UnionFaps
Mark_Ward from patreon
Mark_Ward patreon

Chapter 83: Hunting Pt.1

🕑 Added 2020-12-03 03:35:40 +0000 UTC

Comments

Thanks for the chapter on a good story

Yeah, second volume was leaning more to that but for the third volume, I plan to move the plot with the triwizard tournament and Harry solidifying his power base as he goes to war with some dark families, and finally rebuild gryffindor slytherin ravenclaw and peverell houses.

Pincho69

Finally something other than fucking. Don't get me wrong I like a good fuck but it felt like they were "bonus" chapters with little impact or importance to the story. Minus Daphne's scenes as there was some meaning behind the action besides a good pie.

well there is a part 2 and things will ramp up

yep!

cathia

Well, good chapter but I believe it would be better, if instead of making an info dump right in the middle of the action scene, it would be better if you wrote a scene where Harry learns about the manticore during a lesson in Hogwarts or from a book. I mean, that's one of the points of placing the main protagonist in the school environment, let the readers learn abou the world of the book with the protagonist. Similarly, Harry should learn about the squads sizes much earlier too. Also, wouldn't it be wiser if those legion guys would firstly restrain the manticore and then kill it using the more ranged spells? Sure it was cool that they could take it down using the physical augments and white weapons only, but they should have enough experience to not look down apon your enemy and why risk it, if there is no real reason to explain the choice of action? Moreover that kind of made the Alex's fixation on the sword feels less like his personal quirk and more like the "hat" of Griffin Legion (a feature that is prevelent in all the members of one group, like the typical elves have to be naturę loving hyppies). Also, just because Harry internally explained who he is bringing on the hunt, doesn't mean his vassal know any of this, so make Potter talk about them during a dialogue. Also, the whole hunt sequence felt too short, it lacked tension and made it feel like a stroll through a park, rather than trailling down a dangerous creature. Made the group first find the marks the manticore left on its way and make Harry point out the size of it and the fact he may have a hunch about the species of the beast, then mąkę them loose the trail because of the rover or something, when the Hope is dying out, they find another trail, and so on and do on, they would narrow down the range of the beast activities, then think of the ways of trapping and killing it and that's when this sequence would happen. There are few things more I would like to point out, but this comment is long enough as it is.

KristofferXxXxX

Harry really is clever! By supporting House Rogers and helping them in taking care of the Manticore, he has secured the full loyalty and support of the vassal house :3


More Creators