Daniel Newwyn
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[I am a Table] Chapter 44
🕑 Added 2025-03-06 16:15:28 +0000 UTCBlorbo readjusted his vision and got a good look at the creatures.
They were too small to be the orcs he knew in the games he’d played in his last life (no idea how he suddenly remembered this information), but definitely orc-adjacent. A goblin-like species that looked like they possssed horrible decision-making skills, uncanny ability to be both cowardly and aggressive at the same time, and an unfortunate instinct to always double down on bad ideas.
He had no idea what these creatures were called.
“Grushkins!” Lena exclaimed. Well, that answers it. “So cute! Look at those tiny green little limbs!”
Short, stocky, and sporting rough, bristly greenish-brown skin, the Grushkins had oversized, bat-like ears and small tusks poking out of their lower jaws. Their eyes were beady, their fingers stubby, and their heads? Way too big for their bodies.
“Cute? We are not to be called cute. We are robbers!” The one who had just been kicked away scrambled to its legs, holding its frightening weapon of choice—a stick.
Rob stepped down from the wagon, hands at his sides, and addressed them like one might address a misbehaving farmhand. “Listen, we’re just passing through. You don’t want to do this.”
The Grushkins looked at each other. Then, in unison, they cackled.
“Oh, yes we do!” the first one howled.
“Ya can’t tell us what we don’t wanna do, tall man!” the second one sneered.
Rob replied, “May I ask—” Before Rob could react, they crouched down and sprang into action.
They literally sprang. The second one jumped onto the first one’s shoulders, launching himself high into the air, flipping over Rob’s head gracelessly and landing directly on the wagon.
Rob turned. “Hey—”
The first one followed suit, springboarding off the ground and using his companion’s head as a stepping stone to launch himself up. He flailed wildly before crashing onto the sacks of cabbages.
“Aha!” the second one cheered. “WE’RE IN!”
Lena turned around and stared at the grushkins. Her hand reached inside of her pocket and grabbed the tiny wand, but then stopped dead in her track. Surely she couldn’t risk using magic in front of her father.
Her very useful father, on the other hand, could only yell curses.
Well, at least we still have our professional escort watching over the back. His superior AGI surely can help us catch these little gremlins.
Wait. Where’s Ducaz?
Ducaz had used his superior AGI to mysteriously vanish from existence.
Rob ran to the back of the wagon. “Stay put. I’ll handle it.” Then, he reached behind him, removed the cloth, and unseathed the sword Priest Zukaman had given him.
“Sword?” The first grushkin inquired.
“Sword!” The second grushkin growled.
The scrambled their way out of the wagon immediately and repeatedly kicked Blorbo in the process.
[-0 HP]
Watch where you’re going, you gremlins!
The cat, who was sleeping soundly atop Blorbo, jumped from the sudden movement. It instinctively swiped the first grushkin, and he dropped on his feet, unconscious. One hit knock-out.
Wow. Is this cat an invincible god or are these creatures actual jokes?
Suddenly, a metal chain appeared from thin air, wrapped around the first grushkin, and tied it neatly on the ground.
“Dad,” Lena whispered to Anders, “Did you cast a chain spell?”
Anders nodded. “I can cast spells if there’s no witness.”
“You can sneakily conjure a spell to chain the one still running then, right?”
The man grumbled. “Fine. Where’s it?”
The second grushkin accidentally kicked on the side of the wagon as he jumped down, and Blorbo—who had, until now, been a very normal and stationary table—was pushed off balance.
He tipped.
He fell.
And then—
He started rolling down the slope.
[-1 HP]
[-1 HP]
Straight toward the fleeing Grushkin.
“Why is it moving?” It screamed.
It ran for its life, but were tragically too stupid to just step aside. Instead of dodging, it just kept sprinting in a straight line as Blorbo rolled relentlessly behind it. Of course, Blorbo, not being a round object, kept bumping its corners as it bounced up and down.
[-1 HP]
Somebody stop me! I’m hurt!
A status screen blinked before Blorbo’s vision.
[TRAINING REGIME ESTABLISHED: -1 STR temporarily]
Objective: Roll over a Grushkin. +3 STR for each Grushkin rolled over.
[Grushkin count: 0/1]
What? This is training? You think this is a game—[-1 HP]—don’t you? Ouch!
“No!” The Grushkin wailed as Blorbo gained on it, bouncing like a tumbleweed.
The Grushkin tripped on its own feet, and Blorbo collided headfirst into it.
[+3 STR]
[Grushkin count: 1/1]
[TRAINING COMPLETED—1 STR returned]
[-1 HP]
Ow! That was NOT worth it.
The impact sent the Grushkin tumbling face-first into the dirt, dazed but still conscious. “Ghk—ACK! HELP! HELP! I won’t steal from people ”
Before it could scramble back up, a second metal chain materialized out of thin air, snapping around its arms and legs.
Lena turned to him. “Oh, now you do it? What happened to the Archmage from the Order having their all-seeing eyes on you?”
“Nobody saw the magic.” he replied. As long as they’re basic-level non-specific spells, I might get away with it.”
The grushkin rolled around and thrashed against its bindings, but all the flailing in the air was useless against actual magic.
It growled, “Release me, you filthy humans! If the sage finds out you tied one of his underlings like a hog, you’re gonna get it!”
Wait. Sage?
Lena’s head perked up. “Wait. Sage? It’s not talking about the herb, is it?”
Rob walked over to it and placed the bottom of his boots on the chain. “Speak. Who sent you?”
The grushkin snorted. “You think I’m afraid of you just because you’re tall? Ha! I’ll never talk!”
Rob pointed the tip of his sword at it.
“SPORCHIDE THE SPOON SAGE!” it shrieked, sobbing violently. “I’m sorry! Please let me go! He said he wanted me to retrieve some kitchenware for him, and we reckoned the best way to do it is to rob some human wagons! Please, we’ve made a mistake. We won’t ever rob you again. We will only rob elderly people and children!”
“Spoon Sage?!” Anders echoed with a voice full of actual interest for the first time all morning.
Spoon what now? That is the most ridiculously useless type of Sage I’ve ever heard.
“Absolutely marvelous! Just what we need!” Anders leaned back, then walked across the wagon, marching toward the grushkin in excitement.
Blorbo gawked. Excuse me?
“What?” Lena blinked. “Why?”
“You don’t know?” Anders gave her a look of utmost disappointment. “High-level Spoon Sages have the ability to detect the location of any kitchenware they want.”
Lena slow-blinked. “That’s… not even remotely useful.”
“Not useful?” Anders looked genuinely offended. “That’s an elite tracking ability. A powerful Spoon Sage can pinpoint the exact location of a single silver spoon in a palace treasury! With this powerful ability, we can easily find our knife collection!”
What? WHO IS TRAINING FOR THIS ABILITY. WHO NEEDS THIS IN THEIR LIFE.
“Your knife collection, Dad,” Lena corrected him.
Rob sighed. “Let’s get back to the problem at hand.” He move the tip of his sword closer toward the grushkin’s head. “Tell me. Where’s the spoon sage?”
