DemoWeasel
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So, Uh, Yeah. Pt. 2
🕑 Added 2022-11-30 16:42:57 +0000 UTCHey there, everyone! I wanted to elaborate on my whole identity revelation to help clarify things a little more, with the intent of providing folks another avenue for understanding me a bit better.
The clearest and most succinct way I can put it is as follows: in my heart, mind, and soul, I am a fox girl.
My name is Kiyone.
Gender-wise, I consider myself non-binary for simplicity's sake, but within that catch-all label I consider "vixen" to be more accurate
Hey, it's me!
I am elated when I post art of myself and folks address, well, me as the subject of the artwork.
I adore when my partner calls me "vix" as a pet name, refers to my foxy features, and generally affirms me on a daily basis.
It makes me happy.
This is because that is me in the art. Not an "OC," not even a fursona.
It's just me.
It's me!
Art by @psicoyote on Twitter
Something my mind has been getting caught up on recently is what I've been calling "third-personing."
To give an example, let's look at a couple of the possible reactions I get from posting a drawing of myself:
"You look good here!" is incredibly affirming and fills me with all the good, warm fuzzies.
Yay! I feel so valid!
Art by @Gamblepaws on Twitter
"Kiyone looks good here!" makes me feel a disconnect, causing me to stop in my tracks and go, "Oh, I guess it's not me."
It does hurt when it happens.
Art by @Gamblepaws on Twitter
My partner informed me that one reason this happens among folks who have known me is that they are most familiar with me as the spy heroine persona that I inhabit in my in-universe artwork and stories and has existed for longer than I have realized myself for who I am. I see and depict myself as looking the same in and out of that world, but for some, I am just a character.
It probably makes things a little more confusing that one way I express my identity among friends is blurring the lines a bit between myself and my spy persona for fun.
Updown Town's okayest spy-for-hire!
Most artwork I've gotten I've myself lately is of me just being me, but there is plenty of art of myself in the spy persona. In the end, the spy persona is still me, albeit a heavily fictionalized version of myself that is fun to role play as and fantasize about being.
Me fondly telling my partner about all the fun and exciting spy adventures I'd have.
Art by @ferretface on Twitter
I don't want to have people think that when talking with me that they must always role play with me being in the spy persona, because that is both something I don't want and know is a bridge too far. I love joking around and indulging in it when folks bring it up but...
I do the usual stuff I still do every day, the usual work, the usual routine, etc.
I can't wear my suit all the time, after all.
My spy persona doesn't have to deal with the same hardships my artist self has to. I have memories, family, friends, shared experiences with a wonderful and supportive partner that I don't have when trying to make a living as a spy-for-hire in futuristic city of my own creation that's full of other animal people.
I want folks to see me how I see and feel myself to be: the silly, feisty, friendly fox girl artist whose love of slinky outfits also conveniently provides an avenue for her to insert herself in the exciting fantasy world that she created.
Exercising in full-body spandex is harder than you'd think.
I won't go hard on people for tripping up. I understand that this is quite atypical, and it's not like I won't respond if folks mess up in good faith. This is something that I do hope the people around me come to learn and respect with time.
Some folks might have noticed the theta-delta symbols in my biographies across various social media sites. These symbols are meant to represent therianism, which is a label that doesn't exactly capture who I am, but it is close enough and has worked well to provide others with a shorthand as to what my deal is.
A concern I have in the back of my mind is that my identity gives bad actors ammunition for their vile "I identify as an attack helicopter" caliber jokes, but really?
I'm not here for them, I'm here for me, and people like that will always find some way to tear you down regardless of who you are.
Despite everything, it's still me.
Art by JAIYANDT on Twitter
As someone who spends a lot of their mental energy doing their best to lift others up, I usually feel resigned to not rocking the boat for others. I know that, outside of costuming, there isn't a way to be my truest self in physical space, and, frankly, that's something I've come to terms with long ago.
Really, even if I am something you don't fully understand, I just ask that you all be as kind as you can.
Au revoir~
