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CHAPTER 4 - Laundry Room (Deleted Scene)
🕑 Added 2022-04-08 17:19:16 +0000 UTCHello, happy SZF!! Here's a deleted first draft of an ~8 page interlude from Chapter 4, featuring Megaera and Dusa! My first drafts are always much more comedic/gaggy/light in tone than they actually need to be, but it gives me something to work with. While this scene doesn't progress the story as much as it could, it's fluffy and feel-good, so I thought it'd be fun to see anyway.
For this one, I got bored of seeing only Achilles, Zagreus, and Thanatos, so I brought Meg + Dusa in to mix it up a bit. We also needed to see how ThanZag interact at this point in the story. In this version, Thanatos' appearance is too contrived/coincidental (hence Meg going "wow, are we all gathering here?"). ThanZag are making too much progress, which feels very out of place with the events prior and after this scene.
In the revised version, the opening couple pages are the same; the closing two pages, mostly the same. Now, Thanatos appears, while Zagreus is off elsewhere, and we get to hear Thanatos+Megaera interact. It is (hopefully) more informative and helps segue the tone from lighter--> heavy, since the scene before this was a little lighter.
(I also feel bad Meg + Dusa are only talking about boys. Really not passing the Bechdel Test here...)
Comments
Theyโre definitely still in there!!! It was turning into a sad sausagefest and theyโre refreshing to have around. Ty mana!!! ๐๐
Itโs still not too far off, but definitely different from this draft!! Itโs so fun trying to find the right scenario and going through a bunch of โwhat ifโs
ooo seeing deleted pages feels so special, and its nice to see the ladies for a bit <3
Oh I love that light set-up and the dialogues??? So fun to see these what-could-have-been's ๐โจ๐
