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ROGUES | S01E23: Birds of a Feather (Finale Part Two)
🕑 Added 2022-04-06 13:01:04 +0000 UTCROGUES | S01E23: Birds of a Feather (Finale Part Two)
(with special guest Heather Wetherald)
DICK and JASON are walking through the streets of Gotham.
Dick: So your problem is… what’s your problem?
Jason: My problem is that it’s not “ALL YOU CAN EAT”. It’s “ALL YOU CAN EAT in one sitting”, but they don’t put that on the sign. They say it’s all you can eat, and that’s bullshit.
Dick: Why is that bullshit, exactly?
Jason: Because I could have gone... a lot longer. Sure I might’ve needed an hour or so, and a nap to settle things, but I could’ve gone at LEAST another three hours.
Dick: So they kicked you out?
Jason: They were all like, “Sir, you’ve been here four hours and we need the table”, and “you’re sitting by yourself at a booth designed for six”, and “sir you’re scaring the children”. It was just kind of a slap in the face, you know? And knowing I won’t see that 7.99 again made me--
Dick: Wait, you spent 7.99 on an all you can eat buffet?
Jason: Yeah.
Dick: And you’re still alive to tell me this story?
Jason: Dude, that’s nothing. You ever seen the prices of buffets in Star City?
Dick: I can’t say that I have.
Jason: I saw one, no joke, for 2.99. 2.99! I can eat 2.99 worth of TOAST.
Dick: That I don’t doubt.
Jason: So what was Bruce going off on you about back there? What did you keep from the old man?
Dick: Don’t tell me you’re going to give me guff too.
Jason: Hey, I just want to know what we’re up against, Dicky. He dangerous?
Dick: Yeah, he’s… he’s dangerous. I should have told Bruce.
Jason: Less regret, more deets.
Dick: His name’s Victor Zsasz. Originally from Russia, but emigrated to the states about five years ago. Wanted for numerous assaults and murders across the globe. He claims to be bringing the judgement of God to those who won’t repent. There’s always traces of his blood at the scene, on the ground, the victims, and the murder weapons. According to one witness, he uses victims to… carve holy imagery into his body as they die.
Jason: So he’s nuttier than squirrel shit.
Dick: Way nuttier. He’s declared himself the hand of god’s vengeance. He’s… not to be taken lightly.
Jason: Rarely do, amigo. Any details on his appearance?
Dick: 5’10”, muscular build, caucasian. Bald head, scars that are reminiscent of the stained glass you see in churches, something like… him.
Zsasz: Hello little bird.
Jason: Is this…
Dick: Yeah.
Jason: Thought he’d be bigger in person. Alright. You got a pair of cuffs on you?
Dick: Always.
Jason: You animal.
Zsasz: You have been… pain in my side for too long, little bird. God can no longer let you be. I have to end you.
Jason: Classic villain line.
Dick: Focus up, Jase.
Jason: I’m here - let’s do this.
[Fight ensues]
Jason: Over here, comrade. [Zsasz evades] No way.
[Dick fights on, gets slashed across the face.]
Jason: Dick! You son of a bitch!
Dick: Jason! Watch out!
INT. BATMOBILE
Barbara: So I’m sure you heard it on the scanner already, but Victor Zsasz broke out of police custody. Three dead – four wounded, one in critical condition?
Batman: I know.
Barbara: And now that same Victor Zsasz is currently engaging the boys? Your boys?
Batman: Mmm.
Barbara: Just gonna… sit there? Not gonna help against the man who killed three cops with his bare hands?
Batman: They’re grown men. They can handle it.
Barbara: Okay, and when you said that out loud just now, you didn’t feel like a child at all?
Batman: That’s enough. Any more from you, and I’ll –
Barbara: You’ll what? Tell my daddy on me? Grow up, Bruce. They need your help – they could die.
[Batman shuts off the radio.Barbara turns the radio.]
Barbara: Did you… actually think you could shut me off? Oracle Protocols override ANY command in an emergency, so you get your ass over to Fifth and Barnes and help your family.
[Pause]
You’re really not going to do anything. [long pause] Well, here – pinging the location of Saint Anthony’s Orphanage. Make sure to ask for more obedient kids when you need to replenish your stock.
Jason: There’s no stopping this guy.
Dick: I told you he was dangerous.
Jason: Guess it’s time to draw. Remember to aim for the head.
Dick: Wait, Jason!
[Jason runs in, fires, misses, and is punched in the throat. Zsasz takes the gun and holds the gun to Jason’s head.]
Zsasz: You run so quickly to death, one would think you already knew him.
Jason: Yeah. We both fucked your mom last night.
Dick: Zsasz! Put the gun down. He doesn’t have anything to do with this. Let him go.
Zsasz: No.
Dick: Please.
Zsasz: Your gun. To me.
Jason: Don’t do it.
Dick: Shut up, Jason.
Jason: I’m not worth it.
Dick: I can’t lose you again, Jason. Not again. Take me instead.
Zsasz: You would give yourself to me?
Dick: Just let him go.
[Dick drops the gun.]
Zsasz: Such nobility, but I think I will have you both.
[Zsasz shoots Jason in the back. He falls, but isn’t dead.]
Dick: Jason!
[Dick runs over and Zsasz throws his knife into Dick’s chest.]
Zsasz: Shh. Shh. You fought well, little bird. Good-bye.
[a whistle can be heard]
Waylon: HEY!
Dick: …Waylon…
Waylon: You step back. You step back NOW.
Zsasz: Another one wishes to die tonight.
Waylon: You okay?
Jason: No.
Waylon: Me neither.
[Waylon approaches Zsasz]
Waylon: I don’t know who you are, friend. An’ truth be told, I don’t really care to. See, I’ve been having myself one hell of a night… week… heck, if I’m bein’ honest, the whole month has been something of a write-off. I guess we all have dark times, but there was always a ray of sunshine in my life. Someone who looked at his face, these crooked teeth, this green skin, and he didn’t see a monster - he saw a friend. He saw family. He was everything that was good and right in my life, and now he’s laying on the cold pavement, bleeding out in the pouring rain.
Because of you. You’re trying to take my light away - and I know this boy’d want us to settle this with words and a handshake, but tonight? I’m gon’ tear you to fucking pieces.
[The sounds of Waylon DESTROYING Zsasz.]
[Batmobile approaches, skids to a stop.]
Batman: Jason - are you?
Jason: Dick’s hurt. Bad.
Batman: Waylon! That’s enough.
Waylon: You.
Batman: I need to get Dick to..
Waylon: YOU! [punch] You were supposed to KEEP [punch] HIM [punch] SAFE [punch]. You gave me your WORD! Look at him! Look at my boy! Look at him!
Batman: I’m… sorry.
Waylon: Look at… my boy…
Batman: I’ll take him to Gotha--
Waylon: No. You ain’t doin’ nothin’. I’ll take him. Come on, son…. My boy. You promised me, Bruce, and now look at him. My boy.
[Exeunt Waylon]
Batman: Jason. You’re bleeding.
Jason: Barely broke the skin. I’m fine.
Batman: Let’s take you to the hospital.
Jason: I can handle it. It’s my problem now, remember?
Batman: Jason…
Jason: I’ll go cuff Zsasz. What’s left of him.
Batman: I’m sorry.
EXT. WAREHOUSE
[knocks]
Grunt: What?
Jonathan: Candygram.
Grunt: You’re hilarious. Fuck off.
Jonathan: No can do. See, you got somethin’ of mine, and I’m not leavin’ til I get her back.
Grunt: Oh shit.
Jonathan: There it is.
Grunt: She ain’t leavin’ here, buddy. And we were ready for you. [opens door] We all got masks, so you got nothin’!
Jonathan: Fair enough. You knew the Scarecrow might be knocking at your door. Blasting in with his Fear Toxin, so you got yourselves a few masks and thought you were safe. Only problem is, you didn’t steal from the Scarecrow, you stole from Jonathan Crane, and old Doctor Crane? Well… he brings a gun.
[gunshot]
Jonathan: It doesn’t have to end this way. You just gimme my bird and I’m gone.
[gunshots]
Jonathan: You wanna play the hard way? That’s fine by me!
[shots]
Jonathan: I ain’t leavin’ without her!
[kicks door in]
Grunt: Please! Just… just take her.
Jonathan: Who’s in charge here?
Grunt: I can’t tell you. I’m a dead man if I tell.
Jonathan: You think you ain’t now?
Grunt: I… I…
[gunshot]
Jonathan: Useless.
[crow caw]
Jonathan: Ikky… Oh Ikky, my special little baby… I thought I lost you, girl. You wanna…
[gunshot]
Jonathan: ...you wanna go home? Yeah, let’s go home. Just gotta do one quick thing… you know I can’t let anyone leave alive, dont’cha? Yeah you do.
[pours gasoline, lights match]
[explosion]
Jonathan: Come on, Ikky. Let’s go home.
INT. OFFICE
???: How much did we lose?
Grunt: The entire warehouse, sir. I’m… I’m sorry.
???: And you’re sure it was Jonathan Crane?
Grunt: Yes, sir.
???: Good. Good. The loss of our facility was… regrettable, but these were… expected variables. Unfortunately, word cannot get out about this. I’m sure you understand.
Grunt: Sir? I… no! Please, I’d never!
[gunshot]
???: I think I have… just about everything I need for a… considerable bargain. Now… to wait.
Comments
Back after re-listening to the entirety of this podcast (again) now that it’s on Spotify, and I am CRAVING more. Maybe I’ll just start over from episode one again! Can’t wait to see what else you come out with in the future <3 try not to make me sad next time though, please
Haha, it sounds like a baby, but it's a seabird in the background.
warneryakko
wait, call me crazy or was that a baby crying in the background just before jonathan burned the warehouse down?
