SL Kassidy
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New Tricks chapter 1/15 (SwanQueen fic)
🕑 Added 2022-05-13 03:04:32 +0000 UTCSummary: non-magical AU. Emma ends up living with Regina due to unusual circumstances and it improves both of their lives in ways they never imagined.
I don’t own these characters; Disney/ABC does.
A/N: this is a non-magical AU. There’s also no Henry. There is, unfortunately, some Robin/Regina in the story, but the story is ultimately a SwanQueen story.
Special thanks to Jennifer Barrata, Kael Duke, and Sour Leeberry for giving me suggestions to help me with this story. The story is still very much kicking my ass, but I’m pushing my way through. I greatly appreciate your words of encouragement and advice. Thank you all so much. If anyone has any suggestions, comments, and literally anything that might help, please speak up. I've been writing this story for three months! (That's forever to me.) I need all the help I can get.
Lastly, if you would like to help me distract myself from how much this story is kicking my ass, please go vote on what my next original story should be. The poll is tied (Sandwich tier only). I might able to work on an original story to procrastinate working on this story.
New Tricks
1: Elevate Moods
Regina startled awake, certain she heard something. Maybe it was a creaking sound. Whatever it was, it carried through the night, arrived in her dream, grabbed her out of sleep, and she was wide awake now. Her eyes searched the darkness of her bedroom to see if she could find the source of the noise. No, it was further away than the room.
She glanced over to her right and saw Robin was still sound asleep. He slept heavily for someone who prided himself on being alert and aware. She listened hard, trying to catch the sound again. Silence. Maybe it was a nightmare that woke her rather than a noise. It would not be the first time, but she tended to sweat if she had a nightmare. Her heart would be racing and she generally recalled at least one terrifying aspect of the nightmare. There was none of that.
But, then a noise, a small rattle, echoed through the house. It barely reached her ears, but she was certain she heard it. She grabbed Robin’s bare shoulder and shook him. He woke with a mumble, turning to face her.
“Wha?” Robin said, both eyes still closed.
“I think there’s someone in the house,” Regina replied in a whisper. Her heart beat a little harder.
Robin snorted. “Nonsense. Did security myself.” And his head was back on the pillow and he was snoring.
She could not help glaring at him. How dare he dismiss her concern! But, really, I should expect that from him. Expectations or not, she would not be ignored. “Robin! I’m serious!” Her voice was a low hiss, not wanting to alert whoever was in the house by screaming at this disappointing fool. She shook him again.
He sniffed and buried his head deeper into the pillow. “It’s fine.”
Regina sucked her teeth. “Whatever. I’ll go look.” She would be damned if she let someone violate the last gift her daddy gave her before he died. This was her home, now and forever. Heaven help the person if they’re still here when I get down there. She cast the covers off of her as they offender her, not bothered by the chill in the air. Winter in Storybrooke could fight through the best insolation and central heat.
Robin shot up, suddenly wide awake. “No, no, no. You don’t have to look. I’ll go.” It would wound his pride for her to go investigate a possibly deadly situation while he remained asleep. It did not matter to her what he did now.
She cut her eyes at him. “I can handle it.”
He yawned as he sat up properly. “No, I’ve got it.” He slapped his knees and then stood up.
He moved slowly, like a person who did not believe her, like a person who did not need to defend their home. She did not need this. She could and would protect her home.
Regina got up while Robin was still basically scratching his ass. She grabbed a collapsible baton and mace she kept in the bedside table and marched for the door, robe be damned, even though she had on a tiny black slip. The burglar could have a nice peek before she maced him and bashed his face in with her baton.
“Regina, I’ve got this,” Robin said, behind her. He sounded more sure of himself now than a minute ago, like he had something to prove to her.
Regina sucked her teeth and pressed on, right out the bedroom door into the dark hallway. Robin cursed behind her, but she could not care less right now. Her home was under attack, which he just did not seem to understand.
She crept to the end of the hall with her finger on her mace and Robin on her heels, clomping like he had a bad habit of doing. The whole damn state can hear him coming. If someone was there, Robin’s loud footsteps were the perfect alarm. Darkness and quiet surrounded her. She strained her ears, grasping for anything. There was nothing.
“Hold on, let me go down first,” Robin said, easing by her.
Regina resisted the urge to suck her teeth as they descended the stairs. Regina heard a familiar squeak. There was one cabinet in the kitchen that closed with a noise if pushed too hard.
“They’re in the kitchen,” Regina whispered.
Robin scoffed. “To steal a sandwich?” Once again, he was a little too loud when they were trying to take an intruder by surprise.
Regina glared at him, but he ignored her. He acted like it was stupid to think a thief might be in her kitchen. Most of her appliances were high-end and were worth more than anything someone could steal from her living room. So, when they hit the bottom of the stairs, she went straight for the kitchen. Robin ended up behind her yet again. She stood at the opening and clicked on the light. Robin tensed, ready to fight, even though he was in his boxers and did not have a weapon.
“See, there’s no one here,” Robin said, motioning to the empty kitchen with a wave of his hand.
“I know what I heard,” Regina replied. Someone had been in the kitchen. She knew the sound of that cabinet the way she knew the sound of Robin snoring.
“I’ll check the rest of the house.” Robin turned away.
Regina waved him off. She was certain whoever was in the house had been in the kitchen and might possibly still be there, even though there were not many places to hide. She scanned the area, making sure everything was still in place. Nothing seemed to be gone.
She went to the squeaky cabinet and opened it the right way, so it did not make a sound. This was where she kept things for Robin’s son, Roland, whenever he came over. There were pasta shapes, even though she tended to make pasta from scratch. Fruit snacks. Cereal bars. Peanut butter.
“Everything looks clear,” Robin said before he stepped into view.
Regina’s attention remained in the cabinet. Something was off, but she could not quite figure it out. Why would they be in this cabinet? There was nothing worth taking in there. Nothing she could think of anyway. Did I accidentally leave money in here? She could not figure out when she would even have money in her hands while in the kitchen, let alone when she might have left it there.
Robin stepped next to her. “What are you looking at? You think someone broke in and checked the cabinet? You think they stole a sandwich?” He chuckled at his own stupid question.
“That wasn’t funny the first time.”
“Being taken from my sleep when I have work in the morning wasn’t funny either.”
Regina cut her eyes to him, as if he was the only person with work. “Someone was here. I heard the cabinet close.” She scanned the kitchen. Could an adult squeeze themselves into a cabinet to hide? Roland occasionally hid in the cupboards when playing hide-n-seek with her, but he was tiny.
He shrugged. “Maybe you didn’t close it all the way earlier and it slowly closed itself.”
She held in a growl. It would not help to direct her anger toward him right now. She needed to focus on the kitchen. “It doesn’t do that. I have to check and make sure everything is still here.”
“So, what, along with the sandwich, you think they stole your mixing bowls?”
She had to resist the urge to hit him with her baton. He had no idea how expensive everything in her kitchen was. Besides, it was not that. from what she could tell, everything was there. Something was just off. Still, she started checking. He watched her go through each cabinet and her pantry, the one place big enough for an adult to definitely hide.
“Satisfied?” Robin practically huffed as she stepped into the empty pantry.
Regina scowled. “For the moment.” Still, there was a tingle at the back of her head. She would not be satisfied until she knew why the cabinet squeaked when no one was around. I know the house isn’t haunted. It’s too young for that.
“Come on, let’s go back to bed.” Robin wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. “You have a big day tomorrow closing on your location,” Robin said.
That was true. She did not have time for things “feeling off,” but appearing fine. She had more tangible concerns.
-8-8-8-8-
Emma breathed a sigh of relief, which she could see, even in the dark, from the side of the house, holding onto her sandwiches, wrapped in a single paper towel, for dear life, even as her fingers felt frozen already in the early winter. Her fingers froze through her thin gloves and she definitely did not have enough layers on, but she was far from worried about that right now. She needed to stay out of sight.
That was way too close for comfort! That squeaky cupboard door was almost the end of her. The last thing she needed was another arrest, especially since she had only just gotten released from her useless halfway house thanks to her even more useless case worker. Some people just did not deserve jobs where they were expected to help people.
Emma waited until all the lights were out in the house to move, having to book it across the street and cut through a massive backyard to get back to her car. It was the only thing she owned beyond the clothes on her back and she should appreciate it, but it was hard to do so. She really wanted to tell Neal that he could take this bug and shove it up his ass, as it was not nearly a good enough apology for the three years she spent in prison. Only things were, she had no idea where Neal was and the bug was currently serving as her home, so she kind of needed it.
Once secure in the bug, Emma breathed another sigh of relief, enough for her shoulders to dip. She could enjoy her stolen sandwiches, juice, and beer in relative peace. Well, when she made it to the park down the road, anyway. She did not want someone in the neighborhood to call the cops on her for suspicious activity, like sitting in her broken down car late at night. Once parked in the park’s lot, she dug into her first peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was so simple, but it tasted divine. Or maybe she was thathungry. She had not eaten all day.
“And you damn near lost everything for a freaking PB and J. You’re a damn idiot,” she muttered. A sandwich that was barely a step up from prison food. It was just that she needed something fast and now. But, damn it’s so good! It was actually way better than prison food. Better than a lot of things she had in her life, actually.
Breaking into that house had been a risk, as the security system was definitely good, but she took the chance. It was the only one she had not been in so far in that neighborhood. No one seemed wise to what she was doing, but she did not want to raise any suspicions by revisiting some place too soon.
That house was different from what she could tell, focusing mostly on the kitchen, as she only broke into places to eat. She would take little amounts of money if it was in sight, but never the full amount left out. She never wandered a house. Something about walking through someone’s house rubbed her the wrong way.
That kitchen had been stocked with fresh everything, spices she had never heard of and could not pronounce, and appliances she had no idea existed or what they did. The bread she used to make her sandwiches was the fluffiest bread she had ever seen and tasted like something she expected to buy in a bakery. She was surprised when she found the peanut butter and jelly. For a moment, she feared she would have to eat just peanut butter or peanut butter and honey. She would do it, but she would prefer jelly. She bit into the sandwich again and swore it was better the second time. So damn good!She could not help moaning as she chewed.
“This can’t be regular peanut butter. It’s like heaven in my mouth,” Emma said. The sandwich was gone all too soon. Thank goodness she had another one.
The second was just as good as the first. She gulped down some juice with it. The juice was good, but not on the same level as the sandwich. It was too sweet. She was not familiar with the brand, but assumed it would cost more than she was ever willing to spend on juice, so it did not matter. Then, she had fruit snacks to enjoy.
While she searched the kitchen, hunting for goodies, it struck her that the house lacked a lot of “little kid essentials.” Every other house in that neighborhood had been teeming with kids’ junk, but this one only had a few items in one cabinet. It just seemed weird compared to the other houses.
There were no juice boxes she could have walked away with or boxes of frozen pizza bites. There were no little bags of chips. There were none of those arrowroot cookies babies liked to gum and she would eat by the fistful if she could. No cookies in general, actually. No ice cream bars or cups. Other houses’ kitchens gave away what type of kids lived there and let her know the neighborhood was very family-orientated, but that house only had one shelf in one cabinet for children. Weird.
Food done, Emma was about to hop in the back for some sleep when there was a tap on her window. A cop. Damn it. Her luck seemed to be about as poor as she was.
Emma rolled the window down and smiled, even as her stomach twisted. “Good evening, officer. Is everything all right?”
“That’s my question for you, ma’am. Kinda late to be parked around here,” he said, glancing around as if to help her understand where she was.
“I know.”
“Any reason you’re parked here?”
Emma nodded. “Yeah, I live just down the way there.” She pointed vaguely behind him. “My roommates have some friends over and they’re kinda loud. I have a big test tomorrow…” She motioned to two text books she kept in the passenger seat just for this particular lie. “So, I’m studying here for a little while in the peace and quiet.”
He looked at the books. “That’s dangerous, ma’am.”
Emma gave a bright smile. “No, this neighborhood is very safe.” So safe someone probably called the cops over her little bug being in the park parking lot.
“It is generally pretty safe, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.”
Emma pretended to think about it. “I guess you’re right, officer. Maybe another one of my friends will put up with my nerd habits for the night and I can go to their house.” It was time to get out of here.
“Good decision.”
Emma chuckled. “I guess so.” She started the car.
“Have a good night and stay safe.”
“Thank you.” She put the car in gear and drove off.
Emma scowled as she glanced at the cop car in her rearview mirror. Well, that screwed up her sleep plans. The safest bet was to find a strip mall lot or some place that was open twenty four hours. Anywhere where cars could and would be parked there for all hours.
It was hard to sleep in places that expected cars all hours because it meant the lot was well lit for safety. That also meant if someone wandered by her car, they might realize she was sleeping in the backseat. That could end up being another call to the police and a cop knocking on her window to make sure she was not dead and bothering her over loitering or some such law that meant she could not just stand around and mind her own damn business.
But, Emma parked in a lot, crawled into her backseat, and threw her best blanket over her entire body, including her head. She had a book bag with some clothes in it as a pillow. While this might seem rough to people, this was probably the safest she felt in her entire life outside of her time with Neal and she did not want to think about that bastard. Right now, she had a full stomach, was relatively warm, and there was a slim chance of her being attacked in her sleep. She drifted off with no problem.
-8-8-8-8-
Regina sighed as she and her best friend, Maleficent, dropped onto Regina’s sofa, enjoying the comfortable firmness of the leather sectional as her nerves jumped and her blood buzzed. She felt like she could turn into electricity. She shrugged out of her blazer, like it would help her release the energy, but the stayed just under her skin. It was a trying morning, but they were done. One step closer to their destiny. Regina took a deep breath, inhaling the subtle peppermint smell of her home. It smelled like victory.
“I can’t believe we pulled this off,” Maleficent said, kicking off her shoes. “Although, honestly, I can’t believe they gave us so much shit over this, like we couldn’t afford it. I mean, come on.” She motioned to Regina with both hands.
Regina snickered as she also kicked off her shoes. Usually, they would have taken them off at the door, but that seemed way too hard without sitting down after the morning they had. “We haven’t really pulled it off yet. We just bought the location. And, to be fair, they do know what I make.”
Maleficent laughed. “That’s quite true. But, this is still cause for celebration. This is still further than anyone expected of you.”
Regina nodded. “This is true. But, then again, my mother never had any faith in me ever.” Her mother wanted her to marry wealthy and possibly wield power from the shadows. Or maybe her mother would wield power while she was expected to lie on her back and have babies as an insurance policy. She was never quite sure of her mother’s machiavellian intentions and aspirations. Of course, she sort of did what her mother wanted and was still somehow the worst daughter ever.
Maleficent scoffed and put an arm around Regina’s shoulder. “Well, she doesn’t understand your true genius like I do, which is weird since you inherited your ability from her.”
Regina sucked her teeth. “My talent is my own.”
“Yeah, which is why your mother and sister can do it.”
And now she rolled her eyes. “They can’t do it with my flare.” She waved her hand in a dramatic manner.
“This is true. You are unique.”
“Thanks.” Of course, it was not great being a unique Mills woman among the Mills women. Thankfully, she did not have to deal with them at the moment.
Maleficent patted her knee and gave her a squeeze, as if she needed so much emotional support. “No, thank you for doing this with me.”
Regina scoffed and pulled away. “You’re the one pushing me to follow my dream.”
“And you got me off my ass. Aren’t we a pair?” Maleficent smiled and pulled Regina back to her.
“We’re something.” They were quiet for a long moment. “We’re crazy to think he’ll just let this go by.”
Maleficent waved that off. “He doesn’t hold any sway over us. We’re doing this.”
“Well, yes we are. We can’t back down now. We closed on the property today.” It was still hard to believe, even with the paperwork sitting pretty in her briefcase. She had always dreamed of starting this business, but only now did it seem like it was real. The room spun for a long moment. What if I wake up and this is just a dream?It could be a shared delusion! Her life never went this well without crashing down around her a moment later.
Maleficent nodded. “Yes, we did. Two Witches in action.”
Regina laughed, feeling giddiness flutter in her stomach. “We’re not calling the cafe Two Witches.”
“You keep saying that, but you don’t have a better name.” She took a moment and then turned to Regina. “Are you okay? You were a little fiery today and you didn’t need to be. Everyone’s already properly afraid of you.”
Regina sighed. “No, I was just annoyed from last night with Robin. I know someone was in the house. He was so condescending, but I know what I heard.”
“The man is an ass, but you already know that. Did they take anything?”
“Nothing from what I can tell.” It was still troubling to know someone was in her house uninvited while she was asleep and the one person who should have been with her seemed to think she had wasted his time.
Maleficent nodded. “They probably heard you get up and left. Robin doesn’t want to admit there’s a flaw in his security system. After all, he’s an expert. He does this for a living.” She sneered. “What are you going to do?”
Regina shrugged. “I don’t know yet.” She had to do something, though. Her stomach quivered at the thought of the person coming back. Who knew what they might do? She was in no mood to find out.
“Well, part of the plan needs to be dump Robin.” Maleficent smiled at her.
Regina snorted. “We both know I won’t be doing that. Yes, he’s annoying, but he can be sweet, too.” He was possibly her last chance at love considering how she pushed everyone else away. Even things with Maleficent had not worked out and they were the best of friends. Robin was the only person who would seriously put up with her.
“Anyway. We own a restaurant.” Maleficent actually sounded like a happy school girl and Regina could understand the feeling.
“Well, we own a building that will eventually house our bakery and cafe.”
“Once it has tables and you can sit down, it’s a restaurant. Don’t ruin my high. We have a restaurant called Two Bad Witches.”
Regina laughed even harder. “We’re not calling it that! And we have to throw all of those tables out.”
“Well, obviously, but we’ll get new tables, so it’s still a restaurant.”
“The biggest party we’ll be able to seat is probably four and if several parties of four showed up, we’d have no space, so it’s a cafe.”
“It’s Two Bad Witches and Some Brew.”
“No!” Regina was certain she had never laughed so hard in all of her life. She playfully slapped Maleficent’s thigh.
Eventually, they got some cider to toast their first big move toward opening their business, which was going to be a bakery and cafe, regardless of how Maleficent talked it up. Then, they got down to business going over their next steps. Regina could not believe they were following through with what originally were two independent crazy ideas. Soon, it would be a single reality.
-8-8-8-8-
Emma did not usually find herself breaking into the same house in the same month, but she had been craving that peanut butter for almost a month. It was like a drug. She had to have it, so she took a chance. Getting into the house was just as easy as before. This should be obvious for such a good security system, but I guess it’s a blind spot. She eased into the kitchen, silent as a mouse.
She was careful with the cabinet this time and made her two sandwiches as quietly as possible. She was about to take some fruit snacks, but saw it was the last pouch. She could not do that to a little kid.
So, instead, she grabbed a couple of applesauce cups and some juice. She took a beer as well, even though the brand was blah at best. She was in and out in less than five minutes and no one noticed.
-8-8-8-8-
Food was disappearing. Regina found herself buying bread, peanut butter, jelly, and other “Roland supplies” almost twice as often as she used to. Curious as to why that was, and more than a little suspicious, she went out and purchased a nanny cam. It was disguised to look like a box of cereal.
After a week, Regina reviewed the nanny cam and was surprised to see she had a late night visitor. At first, this scared her until she saw it was a blonde, lanky teenager maybe. She was very thin and did not look very threatening. She stayed in the kitchen, made two simple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, took some juice, and did the dishes before she left. What the hell?A kid was breaking into her house to eat? She was not sure how to feel about that.
On one hand, this kid violated her home. This was the one place she always felt safe and now this kid comes along to destroy that. Now, she was all too aware of how the outside world could encroach on her inner sanctum. Is no place sacred anymore?
But, this kid had not done anything harmful beyond break in. She was obviously hungry, only taking food. She looked like she needed the peanut butter and jelly way more than Roland did. And she was kind enough to do the dishes, which was more than Robin did. She seemed like she just needed help. I have to try something.
-8-8-8-8-
Emma really needed to stop coming back to this house, but she could not help herself. She made a beeline for the cabinet and was surprised when she opened it. Instead of peanut butter, there was a container of food with a card on it. You may microwave this here, but I expect us to talk when you’re done.
Emma arched an eyebrow to the note. It was probably not for her. Then why would it be in the cabinet you’re always in and not the fridge where leftover food goes?Emma turned to run, but froze when the light came on.
“Well, that’s rude,” a ridiculously attractive woman in a black, silk robe that left very little to the imagination said as she stared Emma dead in the face. Well, fuck!
“Uh…” Emma could not think, could not move. And you used to be a con artist? This is why you ended up in prison for a prick! Do something quick! The best she could do was hope her heart did not explode as it pounded against her poor ribs.
“So, is my food only good when you steal it?” A well-groomed eyebrow arched and somehow she was even more attractive. “I saved that for you personally and kept it warm until an hour ago, figuring this is the usual time you come in.”
Fuck! How could I be so stupid as to build a routine? For goddamn peanut butter!She was such an idiot and now she was going back to prison. Fuck! She was ready to throw up.
“Nothing to say for yourself?” the woman asked.
Emma pressed her hands together, begging. “Please don’t call the cops! I promise I’ll never come back again! I promise!” She sobbed before she could stop herself. She just never wanted to go back to prison.
“Hey, calm down.” The woman took a step forward. “You’re not in trouble… yet.” That made Emma wince and the woman continued. “You’re been in and out of my house for weeks, but you’ve only taken food. I assumed that to mean that’s all you want and you don’t want to hurt me.”
“I don’t! I promise I don’t, but I am hungry and your peanut butter is addictive.” Emma sniffled, trying her best not to break down into sobs.
The woman smiled. “I use it in cookies as well as sandwiches. But, my point is you seem hungry, so I’ve decided to feed you.”
Emma wiped her runny nose and frowned. “I’m not a stray cat.”
“I didn’t say you were, but you are rooting through my cabinets like a feral raccoon and you’ve disturbed my peace of mind, so maybe don’t get offended by someone doing you a favor when they should be furious with you.” The woman gave her a pointed look.
Emma yelped as her stomach twisted again. She had a point. “Um…”
“Look, I don’t want to call the police on you. I want you to stop breaking in, though. Do you understand how violating that is? Especially to have it happen several times and not know how to stop it?”
“Um… Not really.” Emma had never had that type of security.
The woman blinked. “Excuse me?”
“It never really occurred to me how upsetting this could be because I’ve never owned something like this or lived some place like this. I’m kinda used to people going through my stuff.” Emma never even had her own room. Hell, she only just got her own car.
The woman frowned. “Are you a runaway?”
Emma scoffed. “Geez, lady, how old do you think I am?”
“Based on the rate I have to keep buying peanut butter and jelly, I’d say six.”
Emma laughed through her tears. “Fuck you. I’m twenty.”
“Tell that to your eating habits.”
“I was trying to take stuff you wouldn’t notice.” Emma glanced away and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“If you’re hungry, you can just ask at this point. As you can see, I will make you something.”
Emma turned her nose up. “So you can keep me as a pet? I don’t need your damn hand outs.” She would never accept help from anyone ever again. Everyone always betrayed her.
The woman scowled. “Oh, you’d rather steal it and ruin other people’s lives in the process?”
“It’s just peanut butter!” Emma stomped her foot.
There was a hard glare. “You don’t think I worry that one day the person who comes in here might want more than fucking peanut butter?”
Emma winced. She had not thought of that, just thinking she was the only one coming in. But, this woman did not know that. Hell, Emma did not know that for sure. Someone could be watching me and see how to get in. Shit.
“Look, I’m—” Emma tried to apologize.
The woman held up her hand, cutting Emma off. “I don’t care.” Her face was fierce, which somehow made her more attractive. She seemed to stand twenty feet tall, like she could squish Emma if she wanted to. “No, I don’t want to keep you as a pet. Take that food and never come back here. I promise if I even suspect more peanut butter is missing, I’m calling the police. And I have you on video.”
Emma did not have a comeback for that, not with the threat of prison hanging in the air. So, she grabbed the food container and left… right out of the back door. Somehow, it made her feel like she got the last word.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: Emma thinks she won that argument until she needs Regina’s help.
