Daniel Newwyn
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[I am a Table] Chapter 26
🕑 Added 2025-02-25 21:08:57 +0000 UTC“Robert, dear.” Lena lightly tapped him on his shoulder. “Don’t push yourself if you feel down. I will fight for us.” She stood tall, her eyes burning with determination. “Let me take over for Round 2.”
“But—”
She placed a finger in front of his lips. “Come back when you’ve cheered yourself up. I can handle this.”
He nodded and moved aside. “Be careful.”
“I will.”
No, Robbie, come back! Get your butt back here you coward!
Lena took a deep breath and surveyed the field. Bimbleton, though still smug, had noticeable droplets of sweat on his forehead. His breath was coming out in ragged gasps. It was subtle, but she could see the strain in his movements. This was her chance.
“I’m going for flair points,” she murmured to herself, determination setting in. She glanced back at Blorbo. “Let’s show them how it’s done!”
Just don’t kill me please.
The butler raised his hand. “Round 2, start!”
“Almighty Push!” Bimbleton shoved the obsidian table forward with all his remaining strength. The speed was still remarkable, but the table had slowed down somewhat compared to last round.
As the obsidian table came hurtling toward them, she pushed Blorbo gently at first, feeling the weight of the moment. Her hands gripped the surface of Blorbo’s smooth wood, fixing the angle.
“Don’t think you nobles are the only ones with Table Dueling skills!” She yelled. “Watch my skill! The Swan Dance!”
Why are you people announcing your moves? Why do you even have names for Table Dueling skills?! It doesn’t even make sense. Swans don’t dance!
Lena shifted her weight, and with a much sharper hurl, Blorbo slid forward at an angle, gliding across the slippery surface with an impossible grace.
But this time, the obsidian table made itself look big! It was pushed at an angle that covered as much ground as possible! There was no place to avoid impact in a corridor so narrow!
Then…
Blorbo’s two left legs… stuck into the walls as it glided past. With two legs sliding on the wall and two on the ground, Blorbo surfed forward, clinging to the wall like a spider. He heard a swish of air as he glided, and he could see the corner of his surface was slightly higher than the obsidian table’s sidearm! He was going to survive this, with style!
Lena, you’re a bloody genius—ACK!
The edge of Blorbo’s front right leg collided with the rearing lion statue on Bimbleton's table. The force of the impact sent Blorbo spinning into the air, an accidental pirouette of graceful beauty. His wood creaked and groaned in the air as he spun like a ballerina, the elegant turn in the air nearly defying physics.
[-6 HP]
“What?” Everyone in the room gasped in unison.
GAH! A sharp jolt of agony through his surface as a part of his leg cracked under pressure. The reinforced wood that had hit the lion statue snapped clean off, spinning away mid-air like a broken shard of glass.
Yet, despite the destruction, Blorbo’s spin was so fluid, so delicate that the whole thing almost looked intentional. He landed on the ground on his legs so graciously that he didn’t even bounce or wobble. Then the obsidian table stopped skidding.
“I… I did that? I did that!” Luna jumped. “I totally did that! I even announced my move before pushing!”
I did that! I’m so agile! My agility did it! I told all of you it was worth it having such a high Agility score!
The butler scribbled down on his parchment. “Hmm, a stunning spin indeed, but you took damage and was pushed too far. The leg was somewhat disfigured. 5 it is,” he said nonchalantly. “The points go to Master Bimbleton. Effortless and indestructible from his table.” He scribbled another note.
“What?” Anders threw his hands into the air. “I’ve never seen such a spin in my entire life! You gave a 5 to a never-before-seen mid-air spin?”
Lena clenched her fists. “You’re giving him a 6 after that?!”
But just as Lena was about to protest further, Blorbo noticed something odd. The system glitched for a moment, and then… a status screen popped up.
Name: Obsidian Table
Race: Inanimate Furniture (Table)
Class: None
Level: ??
HP: 39/39
MP: ??
STR: 22
END: 10
AGI: ??
PER: ??
Skills:
Resilient Surface (Level 1) – Reduces damage from blunt impacts.
??
Aura:
Obsidian Toughness (Permanent)
What?
Wait. I touched the lion. Is it considered the butt? Why is it the butt? Tables don’t have butts.
The obsidian took zero damage. ZERO. I can’t touch it if it has so much STR.
“The score stands.” The butler smiled placidly. “And so it is. Round 2 is over. The score is set.” He raised a hand to signal for the next round. “Let’s move on to Round 3.”
[CURRENT TALLY]
Rob/Lena: 7
Bimbleton: 10
Blorbo wasn’t sure if he was more frustrated by the injustice or the sheer absurdity of being a part of a table duel. This wasn’t what he had imagined for his post-life career. He should’ve been learning spells by now!
Lena was still visibly annoyed by the result, but she still patted her table. “Alright, Blorbo, we’ve got this! Let’s show them what we’re made of! I’m going to use my new move... The Whirlpool Waltz!”
Wait, what—
Before Blorbo could ponder more, Lena pushes him forward with all her might. He started first this round.
Bimbleton snickered as he countered, “Watch closely, you peasant-table, and witness the Titanic Shove!”
The obsidian table hurtled toward Blorbo at breakneck speed, but it really wasn’t that different from Almighty Push.
However, Blorbo suddenly had a sharp twist just as he’s about to make contact with Bimbleton’s obsidian monstrosity. Blorbo, still spinning from Lena’s earlier push, perfectly caught the edge of the polished floor. His agility kicked in and with the might of a whirlpool, his body flipped just enough that the obsidian table whiffed past him, the terrifying weight of it barely missing by a hair.
How the hell did I do that? My Agility is CRAZY!
Lena gasps. “Did you see that? The Whirlpool Waltz worked!”
Rob yelled from the sidelines. “Way to go, sweetheart! It was the Spin of a Thousand Winds!”
Anders smacked on Rob’s arm. “Do not give it that name. That sounds like a cultivator’s art.”
But alas, fate was not on his side. While evading the brutal force of Bimbleton’s table, Blorbo’s leg brushed the side of the floor, causing him to bounce just a little too far. His movement stalled, and he lost control. Then he tripped on a cushion.
What? Where did this cushion even come from? Who threw it in here? Bimbleton! That cheating bastard—
CRASH!
His surface smashed into the ground.
[-8 HP]
ACK!
Lena covered her mouth. “Blorbo! No!”
Hands on his side, his smug had turned into a slow laugh. “Ha! That’s what you get for naming your table Blorbo!”
The butler, ever the impartial observer, stood stoically, scribbling notes on his parchment. “That was a beautiful move,” the butler said, his tone somewhat appreciative. “But unfortunately, the damage is evident. A score of 4 for the whirlpool escape... but with the ensuing crash and loss of mobility, I must give you a 3 for the round. It seems the table has taken some damage and lost its earlier finesse. As for Bimbleton… 6, of course. As consistent as ever.”
[CURRENT TALLY]
Rob/Lena: 10
Bimbleton: 16
