AliceFraser
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First of the month
🕑 Added 2021-03-01 21:23:35 +0000 UTCSo we’re back in March. That means in a week it’ll be a year since I packed for six weeks and left my flat in London.
For everyone who’s been affected by the pandemic, it’s around that year-mark, give or take a month depending on geography.
I’ve been thinking about and wrestling all sorts of ideas - one is about guilt and reparations. There’s a lot of guilt and shame discourse around at the moment, which I’m seeing online. But there’s something fascinating to me in the idea that we (most people) seem to believe if we feel bad enough about something, that goes some way to fixing it?
Which, like, we totally do feel that way, even if logically we know it doesn’t fix anything for you to lose sleep over your wrongdoing. Think about it; the corporate CEO who cheats on his wife and buys her flowers even though she doesn’t know about it yet. Obviously his guilt and gift are useless, in terms of repairing the wrong, but we do think it’s worse for the cheating husband to get his Secretary to buy flowers for his wronged, unknowing wife. So there’s some part of us that thinks his subjective feeling of guilt is a bit important. Our prison parole system includes the idea that a prisoner ought to be repentant if they can possibly help it.
My dad often cites the counterintuitive quote by the Buddha that shame and guilt are the guardians of society, and I think we can all see some examples where the public absence of shame and guilt are no good for society.
But at the same time, someone wallowing performatively in their guilt or shame is annoying, or frustrating, because it’s not enough. It doesn’t reach the level of action, or it’s not verifiable, maybe? Or sometimes people present their guilt as a reparation in itself, instead of action. Either way, you know what I mean? There’s something frustrating about someone who suddenly makes their feelings about the wrong they’ve done central to the discussion of the wrong. Whether it’s a personal wrong or some young white man suddenly coming to terms with an historical social injustice from which he has unwittingly profited. Anyway. As ever, no answers, just a thing I’ve been thinking about.
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As ever, if you like any of my stuff, share it around. It is a very effective thing to do. (But don’t tell me if you feel bad for not sharing 😌)
It’s also time for Patreon to charge you money if you’re a patreonite, and if you are, I’m wildly grateful as ever. This last month has been intense and disrupted on a personal level, (the best news being that my twin brother’s had another baby, which is exciting!), and overcome my best intentions for bringing you glorious content of all kinds. I filmed a few videos and then wimped out on editing. Back on the wagon!
Subscribers of The Correct Level, I’ll See you in U.K. time for the Tuesday 8pm salon - I’ll send through the password on the other side of today. There will be another all levels access salon for everyone at the end of the month.
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Comments
I meant I hope you are feeling better because you recently had to cancel a meeting due to stomach issues. Sorry, I should have been more clear.
As a rule of thumb, assume my content isn’t autobiographical unless I say it is
The flowers are about keeping the little woman sweet, off the sent, no guilt or shame involved. As you say, if guilt was present, then the affair would be ended
Caitlyn
Interesting thoughts. I've always associated guilt (and particularly shame) with being problematic and holding people back from being their authentic selves, rather than helpful societal checks. Someone that comes to mind who is much more eloquent than I is Brené Brown, in case you're interested. You've given me a lot to think about.
Speaking of guilt, the CEO who sends flowers to his wife, I wonder if he truly feels guilt or is instead covering his tracks? True guilt should lead to a repentance and an ending of the affair. And, finally, congratulations on becoming an aunt again!
First, I hope you are feeling better. Secondly, I think the fact that we are approaching the 1 year anniversary of lockdown/quarantine is unrelated to your pondering of the nature of guilt and shame. If not, perhaps I am missing something?
