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Dr. Jonathan Crane, MD - Entry 037
🕑 Added 2017-11-03 13:00:01 +0000 UTC CRANE: ENTRY 037CRANE: Excuse me, excuse me. Oh for Chrissake, YOU.
HENCHMAN: What?
CRANE: Joker. Where is he?
HENCHMAN: Who's askin'?
CRANE: Your worst nightmare.
HENCHMAN: (laughs) Push off, toothpick.
CRANE: (laughs, then grabs him)
HENCHMAN: Hey!
CRANE: Listen here, and listen good. I don't have time for pleasantries so I'll be frank. Tell me where the Joker is, or I will literally scare you to death.
JOKER: (over loudspeaker) Now now now, Jonboy! Don't break the help. Stairs to your left, then first door to the right.
CRANE: It's always stairs. (drops the HENCHMAN)
HENCHMAN: Fuckin’ weirdo.
(CRANE reaches the door and knocks)
JOKER: What's the password? ... Oh, just come in then! Jonathan Crane, Gotham City's Primary Scaregiver.
CRANE: Quite a crowd out there.
JOKER: Well, when the Joker throws a party, he goes BIG.
CRANE: What's the occasion?
JOKER: Why, the Superban of course!
CRANE: You don't think this will make things a little... chaotic?
JOKER: Chaos is kinda my thing, Jonno. But there's more to this than just a shindig - it's a message, nay, a REMINDER of who's who in this town. Showing the rogues abroad that they'd have to be CRAZY to move in on my turf.
CRANE: Our turf.
JOKER: Ooh, willing to join the cause?
CRANE: Anything's possible.
JOKER: Noted. Now, I'm sure you had a reason for the visit. As much as I love a chinwag, I'm a busy man. So what can the Joker do for you?
CRANE: Actually, I need to speak to Dr. Qunzel.
JOKER: Oh. Well THAT'S no fun.
CRANE: I rarely am.
JOKER: Isn't THAT the truth? Alright. (clicks a button) Paging Dr. Quinzel. Paging Dr. Quinzel.
HARLEY: (over intercome) Eeeee!
JOKER: This wouldn’t have anything to do with that devilish swine you’ve befriended, would it?
CRANE: I’ve no idea what you mean.
JOKER: Well, the gazette says differently, unless they listed the OTHER Jonathan Crane as a suspect in murder most foul!
CRANE: What?
HARLEY: Alright Puddin’, show the doctor where it hurts! AHH!
CRANE: Oh dear!
JOKER: HAHAHAHA! OOPS!
HARLEY: Puddin’!!
JOKER: Sorry wuggums, today it’s the real deal, but maybe later we can get to the BOTTOM of this! (grabs her behind)
HARLEY: Take it off, or I break it off.
JOKER: OOP! Well, she’s all warmed up for you, Crane Ol’ Boy. I’d better go… see to things... out there. NO! NO NO NO! The gas goes in the CLOWN float!
(explosion)
JOKER: OH FOR PETE’S SAKE!
HARLEY: So what do ya want? I’m not gonna get blown up again, am I?
CRANE: No… well, not by me. I need your medical opinion.
HARLEY: Regressive Personality Disorder, exacerbated by severe substance abuse.
CRANE: You haven’t even seen the patient.
HARLEY: I wasn’t talking about the patient.
CRANE: Well, we are proud of that little diagnosis aren’t we?
HARLEY: It got you out of Arkham.
CRANE: It got you a Doctoral Thesis. I got me out of Arkham.
HARLEY: Not my diagnosis. *sigh* Give it. *opens file* This is Fanaticism… Messiah Complex.
CRANE: God Complexes aren’t acknowledged in the DSM. Wouldn’t hold up in a court.
HARLEY: Delusions of Grandeur, Megalomania, call it what you want. He says he “fixes” people, Jonny. That means, in his head, he’s got it all figured out.
CRANE: Do you think he’s a threat?
HARLEY: Absolutely. Wait a minute… Valentino. Professor Valentino?
CRANE: Ring a bell?
HARLEY: We used to be on the same lecture circuit… years ago now. Yeah, I remember… bit of a Nebbish, but kept to himself. Always talking to that girl…
CRANE: Anya?
HARLEY: Anya! That’s the one. Poor thing…
CRANE: What, for falling for a man like that?
HARLEY: No, well, yeah, but… she died. I read about it a year or so ago. House fire, I think.
CRANE: Then I guess I don’t have much choice but to pay him a visit. Thank you, Doctor – your help has… always been appreciated.
HARLEY: Any time, Doctor. Oh and Jonny?
CRANE: Hmm?
HARLEY: Be careful. If he does think he’s a god, he’s got nothin’ to fear from a man.
(CRANE opens the door)
CRANE: Oh, before I go – any practitioner of medicine would wear more than a stethoscope and a lab coat when treating a patient…
HARLEY: OUT!
CRANE: Alright, I’m goin’… (closes the door behind him)
