Daniel Newwyn
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[I am a Table] Chapter 33
🕑 Added 2025-02-28 15:56:03 +0000 UTC“Dragon Queen of the… Candy?” Lena hesitated.
Hah! A dairy queen! What’s she going to do to me? Shower me in sweets?
“Mother of Balance Sheets!” The mage yelped. “You summoned something zat can talk!” With careful steps, he slightly bent over as he examined the creature. “Zis! Zis is truly magical. Hello? You understand me?” She literally just spoke English! ““Osiyo! Nihi tsalagi tsigesv? Bonjour! Êtes-vous un seigneur draconique de bonbons—”
The dragon exhaled. A hurricane of peppermint breath and powdered sugar blasted the Mage into the wall before burying him under a stack of mint candies.
The dragon queen fluffed her wings and cast her gaze to the ceiling. “I find your languages acceptable, but your breath is not.”
Wait… The quest! The dragon queen I’m supposed to banish… is this?
Guess I have a chance.
Lena quickly dusted the mint off herself and beamed at the dragon. “Oh wow! I wasn’t expecting to summon an actual dragon, much less a queen!” She clasped her hands together, absolutely thrilled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Sweetness—I mean, Your Majesty.”
It’s not a dragon nor a queen, Lena. It’s a dragon-shaped candy! Think about it! How can candies breed? Real dragons must know how to breed.
The candy dragon narrowed her shimmering caramel eyes, lifting her chin with regal grace. “Hmph. At least you have some manners.” She flicked her licorice tail and filled the air with a scent of vanilla. “Tell me, human. Are you a High Mage? Or perhaps a Master Mage?”
Lena blinked. “Oh, neither! I’m just a commoner who’s learning magic for the first time today!”
The dragon’s lollipop pupils constricted. “A mere human summoned me?” Her wings twitched, sending a fine dusting of powdered sugar across the room. “Fascinating.”
Lena asked, “May I know your name, Your Majesty?”
The dragon scoffed. “And this commoner doesn’t even know about the Soul Binding Contract of the dragonkind.”
A gloved hand punch through the mountain of mint candies, and the muffed sound of the robed mage rang out. “Do not ask her of the impozzible. Dragons do not give zeir name to humans unless it is during a consensual ritual of Soul Binding, mongresss.”
“Do not speak unless I allow you to!” The dragon then spat another hurricane of peppermint candy toward the mage. He was now buried under a mountain of sweets so high it reached the ceiling.
Nah. We’re not banishing that.
Lena clapped her hands together. “Sooo, Your Majesty, since I summoned you, does that mean you’re my summon now? Like, do I get to keep you?”
The dragon queen’s wings snapped open, revealing granola bars underneath. “Excuse me?”
Lena, realizing that might’ve been the wrong thing to say to a literal queen, quickly waved her hands. “Uh, I mean—since I summoned you, does that mean we can be friends?”
The dragon squinted at her, then let out a contemplative hum. “Hmmm. I shall consider it.”
Yeah, Lena. Get to know your enemy then stab the hell out of her. She’s like that piñata on the inside. One plunge and she’ll burst.
Lena took a tiny step closer. “We’re already friends! I mean, think about it! What if this is fate? What if we were meant to meet?”
The dragon queen raised an elegant brow. “Fate? Do not make me laugh, human. Your kind specifically tailored your magic to summon whatever, whichever way you will.”
“Oh, come on! You said it yourself, right? It’s practically unheard of for a first-time mage to summon someone of your exquisite caliber,” Lena said, layering on the flattery with all the subtlety of a brick through a window. “There must be something behind this! If you can spare some time and share your story with me…”
What’s this mushy nonsense? Where’s my stab, Lena?
“Besides,” Lena continued, her voice softer now, almost gentle. “Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone actually talk to you like an friend instead of groveling at your feet or treating you like a ornament?”
“You do not know me.”
“Friends should get to know each other.”
The dragon’s glossy eyes narrowed. “You are very bold for a human.”
Be bolder! Stab her! What’s a little attempted murder amongst friends?
The dragon suddenly said in a higher voice, “I would actually rather staying here and humor you, but,” She let out a sigh, sending candy wrappers out of her nostrils, “I have a rather urgent matter to attend to.”
Lena tilted her head. “You have something to attend to?”
The dragon queen sighed even more, stretching her caramel-coated wings. “Indeed. I was about to take my leave when I was forcibly transported to another realm.” She flicked her licorice tail. “Please do me a favor and return me to my domain.”
Blorbo internally screamed YES! YES! THERE'S ALWAYS A PEACEFUL SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING! No need for that stabbing violence nonsense!
Lena asked, “How exactly do we do that?”
The dragon queen exhaled sharply. “Chant whatever incantation you used to bring me here. I do not know your magic language.”
Lena’s eyes darted around. “Ooooh, yeah, about that. I don’t exactly remember what I said. It was mostly the banker mage guiding me through it, and—” She suddenly perked up and turned toward the giant candy mountain. “Right! He can tell us!” She ran back to the pile of peppermint candy. “Mister Banker Mage! How do I unsummon the dragon?”
Silence.
Lena frowned. “Hello?”
More silence.
She huffed. “Ugh. I need to dig him out!”
The dragon queen, however, was already shaking her head. “No time. There is another way.”
Lena immediately latched onto that. “Oh! What is it?”
The dragon’s eyes gleamed. “It is the method my last summoner used. Synchronized Sitting. We must sit down at the exact same time.”
Blorbo vibrated with excitement. I HAVE A SKILL FOR THAT! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MY PASSIVE SKILL IS FOR! I’M SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU, SYSTEM. YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR ME!
Lena’s face twisted. “...That’s it? Just sit down at the same time?”
“Yes,” the dragon said. “Simultaneous contact with the ground. No delay.”
Lena shrugged. “Okey dokey! Easy enough.”
She and the dragon exchanged nods.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
“Three... two... one... SIT!”
They both sat.
And nothing happened.
What? But my skill is literally Synchronized Sitting?
He immediately checked the description of his Passive Skill.
[Passive Skill: Synchronite (Level 1)]
You have an innate talent for making people feel like they sat down at the exact same time as someone else.
Wait. FEEL LIKE?
FEEL LIKE?!
Like... not actually sit down at the same time? Just feels like it?
Blorbo’s nonexistent heart dropped to his nonexistent stomach.
THAT ACTUALLY MAKES IT WORSE. If they feel like they sit down at the exact same time every time they sit down but not actually in sync, how are they able to adjust?!
Lena and the dragon both turned to each other, confused.
“Huh?” Lena scratched her head. “Did we mess up?”
The dragon frowned. “I felt like it was perfect…”
Blorbo let out the longest, most suffering groan of his second life.
