Daniel Newwyn
patreon
[I am a Table] Chapter 20
🕑 Added 2025-02-24 22:39:12 +0000 UTCLena’s mouth hung open even wider. “A-archmage? That’s like mage, but arch right?”
This woman has absolutely NO knowledge about magery, and wants to become a mage?
“Archmage is a mage of the highest order, Lena,” Rob said, deadpan.
“Wow!”
Anders’ brows furrowed. “Why are you looking at me like it’s an impossibility? It’s not like I’m a moving table.”
Hey!
Rob also couldn’t contain the shock in his voice. “Like the Grandmaster Archmage of Americana?”
“Bah!” Anders waved his hand. “Do not compare me to that pompous, insufferable codger! I should’ve been in his place.”
“Then why are you here?” Rob asked.
“Why do you think?”
He’s committed a crime.
“You’ve committed a crime.” Lena said.
Jinx!
Anders nodded. “Crime has a price, even if it’s justified or not. And that price follows me… and my bloodline.”
That sounds so sad. Anyway, when are you gonna teach us some spells?
Anders’ expression immediately hardened like chiseled stone. “As long as I’m here, I would like to see no magic in this house. Ever.”
Oh c’mon! An archmage banning magic is like a swordsman cutting off his own arm!
“But—”
“There will be no negotiation. It is for your own safety.”
Lena’s mouth opened and closed, searching for words. “You’re literally an archmage. And you want me to just—what? Pretend magic doesn’t exist?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No!”
Anders slammed on the table. “If you want to learn magic so much, don’t let me caught you doing it! See how good you are at hiding!”
[-5 HP]
Ouch! Why is this household so violent?
Blorbo’s entire frame trembled as his HP dropped dangerously low.
[HP: 2/15]
Hell no, I am actually going to die during a family dispute.
All it would take was one more slap, or one more kick, or Lena aggressively setting down a mug too hard, and he’d be reduced to firewood.
The reality of his fragile existence sank in like a plate dropped into a kitchen sink. It wasn’t just annoying. It was a predicament.
How many times had he held back because of his terrible HP cap?
How often had he avoided risk because one strong gust of wind might send him into the afterlife?
And worst of all? He could die at any moment just from normal household activities.
How am I going to fix this? Barely any quest gives HP, and levelling up is tedious for minimal HP gain.
A quest suddenly showed up above Rob’s head. He clicked on it.
[NEW QUEST: The Art of Deflection]
Objective: Avoid damage perfectly by leaning or shaking at the exact moment an impact is about to land.
Reward:
+ 3 EXP
+5 HP (Permanent!)
+3 STR
NEW RARE PASSIVE SKILL: Retribution Counter (Level I)
The bane of table offensive. Whenever you take physical damage, your table legs automatically use STR to push back against the source of impact, forcing the attacker to FEEL THE PAIN while protecting your HP.
Prerequisite: Current HP to be 3 or lower.
Failure: You get hit. And probably die.
Accept: Yes/No
Blorbo gawked at the quest details.
A rare passive skill?! His first rare skill ever!
And it was exactly what he needed! No longer would he be a helpless victim of everyday domestic VIOLENCE. And the skill was actually OP. If Retribution Counter worked the way he thought it would work, his current 6 STR could’ve blocked the entire 5 damage of the attack earlier while handling a sweet sweet justice of the remaining 1 damage to his attacker.
If only he wasn’t going to die as soon as he fail to complete the mission…
But such was a day in the life of Blorbo. He was probably going to die sooner or later if the quest hadn’t shown up, so might as well attempt to die now than later.
Blorbo slammed Accept faster than Lena could say "But—"
[QUEST ACCEPTED: The Art of Deflection]
He had a mission now: Dodge. Avoid. Deflect. Counter.
He watched Anders carefully, waiting for the next attack. If that old man so much as raised his scrawny hands again, Blorbo was going to time this perfectly.
“You want me to believe,” Lena fumed, “that a Mage Order or whatever it’s called, full of spellcasters, researchers, and magical scholars would actually be scared of one girl with a stupidly small wand?”
“It is not called the Mage Order. Anders growled. “It is called the EMRCAR!”
“The what?” Lena blinked.
“Esteemed and Most Righteous Congregation of Arcane Regulators, Keepers of the Grand Mystical Balance, and Sole Proprietors of Legally Sanctioned Wizardry.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Do not call it ridiculous. I helped named the Sole Proprietors part!” Anders stood and raised his hand.
Oh! He’s about to strike!
Blorbo activated Adjustable Angle, trying to lean at just the right angle to deflect the strike. But it was too difficult! His hands slapping down was too quick, and the surface area was too wide to cover!
But I have to lean, or I’ll die! Arrrrrggghhhhh!
“Then—” Lena stood too. But in the process, accidentally kicked the table in frustration.
And by sheer luck, Blorbo leaned at the exact moment of impact.
[SYSTEM CHECK: Deflection Timing… SUCCESS!]
[Retribution Counter Activated!]
Lena’s foot collided with his leg, but at precisely the same moment, Blorbo moved just slightly, enough to completely redirect the force.
Lena’s own force bounced back at her.
“GAH!” She yanked her foot back, clutching her ankle. “What the hell?!”
Wait. Did I just counter Lena? How did I even time that?
[QUEST PROGRESS: The Art of Deflection — 1/1 Successful Deflections]
[QUEST COMPLETE!]
[REWARD GRANTED: +3 EXP, +5 HP (New Max: 20 HP), +3 STR]
[RARE PASSIVE SKILL UNLOCKED: RETRIBUTION COUNTER (Level I)]
Anders’ hand stopped mid-air. “See? You’re already hurting yourself with magic you don’t understand. If you’re this jumpy, you can’t become a Stealth Mage ever. Forget about it.”
Nobody has said anything about Stealth Mage? Hello?
“That wasn’t magic! That was—” Lena scowled. “You know what? Forget it. I’ll not practice magery.” She clenched her fists under the table. “I’ll return the wand tomorrow. Does that make you happy, Dad?”
“That will suffice,” Anders replied.
Nobody said another word as the night ended unceremoniously.
