you never have to grow out of being an "impressionable age" if you don't want to.
i'm not entirely sure what the first two thirds of this song were about lyrically. i think it was something that didn't matter to me as much as the final section does, which is maybe why i didn't think this song was fit to release - if i was going to build it around something so meaningful to me then i guess i wanted all the lyrics to be on that level of personal importance. the lyrics in the last section when the beat switches are about a lot of things i've since written about with a lot more clarity. it's still not something i feel the need to talk too directly about, but it makes me sad hearing those lyrics now and remembering how alone and misunderstood i felt when i wrote this. this past year has been really sad and pointlessly traumatizing for me, but i do feel closer to genuine peace now than i did back then, so i'm happy about that. i'm a little bit hopeful.
here are the lyrics:
a little light leaks thru when no one's watching
containing too much, restraining too often
true self sealed away, god i miss it, god i want it
listen for the winds of change - fuck it, they can have my caution
(caution)
everything you scream at me that you stand for
laughing as it falls away
holding your pride in hands that you just cant stop from shaking
hey, i'm not gonna tell you it's okay
it's the game you chose to play
but if you ever wanna listen hey i'm just a world away
i can see it in you (inside)
i don't have your answer (please god why)
a little light leaks thru your cracks
click click of the geiger counter
take a step back, yea i can hear you (wait)
is it all that fucking important? (no, stop)
is it all that, really all that, to see the truth and just ignore it?
is it everything that you crave?
is it everything that you wanted?
listen for the winds of change - fuck it, they can have my caution
(i'm listening)
happiness is showing who you are
even if you can't exist you're a little bit closer to having a heart
everything you scream at me that you stand for
laughing as it falls away
holding your pride in hands that you just cant stop from shaking
hey, i'm not gonna tell you it's okay
it's the game you chose to play
but if you ever wanna listen hey i'm just a world away
the hopeful yearning that always leaves you cold
the surrrealistic adventure that will destroy your world
i want to be seen truly
i want to completely lose me
i want to leave the present
i want to be protected
but i can't let my guard down
this is all there is, i know that now
stupid little girl, so trusting
peace is just selective memory
Comments
Ada Rook
haha yea i excised that part of the post bc it felt like too much of a tangent but yes... extremely evil shit, esp if ur teaching it to a child as some kind of Universal Truth
Erica Bryce
Glad you've found that hope. What a difference it makes. I hope you keep getting more peace. Also, as someone else with awful ocd: the secret can fucking choke
