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The Riddler Speaks - Casefile #0162
🕑 Added 2017-11-05 19:00:00 +0000 UTC TRS - Casefile #0162 (The Layman and the Stamen)DIGGER: Oo-wee! Arkham Asylum. Show me the crazy babes - I’ll set ‘em right.
EDWARD: George. What the hell are you doing here?
DIGGER: Eddie, baby! Would ya believe me if I said I went nuts?
EDWARD: Frankly, no. You’re only nuts like all other Australians are - generally unhinged, but not crazy.
DIGGER: Too right! Aussie and proud of it. Blackgate’s transferred a bunch of us over - Bane’s here, too.
EDWARD: Oh, goody… inmates from Blackgate. Oh. Ohhh. Elliot isn’t here too, is he?
DIGGER: Nah, he wasn’t on the list.
EDWARD: Good news at last. The Bat must be working overtime to stop a repeat of last year; keeping us all safe in his personal cuckoo’s nest.
DIGGER: Yeah, looks like your green arse is safe this time, Eds.
EDWARD: Don’t call me Eds, George.
DIGGER: How about Nyggie? Diggie and Nyggie - together again!
EDWARD: NO. NO. Never say that again. How about the Kings of Arkham?
DIGGER: Yeh wot?
EDWARD: (sighs) King Edward - King George? We both share names with former kings.
DIGGER: Oh heeey, I get it. Nice! Kings of Arkham - beauty.
PAMELA ISLEY passes by.
DIGGER: Oo-weeee! Now there’s a spunk.
EDWARD: A what?
DIGGER: Her! (pointing) You know her?
EDWARD: Hmm? Oh. That’s Dr. Pamela Isley. Poison Ivy.
DIGGER: Introduce me, Eddie! I wanna break off a piece of that cake.
(EDWARD chuckles)
EDWARD: You’re not really her - type, George.
DIGGER: I’m every girl’s type.
(PAMELA overhears)
PAMELA: Edward. Who’s your stupid mate?
DIGGER: Digger Harkness, love. You can call me George.
PAMELA: Mr. Harkness. Charmed, I’m sure. Unfortunately, I imagine we’re going to see more of each other.
DIGGER: Too right we are. Fancy a go, sometime?
(PAMELA scoffs)
PAMELA: No. I don’t.
DIGGER: Aw, go on. What have you got to lose?
PAMELA: My dignity? All sense of self-worth?
DIGGER: Frigid, eh? I can fix that.
PAMELA: Excuse me?
DIGGER: I’m hot enough to melt any ice princess.
(PAMELA fumes)
PAMELA: Are you particularly attached to this sack of manure, Edward?
EDWARD: I’m currently debating whether or not I know this man.
PAMELA: Just another typical Aussie Bloke: Eats roots and leaves.
EDWARD: Pamela - the guards are watching.
(PAMELA seeks to control her rage)
EDWARD: George - allow me to let you in on a little secret. This lady here - you recall I mentioned you weren’t her type?
DIGGER: Yeah, so?
EDWARD: No man is her type. This lady - prefers the intimate company of other ladies.
DIGGER: Really?
PAMELA: (with restraint) Yes.
DIGGER: Ohh, a lezzer! No worries! I’ll straighten you out, love. All you need is a good hard -
(PAMELA shrieks)
PAMELA: Let me at him! Get your bloody hands off me! I’m gonna rip his fuckin’ balls off and wear 'em as earrings!
DIGGER: I love a bit of spirit! You and me - any time, anywhere, darlin’.
(PAMELA is dragged away)
PAMELA: You better hope you don’t cross my path. I’ll tear your stamen out by the filament! You don’t deserve to so much as fertilise my plants!
DIGGER: She’s crazy about me.
EDWARD: Something like that. You made a powerful enemy there, George. You’ll be lucky if you only push up daisies.
DIGGER: Mate, if she laid me in her garden, I’d die happy.
EDWARD: (sighs) Australians.
