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Conor's Bad First Grade Books - "Super Jaws"
🕑 Added 2022-04-08 17:01:54 +0000 UTCWe spend so much time having fun with other people's books that it's only right to mock our own. Here is the long awaited followup to "Alf Gets Gooped", "Super Jaws." At first I thought that Jaws was wearing glasses as a subtle internalization of my own first grade nearsightedness, but as I was uploading these images, I realized that this is actually Jaws in his Clark Kent stage, before emerging into the world as a glasses-less Super Jaws. This is the kind of stuff that gets you noticed for the Gifted Program. Misspelling the first world of the title of your book, not so much.
Absolutely no idea what the ked was supposed to be doin on the beci. It's too bad I didn't know enough about Jaws or Star Trek to put him in a red shirt though (spoiler)
Absolutely imagining the teacher debating whether to correct the spelling of "Decide" but instead glancing at the stack of all the other "books" she's got to edit and then light another cigarette off of the one she's currently smoking.
Salad, he was paling. It's like something out of the Jabberwocky. Or as I would have spelled it, Jabwke. It's like the name of a late-aughts C-tier social network.
Not sure how I had mainlined the mythos of Jaws and Superman at such an early stage, but look at me RESPECTING THE HELL OUT OF THE SOURCE MATERIAL! Super Jaws gets his power from the sun, which is currently being blocked out by... the poo moon?
Scene of the kid's mom slapping Chief Brody omitted for time.
Well, gotta wash off the squished kid somehow. I also just realized that the weird red/black photonegative of the Japanese flag is actually Super Jaws' cape. Not sure why he's not wearing it here. Maybe he covered the kid's body with it as a service to the other beachgoers.
Jaws turns to the camera and shrugs like a sitcom dad, knowing full well the weather report will be pre-empted for all out coverage of the dead child. THE END!
Comments
Justin Cicconi
I’d read it over Shadow Moon or Modelland. It’s shorter which helps.
William Sorg
But where's the wind surfing? Not a single mustache?
