Daniel Newwyn
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[I am a Table] Chapter 43
🕑 Added 2025-03-05 20:08:23 +0000 UTCIt was finally the day of the trip out of town. Anders had been in peak form, grumbling all morning about how long it’d taken them to finally get going, and how his collection of fine knives could’ve fallen to the hands of some greasy baron who was probably unwittingly hanging them atop a reindeer head like some sort of trophy.
The sun had soundly risen when Rob secured the last of their supplies onto the wagon and tightened the ropes. Lena, meanwhile, was busy running through a mental checklist, occasionally mumbling things like “Do we have enough snacks?” and “What if the horse gets bored?” Tabby and Blorbo, of course, were to follow, because why not add an extra cat and a table into the list of cargo while they were at it.
Lena, choosing to ignore Anders’ endless complaints, clapped her hands together. “Alright! We’re finally all set! Everyone on board!”
Anders huffed but climbed onto the wagon anyway, making a point to sit as far from the sacks of cabbages as possible. Blorbo, unfortunately, had no such luxury.
Having a horse wagon made their trip much faster. It took them three hours to reach the outskirts of town, marked by a wooden sign in red ink ‘GOODBEY! DO NOT COME BACK!” that was clearly smeared over whatever had once been carved beneath it.
Anders groaned as the wagon hit another bump in the road. “This is taking forever. Why is the horse moving so damn slow? If I could use my magic, I would’ve been in Nokia by now. Half an hour, tops.”
Well, Anders, if you had been a little better at keeping your money, maybe you wouldn’t be relying on your children to buy you a horse.
Hurried clatters of hooves approached from behind, and just as Lena turned to look, a familiar voice rang out, “My, my, what a lovely morning for a journey!”
Oh no.
Ducaz trotted past them atop what was very clearly a stolen horse. The saddle didn’t match, the reins looked hastily tied, and the horse itself bore the kind of expression that suggested it had just been roped into some long-term scam against its will.
At least it’s not that blasted mage.
Ducaz had the kind of face that made one instinctively check their pockets. His dark and slightly greasy hair curled just enough at the edges to look effortlessly unkempt, and his cheeky grin was perpetually present. To be completely fair, he was handsome—but only in the way a chrysanthemum was handsome. You would not trust that man with your luggage, even if he’d only charge 3 shillings for his service.
Upon spotting Lena and Rob, Ducaz flashed his most charming grin and yanked the reins. The horse spun sideway before he was able to readjust the rein and kept it heading forward. “Fancy running into you fine travelers! Say, how about a professional escort service for the low, low price of 50 shillings?”
Rob frowned. “You’re trying to get money off of us for simply going in the same direction as you.”
Anders scoffed, loud and irritated. “Get lost, con man! We don’t need any escort service, especially not from some second-rate scammer on a—” He squinted at the horse. “—questionably acquired mount.”
Ducaz put a hand over his heart. “Second-rate? Sir, I’ll have you know I’m a premium-tier ethical laborer.” He tugged too hard at the horse. The horse overcorrected, and he immediately spun a perfect 360 degrees beneath the horse then popping back up into the saddle, dropping a slipper along the way. “Woah, woah! I make my money by doing entertaining and intentional horse tricks, you see. By the way, Robert, how does one get off a horse? I need to get my slipper.”
“Just use this.” Rob threw him an elongated stick.
Lena reached out and gripped Anders’ sleeve before he could yell anything else. “Shh, Dad. Think about it,” she whispered. “This man is a man of sneaky talents.”
Anders raised a brow. “Sneaky talents?”
“He gets around. If we play this right, he might help us find your knives,” Lena murmured. “As long as we don’t tell him exactly what we’re looking for.” She stole a glance at Ducaz. “If he finds out, he’s gonna squeeze every last shilling out of us before lifting a single finger.”
Anders narrowed his eyes at Ducaz, who was trying to fetch his slipper with the stick.
“Fine,” Anders rumbled. “But if he so much as tries to sell me a horse mid-ride, I’m throwing him off it.”
A Quest showed up.
[Sidequest Available—The Perfect Scam (1)]
Objective: Sell Anders a horse.
Reward: +19 EXP, +7 PER, +2 AGI, One Free Rare Mystery Coupon (Redeemable at a Later Date for Something Useful)
Prerequisite: Must have a horse. Otherwise you must sell someone else’s horse.
Failure: Anders gets mad. (Again.) The horse remains unsold.
The Perfect Scam ONE? You really want me to go down this fraudulent path? Not “Find the Lost Knives,” not “Uncover Ducaz’s Shady Business Practices,” but SCAM THE OLD MAN INTO BUYING A HORSE?
Meanwhile, Ducaz, still prodding at his slipper with the stick, whispered with a voice so low Blorbo was shocked he could hear, “I swear, the moment I get this back, I’m selling this horse for a profit.” Maybe he’d realized there was no way to get the slipper with that stick he was holding, so he instead just pinned the slipper to the dirt and dragged it along.
What? Ducaz was about to sell the very horse he’s currently riding? The system really had the gall to turn this into a quest?!
Well, I mean… There’s no real punishment for failure. I don’t give a hoot about Anders mental state.
He willed himself to click YES.
The moment he clicked YES, the bush in front of them rustled. Ducaz stopped his horse and immediately snuck behind the wagon for cover.
“Stop right there! You have been ambushed!” The bush spoke in a low, constricted voice.
“Uh… Boss? We need to jump out and block the way.” The bush now spoke in a slightly higher voice.
“Oh, yeah. Like how bandits do.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. On the count of three. One, two, three!”
Then a creature jumped out of the bush, all the while growling, “Stop right there! You have been ambushed!”
The owner of the slightly higher voice only now jumped out, kicked the first creature out of sight before Blorbo could catch sight of the first creature. “Yeah! Give us all you have!”
